Tag Archives: life

Chaos Right In The Middle Of Life

Chaos has a way of putting itself right in the middle of life as you know it… without warning.  One minute you have things all together; you’re working on your to-do list, enjoying your home, making time with friends, reading a few good books, enjoying you….

Then out of nowhere to-dos become bigger and tougher to handle, people continuously ask things of you, time seems to get away without notice, your focus gets off God and the piles are piling.  How did the once controllable environment turn into such a chaotic state.

Before you scream “I want a do-over!”  Stop and take a deep breath.  What is the first thing you can remove from your plate?  …I’m not talking about the peas. Re-evaluate re-focus, re-assess and have your RE-DO!  Bring back the calmness of life….

Be the Light…..
 
Your God-Girl,. 
xoxo Tracy  

The Fixer Of Broken Boys Part 14: Here’s Where The Story Begins

If you’ve been following along with my story, I seem to know how to pick them. Some would say I pick them, fix them, and send them on their way..

A fixer of broken boys.

Others would say I’m broken.

For the record I’m not a fan of that word. Broken.

Or victim.

Or unlucky.

I absolutely can not tolerate people who hold their past as excuses to be horrible.

“you don’t understand… this happened…”

Actually I do and then some.

Here’s the truth. Without all theses chapters I would not have the love of my life. She’s eleven. She’s perfect and while I am not… perfect, she makes me feel like I am about eighty percent of the time.

I considered wrapping this up neatly. Giving you the happy ending I teased in an earlier chapter. But that’s not the truth. Life is messy. Things have been hard. Dating as a single Mom is no joke. Dating as a single Mom who has been through some stuff,well… I recognize I can be a challenge. For a moment I want to acknowledge that some of this is hard to read, it’s hard to write…but it’s mine and you know what?

I’m here. I have walls. I hold my breath. I don’t always see what others do. But I’m here. My feet are planted firmly and I’m determined to show my daughter that you can be loved for who you are. That even when not so great stuff happens you can get through it. You can. Maybe the path there may not be very straight but it CAN be done.

Which leads me to my now…

I’m treading lightly here because it’s so incredibly precious to me. As I’m wrapping up my forties a switch has been turned on. I have finally realized it is ok to want hand holding, mushy, compromise, quiet days, ruckus nights,if someone loves you they won’t  judge what you want or who you are, but rather rebel yell for you.

They will go to Target when they’d rather be at a record store.

They will ask about your daughter.

They will ask you about your day.

Text you in the morning.

Send you a song

Let you send them a Dad joke

Hold your hand

Remind you they are there for you and keep doing so even when you try to push them away.

I’m crying as I type this because… let’s just say what’s mine is mine is mine and if I tell you it’s less mine… but it’s mine.

It’s messy and it may not work for you, but isn’t that life?

Life is messy! Who wants perfect? I will take messy and happy any day.

I’m finding out I don’t need to fix broken boys anymore…

The boys weren’t broken and neither was I. I just didn’t see who I was. I finally do.

I am a Mom. A friend A sister. An aunt. A daughter. A teacher. A shoe hoarder. A nerd. A pink haired, tattooed middle aged punk lady who still crushes on Henry Rollins. And that is more than ok… it’s kinda perfect.

~~Caprise

Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

Who Will You Choose To Be?

When you wake up in the morning who do you choose to be? Most days I wake up and I choose to be the best version of myself that I can be. Other days I wake up and the weight on my shoulders feels so heavy I must force myself out of bed. Life is a balancing act, as I am sure you are all well aware of. We all have our struggles, but it is how we choose to deal with those struggles that define us.

After my first blog post I had a few people send me messages and ask if I should really be sharing such personal thoughts and feelings. At first, I began to doubt myself and if what I was doing was the right thing. However, the more I thought about it I realized that yes, it is the right thing. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for what I have gone through and what I continue to go through. This is a personal blog for a reason, it is about my life and I choose to share it. You never know what another person may be going through, maybe someone will read this blog and realize they share some of my experiences.

Right before the long holiday weekend my washing machine broke and gave me a fun little flood. I’m pretty sure the girls had some secret plan to create as much dirty laundry for their mom as possible in the few days that followed. One peed on the couch and instead of telling about it she got up and moved to another couch cushion…great now I have not one, but two cushions soaked in piss. While I am cleaning up said piss the other child is hiding in the corner pooping in her new Minnie Mouse underwear. I know you have been there moms, caught in some parallel universe of should I yell, cry, laugh…maybe a combination of all three?!? Sorry kid but those underwear are going in the trash and you can both sit on the floor because we don’t have couch cushions!

