Tag Archives: hard work

Recognition Of The Solitary Mamas

Ok Mamas, raise your hand if you are divorced? Everyone, keep your hands up. How many have been divorced more than one time? That would be me. Show me the ladies that are truly solo without a partner to share parenting. Girls, you have a special place in my heart for you. I can’t imagine. Now, look around. We are not alone. That is a good thing!

I am a mom that has been twice divorced. It is not a bragging right. Sometimes I hold it in high humor. You know, good old Helen did it how many times?

All and each of you are so bad-ass for taking this journey. Oh lord, it can suck out loud more times than none. Cleaning vomit in the middle of the night, a baby that is teething and crying, the never ending colic. With the realization of there isn’t anyone to blame about it, we carry on. We hold the children and just go with it. The laundry is piling up, the house is a mess. And yet, with while bathed in spit up, we managed to get it done. It may not be pretty but you certainly survived. Go you! Do you really think anyone else could pull it off? Absolutely not! That is why we are the blessed mamas. We rock this!

To each and every lady, thank you! We aren’t perfect, we are human. We try, we succeed. The job always gets done. Is there anyone else there to help? Nope. As usual, we are flying solo.

Again, thank you! We strive and work so hard. Our children are the reason why we have the job. The small wet kisses are so wonderful. The giggles and glee are just priceless. Be selfish here, who else gets these kinds of presents? Nobody! Case in point, when they get in front of the camera at college, the first thing we hear is, “Hi, Mom!”. We are special.

You will never be alone in your fight. When bad days happen, when the tears are flowing, remember that we are warriors and you are a rock star. Everyday, all day long and even twice on Sunday. Go You!

 

Striving for exceptional – Tristen Ahlsey

My Brave Face

I’m going to be honest. I have started and restarted this blog about a million times. Ok maybe not that many. But enough. This is hard thing to put words to, but I’ll try.

In the last few weeks we lost Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain to suicide. As supportive as people have been… it’s always followed up with why?
Why would someone who seemingly had it all take their own life?
If we could that answer we wouldn’t have to ask the question would we?
What I know is I have had two people who I was incredibly close to take their own lives.
Whenever this comes up in the news my brain buzzes. Not just for me but my family who have been trying to gently shut the door on something no one should ever have a door to anyway.

A few years ago a close family member took their own life, even worse it played out a bit on social media. But that is not my story to tell. So that’s all I will say.

However, this is my story…the very first man to ever break my heart took his own life. I carry so much guilt over it. It’s been years and I still carry the weight of what I could of, if anything done differently.He had months previous reached out to me as he had for years around Christmas. He missed me, he loved me, I was his biggest regret. As I always did, I curtly thanked him and said I did not feel the same.

Two months later he was dead. I read it about it on Facebook. Sometimes I really f*&$ing hate Facebook.

When news breaks about a celebrity taking their own life I start to feel sad, mad, wonder could I have done differently?

My answer is nothing. Depression & anxiety have a horrible ability of finding a hairline fracture and turning it into a full on break. The reality is not everyone wears their worries on their sleeve but it doesn’t mean they’re hurting any less.

It’s easy to question why. What I try to remember is what may seem like a grain of sand to me can feel like a whole beach to someone else.

There is a fantastic quote “misery is easy, happiness you have to work at.”
For some people that’s beyond true. Happiness is a lot of work.

I know that first hand. I am the Queen of coulda, woulda, shoulda. It keeps me awake at night. It gives me migraines. Thankfully I’ve learned – thanks to some pretty fantastic therapists- what I need to do when Ms. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda are paying a visit.

It hasn’t always been that way and there are still days I give the ladies an audience. I had a huge wake up call from a friend, who by the way is no longer a friend. When I experienced my first deep downward spiral. She called me at work and told me she couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was too depressing. Mind you I had just gotten dumped by a man who cheated on me with a co-worker. My heart was breaking in a million pieces, so yes I was probably a downer. I was SAD.

I got pissed. I was a Happy person. Even happy people can hurt. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to be heartbroken and if someone tells you otherwise. F them!  Seriously.

Also, please for all that is holy don’t be this person- “just get over it.” Wow just get over it. My marriage is ending, this was not my plan. I’m up to my eyeballs in debt, I’m now on my own with a 2 1/2 year old. But you betcha I’ll get right over it.

