Tag Archives: inspirational

Who Has Your Steering Wheel?

God’s got mine. Does the thought of it raise the hairs on the back of your neck? OR Do you welcome the thought and take a deep breath knowing you can relax on your journey of life? I find it to be very comforting.

Especially growing up in a home where all the details had to be explained, all the plans had to be set in motion, all the unknowns had to be questioned. There was no room for spontaneity or last minute interruptions…. without a grumble. There were no wrong-doings, excuses, or changed stories without sighs of anguish & upset. The plan was the plan was the plan.

Somewhere along the way… things changed for me. The rug was pulled out from under me and everything changed. I was humbled that’s for sure. I was sharpened, recreated, and filled with grace. I had a new way of being, planning, thinking and doing. I had created a new reality for myself. It was beautiful & it worked.

There were times when I wanted something, wanted to go somewhere, wanted to plan a the next best thing for myself. And I remembered… I was not driving the bus. I was not at the wheel. God was.

I know that if it is not to BE, doors will not open for me, no matter how bad I WANT it. If it’s not where I’m being led, if it’s not how I’m being molded, if it’s not where I’m headed…. It is NOT happening. And I’m at peace with that.

I’m grateful every day that I don’t have to have everything all figured out. That I don’t have to have all the answers right now. In the storms and in the sunshine, in the trials and in the triumphs… I turn to Him for answers and trust His Ways are far better then mine…. any day.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Smoke and Mirrors

Smoke and mirrors…

I spent some time – (can I add a big hooray to that by the way) with one of my favorite humans this weekend helping her find a dress for a wedding. We started talking about relationships and appearances.

We are both on the later and earlier side of our 40’s and 50’s respectively. She was sharing conversations she had with another group of girlfriends all in different phases of relationships and how their partners talked to them.

If I’m being honest – this is fascinating to me. We live in a society that definitely plays both sides. Pinterest is FULL of inspirational quotes around loving yourself. When a magazine cover features a model who isn’t a size two, it’s revolutionary. YET the backlash is REAL. Even from those who love you.

Little comments… you’re going to wear that? That’s an interesting color. All those tattoos make you look tacky.

I have written about this before but I was picked on. A lot as a kid. I was the smallest, had problems with my teeth, glasses, and a skin condition. So even though I’m not that little kid anymore, I’m always going to be that little kid.

Which makes me super sensitive and very aware of how I look.

Throw in a marriage where EVERYTHING about me was picked apart. Followed by a long term relationship with a guy who scrutinized my appearance.

The internal struggle is real. I am a big hearted person who wears my heart on my sleeve. So unfortunately at 47 I’m still putting bandaids on some hurts.

But you know what? It’s unfortunate but it’s ok. We all have our stuff.

Here’s mine:

I am the lady who only recently started wearing leggings in public. I just bought my first pair of sweatpants. I also, always at a minimum wear lipgloss and mascara when I leave the house.

I realize as I typed that it’s pretty crazy pants. You want to know the even crazier part?

I don’t push any of this on my daughter.

Thankfully she doesn’t read these because I’m about to truth bomb…

Showering – umm do twelve year olds feel it’s not necessary? She has BEAUTIFUL hair, which she refuses to even put in braids! Please let your Mom style it? No. Ok. Doesn’t want earrings. The last time she wore a dress was for a play. She loves lipgloss however- ok that might be me a little. She has only mentioned her weight once and it was never mentioned again when we talked about how it’s about being healthy. She is so tall. Her favorite thing to do is show anyone and everyone she is taller than me.

She is solid in who she is.

And it’s magical. I love it and want to bottle it and spray that on me.

So even though inside I’m continuing to fight the age old battle of not feeling like I’m enough

because of how I look or even sometimes who I am, yes I realize how ridiculous that is. The smoke and mirrors are working and I’m somehow magically showing my daughter she is more than enough. No matter what she looks like, because that is absolutely not what it’s about.

Sidebar my magical creature recently had a birthday and donated almost all her birthday money to charity. And FYI this was the first year she got birthday money but felt that strongly she needed to help.

#proudmom

Mommas we are more than our outsides. We are Moms. That’s a hard job.

On my end I’m trying. I have a magical twelve year old who can get things off shelves for me looking at me and how I handle things. I gotta show her I really am the badass I pretend to be.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

The Day The Rock Was Conquered

I set a goal for myself on a hot day in August 2018. I was going to reach the top of Enchanted Rock in 2019. As I had only made it half way up the first time. I let fear and not having faith in myself & my abilities get the best of me. Let me just confess I let me get in my way. So off to my bucket list this became. 

One day after talking with my friend Andy about Enchanted Rock, we discovered that we both have never reached the top. As previously we stopped at the halfway mark. A date was set, reservations were made and this was finally going to happen. A few days before we were to leave my back started acting up. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able climb, but I had to try. I set a goal to accomplish this and this was something I needed to do for me. Not to mention I didn’t want to let him down. I didn’t want to let me down.

On the drive once the rock came in view, we both made a comment that it appeared larger than we had remembered. Once we got checked into the park and filled our backpack with survival stuff like protein bars, waters and Gatorade’s we were off. Oh I have to mention not even 2 steps from the car was a red bird. That was my sign from my Mom who is in Heaven is with me. This day was going to happen.

Walking with him I felt strong and confident that we were going to conquer this together. Well that all quickly faded for me. The higher I went the steeper it became. Not to mention the more I began to suck air and sweat. With that doubt began to set in once again. I did not want to be the reason he did not fulfill his goal in reaching the top, so I told him to go on. He said “No we were in this together.” What a boost of willpower those words were. So a few more steps I went. Then I would stop. I ended up taking lots of “breathing breaks”. So many that he went on ahead of me. During these breaks I would turn around and look to see where I started and then where I was currently standing. I realized I was making progress for I could see it. Slowly, but surely inch by inch progress was being made.

Once he was almost to the top he yelled down “It gets easier when you get to here!” Those words were like music to my ears. Once at the top the view was beautiful. You could see for miles and miles. The feeling of that moment is indescribable. What once was impossible was now conquered. We did it! We made it to the top. So after the sights were taken in and photos taken to document this feat we started the trek down. It was easier to go down that’s for sure. It was nice to pass the points where I had thought about giving up. Knowing that I didn’t was and is the best feeling. 

I also noticed on the way down just about everyone we passed that was making the upward climb was showing signs of struggling like I had.  Young/old & fit/out of shape it didn’t matter. We all had one thing in common that day which was getting to the top. Just like in life you have got to believe in yourself and know you can accomplish your goal. More importantly we need to support and encourage one another. You can do it- Your almost there- It gets easier in just a little bit- Became our words of encouragement to those we met.

My encouragement to you- Start checking off those goals. Do those things that you have been putting off. Have your “Seize the Moments”. We only get one life to live. Lets make it the greatest one. There is a sign at the base of the rock that reads, “My heart feels lighter, my mind feels calmer and my senses feel tuned whenever I see that giant pink rock on the horizon. No matter how I choose to spend my time among the enchanted rocks of the park I always leave feeling better than I arrived.”- Who would have thought it would take a rock to get me motivated.

~Jeanna 

Note: Enchanted Rock State Park is located in the Texas Hill Country between Fredericksburg and Llano. The pink granite dome dating from the Proterozoic era rising 425ft above ground – one of the largest batholiths in the US –