Tag Archives: job

When I Grow Up

When i grow up….

Driving to work I have the opportunity to listen to my favorite radio station every morning. As with all radio stations they usually have a topic for discussion . This morning’s topic was “when you were young what did you want to be when you grew up and did you achieve that?” So of course I immediately thought of what I had always wanted to be when I was younger (a marine biologist- an amazingly cool career ) and then became somewhat sad because I did not achieve that (from that to dental office manager). Life just doesn’t work out how we want it to sometimes. And as I sat there and reflected on that, I became somewhat sad, thinking not achieving that always made me feel a little bit of a failure. Maybe many others were doing the same thing at that moment. Then a thought crossed my mind. What if when we were children instead of desiring or having the hopes to become a marine biologist, doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, electrician, etc., we said to ourselves “when I grow up I want to be kind”. I wondered if we thought that and if we all really tried to achieve that instead of thinking about a status or the money that something will bring in, we only wanted to be the best version of ourselves. Now of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doctors and lawyers and such. We need them of course. And those are smart, amazing helpful people. And I thank God they are here for us. We all need a job to bring in some money to pay our bills and to enjoy some things in life. But kindness is a choice isn’t it? Some people have more of it in them and some people maybe a reminder wouldn’t hurt. But if we thought as children “I want to be a kind grown-up” wouldn’t the world be a much better place? Wouldn’t we be better people? If we grew up striving to be kind not only to others but to ourselves? Content with ourselves and not so critical. No bullying, that’s for sure because if we grew up wanting to be kind we would pass that on to our children, how could we not?

I believe I have a kind heart but there are days that I am disappointed in myself thinking where did the kindness go? Why didn’t you take that opportunity to be a better person? To be kinder? It doesn’t take any money or any status to smile at a stranger, to not be bothered by a person going a little bit slower on the road than you would like, to take somebody’s grocery cart back for them, to go out of your way to talk to someone that you normally wouldn’t, and not be bothered by every little thing. I am going to work on all of those things and I’m going to encourage my children to do so as well. Because, well there are a lot of good people and kindness but we can always have a little bit more of it don’t you think? And I can start with myself, because I still have growing to do in many ways. And I really hope that question comes back on the radio someday so I can call in and I can say when I grow up “I just want to be kind”.

`“Wine (or whine) in the tub”

(I realized that a little glass of wine in the bathtub helps sometimes. You can decompress, cry, recuperate without an audience.. and you can whine to yourself as much as you want, then get out and you’re ready to take on the world again)

The Proverbial Gut Punch

The proverbial gut punch….

There are certain topics I tread lightly on. Everywhere. Some out of fear, some out of self preservation, some because they are mine alone and if I share them I give them away.

Sometimes though you have to share them. You have to put your misgivings aside, because maybe someone needs to hear what you have going on. Maybe it will help them.

I have been at my current job for almost thirteen years. It was a complete shift. I used to work in Human Resources. I now work with children. I started out as a teacher and have worked my way up and and have been worked out of several leadership roles. In that time we have had four CEO’s. I have switched physical locations at least three times. I am not sure how many times I’ve switched offices. As for bosses… I’ve had quite a few.

More than five less than ten.

With each new boss expectations change. Sometimes my pay and schedule changes. Staff changes. Like I do, I roll with it. As best as I can.

I like my job. I would go so far as to say most days I love it. Except when I don’t.

I am still growing as a leader and I have a lot of work to do and I would like to tell you there haven’t been some things that have made me hold back, but that wouldn’t be true.

I own that. The problem is, I’m now in a place where it’s haunting me. Those fears. 

And I got the proverbial gut punch. You can take that as you will but spoiler alert I’m still employed. 

Which has gotten me to a place where I am looking at myself. At what point did I lose my mojo? At what point did I forget what I am capable of? At what point did I let things weigh me down?

In another life I was the woman that was called upon to resolve conflicts now I avoid them.

