Tag Archives: friendship

I Think I Was Six

I think I was six…

It is one of the hottest days of the year here. I am watching my daughter walk back and forth from her room to the hallway with a big smile on her face, her headphones on – she says it helps her get her ideas out. She like, her Mom, writes, although she is much better.

I am listening to music as I always do when I write.

Today Taylor Swift. Specifically her new album.

Specifically the song Seven. I am sure there are all sorts of theories as to what it’s about. Somehow unlike the rest of the album I missed it.

For me it reminds me of the very first person I ever loved. The very first person who ever loved me. My very first friend. My very first best friend.

The lyrics “ And though I can’t recall your face. I still got love for you.”

I have mentioned him before.

And I am sure all these decades later, the story is a lot more magical than it really was, but he left his imprint.

His name was Reed.

I met him in the oddest way. I was walking home by myself from school. I think I was six? Behind me, two older girls called me names like they did everyday.

Everyday they would call me names until they got me to cry, then run ahead home.

One day I hear a voice yell out telling them to stop.

I remember he had a lisp.

Blue eyes.

I have blue eyes too, but his, maybe I remember them because of what he did- so bright.

Surprisingly they stopped.

He walked me home and I was happy to find out he lived a house away.

That whole summer it was him and I.

He taught me to play baseball.

Soccer.

Get better at riding my bike.

I’m pretty sure he’s why I have a sweet tooth, because whenever he had candy I got half.

Then one day he’s at my door telling me he and his Mom are moving, his parents are getting divorced.

He handed me a bag of candy. As he started running for his house he yelled he loved me and I was his best friend.

I was crushed.

My best friend.

My first best friend.

Gone.

It is a magical thing to have.

A friendship like that.

It was unflinching.

Now I recognize we were kids.

But friendships, relationships like that are rare. They are precious. The people who see you. The people who love you out loud. The people who yell with excitement when they see you, make sure you know you matter.

In the years, ok, let’s be honest decades since I have been married and divorced and become a Mom.

A LOT has happened.

Things I talk about.

Things I don’t.

There was a chunk of time I was pretty salty when it came to people. I bought into my own self doubt. I let a few bad apples cloud my judgment and I listened to the wrong people.

Becoming a Mom helped slowly turn that around, but also looking and focusing on all the good people I have in my life.

Who I have had in my life.

You can’t Iive your life waiting for someone to hurt you. You can’t not let someone in because of a what if.

Nothing is ever going to be perfect, but it can be pretty great.

I can’t say enough how much I appreciate Reed for one of my first/ best friendships.

Be safe and much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Alone Does Not Equate To Lonely

Alone: adjective; having no one else present, exclusive of anyone or anything

Lonely: adjective; being without company, cut off from others, being solitary of mind

The difference between being alone & being lonely is:

    Alone describes your physical space. 

I live alone in my house. 

I did my grocery shopping alone today.

   Lonely describes your mental space.  

I am lonely sitting on this bench.

I felt lonely at that party last night.

You can easily be alone, be at home all by yourself, separated from others and feel alive, connected and in relationship with the people in your life.   You can be content with your ‘alone time’, finding things  you enjoy doing, when you are by yourself. Cooking, baking, crafting, reading.  You can be alone yet on the phone with a friend, FaceTime a family member or have a Zoom Meeting with your Book Club. 

Just as much as you can be in a crowded room full of people to connect with, conversations to be had, people to say hello to and feel very lonely.  You can be in a Study Hall full of classmates, a conference room stock piled with other colleagues or at the park with your kids and a handful of other moms and again, feel lonely.  

Lonely is an inside job.  Alone is an outside job.  

When you’re alone, you can very easily change the situation by changing your location.  You can go to the mall, library, church meeting Mom’s Group.  You can ask friends over for dinner or go to the movies with a few people.

When you’re lonely though, that is an internal battle to be won.  What causes your loneliness?  Is it the missing of your mate, the envy of your playful neighbors, the wanting of something different?  I am sure whatever it is, if you can identify it, and ….claim it, ….name it, ….look at it square in the eyes. You can find a solution.  It might be uncomfortable.  It might stretch you outside your comfort zone.  It might require something of yourself that you haven’t done in a long time. But I know like I know.  You CAN find a solution.  

Good luck my friend.  Lonely is not your middle name.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Making Friends Mid-Life

I just moved to Fort Wayne 7 months ago and I have so many wonderful friends today!  

