Tag Archives: let go

If Everyone Just Did What I Wanted, I’d Be Happy.

If everyone just did what I wanted.. I’d be happy… I feel like a child throwing a tantrum sometimes when people just can’t respond how I want. Sounds crazy I know…

This happens throughout life… from friendships to relationships to family to coworkers… it’s hard to get to the to point in life where you understand that people are not going to always do what you want… and it’s more about how much you…and what you can live with.. 

The list is endless of all the things that I want people in my life to do… from the good morning texts to having my kids put their dishes away to having someone be able to just say they love you.  

 I would wait for days or weeks for my ex to initiate any form of communication and it would never happen. I would be furious, but of course I would never say anything. I would just give suttle hints.  Or lots of loud sighs… I would wait for him to plan anything in our relationship and he never did.  

At that time, what I didn’t understand was that If they haven’t been the initiator or the planner  in the relationship then they will probably not know how to handle that role. And I’m not an expert at communicating either, but if you are waiting for your partner to all of sudden take over that role. Good luck. They are going to be lost trying to take over that role. They might have never had to do it before and for them it’s scary and they might not have the confidence to try out that new role. 

I was in a relationship with someone that never texted me “ good morning” I couldn’t understand it.  In my mind, it only took seconds to send a good morning text and why couldn’t he just send that simple text for me. Seems simple.. we would argue over this all the time.  But eventually I just had to let it go.. he would try, I would get a couple days of good morning texts and then nothing.   

It has taken me a long time to figure out that it was more about me than the person that I wanted to change… it was about just accepting who that person was and what I could live with… could I live without the good morning texts or would I continue to send snarky texts when I didn’t receive one and complain about it.  It was about what I could overlook and what expectations I could let go of… 

Either I could spend the rest of our relationship complaining about all those things or I could just let it go. And maybe I could start noticing the other things.. the mid day asking how my day is or the stupid Snapchat emojis that make me smile. 

I learned through these relationships that it was more about what I could accept and still be happy.  It was about learning to know what I needed out of the relationship instead of constantly changing someone to fit the mold.  

And if I could not learn to let those things go, then I needed to probably end the relationship because as much as I talked and talked about what I wanted… it was never going to happen.  How do you decide to make that choice?? The choice of learning what you can and can not control in a relationship. Is it worth the constant fighting or unanswered texts?  

This took a long time to understand. I would try and make people respond the way I thought they should. Or I would try and make them be the communicator or the initiator … I would try and turn them into the person they never were. If that makes sense.

I’ve learned to just let a lot of things go and realize that I can’t expect someone to be someone they are not.  I’ve had to realize some people don’t change. I’ve had to realize there are certain things that are deal breakers for me in relationships.  I think I learned that trying to change someone wasn’t making me any happier. I had to figure out what I could be happy with in a relationship and then start learning from there…

-snarky 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

Letting It Go

Letting It Go! I’m taking a lesson from my favorite empowered lady, Elsa. It’s been 7 years and I’m taking my power back. Somehow after I had been divorced, he still found ways to maintain forms on control. In all different ways, refusing to answer me on co-parenting questions, deciding to pay child support not on the due date but whenever he felt like he wanted to, without communicating to me when that would be just stating “You shouldn’t rely on my money”. It didn’t matter how kind I was…. how nicely I worded things. I had to become a bendy straw having to completely bend over backwards to still being treated like disposable trash.

I’m done.

I’m done being hurt.

I’m done bending.

I’m done not being heard.

I’m done not being valued.

I’m done being emotionally manipulated.

I’m done being told what I can and can’t do.

I’m done letting someone who does and means nothing to me control my head space.

I’m done opening myself up to be hoping he will change, to be disappointed constantly.

I’m done hoping he will be more for his children.

I’m done letting him dictate my emotions.

I’m done.

I’m Letting it go.

Letting go of the guilt of how I wanted my children to grow up in their home with their mama every day.

Letting go of how I will never be able to control, help and support his household for my children.

Letting go of the hurt.

Letting go of the constant disappointment.

Letting go of it all.

Now I will embrace the time the kids and I have being thankful for all the memories we have, not the time we don’t have together.

I will value each phone call to the fullest.

I will savor the moments that my house is loud, chaotic, messy and intense, because soon enough they will be at their dads.

I will embrace the nights where they take 5 trips down the stairs refusing to go to bed due to their unquenchable thirst that only began at bed time.

I will cherish the snot filled, or sweaty stinky hugs and kisses.

I will not rush the extra bedtime story.

I will watch attentively as they want to show me their latest creations.

I will be there Mama still 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no matter what, no matter where they go my love will always find them, and nobody can ever change that.

I will never have any bigger accomplishment in live than being their Mama, and having their love.

Stay Positive and Be Kind,

Rah Rah Rachel

Trust The Process

Three years ago I had the idea that I should put out a yearly workbook to help you guys design a better new year…I worked on it a little but it didn’t materialize into form. Today I completed the outline for that workbook which will be in your hands by October. It was a process, one that I could not really see because back in 2016 I thought it was a failed idea. God had more things to teach me before that workbook would be all it could be, I didn’t know that then…I could not see.

Often we are in the middle of a process that is bringing us to greater good yet in the middle it looks like a hot mess…it’s hard, sad, confusing…we feel inept, like we failed and we think that life is not working out for us the way that it should. We want instant gratification and quick results…at almost 51 I can promise you that anything worth anything does not come without doing the work to earn it. Even though I know this and understand it, I still want everything to happen sooner rather than later and patience is still something that I ‘mostly’ lack.

I never used to be good at the “trust the process” thing…people would say that and it would piss me off…in my opinion the process should hurry the F up. That didn’t do any good of course, things take as long as they take and I saw that I could either learn to accept that and embrace it or I could just be aggravated all the time.

About 4 years ago I really started to learn the gift of trusting the process, by this time in my life I had seen enough things turning out well to know that if I was living my life right things ultimately would work out for me. To me trusting that life has a process means trusting that God is always working things out for the good and I can rarely see the whole plan at any given time.

That means that I have to let go of my burning wish to control every freaking thing and TRUST that things are lining up and occurring the way that they are meant to. This also means understanding that my way is the inferior way…my will and my way are simply the means that my mind uses to try and control every thing…I have come to understand that there are a LOT of things that I cannot control and I have exhausted myself for almost 5 decades trying to make things bend to my will.

Not anymore, after the car accident last year in August I clearly came to see that there is very little that I can control—-HOWEVER what was meant to harm me in all of that turned out to BLESS me—-every, single aspect of it. I learned so much from that reckoning. (For those of you that don’t know, I was driving along minding my own business when a construction truck and trailer jumped their lane and came at me head on…I saw it coming and I was able to swerve and avoid a head on, however they completely sheared off the entire drivers side of my brand new car including the wheel…by the GRACE of God I was able to climb out my moonroof and I made a complete recovery, replaced the car etc). That incident taught me truly that I had no control over some things.

What I learned was really how to trust the process, at the time that all looked like a terrible mess and as I said it turned out to bless me in every way and really, truly changed the game for me—-I learned so much about certain things—- it was a process that in the middle I could not see—-yet now a year later I understand what God was doing.

That incident, moving back to VT and leaving my corporate job are all situations that have schooled me in “trusting the process” in ALL of those things I could not see to the end in the middle, in ALL of those situations I did not understand the entire plan—I had to step moment-by-moment trusting that everything was working as it should….and it WAS…

My message to you…TRUST THE PROCESS…you are being led where you are supposed to go even when you cannot see…in these situations you must walk by FAITH and not by sight. Keep breathing, keep moving…better things are coming.

XO,

Noelle