Tag Archives: life

Growing Through Hard Times

Everyone it seems is going through some sort of hard times right now, the government shut down, or just the universe being out of wack, it seems everyone is going through something. A lot of people are showing their worst side in reaction to their personal struggle. I was drawn in to is as well. I had to take a step back from everything going on around me. Hard times are meant to make you grow. Especially if you’ve been stagnant in an area of your life for a while. If we get negative, woe is me or lash out we lose our lesson.

Difficult times and situations are a way god or the universe puts a proverbial boot up your tuchus.

Its your wake up call and most of us need a few before we snap to attention. We cant change other people or what happens around us, so the thing we need to change is in us.

It helps me during these times to organize everything I’m doing to appointments to work to even structured time with the kiddos. I also do a gratitude list, and manifestation list to put things in perspective and to attract the things I need. This opens up my focus and attention to see what I really need to look at and work on. Then step by step I get to where I need to be.

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

Ali

What Is Your Legacy?

Gurdjieff ([1877-1949], priest, physician, teacher, author of ‘Meetings With Remarkable Men’) tells us that to live in a truly creative and dynamic way; we would have to think in a completely new way.  He encourages that to be completely fulfilled, we must engage in our own conscious evolution. In his work he also speaks about conscious labor and intentional suffering and about the importance of undertaking the burden of responsibility for serving the future…

Gurdjieff’s student J.G. Bennett “…adopted as a major theme of his life and work the teaching known as “The Fourth Way”. This is very simply that in the face of a threat, whether environmental disaster, war and conquest, or economic collapse, those persons who are able to do so must accept the responsibility of guiding and supporting the less resourceful, but not through the conventional institutions of government or religion, but rather on the level of new ideas and attitudes, inspiration and spiritual regeneration. As many Sufi teachers have done, he hinted at a world of experience in which the laws are quite other than those governing the material world – in some cases, the reverse. Those who are able to decipher this riddle must inevitably dedicate themselves to serving humanity, and the future of our world.” (www.jgbennett.net)

Those of us that understand that there is far more to life than what we can physically “see”, understand also that we have a responsibility to encourage other people not to be limited by their own thinking.  I speak often of the fact that you should never, ever judge or evaluate a situation by the way that it looks in any given moment—you should only ever operate from your intention about what the outcome will be.  So many people are stopped in their tracks because they think that the obstacles they encounter are “real”…they fail to understand that what makes obstacles “real” is believing that they exist.  There are people that are never stopped, people that never quit…if one way gets blocked up they find another…these are the people that succeed and know how to live ‘outside the box’…these are the kind of people you want to know.

I mostly live in a conversation called ‘what’s next…what else needs doing’, the past few weeks I have been living in a question called, “What is your Legacy?”

It is interesting that when you begin to engage in this discussion your life and what you have done or not done shows up in a whole different light…complaints and grievances don’t hold much water in the Legacy conversation…25 years after you’re dead nobody is going to care that your back hurt or you had a cold or a headache or that you were too tired to do the laundry.   Some people have told me that their children are their legacy and that is certainly true for all of us that are parents, however, for me that isn’t enough.

I want to leave something that breathes on long after I checked out…something that is dedicated to making people’s lives better, something that educates people and teaches them how to succeed…something that helps those that need helping…something that my son can carry on for me…something that makes a difference…

Life has blessed me with some incredible alliances and out of that a non-profit is being built that will serve all of the ideals I have mentioned above.  More on that soon…

My life will change from living in the question, “What is your Legacy?”…do me a favor and take a moment to answer that question for yourself…honestly.  How are you giving back, who are you helping, and what are you serving besides yourself?  How do you serve the future?

I have a theory that if people lived in these questions life would take on a whole new meaning…if people lived for a purpose bigger than themselves the small annoyances they suffer would become much less significant.

Certainly not the average conversation, but average conversations never create much growth or much action—they also don’t cause you to think much.  I leave you with my favorite quote by George Bernard Shaw:

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. “

George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Epistle Dedicatory

 

~Noelle

What To Do With Tragedy?

Tragedy just happens.  There’s no warning.  No signs.  No agreement.  No User Manual.  And it leaves you with No understanding, No explanation and No guidelines.  You may not see a way out, a way around or a way through.  You cannot imagine how you are going to heal or how on earth you are going to get your happy back.

