Tag Archives: hobby

What Are Your Hobbies?

What are your hobbies?  I have hated that question since I was in school.  I have no hobbies…How do you start doing things you for you?

Last Spring, I decided that I needed to do something for myself. I needed to start getting back into things.. And by things I mean, hobbies, activities, or something that I loved.  I was married for over 13 years, you have kids, and then you stop doing things that you love.   I think we all experience that part of life even with being divorced or not. Having kids is great, but you have to give up many things in the process. I stayed home with my children for many years, so over time I forgot the things that I loved. Or I would feel guilty for wanting to do them.. Yes, the mom guilt.

I love music.. I love concerts…I love working out.. I love golf.  I started to think about all the things that I had really enjoyed in life and had not enjoyed in so long.  It had been years since I had done a lot for myself.  Or even put myself first.

I had golfed after college and even did my internship at a golf resort, but after having kids I had not done it in years. I had missed it.  Being outside with friends and a few drinks in the summer felt so heavenly.   I knew a friend that was in a women’s golf league and so I decided to join. I did not have a partner and I only knew a few people in the league, this was way out of my comfort league.  I usually gravitate towards smaller groups and people that I know.  I was scared to death… what if my partner was a golf pro, what if she wasn’t fun, what if she didn’t sneak drinks on the course… All these things were going through my head.  I like to know what to expect and this was all new…I am a woman in her 40’s that is freaking out about meeting new people.  Yep, just like high school it never changes.

Well I did it, I joined the league and somehow I got placed with a partner that was just recently divorced with kids.  All of my fears were put aside the moment I meant her.. I mean she suck “truly’s into her golf bag.  A girl after my own heart!  We really suck at playing golf, but we have so much fun. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason and this was it.   I mean sometimes its pretty much dark before we get off the course..haha.  We golfed each week and could talk about our divorce, frustrations, dating, etc.. we became great friends.  I can not tell you how great it felt to do something again that I am doing for myself and that I love.

Every Tuesday from May through September I golf in a women’s league.  This is what I do for myself. Yes, I do golf league even when I have my kids. I am not a bad mom for not spending every moment with my kids and I have learned that you do need to put yourself first at times.

It just think its important to start doing things, activities,  hobbies, etc. for yourself.  Find the one that you love or might learn to love.. And do it.  You might have to start from scratch and find something you enjoy..might be something completely different than the old you. Lets face it, you are different.

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

You Can Go Your Own Way

You Can Go Your Own Way

Every week when I get ready to write these I look for inspiration. I will be honest I can get serious writers block sometimes.  I want to make sure what I’m writing about doesn’t overlap with what one of the other contributors has  written about.  I am realizing we all have very unique voices, so that really shouldn’t be a worry.

This week my inspiration came from three places: my daughter, a Fleetwood Mac song, and two of my best friends.

It’s about and I write about this a lot being true to yourself. It’s a struggle.

My daughter showed me by going out for volleyball. She has never played. None of her friends play and if you guess I’m not an athlete, you would guess correctly. She is so committed to it when one of her friends asked her why, she told them because it was something she wanted to try. She has been practicing drills everyday since she joined. It’s so outside her comfort zone yet here she is and she’s doing it proudly.

Fleetwood Mac- ok, maybe not helpful at all if you really dig into the lyrics but Lindsey Buckingham sings on this one and that makes me happy.

My friends. I was out for an adult beverage with two of my favorite people and we started talking about things that make us happy. My one friend loves to fish. Somehow that has manifested into her owning multiple boats in various states of repair because it makes her happy. My other friend has a Cher fetish which means I will hear Gypsies,Tramps and Thieves at some point.  But they  are unabashed in what they love.

They are also incredible cheerleaders who will remind me in the six years they’ve known me, I’ve worked hard to be where I am. Embrace my happy.

Happiness and who we are looks different for everyone and thank goodness for that. It would be a boring world if we liked the same things or took the same path.

Mommas this is your reminder “you can go your own way, open up, everything’s waiting for you.” See what I did there? Made those lyrics work.

You’re magical Mommas.

Don’t forget that.

<3 Caprise

It’s Hard Being Alone

It’s hard to be alone.  How do you learn to not be lonely?  I was never alone right after my divorce. I would make plans every night that I did not have my kids. I got into a serious relationship that eventually ended.  After that ended, I went on numerous dates.  However, I was still never really alone. I would never plan a night to just be at home by myself.  That initial lonely feeling after divorce is something you can’t really explain.  I would dread not having plans or having a whole day by myself.