I have so many new friends in my life because I said yes.  I said hello. I started a conversation. I smiled. I went to the meeting.  I joined the Study. I accepted the invitation. I went alone. I walked through the door.  You see…. I had decided before I moved here that I was going to make this a life worth living, I was going to meet women and I was going to enjoy my new home in this new place.  

If you want to be a part of a larger circle of girlfriends, it will take you getting out of your fragile way, it will take you being bold and stepping out and it will take you creating something different.  You will have to risk, you will have to research things happening near you and go alone, you will have to be in the mindset of positivity and possibility and love.

So, you say hi first.  And maybe that’s all it is…. is a hello.  This time. And maybe nothing comes from it.  It goes no further than that. But, MAYBE, just maybe… a compliment about her cute sweater creates a coffee date.  Maybe volunteering at the animal shelter turns into a friendship with someone you may never ever have met otherwise.  Maybe going to a yoga class alone and chatting afterwards you end meeting your new bestie and especially when you open your mind to the fact that you and the woman across the street can’t wait to meet each other… you end up creating a friendship only the heart can explain.

So to create a larger circle of friends… yes…. it requires you to go places and do things and kindly say hello.  You never know what could come next. It’s never ever too late in life to make new friends.

xoxo,

Your God girl 

Tracy

Sometimes You Have To Let A Friend Go

Sometimes I just can’t be that friend,the friend you want, sometimes I have to pick me and let you go.  Years ago,  I would never have thought of letting a friend go, I wouldn’t have had the self confidence to pick myself over another person.  I would have just gone with the flow and allowed the friendship to continue even if it was a struggle.

Last year, I knew I had to let a long term friend go.  I just could not survive the friendship anymore.  Our friendship was too much of a struggle for me and it was draining. I had my own challenges in my life and I just couldn’t give her the time and commitment she needed.  And in return, she was angry at me for not reaching out, or checking in, or being able to see her.  I did feel horrible and went back and forth with my decision.

I knew I did not have the time to commit to this friendship.  I did not have the energy and strength to put into it what it needed.  I could not make her happy.  I couldn’t be the friend that had to drive 2 hours to see her and she would never come this way to see me.  I could not be the friend that constantly reached out but didn’t receive anything back.  I could not put my energy into a friend that would never reach out to see how I was doing, but you were expected to reach out to her…I couldn’t do it anymore. The one that would never just call and ask how you are doing.. We had many fun times together but over the course of our lifetime, it became more and more draining.

I knew she would require more of a commitment than before.  I couldn’t commit, I just couldn’t do it.  I also could not take time away from other people that had been there for me in the last few years.  I could not be stressed about it anymore or feel like I disappointed her.  We might be friends again, but I mentally can’t do it right now.

I had to just say no I can’t do it. I had to say no I didn’t have the time to see her or come running.  I needed to put myself first.

I had always been the person that tried to do everything for my friends, even ones that I really didn’t feel that close to.   The old me would have put my needs aside to help her with her needs.  Yes, that is all great.  But after many times of not receiving the same treatment back, it becomes so exhausting and draining.   In the past, I had set myself up to fail…I finally realized I do not have to keep friends that drain me… Or keep one’s that take me away from things I felt were important in life.  I do not say yes to every event or activity that I am invited to anymore.  I have learned to hang out with friends that have the same interests as I do.  I have just had to let some friends fade out.

I try to eliminate the drama with friends. I will step away. I like friendships to come naturally and not be a lot of work.  I do not want to plan a fun night out and have it ruined by fighting or making others feel uncomfortable.  Or be with someone that needs to be the center of attention..

I have learned to set boundaries with certain friends.  It actually works!  I have friends that I love for many reasons, but I need to set boundaries.  Some friends I do not have more than one drink with or do not spend much time with outside of certain activities.  Or some friends I can only see for short periods.  It might sound selfish, but it is what keeps our friendship together.

I think the older I get the more I have realized that I do not need a lot of friends.  I do not have the time for all the drama.   I do not have to be friends with everyone.  I choose my time very wisely because it’s limited.  I learned to say no to big events and concentrate on smaller ones with the people that I really love.   I do not need to attend every halloween party, birthday party, work social, or christmas get together.

Friendships in your 40’s should be easy..the friends that stop by at 6 and don’t leave until midnight because you start doing a puzzle and laughing… Those are the friendships that I want to  last a lifetime.

-Snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

An Eye Opening Experience

I knew that entering into high school would bring many changes to my life. Not only was I prepared for the academic challenges I’d be facing, but I was ready for the social challenges that would come along when entering a new school. One thing I knew for sure was that those I had considered close to me at the time would stick with me through it all…or so I thought.

