When approaching 51, you end up doing this sort of involuntary assessment of your existence up to this point…it’s not like a planned thing, it just happens…you find yourself thinking through the decades that have passed and you start looking at what you learned.
If you are me you also think you need to share the things you could have done better because perhaps you will keep someone else from making those particular errors.
Here’s one of my biggest “I could have done betters” career wise — not realizing my worth in the workplace and conducting myself accordingly. Up until about 3 or 4 years ago I undervalued myself and allowed other people to undervalue me as well— I also did a fair amount of enabling people disguised as being a power performer. I was talking this morning on the FB Live about how we end up just putting our heads down and moving toward the goal without really giving much thought to how we ARE in the process. What happens in the workplace is the same…we behave in the same way, we take our –badass single parent, we can get anything done– attitude and we apply it everywhere—without much thought to how we are being treated in return. We may tend to undervalue ourselves in a work environment by doing this…
For me that showed up for years as me doing everything I was asked, pushing through to get the result no matter what, always saying yes, not asking to be compensated for doing many different jobs, trying to please everyone and make everything easier for them…I trusted that people would treat me the way I treated them…often that was not the case.
Looking back on it all now I see that I did a lot of enabling others because I just always made everything OK and handled it…I was so worried about keeping the bills paid and a roof over our heads that I never once stopped to think about if I was being compensated for what I was WORTH. In hindsight I could have done so so SO much better—if I had understood how much value I contributed I would have understood how to ask for things in relation to that—instead I just took what was offered and kept doing more…
I am so very grateful for all that I learned in these last two decades and for all of the opportunities that were extended to me, I simply wish that I had taken better care of myself in the process and that I had valued myself as much as I should have. I would like to see you ladies avoid this – value yourselves, ask for what you deserve and don’t be afraid to walk away if something isn’t working—take care of you—you are worth far more than you think.
Everyone it seems is going through some sort of hard times right now, the government shut down, or just the universe being out of wack, it seems everyone is going through something. A lot of people are showing their worst side in reaction to their personal struggle. I was drawn in to is as well. I had to take a step back from everything going on around me. Hard times are meant to make you grow. Especially if you’ve been stagnant in an area of your life for a while. If we get negative, woe is me or lash out we lose our lesson.
Difficult times and situations are a way god or the universe puts a proverbial boot up your tuchus.
Its your wake up call and most of us need a few before we snap to attention. We cant change other people or what happens around us, so the thing we need to change is in us.
It helps me during these times to organize everything I’m doing to appointments to work to even structured time with the kiddos. I also do a gratitude list, and manifestation list to put things in perspective and to attract the things I need. This opens up my focus and attention to see what I really need to look at and work on. Then step by step I get to where I need to be.
Always be unapologetically true to yourself,
Embrace time because it really does fly by…which leads me to what I feel today. I get those notifications every day from Facebook that are pictures of what I posted “_ years ago today”. I sometimes take the time to look at them, most times not. Today I did-it was pictures of our youngest child…she would’ve been 3. My very last baby. I stayed home with her for the first 5 years of her life-I feel like I have this huge bond with her knowing that she was going to be my last of everything….last 1st bath, last 1st haircut, last kindergarten graduation…ect….it makes me sad but yet also excited for her!
As time flew by with the older two, it’s happening just as fast if not faster with her. Maybe it just seems that way because it’s so bittersweet. I often find myself thinking about all the things and opportunities I have missed with my kids-sometimes I get so caught up in that, I fail to focus on what we have done and just how often we really are together.
Maybe as we age-mortality becomes more of a reality, it did to me anyway. Realizing time doesn’t stop or slow down for anyone!
There truly is never enough time, some days seem like they’re never going to end and only wish for them to! If I knew now what I knew when I was wishing time away, I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Every moment in time is there for a reason. Embrace, learn, experience!
Love to all-