Tag Archives: friends

Lonely Hearts Club

The lonely hearts club is tough. I recently came across a quote: psychology says the person who tries to keep everyone happy often ends up feeling the loneliest.

There are days, more often than not I feel this in my bones.

My day job is a director of a large childcare center- so it goes without saying I take care of littles and honestly their parents.

I come home and I take care of my daughter.

I work really hard not to be a burden to others, but be available should anyone need me. I want the people in my life to be happy, even though I realize it’s an incredibly tall and unrealistic order.

Along the way, I’ve become so hyper focused on work and my daughter. I spend a lot of my downtime alone.

I have a person in my life, but our schedules make it hard to see each other.

My closest friends ….schedules sometimes don’t line up.

Also, I know I’m not alone in this. My soul sister and I had this very conversation- how alone we feel sometimes. Thank goodness we both seem to sense when the other needs a phone call.

Or one of my daughter’s friends Mom tells me as she dropped her daughter off at my house for a slumber party that she was going to see a good friend for the first time in three years!

It’s not just adults either. During said slumber party- several of the girls remarked how happy they were to see each other. It may be the only time all summer.

While I appreciate my quiet moments- too many can really start to wreak havoc on me. I need people. I need my people. I have a hard time admitting that.

I love my life and appreciate everything I have, but there are times where it’s glaringly obvious I need some adult time.

I am a strong, independent person but even us caregivers need someone to take care of us. Even if it’s to meet up for coffee for a half hour. Even if it’s to text. To call. To send a hilarious card in the mail.

Mommas fight for that time. Speak up. It doesn’t make you weak. We all need a someone and some time to just be. There is no shame in asking for those things.

It’s ok to want to talk to someone you don’t spend 24 hours with lol.

In the meantime remember who you are when you’re feeling low and lonely- you’re someone’s Mom.

That’s some magical stuff right there.

<3 Caprise

Be Her

Be her….

Do you have girlfriends you can call who will support you in your greatness? Girlfriends who will send you love over the phone or be with you to give you hugs? Girlfriends who understand no justification is necessary and love you even in the mess you may find yourself in?

Girlfriends know what to say and how to be and what to do. They sit when times are tough, they lend an ear when your words won’t stop, they hug when you’re falling down. They laugh from the belly when you do something Crazy. They watch your kids when the sitter leaves you high & dry. They bring a meal when you can’t get out of bed. They cry with you, giggle with you and rant on & on with you. Girlfriends know what to do.

Are you that kind of girlfriend? Do you stop your nonsense to lend a hand? Do you reach out when you’re tired because you know your bestie is having the worst day of her life? Do you care and love and give and hold? It takes a lot to step up and be that kind of friend. It takes courage and compassion and selflessness.

Be the one who someone calls because she knows she can count on you. All Day.

 Be the one who puts smiles on faces, sends birthday wishes & opens her arms to others.

 Be the one who at the end of the day puts her head on her pillow, down right knowing that she stepped out and gave of herself to another with nothing but honest, authentic giving.

Be Her all day long. Truth. Real. Raw. Your giving opens up space & gives permission for your girlfriends to Be Her too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

You Have a Friend In Me

As I rapidly approach my 50th year I am watching my circle of close friends shrink and my circle of acquaintances grow.

I think there’s a couple things at play here. First and foremost the internet good, bad, or otherwise has made it possible for you to “connect” with people you’ve never met.

It also I think makes you feel like the effort that comes with a friendship doesn’t necessarily have to be nurtured. I checked on you on Facebook… we’re good..

Are we?