I think somewhere along the way I forgot that woman. I started believing the negative talk of others and turned on myself. 

It’s funny I thought I had it together only to find out I still have a long way to go.

I feel like I’m at an impasse right now.  And you know what? While I am definitely having all the range of emotions, maybe this is what I needed. 

That proverbial gut punch wake up call. To get myself together and figure out where my heart is and get my mojo back. 

Much love as always Mamas

<3 Caprise

Moving Up, Let It Go

There’s a trick to the “graceful exit…” It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over-and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.

-Ellen Goodman

Admittedly, letting go has never been a thing I am good at. In fact, it is sort of the resounding story of my life that I hold on tightly until I injure myself. It’s like holding onto a rope and the desire of whatever is on the other end is stronger than you are. The rope is cutting into your hands, but you keep holding on. You feel the pain, but you can’t see the extent of the damage until the other side pulls so hard that you have no choice but to let go. Then, you are left staring at your hands, maybe crying, and subsequently having to clean and heal the wounds without whatever was on the other end. This metaphor applies to so many things in my life. I sometimes wonder if I will ever learn.

I had this life altering moment seven years ago. It did not seem life altering at the time, but since then year after year it makes more sense. I was on vacation with a girlfriend. It was just the two of us and after years of mothering two young children, one with special needs, half on my own, it was a very liberating trip. I felt a freedom I had not felt since my teenage years. One morning we were seated at brunch with this older couple. I say older, I was thirty at the time and they were probably late forties, early fifties. We made small talk. We did not get into life stories. I think we disclosed our marital status (all of us being married), children (all of us having children), etc. We did not delve into anything very personal, and there was no way it could have been construed as a heavy conversation, with all of our outlooks being the lighthearted that only comes from having no responsibilities for a time. We parted after having a lovely time.

The next day I was out and about on my own and I ran into this couple. The wife approached me, and the husband hung back a little. She seemed serious and maybe a little nervous, but I could tell she was grounded in his presence. It was very sweet actually. She gave me a hug and then she said something to the effect of the following: “I have something I want to tell you, but I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”

I shook my head, giving her a look that I hope conveyed, “no you go right ahead.” However, there was a little unease associated with these people being virtual strangers.

She continued, “I was up half of the night last night because God put on my heart that I needed to pray for you.” She looked at me, making sure it was okay to go on. I’m not sure what she saw on my face, but inside I was somewhat incredulous. I mean, I had met her once for less than an hour. She said, “I just got the impression you need to hear that you need to let it go.”

I was somewhat dumbfounded. Now, looking back, I should have made a joke of what was obviously not really one, and asked, “Did he tell you what exactly?” Instead my eyes welled up with tears a little, at someone being so caring towards me. I hugged her, thanked her, and I have never seen her again.

That meeting set the stage for the coming years of my life where I would let go of just about everything that passed through my mind as possibilities that day. There were three things that stood out. I’ve let go of all but one. When I tell you those things were traumatic to release, I could not be more serious. I felt like a walking wound for a very long time. Everything hurt me. Things that were not designed to intentionally hurt me did. I was like the metaphor. I had no idea what holding on tightly was doing to me, but when I let go, it became painfully obvious.

The first one was my marriage. I would say that it was a marriage that I had outgrown, but that is an oversimplification. The fact of the matter is that when we got married I was nineteen. I had no clue who I was or what would be my needs in a relationship. I am thirty-seven and I am just now figuring it out, slowly. But suffice it to say the ways in which we were incompatible impacted me greatly. They impacted my self esteem and self worth. They made me stop trying and become complacent. They made me bad at a thing I felt so confidently good at in the beginning, relationships.

