Tag Archives: goals

What Do You Want?

What do you want?

It’s Easter Sunday. It has been an absolutely beautiful day and now I am enjoying the sounds of the birds that live in the marsh across from my house.

Last week I wrote about letting my guard down and opening up to people you care about. It is still a work in progress. My experiences over the last few years have made me become incredibly independent. To the point I’m not always sure what I want.

What is enough?

Maybe right now what I have is just fine

Remember when you were going to college and people would ask you what your major was?This question for me feels like that. Which speaks to the type of relationships I have had. No one has cared to ask. What do you want? Am I enough? Do I make you happy? But then it says who I have become. Not projecting out to the person I care about…that I care. What I need. Want. That they are all the things.

It also speaks to how much more work I have to do. 

I have spent so much time the last couple of years building a life for my daughter and myself. The few times I have dated since my divorce…It’s hard to give myself space to want more than what I have. 

I’m going to be blunt.I am almost fifty years old and I never thought I would be married. Have a baby. Own a house. I just didn’t. I had all the things I thought I’d never have and watched them slowly change, disappear and be taken away outright.I’m still dealing with the aftershocks. 

I’m scared.

What if I screw it up?

I first and foremost always think of my daughter.I don’t know if I have it in me to rebuild again.So…now you know that.It’s tricky being a guarded person who believes in happy endings.

So what do I want?

To not be afraid. 

Much love and be safe Mommas 

💚 Caprise

Genie In A Bottle

What would you wish if you found a genie in a bottle?  Seriously.  If you rubbed the bottle and out came a genie ready to grant you two wishes, what would you ask for?

“A man,” you scream “I want a man!”

“Here you go!” said the genie.

Poof!  There in front of you….is a man.

But oh, oh Girl, you were not specific AT ALL.  And your first wish, well he’s full-on head-to-toe of all that you wish NOT for.  You did not use any adjectives and you didn’t give yourself a minute to think because you were beyond excited when the genie asked.  You jumped in with both feet.  Biting at the bit.  Ready for HIM.  This man in front of you is the answer to your first wish. You realize you have one more wish so you tell the genie for your second wish…. 

“I’d like a tall, dark and handsome man.  A man with bedroom eyes and broad shoulders and a smile that lights up the room.”

“Here you go!” said the genie.

Poof!  Your second wish now stands before you, looking more dashing than you ever imagined. Meow!You think to yourself….you’ve hit the jackpot.  You’re all smiles….that is until he opens his mouth and declares; what he wants, how he wants it and when!  A few more adjectives would have been nice. 🙁

I’m here to tell you this kind of wishing, this kind of identifying, this kind of non-descript imagination is what will get you into trouble in more places than the genie and his 2 wishes.  

When you set goals…use your imagination.  Think beyond the small mind you’ve been thinking from. List out more descriptives & when you think you’re done, list a few more. 

Declare it.  Name it.  Go get it.  Be very, very specific.

And like that excitement you had when declaring your wishes, go forth with that kind of attitude and you’ll be surprised what you’ll make happen.

Oh ya and have fun.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy  

Start Small When Goal Setting

I read an article the other day about goal setting that really struck me. 

it was written by Kristine Carter who has been coaching individuals and corporations on how to accomplish goals for decades. Since the pandemic, she has noticed her difficulty following her own advice about achieving goals. She wound up realizing that if we come to expect disappointment we can use it to our advantage and require ourselves only to do something so minuscule, that it would feel silly if we didn’t do it.

So basically, how she got back into running was to form the habit of running just one minute every day. She discovered that achieving  our goals has less to do with will power and more a willingness to be bad at our desired behavior.

I noticed for myself that even though I am physically compromised in my upper body I still am able to walk with little difficulty. So the idea for me now is not to walk down the driveway and back up (about ½ mi), which is what I thought would get me back into some sort of aerobic shape, but, to simply walk to the lower garage (a distance of about 30 yds) and back every day. It seems stupid to think of my exercise regime is only walking to the garage and back. But, I do notice that it is something so simple and so minuscule that I can make a habit of it. And once it becomes a habit, doing what seems like nothing, the idea of walking the driveway could seem a logical progression. Making a habit of something so simple opens the door to greater possibility.

She says that if you want to go outside more, start by just opening your door, if you want to eat healthier just put one piece of lettuce on your sandwich. The trick is getting started and making it a habit.