Why is it as a society we assign shame to sadness? Maybe that is the answer to that unfortunate question.

The same people who say reach out, say ask for help- can just as easily forget that is a really hard thing to do when you’re hurting. It’s easier to burrow, run, shut down. It’s hard to keep up. It’s hard to be made to feel like you need to. It’s hard to be on 24/7. It’s hard to be happy all the time. You can be with a million people and still feel hurt and lonely.

Here is the thing you don’t. Really you don’t. I can say that to you, to myself and maybe it will stick. Maybe it won’t and that’s ok too.

So for now I will do what I always do. I will get on a back country road go very fast, blare Rage Against the Machine maybe get pulled over. Instead of a ticket get the world’s most awkward hug from the poor state trooper who pulled me over as I was crying telling him I’m just having a really bad day. I will put on my favorite T-shirt. I will goof around and try to copy a You Tube makeup tutorial. I might spend some money on Amazon I don’t have. I will eat a doughnut, pour myself a glass of wine. Hug my daughter, let my dog on my bed.

I will put on my brave face. I will work hard at being happy.

But what I think we all need to remember, myself included is happiness IS hard work, for some people it’s harder than others.

~Caprise~

Never Ever Be Ashamed of Doing What It Takes

I was once ashamed. I am no more, not now and not just because of where I am at presently. I am proud of what I have done to get where I am at, I did whatever it took to get here, there were moments of embarrassment. But now I realize I refused to live my life in misery and I refused to bring children in to the world of misery, the world can be pretty miserable on its own. Everyone’s idea of what ashamed means is different and by no means is this blog post trying to portray there is shame in anything one does to make a better life for themselves and their family.

I read an article, The Executive Director of a Non-Profit and a Waitress, on my friend’s Facebook page the other day, I have never lost a child so I cannot even pretend or imagine to know what this mother feels like. I hurt for her, hurt so much for any parent that loses a child. It’s one thing I for sure am uncomfortable with on how to act and react. I have friends who have lost children, and I just never know what the right thing is to say or do. I do the best I can but know that it is probably never even close enough to offer the right amount of comfort. I just hope that in some way it helps.

As I read her article I could relate to the idea of having a job(s) in which I was embarrassed about. In the moment of those jobs, I felt I was better and deserved better. I waited tables, worked overnights at a convenience store, bar maid, fry-cook at a little local drive-in. Whatever it took to pay the bills, most weeks I was working doubles and triples every day. I had to borrow money from my little high school brother to be able to give Christmas to my little girl. I felt judged and ridiculed, ashamed by those who did know me and saw me working these jobs-I don’t know why I felt this way-I was good at what I did! And it PAID the bills. I also knew within myself this was not my permanent. I had dreams, hopes, aspirations and I didn’t just “want to get by”. Maybe that’s why I felt that I was being judged?!? Maybe that’s why I felt that these jobs were beneath me.

I worked 10 years at a very popular fast food chain…I started at the very bottom of the totem pole doing the “teenage” jobs that paid barely $6.00 an hour(Yes, I am old..lol). BUT-there was continual room for advancement…and I did just that. I made bank and received HUGE quarterly incentives, medical/life insurance, paid sick and vacation time, they sent me places for meetings and these places were the first time I had ever been on a plane, I saw Vegas, and Disney World! But with all that and all the “ashamed” jobs, I got something way more than incentives and pay. I learned hard work pays off, established a great work ethic, learned the ins/outs of running a business from advertising to budgets, ran payroll, inventories, and was educated in human resources, how to interview, how to have compassion for others who need their jobs, life long friendships, and how not to be buffaloed 🙂 My customer service skills I like to think are top notch! It was a sad day for me, my employees and my supervisors when I put in my notice. It was time for me to do what I knew I always wanted to do and that was run my own business…and where I am not entirely where I want to be just yet, I will NEVER be ashamed of those jobs ever again, they offered and taught me things I would never have learned in college(although if you can go to college, I insist you do!). Real life experiences, and hard work taught me what I needed to know.

A person does what it takes to get to where they want to be-there is absolutely no shame in striving for an end goal. I take college classes off and on to stay on the up and up of social media and accounting laws but I would never trade in those jobs for anything!

Never be ashamed….

Love to All-Kim