Circling back to my very first post about my birthday, I did indeed indulge in some yummy treats. My best friend surprised me with my babysitter for Friday night, and that is no small feat as my sitter is hard to book #mybestieisbtterthanyours! If you are a parent with small children and you find an amazing sitter, hold on to them because good sitters are hard to find <3 So…. we have some ladies’ night shenanigans planned for the evening, stay tuned for how that turns out.

I choose to laugh, to smile, and to live with intention without fear of judgement from others. People will always have an opinion about you and how you live your life. But the key words there are that it is your life, you get to choose how you live it, who you let into it and who you kindly (or not so kindly) show the door to. Let’s be honest here not all people who are in your life deserve to be in your life, weed those people out even if you have to drag them kicking and screaming out of that damn door. I choose to be in control of my life and future, I choose to be humble, I choose to be the best mom that I can be! Who do you choose to be???

 

Remember, hugs are always free!

xX Tamara xX

Where Did My Dreams Go?

Where did “I” go?…I started my life like most girls, with big dreams filled with what I wanted to accomplish.  Of course, my dreams included children – 2 or 3 – a career, a nice house, a husband… but it also included having fun.

I wanted a balanced life, where everything would fall into place and all the different areas of my life would complete each other. But, as I went along, I realized that “I” disappeared; me as an individual person just disappeared. “I” have been replaced by either the career woman or the mother. When I get introduced to new people, the main part of me that comes out is either being someone’s mother, where we talk about kids and everything about raising kids or my work and my career. Somewhere along the way “I” got lost.

Where did “I” disappear? Was it when I could focus on only one thing: providing for my children? Making sure they had everything they needed both on a financial and emotional level. Was it when I had to work 2 jobs to put food on the table? Or was it when I became more stable and focused on a career? Somewhere in all that,  “I” completely vanished.

No longer do ”I” think of anything not involving the kids. Even if I get a sitter, I find myself wondering if the kids are sad that I left them to go do something that does not involve them. “I” now has a companion called “guilt”. Is it a woman thing to always be thinking about our kids?

Being a mother always involves making sacrifices, but being both mom and dad is insanely demanding. I am so used to spending all my time outside of work with my kids that if for some miraculous reason I find myself alone in the house, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. How did that happen? Why does the idea of spending an afternoon alone send me into a semi panic mode? Unable to even figure out what to eat!

Today, I am over forty, my oldest daughter is getting ready to go to college and I am here thinking how did I get here and what have I done with my life? I am proud that I managed all by myself to raise my daughter and to see her go onto her journey to becoming a successful independent woman, I am also terrified that she will see me  as someone who failed to have a life outside of being a mother.

As I ask myself: Where did my life go?  I also wonder about what I could have done differently/if I could have done things differently that would have provided some kind of balance in my life. And as I embark in the journey of raising my second daughter (that’s for another subject: having a baby at 40) I will need to take a deeper look at things.

Does being a single mother mean putting everything on hold? Always? Is the constant fear of not being able to take care of my kids causing me to let life pass me by?

Why do all my thoughts involve being a mother? How to become a free independent fun woman? My kids are my universe, that will never change, but I would like my mind to take a break from time to time and let “I” make a short apparition until we get reacquainted.

~Rosemonde

Life With Trisomy 18

Last night I was thinking about what life would be life if Lillian didn’t have Trisomy 18. I thought back to her diagnosis and how devastated I was that she was going to be sick. I was scared about how our lives would change to accommodate for her needs, and even more scared of the thought of living life without her. I knew that one or the other would be how things played out. It’s been over 2 years since I became the mother of a medically delicate child. So last night when I was thinking about where we would be now if Lillian was “normal” I just couldn’t imagine life any other way.

So many times I feel like having a disability is looked at as a bad thing. We live in a society where different things are assumed to be bad. Being the mom of a medically delicate child has opened my eyes to so much. I, too, once thought that being differently abled or being the mom of a differently abled child would be absolutely awful. Life shook me around and showed me that is not. It’s hard. But it’s also crazy beautiful and wonderful and worth it. Life with Lillian has opened my eyes to an entirely different world—a better world.

The truth is, Trisomy 18 has shaped Lillian, and me for that matter. Lillian IS NOT Trisomy 18, but she does HAVE it. And it does make her who she is. She wouldn’t be the same without that extra chromosome. She is perfectly imperfect and I wouldn’t have her any other way. Would I take away the sickness? Sure. Would I take away the short lifespan? In a heartbeat. But would I change anything else about her? No. Having a child with different abilities is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. She has taught me so much about so many things. I could go on all day about it! She is THE sweetest, happiest child I’ve ever met. And I honestly don’t think she would have the same personality if she didn’t have Trisomy 18.