~Steve

How To Be Productive

How to be productive….productivity had never been my strong suit. As a young kid, I had imagined so many goals for my future self, but as I began to grow up, I not only lost sight of them but I also forgot that hard work was the only way to achieve them. By the time I got into 6th grade, I began to fall behind in much of my school work and I truly lost sight of the goals that I had set out for myself growing up. It was only recently that all of that changed for me.  Somehow within myself, I began to regain that sense of drive that I felt I had lost so long ago. I realized that I could achieve what I had imagined impossible, if I changed my mindset and work ethic. My friends have always had this sense of drive naturally, so I approached them with my concerns about how to improve. The main response that I had received from them was that I needed to focus on my productivity. In typical Dani fashion, I decided to compile a list of all possible advice, to never lose sight of my goals:

1. Plan accordingly… BUY A PLANNER! – I realized that a major issue I had was my lack of organizational skills. Planning never came easy for me, but the moment that I invested in a planner, my life became significantly easier!

2.    Make reminders- This step was definitely major of me. I am known to be quite forgetful, so making reminders was incredibly necessary to help me keep track of my responsibilities. If it weren’t for virtual reminders and sticky notes on my desk, I don’t know how I would survive school and balance everyday tasks. This brings me to my next point…

3.    Find a balance in your life – As a teenager, my friends are always willing to spend the weekends out and about. Although I am always in the mood for some valuable time spent with friends, I had to realize that I must prioritize the more important subjects. I managed to find a balance that allowed me to complete the important tasks prior to making plans with friends and family.

4.     Make time for yourself- The ability to have designated time for yourself, allows one to significantly decrease their levels of stress. I’ve learned that I do not work well under pressure, therefore, time spent doing the things I enjoy allows me to relax and work in my greatest potential when the moment presents itself.

I hope these tips are as useful for you as they are to me!

– Dani <3

What Are Your Dreams?

What are your dreams?

Hi everyone!

I know it’s been a while, but I am glad to be back and sharing a little bit more about my experiences with all of you.

Today, I wanted to share something that I have been reflecting on quite often. I recently moved into a new house, and I began to unpack some items that I had not seen in a while. As I was unpacking, I realized that I had a brand new guitar that I was gifted by my family when I was much younger. I come from a long line of family members that possess some incredible musical talents.

As I have mentioned previously, I grew up around so much talent and music, that it has become a very important part of my life. When I was old enough, my family wanted me to learn some of those musical talents that I had witnessed frequently growing up.

When I was about 11 years old, I was gifted a beautiful red guitar in the hopes that some day I would be able to play with the other members of my family. Unfortunately, other tasks took importance over guitar practice, so I never learned how to play as I had originally dreamed.

Slowly, I began to forget that I even had this guitar in my possession, and my dream of learning to play drifted to the back of my mind. When I discovered the guitar once more, something clicked inside of me and made me recall how I had once viewed the art of music. Suddenly I remembered how much I longed to be able to play it, and all of those emotions resurfaced within me. That day, I made a promise to myself that somehow, I would learn to play the instrument that was once so important to me and my family.

I guess I’m here to remind everyone to recall something that they had always dreamed of doing but unfortunately never got the chance to fulfill. I’m here to let you know that it’s never too late to take up that hobby, and fulfill those dreams!

– Dani <3

Do The Work

All of the 12 step programs have a saying, “the program works if you work it.” This statement is true for many things including your ability to improve the quality of your life or more pointedly to ‘change the game’ for yourself. In my 52 years I have encountered a lot of people that were unhappy in their circumstances, yet when faced with ways out that required actually DOING something I saw that they would much rather stay complacent and keep complaining. This is why so many people are stuck in lives that they aren’t happy with,because they just want a magic solution that absolves them of having to DO ANY WORK. News Flash— there is no way to change without doing the work— anything worthwhile requires effort and change on your part. Period.

As you know the kid moved out a few weeks ago now and that has allowed me to actually pick my head up, take a breath and look around my life for the first time in many years—and what I see is that I created a magnificent life by using and practicing ALL the tools and principles that I talk with you about. I worked those things and made them a habit and I still use them daily.

What I can PROMISE you with absolute certainty is that they WORK if you do the work. When Antonio was 18 months old I had to file for bankruptcy— I was scared and broke, I had no car and I lived in a place that had mice running around it. I had known about all these principles since I was 12 and I practiced a lot of them daily—however after the bankruptcy I decided that I could do better, I decided that I would give it everything I had and I would see, if in fact, I could create a life and an income that I was proud of.

I did just that. It was and still is hard work—although it does get easier in time—the more you train your mind the easier it gets to be non-reactive and the quicker you can demonstrate circumstances that you want.