I knew that I needed to learn to be home alone and be ok with it.

There are so many emotions after divorce and sometimes you just don’t even know what you are suppose to do.   When I was home alone, it was deathly quiet.  I missed my kids incredibly.  I did not even know what to do when I was home alone. I had been married for 13 years and I had 3 kids, there was no time to just sit and be alone.  Plus, I was a stay at home mom for over 8 years, so I was used to being with them pretty much every minute of the day..so this intensified the lonely feeling.   The constant chatter of kids to nothing.  When I have my kids my life is crazy busy and loud, and then they leave and it’s so quiet.

So where do I start…  I had not fully watched adult TV in years, I mean I had watched numerous kids programs..but definitely not adult tv.  I felt like I really had no hobbies or anything that I really liked to do.   So, after my break up I was over, I would start walking or running at night after work.  It was the best thing for me to occupy my time and not go crazy being alone.  Going from a marriage of 13 years to a serious relationship soon after, I probably had some things to work through.. Haha you would think.. So I would walk or run or do something active.

I would clean and organize, ya I know sounds crazy.  But cleaning and organizing are things I like to do. I would organize my house.. There is a lot of organizing that can be done with 3 kids.  I would save all my projects for the week so I could do them in the evening.  I made lots of lists… I’m a list person.. But seriously can you spend the rest of your life cleaning and organizing.

I would always have music on… I love music.  No kids means you can listen to whatever you want…It honestly felt like heaven.

I am pretty sure I would also talk to myself a lot, I would work through things, and it seemed to help.  We are all a little crazy.  I think we all feel a little lost after divorce and it does take time to find your place.  I knew I needed to learn to be alone if I ever wanted to be content with myself. I knew I needed this time to figure out my areas of my life… emotions from the divorce and my breakup that I didn’t let go of yet.  Ya, that could probably take a lifetime.  But it worked… the time alone got me to put a lot of my past behind me.

And then the funny thing happened, I started to enjoy my time home alone.  The more time that past, the more I enjoy my time alone and the more I was content with myself.  Honestly, now I love the days I have to myself..I love when I have nothing to do. I say no to plans and will make time to just be by myself.  I do not feel guilty for saying “no” because I honestly love being content with myself and doing things by myself.

Snarky Divorced Gal

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

Don’t Waste Time Waiting For Others

Don’t waste time. It took 3 years after my divorce to be ok and enjoy doing things by myself. I have always been a planner in my life, even when I was married I would always be busy with either my kids or friends. After my divorce, I would never be alone. I would either have my kids or make plans with my friends. For the first couple years, I was ok with not being alone and I had enough friends to make plans with all the time.

It was such a hard thing for me to overcome because my life would go from having 3 crazy loud busy kids to nothing…deathly quiet. No yelling, no fighting, no constant questions, and no one that needed anything from me. I was alone and it sucked. Your married friends will think it sounds heavenly, but the feeling really sucks. The feeling is so hard to explain when your life goes from complete chaos to a complete halt in a matter of hours. You wonder now what do I do… do I walk around Target for hours to avoid being at home alone?

I finally realized I could not wait for my friends to do things.. If I wanted to do something I should just do it. Then last summer I decided to buy a paddle board… It is a scary feeling to have enough confidence to do something on your own. I had many thoughts going through my head… will people wonder why I am alone, will I not know what I am doing, will I fall off and drown. No one will even know where I am… since I am alone. All of those thoughts went through my head. The truth is that people could care less what I was doing and why I was there alone. However, if you are someone like me—always with people—it is a hard step to take. I pushed myself to do it and I loved it. That’s the truth.

Now, I will actually say no to plans with friends, so I can have some time for just doing things by myself. Either trying out a new place to hike or going paddle boarding. I will actual plan for that time in my week and make sure that I do it. Life gets crazy and if I actually schedule the time, then I will do it. A year or two ago I would not have been able to do that.

If there is a hobby or activity that you are really wanting to try, you just need to do it. Do not wait for others to join, but try it on your own. Honestly, now I love the times that I have to myself.

Thank you for reading,

Snarkydivorcedgal

Why Is It So Hard To Be You?

How do you just be you? I do not know where to start with this one without sounding like a crazy… I have not never felt more like myself than I do now. I am not sure why… or how… but I finally feel like the person I was years ago. This might be hard to explain..