Before I get too into this, know I am not a friendship nurturer. I’m horrible at it. I suck. SUCK. It’s not that I don’t love and adore my friends I do. I really do. I have some fantastic people in my life…but…

I work in a job where I have to be “on” all day, I have an eleven year old, a side gig… I am the person who needs to recharge. Me declining an invite doesn’t mean I don’t care, I just might need to shut my head off. Thankfully, I’ve gotten much better at telling my friends this. Also, my time with my daughter comes first. Lastly and probably the things that have held me back … being with a group of friends and being completely decimated by a mutual friend. Over a decision that was pretty personal to me at the time. Or having another friend in the heat of my divorce tell me to get over it. Being made to feel like my problems were small by another. This may seem petty but when you’re in it with people you trust you make a decision. Maybe the wrong one. You start keeping yourself so busy you’re not a burden. You don’t share. You hide.

Lucky for me, my current small circle doesn’t give me that pass and will call me out or even on occasion just show up on my doorstep telling me to get dressed we’re going out.

Over the course of the few days they’ve needed me and as the resident insomniac of the group I’m usually up. I also don’t shut my phone off. I know.

I guess where I am going with all of this is you need people, and that is ok. One of my circle remarked friends shouldn’t make you cry unless you’re laughing.

Another has told me I need to live.

A third likes to send me pictures of a certain actor I like.

One gives great Mom advice. I have one who makes me laugh like crazy.

One who always calls me. One who always texts me. One who always teases me. One who loves makeup as much as I do.

Find your circle. Friends really are the family you choose and I’m incredibly disappointed in myself I let the actions of others miss out on some precious time with the circle above.

I am not making that mistake anymore. So I steal moments. One of my closest friends I’ve known since I was 13. It sounds dorky but I call her every morning. My soul sister who has the same birthday as me I make sure to send a message to,just so she knows I’m thinking of her even though I know she’s crazy busy.

Having her message me back “dang I miss you made me cry.”

I send stupid memes to my radio boos.

Lastly and this is a biggie from this guarded girl I told my best friend that he is my best friend.

Because he is.

So how about this… as always, I will be here for you but let’s make sure we let our circle know on the regular what they mean to us.

I’ll start…

I got you Mamas and I appreciate you so much.

<3 Caprise

My Frenemy Social Media

Bill Murray recently tweeted: social media is training us to compare our lives, instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder why everyone is depressed.

As a recovering insomniac I have a bad habit of reaching for an electronic device when my brain decides I need to overthink something at 2 AM. Which is a bad idea. I know this.

Bill’s not too far off. It’s hard not to do. I’m guilty of it. Who isn’t? You see your peeps post pictures of beautiful vacations meanwhile I’m excited about going to Target by myself on my lunch.

Your girlfriends who are madly in love, posting flowers and cards, and outings. You are spending your fifth Valentines alone sporting the noodle necklace made by your kiddo.

You co-worker running a marathon while you’re lucky if you make it to the third floor of your office building without being lightheaded and winded.

You cousin eating a gourmet meal out, you are tucking in with Taco Bell.

Or how about when you are in a relationship and suddenly things that before social media maybe you didn’t see or even care about. Now you see. Like that girl who likes every DAMN thing he posts. Or how he comments on that one girl’s stuff but never yours.

Are you taking this in? It’s kinda silly right? It is. But as humans, at our core I think we all want to be sparkly and loved. We don’t want to show our flaws. That’s weakness. It’s hard to show those bad days, to enjoy that Taco Bell, to realize that girl liking every DAMN post may just be a friend, and even if she’s not, trust your person.

On the flip side there are some really fantastic things social media has brought.

Like I can keep in touch with the funniest person I know, my 72 year old great aunt.

Memes!!!! I love memes. It’s bad. I have a problem. Luckily, so do my girlfriends.

Reconnecting me with people I lost track of. I’m looking at you my Chewbaccas.

Helping me find cool events to do with my family and friends.

New music.

Recipes.

This page (The Working Single Mom) <3

Tips and tricks for almost ANYTHING.

Some absolutely truly heartwarming stories.

I guess where I am going with this. With anything… remember who you are. You are sparkly and beautiful even when maybe you feel like you aren’t.

There is no such thing is perfect.

And really who wants that anyway?