After that cruise I left my husband. The cruise was in November, I left him right after the new year in 2013. I got my own place, I furnished it, and then I went back to him. I was scared. Scared I was making the wrong decision and scared of how people would see me, and just scared. Honestly though, I was not afraid of losing him. For me, sadly it was never about love. In retrospect, after surviving actually leaving and being divorced, I can say that as hard as I thought it was going to be then, it was even harder. We separated one more time before it actually stuck. Again, I was scared. And I let things weaken my resolve. However, I don’t regret any of that because I know I tried again and again. I know the ultimate decision was the right one. It was right for him and it was definitely right for me. However, to get to the place where I now know that fact took about eight hundred and twelve baths, seven thousand bottles of wine, losing some friends and probably alienating others, twenty million text messages with my completely amazing friends, and too many tears to count. I did things that hurt myself and set the healing process back, but I wouldn’t change those either. They have all taught me and some have been practices in letting go.

The second thing was the person I thought was the love of my life. I could write a book on the details of our decades long relationship, but I have turned the page on all of that. I have successfully let it go. I know the timing of this is questionable, but the truth of the matter is that it was an affair of the heart. He was not at all the cause of my marriage ending and he was not the cause of my marriage being a bad fit. I saw him a couple of times over the years and we spoke intermittently. We never did anything physical while I was married, but as soon as my divorce was final it was a door I either had to walk through or close. The truth is that I romanticized a person who could never have been what I needed. It was a traumatic end, but it was an end.

And now I’m finally at a place where I have let go. The wounds on my hands are now scarred over. The skin there is tougher than it was before. I will try not to use that as a means of holding on to things longer than I should. I hope when my kids are ready to fly the coop I am able to let them go gracefully. I hope I have learned. At least, I hope I have learned to let go of the things that take more than they give me. But I will say, the art of letting go is a continuous process, but God knew what I needed to hear that day. And he’s whispered it to my heart many days since.

Stronger Than Yesterday,

 

-Alice

You Are More, You Are A Rockstar

You are more, you ARE a rockstar!

Over Memorial Day weekend I did something I think a lot of people in my life didn’t think I could do.

I traveled across the country by myself. I had a working vacation.

My vacation running a music stage for three days at a festival in Napa Valley.

I made sure the musicians got what they needed, got on and off the stage, all communication came through me. I knew one person. I had no car. It was a huge adventure.

The last trip I took my daughter was two and a half and was with my ex husband it was our five year anniversary trip to Jamaica. It was three months after we had started talking about splitting up.

Needless to say not a great trip.

After that my trips have been limited to family vacations. Work trips where there are always colleagues along. But nothing like this.

I think sometimes when you become a Mom people forget you are more than just a Mom.

It’s easy to assume because your life has changed maybe there are certain things you can’t handle.

People forget when you made the decision to leave you had to handle a whole lot.

That even now you handle a whole lot.

People sometimes assume because you don’t wear everything out on your sleeve, running around with rockstars is not something a Mom could do.

Some would say should do.

My biggest cheerleader was the one who got me the job. He has known me since I was in college. He has seen my ups and downs. He knows I’m not easily fazed. Also, as he put it since I work with children regularly and am a Mom this would be in my wheelhouse.

My point in all of this… you are more than the greatest job on the world. In fact because of that job let’s just be honest, you can handle a WHOLE lot.

Even a DJ’s assistant getting crabby because a band who had been going nonstop didn’t autograph a poster.

Or your daughter kicking you out of the bathroom mid hair dry.

Either or.

You a superstars.

Let’s call it- you’re rockstars!

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Girl Boss

Me? A Girl Boss?

Picture a woman sitting in her cubicle at work, maybe you. Her chin rests in her hand as she stares blankly at her computer monitor. There is a thought bubble over her head. How would you fill in that thought bubble? What is she thinking?

Maybe something like, when will it be payday? Or, I can’t believe my jerk boss took the credit for my work…again. Or maybe even, somebody help me, I’m dying a slow death here.

If you’ve ever had those thoughts cross your mind (and really, who hasn’t?), then at some point you may have also thought about starting your own home business. The upside seems incredible: work within your passion, control how much you make, help people. Okay, okay – the upside is incredible.