I was married for many years and throughout most of my marriage I did not feel like I could be myself. I was trying to be perfect. What is it about being perfect and why do we feel we need to be perfect at times… perfect job, perfect body, perfect life…

I loved my life, however I was just not myself. I always felt like I was trying to live up to someone I was not. I felt like I was always trying to please someone. I am not a perfect mom or person. I tried to be perfect for many years.. I mean I tried to make homemade baby food, I tried to make craft projects off of Pinterest, and I tried to throw the best kid birthday parties.. The truth is, none of that is me.. I love my kids and I would do anything for them. But I am not the perfect mom… nor do I want to be.

I was a stay at home mom for many years and I did love it, however I might sound crazy or like a bitch, but I feel you also lose a part of yourself. I volunteered for Sunday school, PTA, field trips, etc ..thinking this is what I should be doing. I was even on the PTA board and it was definitely not for me… After many years and my kids were older, I was bored. I would try to create projects. I felt like I didn’t know what I wanted to do or that I didn’t really do anything important. I was trying to find myself again and didn’t know where to start. I wanted to feel important again.

I have no idea why I thought I had to be perfect all the time. I did not grow up that way, but I think over time I changed to be someone I wasn’t. I think it took years to get back to my old self or the person I am…I have just learn to let things go. I do not get worked up about all the things in life that don’t really matter. I do not feel like I need to make it to every event or have my kids go to every event. Sometimes we just need to stay home.

Slowly, I started to make my own decisions without feeling guilty. I had to learn to just say no to things I really did not like. Maybe they were things I had pretended to like for years. I realized I am more comfortable with a smaller groups. I do not like crafts. I do not like cooking. I do not like home projects. I like music. I like concerts. I like sitting outdoors…. So many of these things I neglected for many years. Mostly because I felt I would just go along with everyone else and not speak up for what I wanted. Or I felt guilty for wanting to do something I wanted. I finally realized that I didn’t have to live up to anyone or their expectations. I was myself.

I have learned that I do not get worked up over things now..I am late for everything and I have accepted it. Years ago, I would be yelling over and over again because we were

late. Then I realized, I have 3 kids and we are just never going to be on time for anything.

I am myself with my kids now. I probably let them stay up later than they should. I do not have them involved in every activity. My daughter wears the same clothes everyday almost, we wash them at night and she wears them again. Why? Because it’s easier and what does it matter…

It’s hard to learn to feel comfortable just being yourself. It’s hard to not worry about being the perfect mom, or wife, or perfect everything. I have learned that I do not worry over as much anymore. Somehow it works out. Maybe not how I wanted it, but it works out. I have learned to let a lot go, and I can be myself.

Thank you for reading…

Megan

Snarkydivorcedgal

Finding Your Escape

Music has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. Growing up, music was essential at every family gathering. Some days all we would listen to was Spanish ballads. Other times, all you could hear was Brian May’s iconic guitar solos coming from the speakers.

I grew up listening to musicians that are mostly unknown to kids my age. Imagine an eight year old, in this day and age, trying to explain to her friends how much she would love to turn back time to get a chance to meet John, Paul, George, or Ringo.

Guess what… I was, and still am, that kid. At first, I fell in love with this music because of its upbeat and fun rhythm. Now that I’m older, I’ve fallen in love with it once more because of the lyrics that always find a way of touching my heart. In some ways, this music seems like the one thing that never ceases to “understand” me.

The most exciting part of my day is putting on my headphones to listen to musical classics. Whether I’m sad, angry, or just bored, these songs always find a way of acting like a kind of “escape” from anything going on in my life.

Over the summer, I have been spending a lot of time with my friends. I noticed that not one of them feels the same way that I do about music. What I did notice was that all of them had their own form of “escape“ (oddly none of these included Freddie Mercury’s vocals). Some use sports as their escape, while others explore more creative escapes like drawing or actually playing music. I find it fascinating that all of us go through similar things in life, yet each of us have a different way of escaping into our own passion. This made me think about how everyone should find something that makes them feel good. Something small that they are excited about doing. Whether it’s drawing a beautiful portrait or just jamming out to your favorite song, try and make time for it.

I also want to let the adults out there know, that although these activities might seem like distractions for your kids, they can be very positive for us.  Go out and find your escape! 

-Dani