There are many many days that I say I “hate” Trisomy 18. And what I’ve realized is that it’s not Trisomy 18 that I hate. It’s death. And we are all going to die. So I choose her. I choose happiness. I choose positivity. And I choose to live despite the inevitable.

**If you are interested in learning more about Trisomy 18 or following Lillian’s journey, please check out her Facebook Page here https://www.facebook.com/trisomy18princess

 

Written By: Alivia Kraft

The Lady By The Sea

The Lady By The Sea

by Kad

I close my eyes and inhale the smell of the ocean breeze

it tickles my mind back to childhood memories

those long hot summer days

kickball, swimming, and sunbathing

a simple, carefree, joyful time

my happy space

my happy place

so why such a sad face?

I stare at the ripples

layers of the ocean blue

each one could represent a year or two

the transcending colors

they fade from the darkest black

to the bright sky of lavender blue

just a reflection of the deepest darkest colors of fear

the fear deep inside the core of me

I spend many hours almost every day

sitting there thinking my life away

some days my eyes trickle tears, rolling down my face

dampening my skin tasting like  the salted ocean sea

other days I sit and absorb the heat

as it warms the deep chill in my bones

always scared and always alone

craving that warmth

as if a deep strong hug

given to me from the rays of the sun

that deep dark place in me

the one that I never let anyone else see

it comes to me

my lady by the sea

Could it be he saw inside

is that why he left

did he see her?
That scared little girl

helpless, alone, deep inside of me

like a wave in a storm

dark and angry

thrusting forward

arching, raging, swimming to the shore

then gently easing back

then rushing and regaining power

just to land again on the shore

clutching, clawing, crawling,  grasping ,reaching

always wanting more

Sitting there staring at the ocean some more

trying to regroup, release, remove the darkness that is stored in my core

trying to figure out what am I here for?

Sitting by the shore

the lady by the sea

is just that little scared girl

sitting here inside of me

cherishing those happy memories

Still wondering why you left me?

Girl Boss

Me? A Girl Boss?

Picture a woman sitting in her cubicle at work, maybe you. Her chin rests in her hand as she stares blankly at her computer monitor. There is a thought bubble over her head. How would you fill in that thought bubble? What is she thinking?

Maybe something like, when will it be payday? Or, I can’t believe my jerk boss took the credit for my work…again. Or maybe even, somebody help me, I’m dying a slow death here.

If you’ve ever had those thoughts cross your mind (and really, who hasn’t?), then at some point you may have also thought about starting your own home business. The upside seems incredible: work within your passion, control how much you make, help people. Okay, okay – the upside is incredible.

But starting a home business also has a downside: a huge learning curve; lots of up front work for a return that comes later –  sometimes much later; setbacks; expenses. You get the idea.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seriously consider starting a home business. In fact, as a business coach, I definitely think you should! We live in such a beautiful, digital age right now that the barriers to becoming a business owner are much lower than they used to be. But it’s not for everyone.

The question is, is it for you? Let’s find out with a little yes or no quiz.

 

  1. Are you extremely dissatisfied with your current situation?

You basically have to be, in order to convince your mind that it’s okay to change.

 

  1. Do you have an idea? Are you passionate about it?

It doesn’t have to be a full-fledged business plan. Not yet. But an idea does help ?. And you need to love that idea so much that you’ll be willing to do even the parts of your business that scare you (like sales calls or meeting with a potential buyer)

 

  1. Do you have support?

Family, great friends, a coach or mentor…find people who will brainstorm with you and cheerlead you when you hit a low point.

 

  1. Do you give up easily?

I don’t want to call names, but girl, if you’re a quitter, then running a home business isn’t for you. Most people quit just before the reward.

 

  1. Are you in the middle of personal upheaval?

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start a business, just maybe not right now.

 

  1. Do you have an appetite for learning?

Then Yassss!!! ‘Cuz you are gonna need it. Luckily, there are so many resources these days, from YouTube to FB Groups to paid courses. I don’t want you to worry for one minute if you feel like you don’t know everything you need to know to run a business, because absolutely everything is find-out-able!

 

  1. Do you understand risk?

Some business models require more risk than others. For example, opening a brick and mortar shop would require much more capital than working from home writing and selling e-books online. Be sure you know what and how much you’re willing to risk before diving in.

