Tag Archives: happiness

Feel The Sadness Not Fill It

I’m sitting in my backyard reading “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way” by Lisa Terkeurst for inspiration to my life, to my healing,  to my blog.  She speaks about disappointment and how easy it is to fill the sadness with nonsense.

I have found myself filling my disappointments with shopping.  In hopes that those sassy shoes or that amazing outfit would bring me the happiness I longed for.  Anything to not be IN my sadness.  And they did !!  But only for a little while.  Only temporarily.  Only on the surface.  When the excitement wore off, the sadness  re-emerged it’s ugly head, shouting it’s lies of deception and ridicule.  Reminding me of my faults and disappointments.  And not caring one iota of how it left me feeling.  THAT my friend, is the enemy.

I have learned over the years that the enemy is a liar, looking for the weakest place, in me, to attack.  And the enemy doesn’t come to just harm us and make us feel bad, oh no…..the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy.

As much as we might try to fight off the snearing and sneaky ways…we can somehow be captivated by it.  Wanting to hear what else needs to be said, what other lies exist.  But if we’re not careful the sweet taste of knowing one more crumb, might lure us back in to the sadness we so long to escape.

So you ask, what do we do with the sadness left after disappointment?  I’ve learned to walk through it, to embrace it, learn more about me from it.  Then see where am I REALLY weak and does it matter to me and if it does, what can I do to grow stronger in that area?  If it truly is a lie to keep me tied down, then to find the TRUTH there and proclaim it over and over and over again.  I’ve seen the disappointment turn into a valuable lesson.  Again & Again & Again.

I hope you do too.

xoxo
Your God Girl,
Tracy

Let Those Grudges Go

Grudges. The old me…circa 2016 and back…100% held grudges. It’s all I knew. Or maybe it was what I was forced to know. What it did was cost me my first marriage, and countless mistakes after that. Then one day my wife (new marriage) told me it, along with my bitterness for life, it was one of the things she hated most about me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Along with the wondering why she married me to begin with, so many questions flooded my existence. Circumstances had made me that way. The many years of continuous hurt and betrayal from so many people I had given my heart to had turned me into stone. What a reality check and more importantly an awakening.

And so I committed to myself, and those I loved, to change. And I did. I absolutely changed. I let all the negative that had been drowning me go. And slowly I fought my way back. I learned to forgive. And I did it. But along the way of forgiveness, somehow I ended up with a broken heart all over again. Was this how it was supposed to be? Really? I had fought an internal battle to change my hardened heart, all for it to happen all over again?

Over the past two years I have fought through some of the darkest days of my life. Places I never thought I would be, I have been. I don’t think I will ever understand the reason, the why’s or the how’s, nor will I ever run out of tears when my mind wanders back in remembrance. They flow uncontrollably. What I do know is that I have to stop questioning it, and somehow find the strength to leave all of it behind once and for all, let go of the grudges. My life has to have some kind of purpose, and while I may not know what that is right now, I have to believe that one day I will find it. I will not revert back to being bitter. And when it comes to two people; as far as forgiveness goes, it will never work if one person forgives and the other does not. I know what side I was once on, and more importantly I know what side I was on in the end. All that’s left for me is to close the door and never walk through it again.

Keep on keeping on!

Virtual Hugs,

BLag

Know Your Worth

When approaching 51, you end up doing this sort of involuntary assessment of your existence up to this point…it’s not like a planned thing, it just happens…you find yourself thinking through the decades that have passed and you start looking at what you learned.

If you are me you also think you need to share the things you could have done better because perhaps you will keep someone else from making those particular errors.

Here’s one of my biggest “I could have done betters” career wise — not realizing my worth in the workplace and conducting myself accordingly.  Up until about 3 or 4 years ago I undervalued myself and allowed other people to undervalue me as well— I also did a fair amount of enabling people disguised as being a power performer.  I was talking this morning on the FB Live about how we end up just putting our heads down and moving toward the goal without really giving much thought to how we ARE in the process.  What happens in the workplace is the same…we behave in the same way, we take our –badass single parent, we can get anything done– attitude and we apply it everywhere—without much thought to how we are being treated in return.  We may tend to undervalue ourselves in a work environment by doing this…

For me that showed up for years as me doing everything I was asked, pushing through to get the result no matter what, always saying yes, not asking to be compensated for doing many different jobs, trying to please everyone and make everything easier for them…I trusted that people would treat me the way I treated them…often that was not the case.

Looking back on it all now I see that I did a lot of enabling others because I just always made everything OK and handled it…I was so worried about keeping the bills paid and a roof over our heads that I never once stopped to think about if I was being compensated for what I was WORTH.  In hindsight I could have done so so SO much better—if I had understood how much value I contributed I would have understood how to ask for things in relation to that—instead I just took what was offered and kept doing more…

I am so very grateful for all that I learned in these last two decades and for all of the opportunities that were extended to me, I simply wish that I had taken better care of myself in the process and that I had valued myself as much as I should have.  I would like to see you ladies avoid this – value yourselves, ask for what you deserve and don’t be afraid to walk away if something isn’t working—take care of you—you are worth far more than you think.