Tragedy has a way of pulling life out from under you.  Changing your future.  Altering your vision.  Erasing your dreams.

Does anyone know what you’re going through?  Does anyone know what to say?  Can anyone get your pain, see what you see, feel what you feel?  Does anyone have a pill called “hope” they can give you?  And of all things Why oh Why is this happening!?

Believe in the unseen, believe in the unknown, believe in God’s Plan.  Be good to yourself, go through what you’re going through, water your heart, feed your soul.  Where’s your foundation and where are you looking?   Step out, Pray loud, Walk softly. Tragedy turns into triumph.   Without Fail.  Every Time.  With God.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy xoxo

Rolling With The Punches

I have been rolling with the punches lately, these last couple of weeks have been filled with bad news and tough decisions.

The online schooling hasn’t been going the greatest for my oldest. Staying on track has been a struggle for my little guy and even with the amazing support of the school, he is falling behind again.

We have an opportunity starting the first of the year to enroll him some where else, and I am jumping on it!

With my real estate career, I started in the slow season. Looking at the number I knew I needed to find something part time for the off season. I needed something that was flexible enough for my career. One of my friends told me about and opening in her company as a school bus driver. Not only is it decent pay, it means no extra daycare costs! I am in week two of training, and I absolutely love it.

I also traded in my dieing car two weeks ago. Got a truck I loved and unknowingly to me had major issues. After two weeks with out a vehicle I finally have my truck back from the shop. Thankfully I found out the issues within the first couple of weeks so the place I bought it from covered all the repairs and the tow. In the process I found a great mechanic!

All in all things could be worse. During this time frame I learned how to better count my blessings instead of my problems. Also how to find the positive in any situation I may face.

Until next time…

Always be unapologetically true too yourself,

-Ali

Say What You Need To Say

Noelle’s blog “Never See You Again” provoked me to share. The other day I went to a wake for a very, very sweet and wonderful close girlfriend who took her life. My heart was broken. The tears fell and fell and fell. Yes… a lot of them were for me, because shit…I miss her!!! But other tears were for the memories it provoked of when a boyfriend took his life a few years ago but most of my tears were for her triplets and sisters who are left behind… without her to talk to, to laugh with, to spend time with. I will miss our coffee dates and deep conversations.

One day I’m talking to her and then *BOOM* like a flash of lightning…she’s gone. Life is going this way and then *SNAP* it takes a sharp turn. Dang I wish I had said more to her. I mean, I know that she knows I love her, but I wish I said that more, saw her more, laughed with her more. There are some people…. That every time I talk to them on the phone I end it with “I love you” and others because our conversations are via texting, I end with XOXO. I’ll be adding those to more phone calls & texts for sure.

My girlfriends’ death got me thinking…. What other things need to be said, accomplished, planned, shared …or simply lived out? It pushed me to write a letter to my son telling him in a few paragraphs about the administrative BS he’ll be dealing with when I’m gone and a lot of paragraphs about our relationship, what he means to me, how proud I am of him and the ways he touched my life.

Life is soooo precious. Stop. Today. Take a moment to acknowledge the people in your life. Especially you. AND…. do, plan, share, give, be and LIVE full out. Now. Today. Say what you gotta say!

Before you’re the one who someone loses.

Your God-Girl,. 
xoxo Tracy  

Chaos Right In The Middle Of Life

Chaos has a way of putting itself right in the middle of life as you know it… without warning.  One minute you have things all together; you’re working on your to-do list, enjoying your home, making time with friends, reading a few good books, enjoying you….

Then out of nowhere to-dos become bigger and tougher to handle, people continuously ask things of you, time seems to get away without notice, your focus gets off God and the piles are piling.  How did the once controllable environment turn into such a chaotic state.

Before you scream “I want a do-over!”  Stop and take a deep breath.  What is the first thing you can remove from your plate?  …I’m not talking about the peas. Re-evaluate re-focus, re-assess and have your RE-DO!  Bring back the calmness of life….

Be the Light…..
 
Your God-Girl,. 
xoxo Tracy  

The Fixer Of Broken Boys Part 14: Here’s Where The Story Begins

If you’ve been following along with my story, I seem to know how to pick them. Some would say I pick them, fix them, and send them on their way..

A fixer of broken boys.

Others would say I’m broken.

For the record I’m not a fan of that word. Broken.

Or victim.