By the way I love me some Taco Bell and my noodle necklace is my most prized possession.

BUT just in case the next time you’re mindlessly scrolling remember this:

“Be yourself today. You look beautiful like that.”

 

And as always I got you Mommas

XO

Caprise

The Fixer of Broken Boys Part 6: My First Party

Cherie squealed with excitement when we got back to our dorm. Not only were we going to a frat party, apparently my friend’s fraternity was pretty popular on campus.

Us going there gave Cherie a head start on her pledge journey.

I on the other hand was petrified.

I did not drink.

I did not date.

Oh and guess who had never been to a party? Maybe a little too much freedom at once. Cherie to her credit which is why she is still my friend saw my face.

“Oh Caprise…you’ve never been to a party before?”

“More than that…” I squeaked.

I rattled off all the reasons why I was afraid to go.

“Oh no, you’re going. But effective now- buddy system. No girl left behind.”

Scott encouraged me to invite a few ladies from my floor because of course he did. LOL.

From that night on we really did not leave anyone behind. It got wicked sometimes and ugly and feelings were hurt. But we stuck together. Except for one. And we will get there and it changed things.

Not a heartbreak but a disappointment that I have never let go because if it were me… well … will get there.

Sadly

My first college party was kinda of crazy. How could it not be? However, when your big brother – yup I became a little sister introduces you as knowing your Mom. My experiences were very tame.

As I’ve alluded to- the people who break your heart aren’t the ones you expect.

Poor Scott the one and only time he tried to kiss me- I got incredibly sick. God bless him he was one of the best nurses I ever had. Our paths cross once in awhile and everyone assumes we got together in college. We just chuckle as we both know he really was my big brother.

I know this was a bit light … but we are gearing up for my first big adult heartbreak. It’s tendrils still reach out to me years later so I’m trying to figure out how to write about heartbreak number five.

~~Caprise
Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

I Am Not A Guy’s Girl

I am not a guy’s girl….

A few weeks ago I spent the bulk of my weekend with one my favorite human beings. As we do we talked about our daughters, work, relationships and music.
My favorite human being is 6 ft 2 and thoroughly enjoys making me blush. As with the majority of my favorite human beings – he’s a he. I’ve known him for five years and what started out as a guy giving me tattoos who yes,I thought was a bit cute … turned into well – one of my favorite humans. This last time he made me cry as he gently scolded me on all the reasons why I should never be anyone’s second thought. The needles helped the tears lol.
Early on just by virtue of the neighborhood we lived in,the majority of my friends were boys. That did not mean however I didn’t play with Barbies or dress up. It just meant He-Man usually made an appearance and the elaborate braids my Mom put in my hair didn’t make it ever much past first recess. It also meant when in fifth grade a boy punched me in the stomach on the playground and my neighborhood brothers from another mothers were informed he never bothered me again. Neither did anyone else.

It also made dating pretty much impossible. My Mom was overprotective enough(a blog for another time) throw in the neighborhood boys… my one and only date in high school was arranged by my Mom. I went to homecoming with a guy friend and prom with a bunch of girls.
This might have been cause for concern heading into college except out the gate I became a little sister for a Frat.

My big brother who worked for my Mom and had known me since I was 16 introduced me this way: “this is my little sister Caprise I know her Mom.
Then I met the group of men- who honestly who have set the standard. They are my brothers from another mothers. They are the guys I did college radio with. The only reason I think I got offered a shift at our college radio station was because there was only one other woman on the air. I,however fell in love with it. As a shy girl who loved music I found my happy place and my people. I switched majors and never looked back.

The irony of this is for part of this time I lived in an all girls hall. So please don’t misunderstand -I have best friends who are women too. And it’s pretty sad when I hear women say I prefer male friends over woman friends- less drama. Maybe you’re just hanging out with the wrong ladies? I’m gonna say you are…ANYWAY…These guys were there for me through some pretty crazy stuff….and 20 plus years later STILL ARE(!)