 

  1. Do you need cold, hard cash today?

Okay, then go make it. Sell homemade bread or salsa, walk some dogs, babysit for another mom. Then, when your immediate need has been taken care of, go ahead and start your business. Nobody needs that kind of pressure.

 

  1. Do you have people skills?

If I struck up a conversation with you in a line at the grocery store, how would you respond?

 

  1. Can you summarize your business idea in one sentence?

If not, you’re not yet totally clear on what it is you want to do. Work on it, it will come.

 

If you answered all ten of these questions correctly (and I think you know what the correct answers were!), then guess what? You definitely qualify as a potential girl boss! Don’t quit your day job just yet, but stay tuned, we’ll walk the path together. In the next installment, I’ll pass along a super helpful secret  in the form of 5 things successful side-giggers do every day.

 

Love ya,

Lecia

Want to start a business but not quite sure what you could do? Click here for a FREE brainstorming guide from Lecia – Finding Your Unique Gifts.

5 Steps Helping You Find Your Love Again

True love and soulmates, one of life’s greatest life goals. But, achieving it is easier said than done. The concept of love seems pretty simple between everyone, but our needs and expectations can easily get in the way and ruin a perfectly good relationship. Here are 5 steps helping you find your love again, these are based on my personal experience, but hopefully they be of some help to you.

  1. Go Through A Heartache.

    I know that sounds kinda crazy, but when you think about it. You need to be completely broken from love, in order to find what true love really means. I think having your heart broken is one of the worst experiences I went through. It was different when it was a boyfriend/girlfriend thing rather it being a divorce. When it’s over, it will be over. If it’s worth saving, you may give it a go. But failing to see it’s worth letting go can be unhealthy physically, mentally & emotionally.

  2. Grieve & Let Go.

    The more you grieve, the better off you are. When you hold it all in and not grieve at all, it will eat you up and you can pick up some nasty addictions and go on a total destructive path and that’s no good. Make sure you have a good support group of friends and family you can trust, that help makes the grieving process a lot easier. Let’s not forget, it’s okay to not be okay, but don’t stay at ‘not okay’. Once you’re able to let go of them, you can finally move on to better.

  3. Get Your Life Together.

    That’s right, easier said than actually doing it. Me, I lost everything I had and had to put all my stuff in storage. I live in my parent’s spare room, I work a minimum wage job, I got a couple hundred to my name and that’s it. I don’t have my life together, however I do have goals, I am better off than I was a year ago. I know what makes me happy. I enjoy life, even if it’s going slower than I wanted it to. Don’t let your depression take over your life, but don’t over work yourself. Take a shower, do a load of laundry, smile more.

  4. Live Your Life.

    I know it seems silly, but this is your time to find new hobbies, new activities, something. Don’t stay indoors all day. Go out, make friends. Join a gym, be active. I like going to parks and going on walks, reading books now relax me, I always ignored it before. I like baking and doing DIY projects. Going out with friends and being social. Finding happiness is the first step of self love and self worth.

  5. Let Love Find You Or Put Yourself Out There.

    Yep, that’s right. You can join the support groups, dating websites, the old fashion way of just putting yourself out there. But it’s best to follow these steps, you can’t go from step one to step five. You must start from the bottom, rebuild your life and learn to love yourself all over again. Or you can sit back and let love find you, as you enjoy your life as a single person. This step is always what you want to make it.

I am some where between step three and step five. I am in the middle of getting my life together, but at the same time I am living my life and putting myself out there to find love. I’ve been single for over 4 years now and I am a totally different person than I was then. But I learn something new everyday. I am still single, but I am happy at being single.

 

Natalie is a single mom of four, writer & chef. She lives in North Carolina with her teenager daughter. Her life consists of faith, live music, good food, family & adventures. Follow Natalie on her blog, https://calmtheforkdown.com

Depression…The High, The Hurt, The Shine, The Sting

Depression is like the ocean.  A riptide.  Dangerous currents that want to drag you under even when you can still see the shore.  That shore may be within swimming distance but it might as well be in another world.  That’s what depression is.

A couple weeks ago, we saw suicide hit the news again and I thought about blogging then.  It’s a subject that’s always close to me.  It’s my lifelong companion.  My truest friend.  I used to blog about funny things, though.  I used to be funny.  I didn’t want to blog sadness anymore.  I wanted to make you laugh.  So I didn’t blog.

I guess one thing that my children may never know is the hardest thing I have ever done is stay alive for them.  They have seen me work, sometimes more than one job at a time.  They have seen me prepare meals, wash their clothes, run around trying to find what they’ve lost.  They’ve seen me mourn, they’ve seen me struggle, they’ve seen me tired.