 

XO, Noelle

 

The Ice Cream Dance

Hey Mommas… you may be reading the title of this blog, The Ice Cream Dance,  and thinking has Caprise been spending too much time in the sun? She’s overheated.

Thankfully I have been fortunate to be safely tucked away in spaces with working A/C as the Midwest (my home) and just like much of you is getting hit with heat. I’m not complaining though. While I live in the land of ice and snow, I love not having to wear shoes or layers.

But…. I am going way off topic here. Kinda of. Maybe not.

We here at Working Single Mom do our best to remind you to take care of yourself.

That includes finding your happy. I will be honest, there was a time I way over thought that and of course answered it immediately with a “if G is happy I’m happy.”

Well, yes.

But there is also a reason why there are quotes about if Mom isn’t happy no one is happy.

I believe that. I’m not saying hide your sad. Never. If there is anything I’m learning from my quickly maturing daughter G, it helps her to know if I’m stressed or sad. Case in point we had a morning planned and right before we left I got a pretty important email from work. It stressed me out, I told G. Handled it and we moved on with our morning.

She was elated I told her what was up and told me so. A few months ago I would have been a grumpy troll and put a damper on our morning trying to not only deal with the work emergency but hide my stress from G.

She’s 12, while she can’t handle everything she can handle more than I give her credit for.

And yes for the record she is my happy.

So are some other things and I’m going to share them with you. Now here’s the thing. I didn’t not come upon these revelations completely by myself. I of course have Miss G who finds joy in some of the silliest things and I can’t help but smile.

My family has shown me. My friends.

Of course the amazing community here.

Happy doesn’t have to be a big extravaganza. You do have to work at though. You do. I think the fact I’m writing about finding your happy tells all of us that.

Of course there are quotes about that too.

My favorite which I’m sure I’ve shared here… “misery is easy, happiness you have to work at.”

Happy can be rediscovering how great a hot cup of coffee with milk and sugar is after months of having to limit dairy. This getting old business I tell you…

A open window after months of winter.

A sunrise.

A sunset.

Singing Never Surrender by Corey Hart at the top of your lungs. Don’t ask.

A goofy dance only you and your daughter do.

Five bags of Haribo gummy candy for $5.

Your daughter still wanting goodnight hugs after she told she can tuck herself in.

Your dog leaning against you so you’ll pet him.

Tacos.

Reconnecting with an old friend.

An unexpected text.

Pastries of any kind.

That feeling I get when I’m swimming laps.

Sunday afternoon naps.

Guacamole.

Dancing while you’re eating ice cream. AKA the ice cream dance. One of my favorite comedians does this thing where when she’s traveling she eats ice cream, plays music in the background and dances.

Because she’s happy and it makes me happy watching it.

My point is, it’s so easy and I know this in my bones to look around and find a reason not find your happy. It doesn’t have to be a vacation to a beach, although that would be great. It can be simple, but don’t forget yourself.

Ok?

You are important Mommas.

You deserve that unexpected smile and giggle.

You deserve the happy.

You deserve to have an ice cream dance.

I’m sending you an extra smile in case you didn’t get one this week and bonus want picture me eating a taco, dancing horribly with Def Leppard Photograph playing in the background.

Ok that might make you shake your head.

Much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Birds Of A Feather

Growing up I heard birds of a feather flock together. This statement is only partially true, the more you hang around people the more you start to mirror them. Humans are naturally social creatures. The odd duck gets left behind, it’s kind of a evolutionary response to become like the people you surround yourself with.

The top five people you interact with will rub off on you, Including the people you interact with on social media. Actually I am starting to believe social media may have a as big or bigger impact on us than real life interactions. In person socialization for the most part is more filtered unless you are extremely close with that person. On social media there a little to no filters especially on negativity and the dark sides of an individual.

If you would I would like you to take a moment, scroll through your timeline and pay attention. How much of is it negative? I bet a majority of you will be surprised. You may think, what do I do now? I don’t want to unfriend this person I care about. I recommend changing the settings for following frequency and finding positive people and pages to see majority in your social media.

You can still love and be apart of people’s lives without letting their ish influence you.

I myself love to surround myself with people I aspire to be like, it keeps me on a path of continuous growth, and protects me from getting comfortable and sliding backwards. There are a few people I still talk to that I used to talk to everyday, once I started working on myself I outgrew them. It’s ok to outgrow people who are important to us. There have only been a handful a people that even though I loved them dearly, I had to let go and cut them out completely. This is because once I started healing and growing I realized they were a toxic influence on me. These people weren’t, and aren’t bad people, they had just become toxic to the path I had started on, and they would have pulled me back down before I would have ever been able to pull them up.

