Tag Archives: goals

Do The Work

All of the 12 step programs have a saying, “the program works if you work it.” This statement is true for many things including your ability to improve the quality of your life or more pointedly to ‘change the game’ for yourself. In my 52 years I have encountered a lot of people that were unhappy in their circumstances, yet when faced with ways out that required actually DOING something I saw that they would much rather stay complacent and keep complaining. This is why so many people are stuck in lives that they aren’t happy with,because they just want a magic solution that absolves them of having to DO ANY WORK. News Flash— there is no way to change without doing the work— anything worthwhile requires effort and change on your part. Period.

As you know the kid moved out a few weeks ago now and that has allowed me to actually pick my head up, take a breath and look around my life for the first time in many years—and what I see is that I created a magnificent life by using and practicing ALL the tools and principles that I talk with you about. I worked those things and made them a habit and I still use them daily.

What I can PROMISE you with absolute certainty is that they WORK if you do the work. When Antonio was 18 months old I had to file for bankruptcy— I was scared and broke, I had no car and I lived in a place that had mice running around it. I had known about all these principles since I was 12 and I practiced a lot of them daily—however after the bankruptcy I decided that I could do better, I decided that I would give it everything I had and I would see, if in fact, I could create a life and an income that I was proud of.

I did just that. It was and still is hard work—although it does get easier in time—the more you train your mind the easier it gets to be non-reactive and the quicker you can demonstrate circumstances that you want.

For those of you that don’t know, I do not make any money from The Working Single Mom project—-in fact it costs me money every month— I do it because I know what it is like to be terrified and broke, I know what it feels like to be afraid that you can’t pay the bills—I lived and worked with those fears most of the last 19 years—- I had no child support—it was just me and whatever I could create and earn. I created The Working Single Mom brand as my public persona to help people, to give back, to coach and teach you that there is a way to create the life that you want. I am living, breathing proof that anything is possible as long as you are willing to do the work.

No matter what is going on for you today, hear me when I say to you that I am PROOF that you can create whatever you want. Believe this and then start to do the work to make it so.

See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

When I Grow Up

When i grow up….

Driving to work I have the opportunity to listen to my favorite radio station every morning. As with all radio stations they usually have a topic for discussion . This morning’s topic was “when you were young what did you want to be when you grew up and did you achieve that?” So of course I immediately thought of what I had always wanted to be when I was younger (a marine biologist- an amazingly cool career ) and then became somewhat sad because I did not achieve that (from that to dental office manager). Life just doesn’t work out how we want it to sometimes. And as I sat there and reflected on that, I became somewhat sad, thinking not achieving that always made me feel a little bit of a failure. Maybe many others were doing the same thing at that moment. Then a thought crossed my mind. What if when we were children instead of desiring or having the hopes to become a marine biologist, doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, electrician, etc., we said to ourselves “when I grow up I want to be kind”. I wondered if we thought that and if we all really tried to achieve that instead of thinking about a status or the money that something will bring in, we only wanted to be the best version of ourselves. Now of course there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doctors and lawyers and such. We need them of course. And those are smart, amazing helpful people. And I thank God they are here for us. We all need a job to bring in some money to pay our bills and to enjoy some things in life. But kindness is a choice isn’t it? Some people have more of it in them and some people maybe a reminder wouldn’t hurt. But if we thought as children “I want to be a kind grown-up” wouldn’t the world be a much better place? Wouldn’t we be better people? If we grew up striving to be kind not only to others but to ourselves? Content with ourselves and not so critical. No bullying, that’s for sure because if we grew up wanting to be kind we would pass that on to our children, how could we not?

I believe I have a kind heart but there are days that I am disappointed in myself thinking where did the kindness go? Why didn’t you take that opportunity to be a better person? To be kinder? It doesn’t take any money or any status to smile at a stranger, to not be bothered by a person going a little bit slower on the road than you would like, to take somebody’s grocery cart back for them, to go out of your way to talk to someone that you normally wouldn’t, and not be bothered by every little thing. I am going to work on all of those things and I’m going to encourage my children to do so as well. Because, well there are a lot of good people and kindness but we can always have a little bit more of it don’t you think? And I can start with myself, because I still have growing to do in many ways. And I really hope that question comes back on the radio someday so I can call in and I can say when I grow up “I just want to be kind”.

