Lean in…when that catchphrase first came out I’m pretty sure it was meant to be used for powerful situations.
Not trying to maneuver your new normal during a world that everyday feels more surreal.
I have officially been home now for a month. My state has extended its Stay at Home order until May 26th. When I heard the news I was in the middle of my new normal work day. I took my glasses off. Took my headphones off and silently yelled into my hands.
I am what you would call a high risk person. Two heart surgeries I had forty years ago means I can’t leave my house. The fear is if I get this my stitched up heart won’t know what to do.
I am luckier than a lot of people. I have a job. Which I got offered ironically a week before everything went. That’s my term… went.
The last time I saw everyone in person was my job interview. A month ago. Some of them I only know thanks to ZOOM.
And thank goodness for this job, because my previous job would have laid me off. They did. Three days before I officially started my new job I got a lengthy email telling me as much.
My daughter’s school like a lot of yours is now closed for the rest of the year. Thankfully they have really done a lot to support everyone one with distance learning. But she’s in 7th grade. She abruptly had to empty her locker and pivot.
I was a Preschool Director before I got my new job. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my families, my kids…
But I’m leaning in.
I get up. I get ready for work. I try to focus. But I have my moments. Where I have to run to the bathroom and sit on the toilet seat and cry.
I lean in to being afraid of all the unknowns.
I lean in to being late for a meeting because I got distracted by the news.
I lean into cats and dogs and kids interrupting meetings.
And we all smile.
I lean into not really ever wanting to wear shoes again. Leggings are better than jeans.
I lean into Friday nights might be Tuesday nights.
I lean into worrying about my Grandfather who is states away. I lean into reading horoscopes with my best friend.
I lean into hugging my daughter so much. I lean into telling people I can’t wait to squish their faces.
I lean into missing certain people. Which makes me ugly cry.
I lean into waterproof mascara.
I lean into not cutting my own hair. No comment on coloring it. LOL…
I lean into recording my radio show again for the first time in a month and crying because it’s the first time in a long time I have felt normal. Because something that is such a huge part of me is back.
I have no magic words. No sage advice. I am just rinse, lather, repeat, lean.
I am sending you love and hoping you are safe Mommas.