Surround yourself with the success, joy, love, and anything else you want to become. Find those qualities in others and find your soul tribe.

Learning, Loving, Growing

Ali

Happy New Year To Me

Happy New Year, Happy New Year, Happy New Year….

That’s what I’m hearing from lots of people, from every direction, all day for the past few days. I get it. But I feel like it’s more of a traditional salutation than a real heartfelt one. Although some people may seriously mean it… from the bottom of their heart…wishing others a HAPPY new year and all. While some may deeply long for something new in their own lives and really want to spread the vibe to others. Some may long for happiness at every level. And some may not even realize that their wishes are empty because their eyeglasses are just too rosey. Some, like me are excited for what God has planned.

“Lest Not Judge” Right…… so let us not judge the proclamations of others but instead look internally at our own longing for a Happy New Year. A Joyful New Year. Or how about a Glorious, Vivacious, Stupendous, Blessed New Year? I like the sound of that!!

We get to make it up in our mind. We get to say how it is for us. We get to move in that direction, trusting that we have what it takes. We will walk our walk while talking our talk and we will live through those thoughts that WE proclaim. Easy right? Not so much?

Start somewhere. Claim the adjectives that you’re going to place on your new year. Wrap your mind around them. Maybe even make a Vision Board full of pictures that speak to those beautiful adjectives that you’ve chosen as yours. Talk about them, sing about them, brag about them. Use these new words in conversations. Get so damn comfortable with them that they fee like fuzzy slippers on a cold day. And watch. Watch your life begin to move into the direction of something NEW for YOU. I’m choosing “Glorious, Vivacious, Stupendous, Blessed. What are your new words?

Your God Girl,

Tracy xoxo

When Mom Is Happy Everyone Is Happy

This post is really geared towards mom, but I suppose it could hit home for just about anyone. I want to talk about the importance of self-care and the feelings of guilt that come along with that care. How often do you do something for yourself…say go to the gym or get your hair or nails done, and then feel guilt for leaving your kids with a sitter, at daycare, or even with their other parent? If your answer to this is never, then please teach me your ways I beg of you!!

I’m currently sipping on a latte with color processing in my hair at my favorite salon, that I drive an hour to get to in Providence. I know you are probably thinking I am nuts, but I haven’t always driven to Providence. I’ve been seeing the same hair stylist for just over five years now and two years ago she headed to Providence to open her own salon so of course I followed her. I’m just trying to keep it real here…finding a stylist that just gets your hair is like finding a good babysitter!

Do I feel guilty for getting my hair done today? You bet your ass I do, but not just for leaving the girls but also for spending the money that I should be saving. I try to save as much as I can these days, going from two incomes to one is definitely an adjustment. Yes, there is child support so I’m one of the “lucky” single moms, but still an adjustment. I thought about cancelling my appointment on more than one occasion, but it had been booked for three months and it was honestly starting to become impossible to brush through my hair. See what I just did there?!? I made an excuse for myself to lessen that ever present guilt.

You must do things for yourself that make you feel good on the inside and on the outside. Maybe you want to hit the bag at the gym, get some eyelash extensions, or God forbid take a damn nap! You are entitled to do these things, enjoy these things while doing them and still be a good mom (or dad). Getting my hair done and going to the gym are things that I refuse to have to give up. They make me feel good about myself and when I feel good about myself I feel like I can take on the world. Let’s face it, sometimes being the parent of small children, you already feel like you are taking on the world. You might as well look good while doing it <3

 

Remember, hugs are always free!

xX Tamara xX

Coming To A Closed Door

“Sometimes we can be doing our thing, walking, praying that we are in alignment with God’s will and we’ll come to a closed door.”

I know one door that closed for me and that is OK. I always thought that I would be married by 30 and at least one more child I know now that will never happen. And that is OK. I can look past that because I am striving for a better future for my son and me.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING comes before my son and his well-being. I want to be able to give my son his needs and wants in life. I want to be able to give him the things I was not given when I was younger by my parents. Not their faults by any means. My mother passed away when I was 13. My dad well that’s a whole another story but still not his fault per say.

With that door being closed and me moving forward in my life I think I will be able to do those things. Like afford to let him take band, sports, camps or whatever might suit him, within reason, when he gets older. I don’t always want to panic of what can or can’t be afforded. And with that door being closed I can keep moving forward in my schooling and keep pushing in EVERY way that I can. I am not looking back. I am not worried about anything but what I need to. Doors may close but its where we go after that door closes is what truly that matters.

And what matters is you and your family. When one door closes than you open another! When you get to that door and the door closes, you open another one. All you must do is keep pushing forward. Your happiness matters regardless of how many doors close!

~Shelly