Tag Archives: interests

Keeping Me Time In Relationships

Me time…..I had never really had my own hobbies or activities when I was married.  I know I have wrote about that in the past, how I would just go along with whatever my husband did or enjoyed doing for the most part…Towards the end of our marriage, I started to go to concerts with my 3 of my lifelong friends.  And as time went on, I started to get into more activities that I loved, some were with friends and others were by myself.  

Years after my divorced when I was in a relationship, I felt myself slipping into that old pattern.  I would give up the things that I loved to do.  I would go along with the activities that he loved to do.  I would give up working out in the morning, which is something that I really needed to do and loved to do every day.  I really wanted to workout and get up an go for a hike, but I felt guilty doing it.  On the weekends, we would tend to all of his hobbies or the sporting events.   After months into the relationship, I did not spend much time doing any of  the things I loved.   I think part of me was just insecure of losing the relationship.  I was under this mindset that It was one or the other, either interests or a relationship.

Now, years later I have found my favorite activities and interests again.  I have wrote many times about the importance of having that time to do what you love…Or finding time to try new interests that you might love.  There is something about having that one thing that you just love to do.  I joined a golf league 3 years ago and I know that it is something that I would not give up. I love it!   

I have had numerous conversations with my friends about keeping your “me” time even in relationships.  I have had numerous conversations with them about how you can still have a great relationship and can spend time apart.  You can still take the time for golf league or girls nights or book club.  Or you can still take a night to just hang out by yourself. 

It’s hard to keep a good balance in a relationship, especially in the beginning.  We meet that special someone and you just want to spend every moment with them. Its exciting and new….And then what happens….you learn they are a hunter and is gone every weekend for 3 months? Or they play on the fastpitch softball league?  Or he plays on a bowling league every Wednesday night?   And then what if you break up?  

What happened to all the things you loved to do… did you throw them all away for the last few months or years during the relationship…  Hopefully not… or even worse did you ditch all your friends and now are hoping one of them still remembers your name… hopefully not.   

The reality is that I have things I like to do and sometimes I like to do them alone.  Being in my 40’s, I do not want to give up my interests and the things I love, but I also want to have a good relationship.  It’s a balance to have that healthy relationship and still have your time.  What is too much time apart and what is too little… it’s a balancing act.  If I want to continue golf league every Tuesday night, then I need to be supportive of his bowling league on Wednesday nights.  

There are many different scenarios to having your “me” time and communicating it in a relationship.  Having that time for you and your activities is healthy…it makes you happy, gives you confidence, and gives you ownership in something you love!   Don’t give it up!





Please Text More Than “Hi”

I wish someone would explain the meaning of the “hi” text.  I do not understand the constant texting but never asking someone out on a date.  If you are interested in me, then ask me out or ask me to do something.  I would like someone who would get to the point and be honest.  I feel that a lot of the men that I have corresponded with are interested in just texting.  Yep, here we go another pen pal.  And I am sure this goes both ways, that girls waste time and just send “hi” texts also.

I am probably going to write about more what not to do than what to do.

You text me short texts every morning that consist of “hi” or “this day sucks”  but why can’t you say “good morning” or “how is your day?” Anything that would show some interest in the person you are texting.  Girls want to feel like they are important to you or that you care, or possibly show some interest.  I do not think anyone wants to start their day with a debbie downer text from someone that they barely know.  Some days I feel like I’m trying to cheer up Eeyore.

I have just spent the morning yelling at my kids about getting in the car before school or fought with them over what color pants to wear or that they can not eat Doritos for breakfast, so getting a good morning text on my way to work can be a complete game changer for my day.   I love “good morning” texts.  Honestly, a good morning text will probably get you a date with me.

Or there is the every other day “hi” from someone.  You don’t want to seem too needy or desperate  so I get just a “hi” every few days.  And nothing else.  I honestly do not even know how to respond to those texts.  I ask questions back for example, “ do you have any plans this weekend” and I get “not much” in response.  I know we are not all super chatty but you need to put a little effort into it.  Something to get the conversation going…

For example its basic…might be kinda nerdy but it gets the conversation going…

Man-How was your day?

Woman–Good, The weather today is beautiful. I am going to go for a hike after work

Man-Really, that sounds perfect.  Where do you like to hike?

Woman-I love to hike at the state park near my house. It’s so relaxing in the evening.

Man-I know. I have started to get back into hiking and running.  Would you like to go hiking next week one night?

Simple conversation that could lead to a date…

I do not know who invented the “hi” text but it has got to be the most confusing text to send to a girl.

And if you are going to send a “hi” text, can you please follow up with something like “whatcha doing, did you make it to work, how was your workout”, or anything that shows you have interest in them.  Something that they have told you in the last few days that you can ask about.

If you have to store a “notes section” in your phone with things to remember about that person, then do it.  There are many reminder apps these days, just pick one. And if you ask about my day and I tell you about it, then have text me back and start a conversation over it.  Don’t just not respond.

Here is the truth..I get “hi” texts and  “ good nights” texts, which turn into nothing. I eventually get bored and don’t respond.  Say what you mean and just ask.  Don’t spend weeks or months sending short ‘hi” texts because that does not turn into a conversation or definitely not a relationship.

I love when I get something that includes a bit of something we had discussed earlier.  I love that I told you my kids had swimming lessons 3 days ago and you remembered and asked about it.  Maybe you just looked back at our messages, but I don’t care because you put some effort into the text.   Maybe you know I get up every morning to work out, so you text me at 7 am each morning to see how my workout was.

Those are the things that girls want…  If you like her or want it to go somewhere, then show some interest in her life…


Do It For Yourself With No Guilt

Do It For Yourself With No Guilt

I didn’t realize that I wanted to do so many things in life.  I didn’t realize that I didn’t share a lot of the same goals and interests as my husband.  I would always feel guilty for wanting to do the things I enjoyed.  So I just went along with everything.  You know when just do what you think you should be doing or don’t speak up for yourself.. I never had that excited or accomplished feeling.  I think sometimes we fall into this rut and it’s hard to get out.  And if I did do something I enjoyed, I would feel incredibly guilty.  Sometimes we just do what we think is expected. We don’t speak up for our own wants.  I had always done what was expected…

I have no guilty feelings for my divorce anymore… which took years to get to that point.  It does take years to finally be able to really focus on you.  I know now that it’s totally ok that my marriage did not work out. I know that I want to focus on other areas of my life.. areas that can give me excitement and a sense of accomplishment.

I went back to school and got my degree in health and wellness management because my passion is living healthy.   I wanted to learn more about that lifestyle and to eventually teach others.  I have a full time career in another field, but I work part time in a fitness center now just to get some experience.  Plus I love it!  When you do something you love, it makes all the difference.  It gave me such excitement and encouragement to have something to work towards.  Sometimes now I wonder how I actually did it and survived…I’m pretty sure it will just the feeling of doing something for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you want to go back to school, try a new church, find a new career, or start something that you have always dreamed about.. it shouldn’t matter if it’s not what’s expected of you.. it’s scary to finally start something new. Its really scary now without additional support. But once you start, you will not want to give up the excitement.

I can not explain how finally I felt like I had done something for myself and I loved it.  I don’t think it matters on what stage you are in life.   It’s ok to change your mind or follow another path, just don’t feel guilty. Be proud!