Tag Archives: kindness

I Remember September 11th

I do remember….

Friday was September 11th and just like the day it happened I was driving into work listening to music.

When 9/11 happened I was listening to the radio and I remember the DJ saying the Twin Towers were on fire and thinking it was a joke. Then getting to my office and realizing it wasn’t.

Everything right now  seems very divided, very unlike the days after 9/11. I was deep in my drive when I noticed a guy in a truck frantically waving at me at the intersection. I naturally assumed he was mad at me, but couldn’t understand why as I wasn’t doing anything wrong. As I started to drive by I noticed his window was down and he was waiting. I reluctantly rolled my window down with my heart in my throat.

As we were talking a car came speeding behind us out of nowhere.

He started…

I am so glad you stopped. I saw that car and could tell you couldn’t see it and all I could think is I can’t let that happen to her.

I got teary.

I said I thought I was doing something wrong.

He said no, that car was coming and I could tell they were in your blind spot and I was afraid they were going to hit you.

I thanked him profusely.

We had a group grouse about the speeding and horrible parking in our neighborhood.

I thanked him again and told him to have a good morning.

He told me – you too and waved.

I drove to work on silence.

None of what happened lost on me.

A complete stranger looked out for me.

I know there are days it is hard to see it, but there are good people out there.

One of my favorite good news men Tankgoodness had this to say:

“Remember what you felt like the days and weeks after 9/11. We all pulled together. We were humans first, Americans a close second, and all the other BS didn’t matter. ….it’s not too late to come together.”

Yup

A hundred times yup

To my friend in the truck and cowboy hat, thank you so much for reminding me of that.

To you Mommas- be safe and much love

<3 Caprise

The Awkward Keyboard

The awkward keyboard…

It is the Sunday of a long weekend. The days are blurring a bit. Today’s song: Chicago is So Two Years Ago by Fall Out Boy.

The lyrics: my heart on my sleeve, my badge of weakness.

My favorite four legged animal and majestic doodle is at my feet.

I am revisiting this week. I have said since March that this is a time to show people who you are. Conversely people will show you who they are.

I have done a pretty good job of ignoring most of what I see on social media. I have done an even better job of not commenting on things I disagree with.

I know who I am.

I know what I believe and if you know me well you do too.

But… I broke the cardinal sin and commented on a friend’s post. We from day one have disagreed about everything, but I know her heart and just scroll.

However, this person posted about health and I commented. I didn’t argue, just said maybe focus on the positives. Obviously I’m paraphrasing. Another person commented. Then their very not nice comment was liked several times even by my friend.

I have always said it’s ok to disagree but do so with kindness.

This was not that. Not by a mile. Not by a football field.

And it stung. I know, I know, don’t put your toe in the pool if you can’t handle the temperature. But when it comes from a friend or even family.

Yikes.

I am by no means a perfect human but I also feel really strongly computer screens and a keyboard have given us courage to say things we normally wouldn’t.

I would even say to be people we normally aren’t.

Whole personas.

As a person who wears their heart on their sleeve and quotes Mr. Rogers, social media can be rough.

You could say” well Caprise- get off it then”. Except right now, especially right now, it has become a thorny lifeline. AND a tool I use for things I love.

So here I am.

Trying to understand something, maybe there is no understanding.

I still believe in the kindness of people. I still meet everyone with it until they give me a reason not. I will never not be that person. It’s just sometimes disappointing when people you care about show you their true colors.

Be safe and as always Mommas much love,

Caprise

I Think I Was Six

I think I was six…

It is one of the hottest days of the year here. I am watching my daughter walk back and forth from her room to the hallway with a big smile on her face, her headphones on – she says it helps her get her ideas out. She like, her Mom, writes, although she is much better.

I am listening to music as I always do when I write.

Today Taylor Swift. Specifically her new album.

Specifically the song Seven. I am sure there are all sorts of theories as to what it’s about. Somehow unlike the rest of the album I missed it.

For me it reminds me of the very first person I ever loved. The very first person who ever loved me. My very first friend. My very first best friend.

The lyrics “ And though I can’t recall your face. I still got love for you.”

I have mentioned him before.

And I am sure all these decades later, the story is a lot more magical than it really was, but he left his imprint.

His name was Reed.

I met him in the oddest way. I was walking home by myself from school. I think I was six? Behind me, two older girls called me names like they did everyday.

Everyday they would call me names until they got me to cry, then run ahead home.

One day I hear a voice yell out telling them to stop.

I remember he had a lisp.

Blue eyes.

I have blue eyes too, but his, maybe I remember them because of what he did- so bright.

Surprisingly they stopped.

He walked me home and I was happy to find out he lived a house away.

That whole summer it was him and I.

He taught me to play baseball.

Soccer.

Get better at riding my bike.

