Tag Archives: friends

Let It Go

‘Let it Go’….As a former preschool teacher I know that phrase too well.

I can sing you the whole song from the infamous movie featuring my favorite snowman who loves Summertime.

 Fortunately for you my current ear worm is by a guy named Mondo Cozmo the song I have on repeat is called Upside Down. The chorus… “everything is upside down.”

Yup

But that’s not this blog.

It really is about letting go.

Of something… rather someone.

 Thanks to social media I have been hanging onto people that let me go along time ago. Over the last year I have not physically talked to these people and the last time I did.

It wasn’t great.

 So, like I have been doing with so many things in my life I let them go. Or in this case I unfriended them. That sounds so harsh.

But that’s what it is in the social media world.

 It’s not that I don’t care about these people, but they made it obvious a long time ago they don’t necessarily care about me.

So why let them peek into my life?

 A good friend of mine has a rule of thumb. If she hasn’t actually talked to you, wouldn’t want you to see pictures of her kids. You’re out.

 This is not that.

 If I am being honest though I like that mindset. When did we become so wrapped up in likes, and how many friends we have?

My favorite is an acquaintance who questioned why my person didn’t like my social media posts. Umm…because we TALK in person.

 Again this is not that.

But it is maybe a little.

 It’s ok to let go of people who aren’t there for you.

It’s ok to let go of people who have hurt you.

It’s ok.

 Sometimes there are people in your life who are only meant to be in your life for a certain time. They do what they came for and they’re gone.

 Other times and I am actually and ironically experiencing this now. People come back on your life and it’s pretty fantastic.

I say this all the time there is no rule book. Ok, there are some but you need to be gentle with yourself and if that means letting things or people go.

That’s ok.

 Be safe Mommas

Much love

<3 Caprise

Friendship In The Time Of Chaos

Friendship In The Time Of Chaos..

Anyone else feel like the world is on fire?

Holy…

Where do you start, and when does this end?

I am going to say what you already know and have probably heard a million times.

Reach out to your friends. Often. Call them. Email them. For the first time ever social media can be used for good.

I have actually talked on the phone to friends I normally text. We are sharing music, recipes, our fears.

That last one. Now is not the time to hide. If ever there was a time to show up this is it.

People are showing their true colors. Some are becoming the marker in the Art bin everyone fights over. Some are becoming the crayon no one wants.

Don’t be the crayon.

My list of worries like almost everyone is long.

It has felt very reassuring to know I am not alone. To talk it out or not. To talk about something absolutely ridiculous and have a good belly laugh instead of a long cry. I have plenty of those and know more are coming.

I am by no means telling you to text that ex or forgive a hurt. But the people who mean something to you. Now is the time and goodness knows we have time. Tell them. If possible show them.

I still am not a social media cheerleader and I would fly a caution flag there too.

When people have too much time on their hands they think hard. Overthink… so if you think it might maybe just bug them in normal times I’d say in these times … it will be even more so.

I know it is for me.

On the flip side it is keeping us all connected. Take advantage of it. Use it for good!

But that is not the point.

The point is this. You can come out of this better, the person who lost an opportunity, or was a jackass.

Or in much more eloquent terms thanks to Teddy Roosevelt:

“Do what you can with what you have, where you are.”

Things are weird. Try to keep your chin up. Wash your hands, be kind. This is your moment. You can either rise up or fall back.

Sending you love and reminding you to wash your hands.

<3 Caprise

Sometimes You Have To Let A Friend Go

Sometimes I just can’t be that friend,the friend you want, sometimes I have to pick me and let you go.  Years ago,  I would never have thought of letting a friend go, I wouldn’t have had the self confidence to pick myself over another person.  I would have just gone with the flow and allowed the friendship to continue even if it was a struggle.

Last year, I knew I had to let a long term friend go.  I just could not survive the friendship anymore.  Our friendship was too much of a struggle for me and it was draining. I had my own challenges in my life and I just couldn’t give her the time and commitment she needed.  And in return, she was angry at me for not reaching out, or checking in, or being able to see her.  I did feel horrible and went back and forth with my decision.

I knew I did not have the time to commit to this friendship.  I did not have the energy and strength to put into it what it needed.  I could not make her happy.  I couldn’t be the friend that had to drive 2 hours to see her and she would never come this way to see me.  I could not be the friend that constantly reached out but didn’t receive anything back.  I could not put my energy into a friend that would never reach out to see how I was doing, but you were expected to reach out to her…I couldn’t do it anymore. The one that would never just call and ask how you are doing.. We had many fun times together but over the course of our lifetime, it became more and more draining.