For those of you that don’t know, I do not make any money from The Working Single Mom project—-in fact it costs me money every month— I do it because I know what it is like to be terrified and broke, I know what it feels like to be afraid that you can’t pay the bills—I lived and worked with those fears most of the last 19 years—- I had no child support—it was just me and whatever I could create and earn. I created The Working Single Mom brand as my public persona to help people, to give back, to coach and teach you that there is a way to create the life that you want. I am living, breathing proof that anything is possible as long as you are willing to do the work.

No matter what is going on for you today, hear me when I say to you that I am PROOF that you can create whatever you want. Believe this and then start to do the work to make it so.

See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

When I Grow Up

When i grow up….

Driving to work I have the opportunity to listen to my favorite radio station every morning. As with all radio stations they usually have a topic for discussion . This morning’s topic was “when you were young what did you want to be when you grew up and did you achieve that?” So of course I immediately thought of what I had always wanted to be when I was younger (a marine biologist- an amazingly cool career ) and then became somewhat sad because I did not achieve that (from that to dental office manager). Life just doesn’t work out how we want it to sometimes. And as I sat there and reflected on that, I became somewhat sad, thinking not achieving that always made me feel a little bit of a failure. Maybe many others were doing the same thing at that moment. Then a thought crossed my mind. What if when we were children instead of desiring or having the hopes to become a marine biologist, doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, electrician, etc., we said to ourselves “when I grow up I want to be kind”. I wondered if we thought that and if we all really tried to achieve that instead of thinking about a status or the money that something will bring in, we only wanted to be the best version of ourselves. Now of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doctors and lawyers and such. We need them of course. And those are smart, amazing helpful people. And I thank God they are here for us. We all need a job to bring in some money to pay our bills and to enjoy some things in life. But kindness is a choice isn’t it? Some people have more of it in them and some people maybe a reminder wouldn’t hurt. But if we thought as children “I want to be a kind grown-up” wouldn’t the world be a much better place? Wouldn’t we be better people? If we grew up striving to be kind not only to others but to ourselves? Content with ourselves and not so critical. No bullying, that’s for sure because if we grew up wanting to be kind we would pass that on to our children, how could we not?

I believe I have a kind heart but there are days that I am disappointed in myself thinking where did the kindness go? Why didn’t you take that opportunity to be a better person? To be kinder? It doesn’t take any money or any status to smile at a stranger, to not be bothered by a person going a little bit slower on the road than you would like, to take somebody’s grocery cart back for them, to go out of your way to talk to someone that you normally wouldn’t, and not be bothered by every little thing. I am going to work on all of those things and I’m going to encourage my children to do so as well. Because, well there are a lot of good people and kindness but we can always have a little bit more of it don’t you think? And I can start with myself, because I still have growing to do in many ways. And I really hope that question comes back on the radio someday so I can call in and I can say when I grow up “I just want to be kind”.

`“Wine (or whine) in the tub”

(I realized that a little glass of wine in the bathtub helps sometimes. You can decompress, cry, recuperate without an audience.. and you can whine to yourself as much as you want, then get out and you’re ready to take on the world again)

Numbers Don’t Lie

The numbers don’t lie…

If you have been following along on the FB live Sunday Morning Coffee Chats and on the blog you know that I have been playing an effectiveness scoring game with myself since Jan. 12th.  This is a game/ measuring tool that I have invited you all to join me in—with every week that goes by I gain new insight into what stops me and how I am really showing up in my life.  It is proving to be quite telling.

After last Sunday’s Coffee Chat I decided to get a weekly average and graph it—so I added my daily score from each week and divided it by 7 to gain the weekly average.  The graph looks like this:

Clearly you can see that I am averaging 50% which is pretty pathetic….LOL.  Examining this data tells me everything that I need to know about why my life is where it is, don’t get me wrong I have a very blessed and fantastic life which I have worked really, really hard to create—yet with all I know and all that I have done this is the truth about me—I am showing up at about 50 something percent in my life.

The really interesting thing is that I now have to look at what I could create as my reality if my average was 80% or even 90%— who would I be able to be then?!—I have been asking myself this question since last Sunday…

So I do these averages and I make this chart and I look at it over and over and on Sunday I was a 30% and on Monday a 20% and then yesterday I decided that I would like to SEE what happens if I show up between 80 and 100 % consistently so I forced myself to be 100% yesterday and this morning I woke up with more energy to get things done.

Often I tell you that the worst battle you will every have is with yourself—my experiment with this listing game is really shining a light on that for me.  I told you that this was an assignment given to me decades ago from a coach of mine and that I have played it again over the years—however only for a week or two at a time.  This is the longest that I have ever evaluated myself and I have committed to you guys to do this until June.  It is going to be very interesting to see what reveals itself as I continue this.

