If everyone just did what I wanted.. I’d be happy… I feel like a child throwing a tantrum sometimes when people just can’t respond how I want. Sounds crazy I know…
This happens throughout life… from friendships to relationships to family to coworkers… it’s hard to get to the to point in life where you understand that people are not going to always do what you want… and it’s more about how much you…and what you can live with..
The list is endless of all the things that I want people in my life to do… from the good morning texts to having my kids put their dishes away to having someone be able to just say they love you.
I would wait for days or weeks for my ex to initiate any form of communication and it would never happen. I would be furious, but of course I would never say anything. I would just give suttle hints. Or lots of loud sighs… I would wait for him to plan anything in our relationship and he never did.
At that time, what I didn’t understand was that If they haven’t been the initiator or the planner in the relationship then they will probably not know how to handle that role. And I’m not an expert at communicating either, but if you are waiting for your partner to all of sudden take over that role. Good luck. They are going to be lost trying to take over that role. They might have never had to do it before and for them it’s scary and they might not have the confidence to try out that new role.
I was in a relationship with someone that never texted me “ good morning” I couldn’t understand it. In my mind, it only took seconds to send a good morning text and why couldn’t he just send that simple text for me. Seems simple.. we would argue over this all the time. But eventually I just had to let it go.. he would try, I would get a couple days of good morning texts and then nothing.
It has taken me a long time to figure out that it was more about me than the person that I wanted to change… it was about just accepting who that person was and what I could live with… could I live without the good morning texts or would I continue to send snarky texts when I didn’t receive one and complain about it. It was about what I could overlook and what expectations I could let go of…
Either I could spend the rest of our relationship complaining about all those things or I could just let it go. And maybe I could start noticing the other things.. the mid day asking how my day is or the stupid Snapchat emojis that make me smile.
I learned through these relationships that it was more about what I could accept and still be happy. It was about learning to know what I needed out of the relationship instead of constantly changing someone to fit the mold.
And if I could not learn to let those things go, then I needed to probably end the relationship because as much as I talked and talked about what I wanted… it was never going to happen. How do you decide to make that choice?? The choice of learning what you can and can not control in a relationship. Is it worth the constant fighting or unanswered texts?
This took a long time to understand. I would try and make people respond the way I thought they should. Or I would try and make them be the communicator or the initiator … I would try and turn them into the person they never were. If that makes sense.
I’ve learned to just let a lot of things go and realize that I can’t expect someone to be someone they are not. I’ve had to realize some people don’t change. I’ve had to realize there are certain things that are deal breakers for me in relationships. I think I learned that trying to change someone wasn’t making me any happier. I had to figure out what I could be happy with in a relationship and then start learning from there…