I’m pretty sure he’s why I have a sweet tooth, because whenever he had candy I got half.

Then one day he’s at my door telling me he and his Mom are moving, his parents are getting divorced.

He handed me a bag of candy. As he started running for his house he yelled he loved me and I was his best friend.

I was crushed.

My best friend.

My first best friend.

Gone.

It is a magical thing to have.

A friendship like that.

It was unflinching.

Now I recognize we were kids.

But friendships, relationships like that are rare. They are precious. The people who see you. The people who love you out loud. The people who yell with excitement when they see you, make sure you know you matter.

In the years, ok, let’s be honest decades since I have been married and divorced and become a Mom.

A LOT has happened.

Things I talk about.

Things I don’t.

There was a chunk of time I was pretty salty when it came to people. I bought into my own self doubt. I let a few bad apples cloud my judgment and I listened to the wrong people.

Becoming a Mom helped slowly turn that around, but also looking and focusing on all the good people I have in my life.

Who I have had in my life.

You can’t Iive your life waiting for someone to hurt you. You can’t not let someone in because of a what if.

Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but it can be pretty great.

I can’t say enough how much I appreciate Reed for one of my first/ best friendships.

Be safe and much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

When I Grow Up

When i grow up….

Driving to work I have the opportunity to listen to my favorite radio station every morning. As with all radio stations they usually have a topic for discussion . This morning’s topic was “when you were young what did you want to be when you grew up and did you achieve that?” So of course I immediately thought of what I had always wanted to be when I was younger (a marine biologist- an amazingly cool career ) and then became somewhat sad because I did not achieve that (from that to dental office manager). Life just doesn’t work out how we want it to sometimes. And as I sat there and reflected on that, I became somewhat sad, thinking not achieving that always made me feel a little bit of a failure. Maybe many others were doing the same thing at that moment. Then a thought crossed my mind. What if when we were children instead of desiring or having the hopes to become a marine biologist, doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, electrician, etc., we said to ourselves “when I grow up I want to be kind”. I wondered if we thought that and if we all really tried to achieve that instead of thinking about a status or the money that something will bring in, we only wanted to be the best version of ourselves. Now of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doctors and lawyers and such. We need them of course. And those are smart, amazing helpful people. And I thank God they are here for us. We all need a job to bring in some money to pay our bills and to enjoy some things in life. But kindness is a choice isn’t it? Some people have more of it in them and some people maybe a reminder wouldn’t hurt. But if we thought as children “I want to be a kind grown-up” wouldn’t the world be a much better place? Wouldn’t we be better people? If we grew up striving to be kind not only to others but to ourselves? Content with ourselves and not so critical. No bullying, that’s for sure because if we grew up wanting to be kind we would pass that on to our children, how could we not?

I believe I have a kind heart but there are days that I am disappointed in myself thinking where did the kindness go? Why didn’t you take that opportunity to be a better person? To be kinder? It doesn’t take any money or any status to smile at a stranger, to not be bothered by a person going a little bit slower on the road than you would like, to take somebody’s grocery cart back for them, to go out of your way to talk to someone that you normally wouldn’t, and not be bothered by every little thing. I am going to work on all of those things and I’m going to encourage my children to do so as well. Because, well there are a lot of good people and kindness but we can always have a little bit more of it don’t you think? And I can start with myself, because I still have growing to do in many ways. And I really hope that question comes back on the radio someday so I can call in and I can say when I grow up “I just want to be kind”.

`“Wine (or whine) in the tub”

(I realized that a little glass of wine in the bathtub helps sometimes. You can decompress, cry, recuperate without an audience.. and you can whine to yourself as much as you want, then get out and you’re ready to take on the world again)

The Bright Side

The bright side…These past few weeks have been nothing short of chaos and confusion for so many people all around the world. The stress levels of many individuals have skyrocketed due to the recent Coronavirus outbreak. I never thought that it could get to this level, but now the current situation is our new normal.

My main concern throughout all of this, is how people are being directly affected by this virus. My parents are both physicians, and they are seeing the unfortunate repercussions of this pandemic daily.

However, although there has been large amounts of fear and concern, we have to look at the overwhelming amounts of love and kindness that is spreading. My cousin is currently living in Spain, and the virus has not been kind in her town. I received a video from her around a week ago that really touched my heart. All you could see in the clip was people on every balcony of her street cheering with passion. They all seemed like they were full of joy and excitement, which shocked me because of the events going on. She later explained that everyone was trying to show love to the doctors and medical professionals that had been risking their lives to care for the ill. It’s acts like those that demonstrate the positive in people during such negative times.

What we are currently living through made me realize how much we take for granted daily. I’ve never wanted to hug a friend, go to school, or see my family more than I do today. Just as the people of Spain are looking on the bright side, we must do the same.