I knew she would require more of a commitment than before.  I couldn’t commit, I just couldn’t do it.  I also could not take time away from other people that had been there for me in the last few years.  I could not be stressed about it anymore or feel like I disappointed her.  We might be friends again, but I mentally can’t do it right now.

I had to just say no I can’t do it. I had to say no I didn’t have the time to see her or come running.  I needed to put myself first.

I had always been the person that tried to do everything for my friends, even ones that I really didn’t feel that close to.   The old me would have put my needs aside to help her with her needs.  Yes, that is all great.  But after many times of not receiving the same treatment back, it becomes so exhausting and draining.   In the past, I had set myself up to fail…I finally realized I do not have to keep friends that drain me… Or keep one’s that take me away from things I felt were important in life.  I do not say yes to every event or activity that I am invited to anymore.  I have learned to hang out with friends that have the same interests as I do.  I have just had to let some friends fade out.

I try to eliminate the drama with friends. I will step away. I like friendships to come naturally and not be a lot of work.  I do not want to plan a fun night out and have it ruined by fighting or making others feel uncomfortable.  Or be with someone that needs to be the center of attention..

I have learned to set boundaries with certain friends.  It actually works!  I have friends that I love for many reasons, but I need to set boundaries.  Some friends I do not have more than one drink with or do not spend much time with outside of certain activities.  Or some friends I can only see for short periods.  It might sound selfish, but it is what keeps our friendship together.

I think the older I get the more I have realized that I do not need a lot of friends.  I do not have the time for all the drama.   I do not have to be friends with everyone.  I choose my time very wisely because it’s limited.  I learned to say no to big events and concentrate on smaller ones with the people that I really love.   I do not need to attend every halloween party, birthday party, work social, or christmas get together.

Friendships in your 40’s should be easy..the friends that stop by at 6 and don’t leave until midnight because you start doing a puzzle and laughing… Those are the friendships that I want to  last a lifetime.

-Snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

An Eye Opening Experience

I knew that entering into high school would bring many changes to my life. Not only was I prepared for the academic challenges I’d be facing, but I was ready for the social challenges that would come along when entering a new school. One thing I knew for sure was that those I had considered close to me at the time would stick with me through it all…or so I thought.

Recently, I went through something that I would never wish upon someone else. I had an experience that truly opened my eyes to the genuine intentions of some of the people around me. Someone that I considered quite close to me for so long, made me feel as if our friendship was of no value to them. They treated me with little respect, and made it obvious that my feelings did not affect theirs.

To be honest, I really had never experienced something on this level, and I was in complete shock for many of the following days. It wasn’t until this moment that I became aware that not everyone in your life is rooting for your success or happiness, even if you have always rooted for theirs. It was also a wake up call to see who was really there for me and who actually cared about my well-being.

I’m positive that this will not be the only time that something similar to this will occur, but hopefully this experience taught me something valuable about surrounding yourself with people who care about your happiness and how YOU feel.

My advice is to really figure out who these wonderful people in your life are, and to spend time building your positive friendships. I also suggest that you distance yourself from all the negative people that want to bring you down.

-Dani<3

Girlfriend Journey

The girlfriend journey …

Being a young girl looking for a place to belong outside the home can be daunting & scary and yet also exciting & fun.  To find girlfriends who are of the same mold as you, girls who have inspirations and dreams and like laughing from their bellies.  Girlfriends who like boys and tree forts and Barbie dolls.  The ones in the mix of it all who love you big, who you trust enough that you take off your mask and who don’t giggle when you talk about the things that lie deep in your heart.

It’s that way when you’re a little girl and it’s that way when you’re a grown woman.  To find a true girlfriend is a journey in and of itself.  It starts with who you are in the world though.  If you want girlfriends who are happy and outgoing and positive, you must first be that kind of person.

Imagine meeting a woman and you’re not quite sure if you want to reveal yourself, if you want to be real and authentic, so you hold back….she will feel that from you.  And if she’s out looking for a happy, outgoing, positive friend to make, she just might pass you by because of your hesitance.

Trust your heart.  Know that women want to know you!  Believe that you have value to add to a relationship and that girlfriends are right around the corner in your life.  It is up to you to recognize your own insecurities, rise above them and shine your light.  Regardless of how scary it might be.  Only through your own vulnerability will another woman be vulnerable with you.

Smile big and share yourself.    Listen with interest and speak with love.  And before you know it, you’ll have girlfriends who share your interests, enjoy your presence, and laugh from the belly with you.

-Tracy

The Madness We Survive

The madness we survive….I spent almost two years of my life buried in a very deep dark hole trying to fight depression and suicidal thoughts on my own. I stared death in the face. Just the two of us sitting in silence, looking back at one another on three different occasions. Luckily I found the strength to walk away from him.