Would love to have you play too and share with me what you are seeing about yourself.  You can go back and watch any of the Coffee Chats since Jan. 12th or go listen to the podcasts or read past blogs for instructions on how to make your list.  See you Sunday morning at 10am est for Coffee Chat.

 

XO, N.

Welcoming A New Year Of Growth

I am welcoming a new year of growth, a 41 year old single mother of two small children. Yes, you read that right – I was 35 when I had my first child.  My youngest child was born on New Year’s Day, and as this new year begins I am pondering not just her life, but my own.

My divorce from my children’s father was final last December (Merry Christmas to me!!), but I was doing the single mom gig for a long time before that.  Even before my marriage ended.  When I look back over the past few years there are so many moments that seem significant.  Separation, manipulative ex, mediation, divorce. I started dating again, and have met the most amazing man who is still in my life.

But it has been in this part year, in particular, that I have done and have learned so much.  In this past year there have been so many things that have changed.  My boyfriend and I have had to work through things as a couple.  I bought my home – the first I have ever bought alone.  I have had the difficult job of continuing to heal.  Of recognizing that some of the patterns and responses that I accumulated for years in a toxic relationship, while helpful and protective to me in THAT relationship, are no longer needed and in fact are hurtful to new and current relationship(s).  I have had to work on not just recognizing those patterns, but BREAKING those patterns.  It’s been a pretty grueling year, really.

But looking back now, and looking ahead into 2020!

I am proud of myself.  Proud for continuing to WANT to do the hard work of healing and moving forward.  Proud that I work, try to be the best mom I can be, and that I was able to save enough money to buy my house.  I am thankful that I have such a supportive boyfriend.  I have gained a whole new Mom Tribe of friends, acquaintances, and people I can lean on.  I have had to say goodbye to relationships that were holding me back.  I have been able to work on myself, focus on my personal growth, while also focusing on the needs and growth of my children.  While my past is painful, it has led me to here.  And here is a pretty good place to be.

So I look forward to 2020, with open arms.  May it continue to bring love and growth, peace and happiness.  May it do the same for you.

~H

It’s All About The X

It’s all about the X…

Sooooo…the whole list of ten things exercise…what an eye opener that always turns out to be…for those of you that are not understanding this it has been mentioned on several FB lives and in a past blog.  I suggested that people play along with me in seeing how effective they really are in their daily lives. The suggestion was to make a list of 10 things that if you did them EVERY day you would feel like you were winning in your life.  The 10 things are up to you, could be whatever you want…then make a chart for the 10 things a day, 7 days a week and start giving yourself a daily score by putting an X next to tasks completed and a 0 next to those left undone.  

This is something that one of my coaches assigned me a long time ago and over the years I start it up again from time to time to see how I am doing with being effective and creating forward motion.

Began this again (and invited you guys to start it too) on Jan. 12th when I did the FB Live Coffee Chat that Sunday morning.  Here are how things have stacked up since then…

1st week start Jan. 12= 90, 80, 90, 100, 70, 70, 50

2nd week start Jan. 19= 70, 60, 60, 80, 80, 60, 50

3rd week so far Jan. 26= 50, 70, 70, 50, 40 (fri and sat still to go)

As you can see, I got more pathetic as time marched on…so when I want to know why I am not producing certain results in my life, here is my answer.  These scores are SO typical of me and the way I approach things, come out of the gate balls to the wall and then lose steam over time, then I will give myself a pep talk and get back on the beam and go balls to the wall again.  The result being and UP and DOWN kind of momentum instead of a steady forward and organized force. This is the pattern that has gotten in my way for decades and I am really committed to breaking through this and having it be a different way.

I encourage those of you not playing this game with me to join in—given that the 10 things can be whatever you want it should be relatively easy to knock it out of the park with this process…unless you are me…LOL

Things on my list include working out, reading for an hour, making the bed, keeping the kitchen counter clear, gratitude journal…simple things really…things that one should be able to easily accomplish daily.  Several days I simply decided to rebel against the list and purposely did not complete things that were simple as if I was punishing whom exactly????

Funny thing to note is that on my 90 and 100 couple of days I was so on purpose and filled with energy that I even surprised myself with all that I accomplished…kind of seeing a self-sabotage thing going on here…which I am committed to breaking into so stay tuned for updates on my scores!

Don’t forget to join me Sunday morning at 10am EST for Coffee Chat on FB Live.

Have a good week and here’s to the X’s.

With Love,

Noelle