`“Wine (or whine) in the tub”

(I realized that a little glass of wine in the bathtub helps sometimes. You can decompress, cry, recuperate without an audience.. and you can whine to yourself as much as you want, then get out and you’re ready to take on the world again)

Numbers Don’t Lie

The numbers don’t lie…

If you have been following along on the FB live Sunday Morning Coffee Chats and on the blog you know that I have been playing an effectiveness scoring game with myself since Jan. 12th.  This is a game/ measuring tool that I have invited you all to join me in—with every week that goes by I gain new insight into what stops me and how I am really showing up in my life.  It is proving to be quite telling.

After last Sunday’s Coffee Chat I decided to get a weekly average and graph it—so I added my daily score from each week and divided it by 7 to gain the weekly average.  The graph looks like this:

Clearly you can see that I am averaging 50% which is pretty pathetic….LOL.  Examining this data tells me everything that I need to know about why my life is where it is, don’t get me wrong I have a very blessed and fantastic life which I have worked really, really hard to create—yet with all I know and all that I have done this is the truth about me—I am showing up at about 50 something percent in my life.

The really interesting thing is that I now have to look at what I could create as my reality if my average was 80% or even 90%— who would I be able to be then?!—I have been asking myself this question since last Sunday…

So I do these averages and I make this chart and I look at it over and over and on Sunday I was a 30% and on Monday a 20% and then yesterday I decided that I would like to SEE what happens if I show up between 80 and 100 % consistently so I forced myself to be 100% yesterday and this morning I woke up with more energy to get things done.

Often I tell you that the worst battle you will every have is with yourself—my experiment with this listing game is really shining a light on that for me.  I told you that this was an assignment given to me decades ago from a coach of mine and that I have played it again over the years—however only for a week or two at a time.  This is the longest that I have ever evaluated myself and I have committed to you guys to do this until June.  It is going to be very interesting to see what reveals itself as I continue this.

Would love to have you play too and share with me what you are seeing about yourself.  You can go back and watch any of the Coffee Chats since Jan. 12th or go listen to the podcasts or read past blogs for instructions on how to make your list.  See you Sunday morning at 10am est for Coffee Chat.

 

XO, N.

Welcoming A New Year Of Growth

I am welcoming a new year of growth, a 41 year old single mother of two small children. Yes, you read that right – I was 35 when I had my first child.  My youngest child was born on New Year’s Day, and as this new year begins I am pondering not just her life, but my own.

My divorce from my children’s father was final last December (Merry Christmas to me!!), but I was doing the single mom gig for a long time before that.  Even before my marriage ended.  When I look back over the past few years there are so many moments that seem significant.  Separation, manipulative ex, mediation, divorce. I started dating again, and have met the most amazing man who is still in my life.

But it has been in this part year, in particular, that I have done and have learned so much.  In this past year there have been so many things that have changed.  My boyfriend and I have had to work through things as a couple.  I bought my home – the first I have ever bought alone.  I have had the difficult job of continuing to heal.  Of recognizing that some of the patterns and responses that I accumulated for years in a toxic relationship, while helpful and protective to me in THAT relationship, are no longer needed and in fact are hurtful to new and current relationship(s).  I have had to work on not just recognizing those patterns, but BREAKING those patterns.  It’s been a pretty grueling year, really.

But looking back now, and looking ahead into 2020!

I am proud of myself.  Proud for continuing to WANT to do the hard work of healing and moving forward.  Proud that I work, try to be the best mom I can be, and that I was able to save enough money to buy my house.  I am thankful that I have such a supportive boyfriend.  I have gained a whole new Mom Tribe of friends, acquaintances, and people I can lean on.  I have had to say goodbye to relationships that were holding me back.  I have been able to work on myself, focus on my personal growth, while also focusing on the needs and growth of my children.  While my past is painful, it has led me to here.  And here is a pretty good place to be.

So I look forward to 2020, with open arms.  May it continue to bring love and growth, peace and happiness.  May it do the same for you.

~H

It’s All About The X

It’s all about the X…

Sooooo…the whole list of ten things exercise…what an eye opener that always turns out to be…for those of you that are not understanding this it has been mentioned on several FB lives and in a past blog.  I suggested that people play along with me in seeing how effective they really are in their daily lives. The suggestion was to make a list of 10 things that if you did them EVERY day you would feel like you were winning in your life.  The 10 things are up to you, could be whatever you want…then make a chart for the 10 things a day, 7 days a week and start giving yourself a daily score by putting an X next to tasks completed and a 0 next to those left undone.  

This is something that one of my coaches assigned me a long time ago and over the years I start it up again from time to time to see how I am doing with being effective and creating forward motion.