I laid in bed more days than I was out. I went through days without even remembering how. Cried more tears than a body could produce. Sent calls to voicemail more than I could count. It was a silent fight. Because until I wrote and made it public, no one had a clue.

It changes a person. It changes their heart, their mind, their soul. And you don’t go back. You don’t go back to who you used to be. Those scars, whether physical or emotional, they are there forever. The bruises heal. The aches go away. But the scars…they stay forever. You never forget the suicide attempts. You never forget the places, or the dates. You never forget the meaning of all those songs, or the smells that remind you of when. Even when you try and forget…you still remember.

It becomes a part of your story. Whether it’s a short chapter or a very long one, it’s a part of your book. Some chose to be ashamed of that chapter but I chose to use it to reach out to others. A reminder that they aren’t alone, that their feelings are validated, and most importantly, that they can come out of it. That there is hope. There is a light at the end of that seemingly endless tunnel.

People deal with things differently. People love differently. People heal differently. But the crucial point to all this is that that person, that person that hurts so deeply, is still a person. They are someone’s mother, a sister, a best friend. That person deserves to know that their life matters, even when they think it doesn’t. That person was me! If that person is you, read all that over again, and know that when you get through all that pain, you will be stronger than you’ve ever been.

If it’s not you…remember that all it takes is your hand reaching down to help us up. An offer to sit in the dark with, to hold their hand, and wipe their tears. A non-judgmental, real, friendship. Be that friend. It matters.

~BLag

Lonely Hearts Club

The lonely hearts club is tough. I recently came across a quote: psychology says the person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest.

There are days, more often than not I feel this in my bones.

My day job is a director of a large childcare center- so it goes without saying I take care of littles and honestly their parents.

I come home and I take care of my daughter.

I work really hard not to be a burden to others, but be available should anyone need me. I want the people in my life to be happy, even though I realize it’s an incredibly tall and unrealistic order.

Along the way, I’ve become so hyper focused on work and my daughter. I spend a lot of my downtime alone.

I have a person in my life, but our schedules make it hard to see each other.

My closest friends ….schedules sometimes don’t line up.

Also, I know I’m not alone in this. My soul sister and I had this very conversation- how alone we feel sometimes. Thank goodness we both seem to sense when the other needs a phone call.

Or one of my daughter’s friends Mom tells me as she dropped her daughter off at my house for a slumber party that she was going to see a good friend for the first time in three years!

It’s not just adults either. During said slumber party- several of the girls remarked how happy they were to see each other. It may be the only time all summer.

While I appreciate my quiet moments- too many can really start to wreak havoc on me. I need people. I need my people. I have a hard time admitting that.

I love my life and appreciate everything I have, but there are times where it’s glaringly obvious I need some adult time.

I am a strong, independent person but even us caregivers need someone to take care of us. Even if it’s to meet up for coffee for a half hour. Even if it’s to text. To call. To send a hilarious card in the mail.

Mommas fight for that time. Speak up. It doesn’t make you weak. We all need a someone and some time to just be. There is no shame in asking for those things.

It’s ok to want to talk to someone you don’t spend 24 hours with lol.

In the meantime remember who you are when you’re feeling low and lonely- you’re someone’s Mom.

That’s some magical stuff right there.

<3 Caprise

Be Her

Be her….

Do you have girlfriends you can call who will support you in your greatness? Girlfriends who will send you love over the phone or be with you to give you hugs? Girlfriends who understand no justification is necessary and love you even in the mess you may find yourself in?

Girlfriends know what to say and how to be and what to do. They sit when times are tough, they lend an ear when your words won’t stop, they hug when you’re falling down. They laugh from the belly when you do something Crazy. They watch your kids when the sitter leaves you high & dry. They bring a meal when you can’t get out of bed. They cry with you, giggle with you and rant on & on with you. Girlfriends know what to do.

Are you that kind of girlfriend? Do you stop your nonsense to lend a hand? Do you reach out when you’re tired because you know your bestie is having the worst day of her life? Do you care and love and give and hold? It takes a lot to step up and be that kind of friend. It takes courage and compassion and selflessness.

Be the one who someone calls because she knows she can count on you. All Day.

 Be the one who puts smiles on faces, sends birthday wishes & opens her arms to others.

 Be the one who at the end of the day puts her head on her pillow, down right knowing that she stepped out and gave of herself to another with nothing but honest, authentic giving.

Be Her all day long. Truth. Real. Raw. Your giving opens up space & gives permission for your girlfriends to Be Her too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

You Have a Friend In Me

As I rapidly approach my 50th year I am watching my circle of close friends shrink and my circle of acquaintances grow.

I think there’s a couple things at play here. First and foremost the internet good, bad, or otherwise has made it possible for you to “connect” with people you’ve never met.