But starting a home business also has a downside: a huge learning curve; lots of up front work for a return that comes later –  sometimes much later; setbacks; expenses. You get the idea.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seriously consider starting a home business. In fact, as a business coach, I definitely think you should! We live in such a beautiful, digital age right now that the barriers to becoming a business owner are much lower than they used to be. But it’s not for everyone.

The question is, is it for you? Let’s find out with a little yes or no quiz.

 

  1. Are you extremely dissatisfied with your current situation?

You basically have to be, in order to convince your mind that it’s okay to change.

 

  1. Do you have an idea? Are you passionate about it?

It doesn’t have to be a full-fledged business plan. Not yet. But an idea does help ?. And you need to love that idea so much that you’ll be willing to do even the parts of your business that scare you (like sales calls or meeting with a potential buyer)

 

  1. Do you have support?

Family, great friends, a coach or mentor…find people who will brainstorm with you and cheerlead you when you hit a low point.

 

  1. Do you give up easily?

I don’t want to call names, but girl, if you’re a quitter, then running a home business isn’t for you. Most people quit just before the reward.

 

  1. Are you in the middle of personal upheaval?

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t start a business, just maybe not right now.

 

  1. Do you have an appetite for learning?

Then Yassss!!! ‘Cuz you are gonna need it. Luckily, there are so many resources these days, from YouTube to FB Groups to paid courses. I don’t want you to worry for one minute if you feel like you don’t know everything you need to know to run a business, because absolutely everything is find-out-able!

 

  1. Do you understand risk?

Some business models require more risk than others. For example, opening a brick and mortar shop would require much more capital than working from home writing and selling e-books online. Be sure you know what and how much you’re willing to risk before diving in.

 

  1. Do you need cold, hard cash today?

Okay, then go make it. Sell homemade bread or salsa, walk some dogs, babysit for another mom. Then, when your immediate need has been taken care of, go ahead and start your business. Nobody needs that kind of pressure.

 

  1. Do you have people skills?

If I struck up a conversation with you in a line at the grocery store, how would you respond?

 

  1. Can you summarize your business idea in one sentence?

If not, you’re not yet totally clear on what it is you want to do. Work on it, it will come.

 

If you answered all ten of these questions correctly (and I think you know what the correct answers were!), then guess what? You definitely qualify as a potential girl boss! Don’t quit your day job just yet, but stay tuned, we’ll walk the path together. In the next installment, I’ll pass along a super helpful secret  in the form of 5 things successful side-giggers do every day.

 

Love ya,

Lecia

Want to start a business but not quite sure what you could do? Click here for a FREE brainstorming guide from Lecia – Finding Your Unique Gifts.

Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up, For How You Want to Be Seen

Good morning! Whether we like to admit it, some times “books are judged by their cover”. Being seen for your appearance, in the work force, is a true reality. But most importantly how you look, is most often a reflection of how you feel that day.

I myself am guilty of seeing someone and making an assumption on how they are feeling that day. I do interviews for both prospective employees as well as meetings with clients. Do I expect those people to show up in a $1,000 suit? Absolutely not! Although,I do have certain expectations because I feel as if you are disheveled more days than not-it is also going to affect your commitment to the job/project, your personality, and how you feel about yourself. Do I understand that people have craptastic days, don’t feel well? I sure do!

Think about it this way…..I am going in for my dream job interview-I am going to dress the part.  I want my future employer to know that I respect the position, I value the time I am being given for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity to do what I have always dreamed to do. I feel great, I feel positive and I want to look and be seen that way too.  I want to make an awesome first impression. I really REALLY want this job. My confidence is high and I am going to NAIL this interview. It matters, it truly does. Wearing sweatpants to a dream job interview doesn’t take away from your personality and skills but it most certainly takes away your commitment to that position. It takes away from how you feel about yourself.

Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up!

Love to All-Kim