Began this again (and invited you guys to start it too) on Jan. 12th when I did the FB Live Coffee Chat that Sunday morning.  Here are how things have stacked up since then…

1st week start Jan. 12= 90, 80, 90, 100, 70, 70, 50

2nd week start Jan. 19= 70, 60, 60, 80, 80, 60, 50

3rd week so far Jan. 26= 50, 70, 70, 50, 40 (fri and sat still to go)

As you can see, I got more pathetic as time marched on…so when I want to know why I am not producing certain results in my life, here is my answer.  These scores are SO typical of me and the way I approach things, come out of the gate balls to the wall and then lose steam over time, then I will give myself a pep talk and get back on the beam and go balls to the wall again.  The result being and UP and DOWN kind of momentum instead of a steady forward and organized force. This is the pattern that has gotten in my way for decades and I am really committed to breaking through this and having it be a different way.

I encourage those of you not playing this game with me to join in—given that the 10 things can be whatever you want it should be relatively easy to knock it out of the park with this process…unless you are me…LOL

Things on my list include working out, reading for an hour, making the bed, keeping the kitchen counter clear, gratitude journal…simple things really…things that one should be able to easily accomplish daily.  Several days I simply decided to rebel against the list and purposely did not complete things that were simple as if I was punishing whom exactly????

Funny thing to note is that on my 90 and 100 couple of days I was so on purpose and filled with energy that I even surprised myself with all that I accomplished…kind of seeing a self-sabotage thing going on here…which I am committed to breaking into so stay tuned for updates on my scores!

Don’t forget to join me Sunday morning at 10am EST for Coffee Chat on FB Live.

Have a good week and here’s to the X’s.

With Love,

Noelle

A New Beginning

It’s finally happened, the 2010s are no more and the 20s are now beginning.

Since I am only in my teenage years, this decade has taken up most of my life. It has been a decade so interesting, that it’s hard to keep track. In these past 10 years, we’ve experienced major events in not only our lives, but in pop culture, politics, and news. I’d like to say that I’ve learned a lot in the 2010s. Not just academically, but also lessons that I could use everyday.

Most of the things I’ve learned are due to the mistakes I’ve made on the way. Unfortunately, there were times in the past decade that I didn’t learn from the mistakes I had made. With this new decade now beginning, I decided that it was time to change my habits and work on those things that I want for myself and for my future.

For me personally, I figured out that I needed to start challenging myself in ways I never had before. I’ll be working hard to reach my goals, and I’ll never give up on the hopes I have for myself.

This is exactly what everyone should be doing when entering this new decade. You must figure out your weaknesses and work on how to better improve in that significant area.

Finally, I want to stress the importance of having a positive outlook on what these years have to offer. Just as the 2010s were filled with unexpected surprises, the 2020s will not fall short in that category. Be open to new possibilities and to new beginnings.

Happy new year! -Dani <3

Bravery Is A Keyboard

Bravery is a keyboard…

As I do every Sunday I grab a drink, turn on some music, take my pit stop on social media and start writing.

When you read this it will be a new year. 

Literally 

A new decade

Literally 

As I mentioned in my last blog, I don’t do resolutions.  Guys,I struggle getting my laundry folded. The pressure of a new year, new me. Nope.

However, as I mentioned, I am going to do more things I enjoy.

I am also going to dig into that little catchphrase known as self care. 

I am going to be gentler on myself.

Gentler on those around me.

We all have a story to tell. 

Some of us just can’t tell it.

Over the last few years I have let my insecurities sometimes cloud my judgement. It’s not fair to me or the people in my life. 

 BUT….

I have found strength in a surprising place.

Here.

Every Sunday when I share… one less secret, one less brick holding up my wall.

You all have given me back the bravery I forgot I had.

For that I can’t thank you enough.

Happiest of New Years and New Decade Mommas 

<3 Caprise

New Year No Resolutions

New Year No Resolutions…

As I am preparing to write this I do what I always do and took a little pit stop on social media.

I was hit in the face with frantic last minute Christmas posts and resolutions.

I will be up front about two things.

I still need to shop and I am not making any resolutions. Maybe that’s one in and of itself.

Here’s the thing. 

Ok, a couple. I am absolutely lousy at keeping them. Resolutions.

I am already frantic, please don’t add to my stress. A task I may not complete. That’s stressful.

Also… sometimes resolutions feel targeted. New Year, New Me. What’s wrong with you right now?

Have you ever thought it’s not you?

A lot of times, I’m going to say at least for me. My year is bad because of things around me. The environment, things out of my control.