It also I think makes you feel like the effort that comes with a friendship doesn’t necessarily have to be nurtured. I checked on you on Facebook… we’re good..

Are we?

Before I get too into this, know I am not a friendship nurturer. I’m horrible at it. I suck. SUCK. It’s not that I don’t love and adore my friends I do. I really do. I have some fantastic people in my life…but…

I work in a job where I have to be “on” all day, I have an eleven year old, a side gig… I am the person who needs to recharge. Me declining an invite doesn’t mean I don’t care, I just might need to shut my head off. Thankfully, I’ve gotten much better at telling my friends this. Also, my time with my daughter comes first. Lastly and probably the things that have held me back … being with a group of friends and being completely decimated by a mutual friend. Over a decision that was pretty personal to me at the time. Or having another friend in the heat of my divorce tell me to get over it. Being made to feel like my problems were small by another. This may seem petty but when you’re in it with people you trust you make a decision. Maybe the wrong one. You start keeping yourself so busy you’re not a burden. You don’t share. You hide.

Lucky for me, my current small circle doesn’t give me that pass and will call me out or even on occasion just show up on my doorstep telling me to get dressed we’re going out.

Over the course of the few days they’ve needed me and as the resident insomniac of the group I’m usually up. I also don’t shut my phone off. I know.

I guess where I am going with all of this is you need people, and that is ok. One of my circle remarked friends shouldn’t make you cry unless you’re laughing.

Another has told me I need to live.

A third likes to send me pictures of a certain actor I like.

One gives great Mom advice. I have one who makes me laugh like crazy.

One who always calls me. One who always texts me. One who always teases me. One who loves makeup as much as I do.

Find your circle. Friends really are the family you choose and I’m incredibly disappointed in myself I let the actions of others miss out on some precious time with the circle above.

I am not making that mistake anymore. So I steal moments. One of my closest friends I’ve known since I was 13. It sounds dorky but I call her every morning. My soul sister who has the same birthday as me I make sure to send a message to,just so she knows I’m thinking of her even though I know she’s crazy busy.

Having her message me back “dang I miss you made me cry.”

I send stupid memes to my radio boos.

Lastly and this is a biggie from this guarded girl I told my best friend that he is my best friend.

Because he is.

So how about this… as always, I will be here for you but let’s make sure we let our circle know on the regular what they mean to us.

I’ll start…

I got you Mamas and I appreciate you so much.

<3 Caprise

My Frenemy Social Media

Bill Murray recently tweeted: social media is training us to compare our lives, instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder why everyone is depressed.

As a recovering insomniac I have a bad habit of reaching for an electronic device when my brain decides I need to overthink something at 2 AM. Which is a bad idea. I know this.

Bill’s not too far off. It’s hard not to do. I’m guilty of it. Who isn’t? You see your peeps post pictures of beautiful vacations meanwhile I’m excited about going to Target by myself on my lunch.

Your girlfriends who are madly in love, posting flowers and cards, and outings. You are spending your fifth Valentines alone sporting the noodle necklace made by your kiddo.

You co-worker running a marathon while you’re lucky if you make it to the third floor of your office building without being lightheaded and winded.

You cousin eating a gourmet meal out, you are tucking in with Taco Bell.

Or how about when you are in a relationship and suddenly things that before social media maybe you didn’t see or even care about. Now you see. Like that girl who likes every DAMN thing he posts. Or how he comments on that one girl’s stuff but never yours.

Are you taking this in? It’s kinda silly right? It is. But as humans, at our core I think we all want to be sparkly and loved. We don’t want to show our flaws. That’s weakness. It’s hard to show those bad days, to enjoy that Taco Bell, to realize that girl liking every DAMN post may just be a friend, and even if she’s not, trust your person.

On the flip side there are some really fantastic things social media has brought.

Like I can keep in touch with the funniest person I know, my 72 year old great aunt.

Memes!!!! I love memes. It’s bad. I have a problem. Luckily, so do my girlfriends.

Reconnecting me with people I lost track of. I’m looking at you my Chewbaccas.

Helping me find cool events to do with my family and friends.

New music.

Recipes.

This page (The Working Single Mom) <3

Tips and tricks for almost ANYTHING.

Some absolutely truly heartwarming stories.

I guess where I am going with this. With anything… remember who you are. You are sparkly and beautiful even when maybe you feel like you aren’t.

There is no such thing is perfect.

And really who wants that anyway?

By the way I love me some Taco Bell and my noodle necklace is my most prized possession.

BUT just in case the next time you’re mindlessly scrolling remember this:

“Be yourself today. You look beautiful like that.”

 

And as always I got you Mommas

XO

Caprise