Now those hugs and interactions are going to mean significantly more to us when this is all over. Spread that positivity. 

-Dani <3

Not Just Good But Greater Good

Not just Good, but Greater Good.

Can you imagine what your Greater Good would look like?  Close your eyes and imagine.  Who would be there?  What would you be doing?  How would you be acting?  What would you say?  Where would you live?  Etc, etc etc.  Now, understand and know…. that you have not even come close to the actual Greater Good that is available to you.

God’s Ways are over, above & beyond anything our puny little minds can concoct.  We are one small piece of sand on the Pacific Coast.  We are one minute being in the galaxy of endless galaxies.  We are a blade of grass in a field at full-on harvest.  Do you believe in the grand scheme of life, there is far more available to you, coming to you, waiting for you?  Open your arms & be ready, because it is there.

I am part of the Greater Good of all mankind.  I am an instrument of God’s love in the Greater Good of my life.  I wake up every day expecting the Greater Good to show up.  I see, hear, feel and stay open to every bit of Goodness that is for me.  I’m being used every day in ways I’ve always imagined possible.

May we both walk through life with our heads held high in anticipation for what is next.  May we be ready for it when it comes and handle it with courage and grace.  May we be beacons of greatness to others who are waiting for theirs.  May we move forward, press on, stand tall, dig in, love big, express peace, share joy, give back, believe in more, take it, own it and share it with the world.

Are you ready?

I am.  I’ll meet you there.

xoxo

Your God-Girl,

Tracy

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know

It wasn’t until recently that I realized there are a lot of things that I don’t know about. There are many things that I need to teach my children, and as a mom, that’s a hard revelation. There are just things I don’t know about.

I don’t know how to teach my son how to change oil in his vehicle. I don’t know how to teach him how to do basic home repairs, beyond changing a furnace filter, light bulbs, and using putty for a small nail hole. I don’t know how to teach him to be a “man” in the sense of what he will need to be when he enters the world as an adult. I don’t how to teach him to lead a household in the way men are called to lead their household and family.

I don’t know these things, because I am a woman. Not a man. I wear many hats on a daily basis. Mom, teacher, nurse, doctor, chauffeur, referee, and counselor. The one hat I lack though has the title of “dad”.

But as I sit here writing this, I realize, it’s okay. I am not supposed to know these things. That is where my tribe of people come in. To fill those gaps that I lack. These are the reasons why people say “it takes a village” when it comes to raising children.

My kids are incredibly lucky that they live in the era they live in. They have access to so much technology that they should be able to find a YouTube video on anything they would ever need to know how to do. The things that I cannot teach them, I can help them problem solve to find the right resources and tutorials for them to figure things out. Those tangible, hands on things that my “mom” hat prevents me from knowing.

But what I can teach them are lessons on how to treat people. How to be compassionate towards people. I can teach my son how women should be treated. I can teach my daughters how to be picky when it comes to men and what attributes to look for. I can show my children how simple kindness is what makes the world really go round. I can teach them how to set healthy boundaries so they never have to settle for less than what they deserve. I can teach my children about perseverance. That sometimes life will inevitably knock you down, sometimes making you feel like there is no place to go and there is no hope, but when that moment happens, that’s when you can dig deep into your soul, discover your worth and value, and that is when you rise above it. That is when you discover the inner strength that comes from God depending on your beliefs. That is when you discover what you are made of and how every lesson, big and small, prepared you for that moment.

The moment to rise

The moment to conquer

The moment to believe in yourself

That is something that my “mom” hat allows me to do. But, it doesn’t have to be a “mom” to teach these things. Anyone can teach anyone these things. These are life lessons that any parent can teach their child. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mom, a dad, grandparent, aunt or uncle. Take a minute to teach the children the importance of being a kind human in a cruel world. Teach them to not give up when things get hard. But most importantly, teach them they have value and purpose. Because if you don’t, who will?

~R.

https://thedignifiedgrace.wordpress.com

See The Good

This school year, I have had the pleasure of meeting some incredible individuals. One of which is a lovely girl named Sofi. She approached me with the most beautiful smile at the beginning of the year, and made me feel so welcome in my new environment.

As I got to know her, I learned that she had such a wonderful outlook on life. I left every conversation I had with her with a giant smile. The more time I spent with her, the more I picked up on the little acts of kindness that she does to make others feel happy.

Sometimes it’s a simple “hello” to those she walks past, and other times its hosting a service event for those in need. Something I truly admire about her, is her ability to exude positivity even when times get rough.

In her attempts to spread that positivity to others, she created “see the good.”. Her goal is to try and help others focus on the bright side, even in times of difficulty. She managed to create a business that allows her to foster her good character traits and her passions.

It all began with a sweater and the three simple words “see the good.” Now, it has become a movement that shares the stories of other amazing people as well.