Or unlucky.

I absolutely can not tolerate people who hold their past as excuses to be horrible.

“you don’t understand… this happened…”

Actually I do and then some.

Here’s the truth. Without all theses chapters I would not have the love of my life. She’s eleven. She’s perfect and while I am not… perfect, she makes me feel like I am about eighty percent of the time.

I considered wrapping this up neatly. Giving you the happy ending I teased in an earlier chapter. But that’s not the truth. Life is messy. Things have been hard. Dating as a single Mom is no joke. Dating as a single Mom who has been through some stuff,well… I recognize I can be a challenge. For a moment I want to acknowledge that some of this is hard to read, it’s hard to write…but it’s mine and you know what?

I’m here. I have walls. I hold my breath. I don’t always see what others do. But I’m here. My feet are planted firmly and I’m determined to show my daughter that you can be loved for who you are. That even when not so great stuff happens you can get through it. You can. Maybe the path there may not be very straight but it CAN be done.

Which leads me to my now…

I’m treading lightly here because it’s so incredibly precious to me. As I’m wrapping up my forties a switch has been turned on. I have finally realized it is ok to want hand holding, mushy, compromise, quiet days, ruckus nights,if someone loves you they won’t  judge what you want or who you are, but rather rebel yell for you.

They will go to Target when they’d rather be at a record store.

They will ask about your daughter.

They will ask you about your day.

Text you in the morning.

Send you a song

Let you send them a Dad joke

Hold your hand

Remind you they are there for you and keep doing so even when you try to push them away.

I’m crying as I type this because… let’s just say what’s mine is mine is mine and if I tell you it’s less mine… but it’s mine.

It’s messy and it may not work for you, but isn’t that life?

Life is messy! Who wants perfect? I will take messy and happy any day.

I’m finding out I don’t need to fix broken boys anymore…

The boys weren’t broken and neither was I. I just didn’t see who I was. I finally do.

I am a Mom. A friend A sister. An aunt. A daughter. A teacher. A shoe hoarder. A nerd. A pink haired, tattooed middle aged punk lady who still crushes on Henry Rollins. And that is more than ok… it’s kinda perfect.

~~Caprise

Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

Who Will You Choose To Be?

When you wake up in the morning who do you choose to be? Most days I wake up and I choose to be the best version of myself that I can be. Other days I wake up and the weight on my shoulders feels so heavy I must force myself out of bed. Life is a balancing act, as I am sure you are all well aware of. We all have our struggles, but it is how we choose to deal with those struggles that define us.

After my first blog post I had a few people send me messages and ask if I should really be sharing such personal thoughts and feelings. At first, I began to doubt myself and if what I was doing was the right thing. However, the more I thought about it I realized that yes, it is the right thing. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for what I have gone through and what I continue to go through. This is a personal blog for a reason, it is about my life and I choose to share it. You never know what another person may be going through, maybe someone will read this blog and realize they share some of my experiences.

Right before the long holiday weekend my washing machine broke and gave me a fun little flood. I’m pretty sure the girls had some secret plan to create as much dirty laundry for their mom as possible in the few days that followed. One peed on the couch and instead of telling about it she got up and moved to another couch cushion…great now I have not one, but two cushions soaked in piss. While I am cleaning up said piss the other child is hiding in the corner pooping in her new Minnie Mouse underwear. I know you have been there moms, caught in some parallel universe of should I yell, cry, laugh…maybe a combination of all three?!? Sorry kid but those underwear are going in the trash and you can both sit on the floor because we don’t have couch cushions!

Circling back to my very first post about my birthday, I did indeed indulge in some yummy treats. My best friend surprised me with my babysitter for Friday night, and that is no small feat as my sitter is hard to book #mybestieisbtterthanyours! If you are a parent with small children and you find an amazing sitter, hold on to them because good sitters are hard to find <3 So…. we have some ladies’ night shenanigans planned for the evening, stay tuned for how that turns out.

I choose to laugh, to smile, and to live with intention without fear of judgement from others. People will always have an opinion about you and how you live your life. But the key words there are that it is your life, you get to choose how you live it, who you let into it and who you kindly (or not so kindly) show the door to. Let’s be honest here not all people who are in your life deserve to be in your life, weed those people out even if you have to drag them kicking and screaming out of that damn door. I choose to be in control of my life and future, I choose to be humble, I choose to be the best mom that I can be! Who do you choose to be???