They’ve never seen me stare at a bottle of pills.  They’ve never seen me daydream about turning the wheel when I’m driving alone and the perfect drop off appears.  They don’t know that in my mind there is such a thing as the perfect drop off.

I don’t want to be this person.

I want to be happy.

I want to be carefree.

My happiest moments are with my babies.   But they are growing up.

My mom can no longer carry on a conversation with me.  My dad is dying.

I’m just so tired.

My ex and I briefly tried to get back together.  See, things were confusing.  It’s hard when that person is still your best friend, or supposed to be.  He was telling someone else everything he was telling me.  He was scheduling vacations and applying for jobs 1,000 miles away.  He was promising to move if only she would stay.  He was making plans that would effect our children and I was sitting here blindly letting our child think we were becoming a family again.

I don’t think that I can forgive myself for that.  I should have known better.

He will be so mad at me for saying that.  He never wanted me to air the dirty laundry.  I didn’t want to either but our reasons were different.  I wanted to be mature and also, I was embarrassed.  He didn’t want dark actions brought to light.

Depression is a black cloud.  It’s a swarm of bees.  It’s loud.  It gets in your ear and it just. won’t. stop.  It tells you that this is it.  This is all it will ever be.  You, always chasing things that fly away.  You, getting the courage to leave and those little mosquitos coming back for another round of blood.  You being everything.  The ripest peach that they can’t stop taking bites of and the bruised one that is no longer appealing.

Depression tells you that it’s okay if you finally just go to sleep.

What I really wanted to blog when suicide hit the news was different then.  I kept reading comments about how suicide is selfish.  I kept thinking that survivors were reading that and they were reading painful lies.

I’ll say again what I said before.  My children will never know that the hardest thing I have ever done for them is stay alive.

If someone you love lost their battle, that decision was gut wrenching and agonizing and not fully thought out.  That decision was coated in a dust of grief and pain and disillusion.  That decision would not have stood up in a court of law.  That decision was breathless.  That decision might have been a weakness but I can promise you that it was one out of a million moments of inhuman strength.

I added a new medication to my regimen in hopes of getting my fibromyalgia under control.  In doing so, I have noticed the suicidal thoughts creeping back in after months of sitting in the light.  I will be diligent in having my meds adjusted again until I’m back in my sweet spot.  I will do it for my kids.  I only wish that I was doing it for me.

“Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die.”  — unknown

Depression is your friendly, funny, 40 something soccer mom who loves Pinterest and Krogering.

Depression is someone just like me.

<3 LA

You can read more from LA at https://sweeterinthesouth.blog/

Single Moms Are Rock Stars

The other day I realized that single moms are rock stars, but not in the “we can do it” way that I usually mean this. Single moms live like rock stars, and we need to take care of ourselves like rock stars.

I was listening to a radio interview of a rock star when this came to me. Admittedly, this musician was not a guy from an ‘80s hard rock band. If so, the interview might have been about trashing hotel rooms. Instead, the singer was a 30ish woman who was a solo artist. She talked about how much she loved singing and writing songs and sharing them with her audience.

Then she shared how challenging touring was. She was in a different city every couple of days. Tour deadlines must be met, yet there were inevitable delays or lost luggage at just the wrong time. She stayed up late to perform, and often got up early the next morning to head to the airport. And no matter what happened, the show must go on.

Then she talked about how she loved her fans and how that made it totally worth it. And she shared how she did it. She explained that she would go to bed as early as she could when she was on tour. She would stay hydrated. She would bring her vitamins with her and do her best to eat healthy food. She would work out at the hotel gym. She would put in earplugs and read a book on the plane to have a little time to herself.

When she was describing this, it hit me. This is like being a single mom.

We are solo artists. We have a job (mothering) that we love, but it is not easy. It includes late nights often followed by early mornings. There are delays and sick kids and misplaced backpacks at just the wrong times. And no matter what happens, our show must go on.

So recognize that you are a rock star, and treat yourself like one:

● Get the sleep you need.

● Stay hydrated and eat healthy food.

● Exercise. It will help you to have the energy you need to perform.

● Create a little space (yes, just for yourself!) and read a book.

And if you think the rock star analogy is far fetched, just think about the rest of your band for a moment. A toddler can trash a living room as well as Guns N’ Roses ever trashed a hotel room. You and I both know it.

Rock on, Single Mom!

Liz Possible ​is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that. Follow Liz at her blog at www.lizpossible.com and her FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/MySingleMomLife/