Tag Archives: leaving

What Is Your Legacy?

Gurdjieff ([1877-1949], priest, physician, teacher, author of ‘Meetings With Remarkable Men’) tells us that to live in a truly creative and dynamic way; we would have to think in a completely new way.  He encourages that to be completely fulfilled, we must engage in our own conscious evolution. In his work he also speaks about conscious labor and intentional suffering and about the importance of undertaking the burden of responsibility for serving the future…

Gurdjieff’s student J.G. Bennett “…adopted as a major theme of his life and work the teaching known as “The Fourth Way”. This is very simply that in the face of a threat, whether environmental disaster, war and conquest, or economic collapse, those persons who are able to do so must accept the responsibility of guiding and supporting the less resourceful, but not through the conventional institutions of government or religion, but rather on the level of new ideas and attitudes, inspiration and spiritual regeneration. As many Sufi teachers have done, he hinted at a world of experience in which the laws are quite other than those governing the material world – in some cases, the reverse. Those who are able to decipher this riddle must inevitably dedicate themselves to serving humanity, and the future of our world.” (www.jgbennett.net)

Those of us that understand that there is far more to life than what we can physically “see”, understand also that we have a responsibility to encourage other people not to be limited by their own thinking.  I speak often of the fact that you should never, ever judge or evaluate a situation by the way that it looks in any given moment—you should only ever operate from your intention about what the outcome will be.  So many people are stopped in their tracks because they think that the obstacles they encounter are “real”…they fail to understand that what makes obstacles “real” is believing that they exist.  There are people that are never stopped, people that never quit…if one way gets blocked up they find another…these are the people that succeed and know how to live ‘outside the box’…these are the kind of people you want to know.

I mostly live in a conversation called ‘what’s next…what else needs doing’, the past few weeks I have been living in a question called, “What is your Legacy?”

It is interesting that when you begin to engage in this discussion your life and what you have done or not done shows up in a whole different light…complaints and grievances don’t hold much water in the Legacy conversation…25 years after you’re dead nobody is going to care that your back hurt or you had a cold or a headache or that you were too tired to do the laundry.   Some people have told me that their children are their legacy and that is certainly true for all of us that are parents, however, for me that isn’t enough.

I want to leave something that breathes on long after I checked out…something that is dedicated to making people’s lives better, something that educates people and teaches them how to succeed…something that helps those that need helping…something that my son can carry on for me…something that makes a difference…

Life has blessed me with some incredible alliances and out of that a non-profit is being built that will serve all of the ideals I have mentioned above.  More on that soon…

My life will change from living in the question, “What is your Legacy?”…do me a favor and take a moment to answer that question for yourself…honestly.  How are you giving back, who are you helping, and what are you serving besides yourself?  How do you serve the future?

I have a theory that if people lived in these questions life would take on a whole new meaning…if people lived for a purpose bigger than themselves the small annoyances they suffer would become much less significant.

Certainly not the average conversation, but average conversations never create much growth or much action—they also don’t cause you to think much.  I leave you with my favorite quote by George Bernard Shaw:

“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. “

George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman, Epistle Dedicatory



When Leaving Leave Carefully

Because we know our value and choose to trust our gut, we will leave relationships that may be unsafe or do not meet our needs. Whether you’ve only had a conversation or whether you engaged in an intimate relationship it’s your right and responsibility – to walk away. You are allowed to change your mind at any time and for any reason– or no reason at all. If you are unsure about whether or not you want to continue, that’s a different matter, and not covered in this article. These are the suggestions on how to leave carefully when you are ready to go.

Say It Clearly

Once you have made a resolute decision to stop investing in a person, tell them simply, directly and plainly. Clearly let them know you do not want a relationship with them. Attempts at softening the blow often lead to miscommunication and make things worse. You do not owe an explanation. It’s a plain and simple fact that you are moving on. Let them know.

Do Not Negotiate

Anything after a clear statement of fact that you are no longer pursuing or interested in contact or a relationship may be seen as negotiation. If you engage and change your mind and continue with this person, if and when you ever do decide to actually leave – it will likely take more time, more effort and be more of a problem – as you’ve shown them you weren’t serious before.

Do Not Respond

Our culture unfortunately encourages us to play “hard to get” and shows that “persistence pays off”. After I have already made myself clear, that’s it. If someone reaches out repeatedly, ignore it. If their messages request closure or one last conversation or they just want to give something back– don’t give in. It will not be what they promised. As long as you give your time and attention it will continue.

Reporting Crime

You are responsible to both you and your community for reporting crime. Crime includes: stalking, death threats and threats of violence– even if only joking. If an unwanted visitor shows up to your work and you don’t want it – speak up. Like with any job, some police officers may not be helpful, but it is your right and their job to take a report. Insist a report is taken, even if you request the help of another officer or a supervisor.

Getting a PPO or Restraining Order

Go with your gut! Sometimes a PPO is all that is needed for a person to get it through their head that youre serious. Other times, it can increase the danger of the situation. There is no concrete answer as to if it’s appropriate and/or when it’s appropriate. Go with your gut. Do not listen to well meaning friends or family. Trust your own gut on this one and follow through.

Stay Safe!

Carrie Conrad


Carrie Conrad is a single mom and self defense specialist in Detroit. To support her daughter and her special needs she took her decades of martial arts training and lifetime of experience with violence to begin an evolving journey with Beating Disaster, a business offering specialized self defense training. From Basic Self Defense to coaching for parents with violent children, she invests her time in high level training in order to provide relatable guidance to women and children. You can find out more at www.BeatingDisaster.com or follow for safety tips and tricks at www.facebook.com/BeatingDisaster