 

Remember, hugs are always free!

xX Tamara xX

Where Did My Dreams Go?

Where did “I” go?…I started my life like most girls, with big dreams filled with what I wanted to accomplish.  Of course, my dreams included children – 2 or 3 – a career, a nice house, a husband… but it also included having fun.

I wanted a balanced life, where everything would fall into place and all the different areas of my life would complete each other. But, as I went along, I realized that “I” disappeared; me as an individual person just disappeared. “I” have been replaced by either the career woman or the mother. When I get introduced to new people, the main part of me that comes out is either being someone’s mother, where we talk about kids and everything about raising kids or my work and my career. Somewhere along the way “I” got lost.

Where did “I” disappear? Was it when I could focus on only one thing: providing for my children? Making sure they had everything they needed both on a financial and emotional level. Was it when I had to work 2 jobs to put food on the table? Or was it when I became more stable and focused on a career? Somewhere in all that,  “I” completely vanished.

No longer do ”I” think of anything not involving the kids. Even if I get a sitter, I find myself wondering if the kids are sad that I left them to go do something that does not involve them. “I” now has a companion called “guilt”. Is it a woman thing to always be thinking about our kids?

Being a mother always involves making sacrifices, but being both mom and dad is insanely demanding. I am so used to spending all my time outside of work with my kids that if for some miraculous reason I find myself alone in the house, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. How did that happen? Why does the idea of spending an afternoon alone send me into a semi panic mode? Unable to even figure out what to eat!

Today, I am over forty, my oldest daughter is getting ready to go to college and I am here thinking how did I get here and what have I done with my life? I am proud that I managed all by myself to raise my daughter and to see her go onto her journey to becoming a successful independent woman, I am also terrified that she will see me  as someone who failed to have a life outside of being a mother.

As I ask myself: Where did my life go?  I also wonder about what I could have done differently/if I could have done things differently that would have provided some kind of balance in my life. And as I embark in the journey of raising my second daughter (that’s for another subject: having a baby at 40) I will need to take a deeper look at things.

Does being a single mother mean putting everything on hold? Always? Is the constant fear of not being able to take care of my kids causing me to let life pass me by?

Why do all my thoughts involve being a mother? How to become a free independent fun woman? My kids are my universe, that will never change, but I would like my mind to take a break from time to time and let “I” make a short apparition until we get reacquainted.

~Rosemonde

Life With Trisomy 18

Last night I was thinking about what life would be life if Lillian didn’t have Trisomy 18. I thought back to her diagnosis and how devastated I was that she was going to be sick. I was scared about how our lives would change to accommodate for her needs, and even more scared of the thought of living life without her. I knew that one or the other would be how things played out. It’s been over 2 years since I became the mother of a medically delicate child. So last night when I was thinking about where we would be now if Lillian was “normal” I just couldn’t imagine life any other way.

So many times I feel like having a disability is looked at as a bad thing. We live in a society where different things are assumed to be bad. Being the mom of a medically delicate child has opened my eyes to so much. I, too, once thought that being differently abled or being the mom of a differently abled child would be absolutely awful. Life shook me around and showed me that is not. It’s hard. But it’s also crazy beautiful and wonderful and worth it. Life with Lillian has opened my eyes to an entirely different world—a better world.

The truth is, Trisomy 18 has shaped Lillian, and me for that matter. Lillian IS NOT Trisomy 18, but she does HAVE it. And it does make her who she is. She wouldn’t be the same without that extra chromosome. She is perfectly imperfect and I wouldn’t have her any other way. Would I take away the sickness? Sure. Would I take away the short lifespan? In a heartbeat. But would I change anything else about her? No. Having a child with different abilities is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. She has taught me so much about so many things. I could go on all day about it! She is THE sweetest, happiest child I’ve ever met. And I honestly don’t think she would have the same personality if she didn’t have Trisomy 18.

There are many many days that I say I “hate” Trisomy 18. And what I’ve realized is that it’s not Trisomy 18 that I hate. It’s death. And we are all going to die. So I choose her. I choose happiness. I choose positivity. And I choose to live despite the inevitable.

**If you are interested in learning more about Trisomy 18 or following Lillian’s journey, please check out her Facebook Page here https://www.facebook.com/trisomy18princess

 

Written By: Alivia Kraft