This was not a banner year for me. To say the least. From job loss. Loss of loved ones. Fractured friendships. A financial bomb.

But I still hope that each New Year is better. I always hope I grow. But at my core I should not be a new me.

Maybe fold my laundry right away so I have more time on Sunday to relax so I don’t feel so stressed come Monday morning.

Get every scrap of information before I make big decisions.

Focus on my humans. The ones who focus on me. Text, call…

Spend less time on social media. I really don’t need to know my cousin three times removed is into some of the things she’s into.

Take time for the little things. When is the last time you peeped a sunrise?

Sing loudly in my car. 

Snuggle with my dog.

Buy the special creamer for my coffee.

These aren’t resolutions. These are things I like to do. I just maybe don’t do them enough.

A new year is a great time to remind yourself to do those things, but honestly Mommas why not all year?

My hope for you is a wonderful holiday and if 2019 wasn’t your year, that 2020 will be.

Much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Do It For Yourself With No Guilt

Do It For Yourself With No Guilt

I didn’t realize that I wanted to do so many things in life.  I didn’t realize that I didn’t share a lot of the same goals and interests as my husband.  I would always feel guilty for wanting to do the things I enjoyed.  So I just went along with everything.  You know when just do what you think you should be doing or don’t speak up for yourself.. I never had that excited or accomplished feeling.  I think sometimes we fall into this rut and it’s hard to get out.  And if I did do something I enjoyed, I would feel incredibly guilty.  Sometimes we just do what we think is expected. We don’t speak up for our own wants.  I had always done what was expected…

I have no guilty feelings for my divorce anymore… which took years to get to that point.  It does take years to finally be able to really focus on you.  I know now that it’s totally ok that my marriage did not work out. I know that I want to focus on other areas of my life.. areas that can give me excitement and a sense of accomplishment.

I went back to school and got my degree in health and wellness management because my passion is living healthy.   I wanted to learn more about that lifestyle and to eventually teach others.  I have a full time career in another field, but I work part time in a fitness center now just to get some experience.  Plus I love it!  When you do something you love, it makes all the difference.  It gave me such excitement and encouragement to have something to work towards.  Sometimes now I wonder how I actually did it and survived…I’m pretty sure it will just the feeling of doing something for yourself.

It doesn’t matter if you want to go back to school, try a new church, find a new career, or start something that you have always dreamed about.. it shouldn’t matter if it’s not what’s expected of you.. it’s scary to finally start something new. Its really scary now without additional support. But once you start, you will not want to give up the excitement.

I can not explain how finally I felt like I had done something for myself and I loved it.  I don’t think it matters on what stage you are in life.   It’s ok to change your mind or follow another path, just don’t feel guilty. Be proud!

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

I Need Another Plan

It’s six months to my birthday, and I find it hardly coincidental that today I have launched an effort to find purpose and a plan for my life. I know this because for some crazy reason, shortly after I arrived to my desk at work, I decided I needed to examine every life planner known to mankind.

I started on Pinterest, where all the best data and comparison shopping information can be found. Eventually, I began Google searching some of the information I found on other sources and then I moved onto price comparisons on Amazon, of course. I may be less emotional and domestic than many women, but the last two sentences I think can testify that I am, in fact, a card-carrying female.

Planners have very little to do with anything except that here I am, six months from my birthday and I need a life change, a’ la Eat Pray Love (yes, the movie). I need to discover who I am, I need a project, a goal, a way to focus my energies on self love, self discovery and adventure.

Planner shopping was a symptom of a greater problem…. I need a plan, not another planner.

Last week, I thought about becoming a travel writer, and while the very idea of that is enthralling to me, I don’t feel like I am “there” yet. I mean, I’d jump at that chance in a heartbeat, but while I am still figuring out how to pay my bills, I think buying a plane ticket could be putting the cart before the horse.

But taking the most important journey of my life doesn’t really require me to even leave my own neighborhood. And this all important journey is going to take me to some pretty exciting, life changing, and maybe scary places too!

I am starting the Journey of a Lifetime, by traveling into my own heart and soul and mind. I’m going to spend the next six months journaling, drawing, practicing self love, seeking, exploring, and discovering … me. That’s my life plan. No life planner required.

As with any good adventure, I don’t know exactly where this journey will lead. I don’t know what roads I’ll travel, what milestones I may find or what roadblocks I will surely stumble upon, but I know it will get me closer… daily closer… to knowing myself and finding what lights my soul on fire. And isn’t that what we all want?

Who wants to come along for the ride? I could use a travel buddy.

-Sharona