Whether you read one of her posts, watch one of her YouTube videos, or wear one of her sweaters, you’ll be inspired to be a better individual and to share positivity with others. I feel beyond blessed to be able to call this beautiful person my friend, and I couldn’t be happier to share her story and goal with all of you.

On behalf of Sofi, I wish that all of you take the time to see the good.

-Dani <3

https://www.seethegoodbysofi.com/

My Friend Bill

I would like to tell you about my friend Bill. You may know him. He’s made a few movies. Big sports buff. Very quirky and he got his start on one of my favorite television shows.

When things in my life were feeling their lowest I started looking for positive outlets.

Me being me I needed them. It couldn’t be a glass of wine that would easily turn into a bottle. It couldn’t be a beautiful pastry my sweet tooth doesn’t ever seem to know when to stop.

It couldn’t be a trip to Target because it would mean a cart full of things I have no budget for.

It couldn’t be a night out because it can’t.

So…

I listen to music.

I read.

Watch movies, but I will be honest I am also easily distracted. 

I began digging deeper.

Looking for those things that would fill the gaps but wouldn’t lend themselves to my somewhat self destructive old habits.

Dear friends, I’ve sugar coated them. My bad habits.

Maybe a blog for another day.

Around this same time I watched the Razor’s Edge and Stripes. Two decidedly different movies from Bill Murray.

I mentioned to a friend how amazing I thought Bill Murray was. He suggested I read The Tao of Bill Murray.

My new friendship was born. Bill just doesn’t know it.

I also started digging into some amazing quotes from his.

As silly as it sounds these quotes have me some perspective I needed.

Here’s one:

“Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and make bad decisions.”

Welp… lol, yes.

But this one, this is the stuff.

“Don’t think about your errors or failures, otherwise you’ll never do a thing.”

That is exactly what started happening. I got so bogged down by all of the things that went wrong, I either didn’t do anything or did WAY too much.

I always looked for the other ball to drop. The bad.

I keep saying this but not only is 48 my year of no filter it’s also the year I work hard at happy. The year maybe I can give that happy to other people too.  As it has been to me in so many ways. One in particular a picture of one of my Chewbaccas with the man himself. It’s my screensaver and it makes me smile.

There are still going to be bad days, but to paraphrase my friend Bill… maybe it will be a day that a slice of pizza and cold beer can make feel better.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Teaching People How To Treat You

Teaching people how to treat you….

If you have any friends worth their salt, you have heard the phrase “you deserve better than that.” But here is my question, when it was said, did you believe it? Did you believe it on a soul level? And if you did, what did you do about it?

In my life, I have been terrible at believing I deserve the bad things that have happened. There were disturbing things that happened to me in childhood that I always felt I somehow invited. There was the high school boyfriend who cheated on me and I believed that I somehow neglected him into the action. The same boyfriend who was jealous and controlling and I thought that was somehow okay. Looking at it through eyes that are very removed from the situation, it is easy to see that people who cheat, often project. 

There were bosses who didn’t see my worth. I see now they were so concerned with their own worth, they did not know how to mold and develop their employees. There were friends who saw me as a different person than I am. I thought I deserved it because I did make some mistakes (because I’m human). There was an ex-husband who did not treat me like a woman, but rather someone to take care of him. I thought, I made the choice to marry him, and that’s that. I made my bed, and now I live in it. 

But here’s the truth; I had some responsibility in all of those things. Truly. It just wasn’t the way I saw it at the time. With that high school boyfriend, I should have refused to be treated that way. I should have told him to deal with his own feelings of guilt and stop projecting on me, or we were finished. In the workplace, I should have been more confident in my abilities and more forceful with my ideas. And if I couldn’t be in that company, I should have been willing to leave for other opportunities. With friends, it is difficult because the easiest thing to do is walk away, which is essentially what I did. But I should have let them know why and how I saw the things they were doing and saying behind my back and their attitudes toward me. Maybe then I could have ended things with cleaner conscience. 

The marriage is harder. I thought I was clear about how I wouldn’t be treated. There were several times I refused to be treated certain ways. In the beginning of our relationship, he got jealous for no reason and I told him that it was his problem and he was going to have to get it figured out, and he did. And he never threw another jealous fit again in 17 years. I stood up for myself when he told me to shut up, and he never did it again. But I don’t think I told him what I needed enough, but it is also possible he just wasn’t capable, and sometimes we have to be smart enough to know that too, and to accept that and walk away.  

But when you find the people you know you want in your life, you have to be willing to teach them what you need and what you will not put up with. You have to be willing to say, when I act like this, I need a little extra patience. You need to be able to say, I will not be spoken to like that, I don’t deserve it. But most importantly, you really have to believe that you deserve it. It boils down to you really having to believe you are WORTH it. And you are. 

Stronger Than Yesterday,

Alice