I was dating new boyfriend when the old boyfriend decides to kiss me in front of everyone and declare he’s not over me. I get back together with old boyfriend who proceeds to sleep with the woman who hosts the morning show when I don’t. They both brag about it. Which results in a physical fight in library mall on campus between boyfriend and guy friend.

Boyfriend dumps me but can’t decide if that’s what he wants for over the course of a year.
An abusive relationship
Lots of really bad dates, lots, and lots
Getting passed over for way too many radio gigs
Getting married
Having a baby
Getting divorced
Changing careers
#cliffnotes

Through it all they held my hand. They have hugged me while I cried. Taken care of me when I was sick. Never once are they surprised by anything I share and they always believed in me. We tell each other we love each other. We’ve seen each other at our worst and best and still like each other.
Some of my favorite quotes from my guy friends:
“His taste in music was horrible.”
“Girl you glowed up.”
“I didn’t like his shoes.”
“Well he didn’t read.”
“You are the in majors he is in farm league.”
“Why wouldn’t Henry Rollins date you?”
“Well he’s an idiot.”
It means always having dates for various functions. Making up really bad nicknames for the men I dated…Sorry they still do. Being incredibly kind and hand me tissues when I lament I can’t seem to meet anyone. Everyone I meet is broken… that IS a blog for another time.
Letting me sob hysterically on the phone when I tell them I’m afraid I’ll never get married again after a man I was seeing forgot to mention he had a girlfriend.

There are always the awkward questions people ask about my relationships with my guy friends. I’m not doing that here. Out of respect for them. Me. Their incredible families…
But no a thousand million times no.

They are incredible and their amazing partners have become my friends. I have bad news fellas -if I ever have to pick sides …. lol
When I was pregnant my best guy friend and his very new girlfriend (now wife) drove an hour to meet my new daughter. No one else did that.

When I separated from my ex husband my other brother from another mother and his wife stayed with me on the weekends my daughter was gone. No one else did that.

When I finally decided to leave the man I had been with for six years after he lied about who I was to his family – my sweet friend “brother” listened to me as I sobbed and told only him the truth.

Calling me on my birthday to wish me a Happy Birthday because a Facebook post doesn’t seem right. Talked to me for four hours at a radio seminar.Take road trips with me.
Went with me to a funeral. Helped me pick out an outfit to wear to host an event

They have never complained about the amount of T-shirts my mascara has stained.
They always pick up the phone. They always text me back. They never tell me to get over it.

They are my brothers and they love me, quirks and all.

I feel the same about them.

~Caprise

Blessed. My Word Of The Day.

Blessed.  That’s the word and feeling I have today. Overwhelmingly so. I am blessed every day but today I feel grateful, humbled and blessed beyond words.

We had a fundraiser this past Sunday for my husband’s brother. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever taken part in. Unfortunately, you don’t realize how many friends, and caring, kind, loving people there are until “bad” things happen. I often wonder if “bad” things happen to remind you of all the good things & people that are there.

Life gets busy and all good intentions of reaching out to friends doesn’t happen nearly or often enough as it should. Reaching out for no other reason than to just be reaching out. The greatest realization that I have had with this is knowing that it happens to us all. That we don’t reach out as often as we should, that we tend to feel that we are “friendless”, that we are anti- social, that there is just not enough time in the day,….. Which this weekend has proven couldn’t be as far from the truth as possible.

I have been racking my brain the last two days trying to figure out how to show and express to everyone how much they mean to my family and how grateful we are for them. Honestly, I don’t know that there is anything we can do, we have done the thank-you, love you, appreciate you…maybe, just maybe, showing our appreciation will be returned when they need us. I don’t wish for anyone to have terrible things happen to them so we get the opportunity to return the love and kindness but as we all know life does some pretty crappy things.

Beyond blessed. That is who I am today. It’s a wonderful feeling to have.

Love to All-

Kim