Recently, I went through something that I would never wish upon someone else. I had an experience that truly opened my eyes to the genuine intentions of some of the people around me. Someone that I considered quite close to me for so long, made me feel as if our friendship was of no value to them. They treated me with little respect, and made it obvious that my feelings did not affect theirs.

To be honest, I really had never experienced something on this level, and I was in complete shock for many of the following days. It wasn’t until this moment that I became aware that not everyone in your life is rooting for your success or happiness, even if you have always rooted for theirs. It was also a wake up call to see who was really there for me and who actually cared about my well-being.

I’m positive that this will not be the only time that something similar to this will occur, but hopefully this experience taught me something valuable about surrounding yourself with people who care about your happiness and how YOU feel.

My advice is to really figure out who these wonderful people in your life are, and to spend time building your positive friendships. I also suggest that you distance yourself from all the negative people that want to bring you down.

-Dani<3

My Friend Bill

I would like to tell you about my friend Bill. You may know him. He’s made a few movies. Big sports buff. Very quirky and he got his start on one of my favorite television shows.

When things in my life were feeling their lowest I started looking for positive outlets.

Me being me I needed them. It couldn’t be a glass of wine that would easily turn into a bottle. It couldn’t be a beautiful pastry my sweet tooth doesn’t ever seem to know when to stop.

It couldn’t be a trip to Target because it would mean a cart full of things I have no budget for.

It couldn’t be a night out because it can’t.

So…

I listen to music.

I read.

Watch movies, but I will be honest I am also easily distracted. 

I began digging deeper.

Looking for those things that would fill the gaps but wouldn’t lend themselves to my somewhat self destructive old habits.

Dear friends, I’ve sugar coated them. My bad habits.

Maybe a blog for another day.

Around this same time I watched the Razor’s Edge and Stripes. Two decidedly different movies from Bill Murray.

I mentioned to a friend how amazing I thought Bill Murray was. He suggested I read The Tao of Bill Murray.

My new friendship was born. Bill just doesn’t know it.

I also started digging into some amazing quotes from his.

As silly as it sounds these quotes have me some perspective I needed.

Here’s one:

“Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and make bad decisions.”

Welp… lol, yes.

But this one, this is the stuff.

“Don’t think about your errors or failures, otherwise you’ll never do a thing.”

That is exactly what started happening. I got so bogged down by all of the things that went wrong, I either didn’t do anything or did WAY too much.

I always looked for the other ball to drop. The bad.

I keep saying this but not only is 48 my year of no filter it’s also the year I work hard at happy. The year maybe I can give that happy to other people too.  As it has been to me in so many ways. One in particular a picture of one of my Chewbaccas with the man himself. It’s my screensaver and it makes me smile.

There are still going to be bad days, but to paraphrase my friend Bill… maybe it will be a day that a slice of pizza and cold beer can make feel better.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Look Up Look Out

Look Up…Look Out…

This morning was a tough one. The darkest thoughts that come along with living alone started to rear their ugly heads and take over my thinking. I felt myself going down the rat hole. That is NOT a good place to go. I know that for certain. I started to oppose the deep dark voice.

“Ohhhhh…. NO…. Not Today!!!”… “This is NOT happening today!” and then immediately, it bit back with, “You will always be alone”. I reminded myself that those are the fearful words of the liar when I look IN. I dug my heels in and proclaimed with some gusto in my tone… “Nope! Nope! Not Today!!”. And another lie crept up….“Friends” What friends?”. The argument went back and forth for a little bit. I stood strong, reminding myself of what is right and good and beautiful in my life. I reminded myself of my wonderful friends and my talents and what it is that brings me joy every day.

I know for me… when I listen to the liar in my head, I can sometimes get overwhelmed with what I don’t like about my life. It can quickly take over, pull up a seat next to me & stay for the afternoon.

So…I recited scriptures that give me strength and courage and it reminded me WHOSE I am. I sat and remembered how important it is for me to look UP.

…..I opened my affirmation journal and started to read:

New friendships are developing now.

Meeting people and making friendships is easy and effortless.

Women want to know me.

The way is made ready for relationships to grow.

I create relationships with people….for our highest good.

Perfectly wonderful people appear to spend time with me.

Perfect relationships come to me now.

I am in the right place at the right time.

My circle of friends expands.

The way I felt as I was reading my journal went from sadness and desperation to exuberance and love. I picked up the phone and reached out to others. I invited conversation and shared laughter. I sat and remembered how important it is for me to look OUT.

When I feel like I am alone I am reminded that not only do I have an abundance of friends who love and adore me but also that I am God’s Beautiful Child….all is good.

XOXO

Your God Girl

Tracy

Get Out There

Get Out There!

There’s no doubt that my  group of early childhood friends is pretty awesome. It was an instant friendship that formed at the age of four, and has continued since then.

They are the people I’ve counted on, and they are the people that I hope will always have my back. With all of that said, my friends and I do have some differences. Throughout the years, we’ve developed our separate hobbies and discovered some subtle differences. Fortunately, this has not affected our relationship. However, we do  sometimes find it difficult to understand what the other person is going through.

This group has always been like my safe space, and once we started at a new school we felt like it was time to expand beyond our comfort zones. We all encouraged each other to go out and meet new people. With this advice in mind, we went and put ourselves out there in search of new adventures.

Personally, I was not expecting much to come from our exploration. To my surprise, I met an incredible group of people and we “clicked” instantly. I never thought that I would meet a whole new group of people with similar beliefs, interests, and personalities.

These friends, that I’ve made in the recent weeks, have been nothing short of wonderful. They’ve taught me to look on the positive side of life, and to find the beauty in every single person. If my close friends and I hadn’t put ourselves out there, I would not have met this incredible group of kids.

We all have to get out there and see what the world has to offer.  It might be amazing friendships, a great job, or even life-changing experiences.

Get out there and see what the world has waiting for you!

– Dani <3

The Madness We Survive

The madness we survive….I spent almost two years of my life buried in a very deep dark hole trying to fight depression and suicidal thoughts on my own. I stared death in the face. Just the two of us sitting in silence, looking back at one another on three different occasions. Luckily I found the strength to walk away from him.

I laid in bed more days than I was out. I went through days without even remembering how. Cried more tears than a body could produce. Sent calls to voicemail more than I could count. It was a silent fight. Because until I wrote and made it public, no one had a clue.

It changes a person. It changes their heart, their mind, their soul. And you don’t go back. You don’t go back to who you used to be. Those scars, whether physical or emotional, they are there forever. The bruises heal. The aches go away. But the scars…they stay forever. You never forget the suicide attempts. You never forget the places, or the dates. You never forget the meaning of all those songs, or the smells that remind you of when. Even when you try and forget…you still remember.

It becomes a part of your story. Whether it’s a short chapter or a very long one, it’s a part of your book. Some chose to be ashamed of that chapter but I chose to use it to reach out to others. A reminder that they aren’t alone, that their feelings are validated, and most importantly, that they can come out of it. That there is hope. There is a light at the end of that seemingly endless tunnel.

People deal with things differently. People love differently. People heal differently. But the crucial point to all this is that that person, that person that hurts so deeply, is still a person. They are someone’s mother, a sister, a best friend. That person deserves to know that their life matters, even when they think it doesn’t. That person was me! If that person is you, read all that over again, and know that when you get through all that pain, you will be stronger than you’ve ever been.

If it’s not you…remember that all it takes is your hand reaching down to help us up. An offer to sit in the dark with, to hold their hand, and wipe their tears. A non-judgmental, real, friendship. Be that friend. It matters.

~BLag

Be Her

Be her….

Do you have girlfriends you can call who will support you in your greatness? Girlfriends who will send you love over the phone or be with you to give you hugs? Girlfriends who understand no justification is necessary and love you even in the mess you may find yourself in?

Girlfriends know what to say and how to be and what to do. They sit when times are tough, they lend an ear when your words won’t stop, they hug when you’re falling down. They laugh from the belly when you do something Crazy. They watch your kids when the sitter leaves you high & dry. They bring a meal when you can’t get out of bed. They cry with you, giggle with you and rant on & on with you. Girlfriends know what to do.

Are you that kind of girlfriend? Do you stop your nonsense to lend a hand? Do you reach out when you’re tired because you know your bestie is having the worst day of her life? Do you care and love and give and hold? It takes a lot to step up and be that kind of friend. It takes courage and compassion and selflessness.

Be the one who someone calls because she knows she can count on you. All Day.

 Be the one who puts smiles on faces, sends birthday wishes & opens her arms to others.

 Be the one who at the end of the day puts her head on her pillow, down right knowing that she stepped out and gave of herself to another with nothing but honest, authentic giving.

Be Her all day long. Truth. Real. Raw. Your giving opens up space & gives permission for your girlfriends to Be Her too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy