Tag Archives: friend

Alone Does Not Equate To Lonely

Alone: adjective; having no one else present, exclusive of anyone or anything

Lonely: adjective; being without company, cut off from others, being solitary of mind

The difference between being alone & being lonely is:

    Alone describes your physical space. 

I live alone in my house. 

I did my grocery shopping alone today.

   Lonely describes your mental space.  

I am lonely sitting on this bench.

I felt lonely at that party last night.

You can easily be alone, be at home all by yourself, separated from others and feel alive, connected and in relationship with the people in your life.   You can be content with your ‘alone time’, finding things  you enjoy doing, when you are by yourself. Cooking, baking, crafting, reading.  You can be alone yet on the phone with a friend, FaceTime a family member or have a Zoom Meeting with your Book Club. 

Just as much as you can be in a crowded room full of people to connect with, conversations to be had, people to say hello to and feel very lonely.  You can be in a Study Hall full of classmates, a conference room stock piled with other colleagues or at the park with your kids and a handful of other moms and again, feel lonely.  

Lonely is an inside job.  Alone is an outside job.  

When you’re alone, you can very easily change the situation by changing your location.  You can go to the mall, library, church meeting Mom’s Group.  You can ask friends over for dinner or go to the movies with a few people.

When you’re lonely though, that is an internal battle to be won.  What causes your loneliness?  Is it the missing of your mate, the envy of your playful neighbors, the wanting of something different?  I am sure whatever it is, if you can identify it, and ….claim it, ….name it, ….look at it square in the eyes. You can find a solution.  It might be uncomfortable.  It might stretch you outside your comfort zone.  It might require something of yourself that you haven’t done in a long time. But I know like I know.  You CAN find a solution.  

Good luck my friend.  Lonely is not your middle name.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Making Friends Mid-Life

I just moved to Fort Wayne 7 months ago and I have so many wonderful friends today!  

I have so many new friends in my life because I said yes.  I said hello. I started a conversation. I smiled. I went to the meeting.  I joined the Study. I accepted the invitation. I went alone. I walked through the door.  You see…. I had decided before I moved here that I was going to make this a life worth living, I was going to meet women and I was going to enjoy my new home in this new place.  

If you want to be a part of a larger circle of girlfriends, it will take you getting out of your fragile way, it will take you being bold and stepping out and it will take you creating something different.  You will have to risk, you will have to research things happening near you and go alone, you will have to be in the mindset of positivity and possibility and love.

So, you say hi first.  And maybe that’s all it is…. is a hello.  This time. And maybe nothing comes from it.  It goes no further than that. But, MAYBE, just maybe… a compliment about her cute sweater creates a coffee date.  Maybe volunteering at the animal shelter turns into a friendship with someone you may never ever have met otherwise.  Maybe going to a yoga class alone and chatting afterwards you end meeting your new bestie and especially when you open your mind to the fact that you and the woman across the street can’t wait to meet each other… you end up creating a friendship only the heart can explain.

So to create a larger circle of friends… yes…. it requires you to go places and do things and kindly say hello.  You never know what could come next. It’s never ever too late in life to make new friends.

xoxo,

Your God girl 

Tracy

Friendship In The Time Of Chaos

Friendship In The Time Of Chaos..

Anyone else feel like the world is on fire?

Holy…

Where do you start, and when does this end?

I am going to say what you already know and have probably heard a million times.

Reach out to your friends. Often. Call them. Email them. For the first time ever social media can be used for good.

I have actually talked on the phone to friends I normally text. We are sharing music, recipes, our fears.

That last one. Now is not the time to hide. If ever there was a time to show up this is it.

People are showing their true colors. Some are becoming the marker in the Art bin everyone fights over. Some are becoming the crayon no one wants.

Don’t be the crayon.

My list of worries like almost everyone is long.

It has felt very reassuring to know I am not alone. To talk it out or not. To talk about something absolutely ridiculous and have a good belly laugh instead of a long cry. I have plenty of those and know more are coming.

I am by no means telling you to text that ex or forgive a hurt. But the people who mean something to you. Now is the time and goodness knows we have time. Tell them. If possible show them.

I still am not a social media cheerleader and I would fly a caution flag there too.

When people have too much time on their hands they think hard. Overthink… so if you think it might maybe just bug them in normal times I’d say in these times … it will be even more so.

I know it is for me.

On the flip side it is keeping us all connected. Take advantage of it. Use it for good!

But that is not the point.

The point is this. You can come out of this better, the person who lost an opportunity, or was a jackass.

Or in much more eloquent terms thanks to Teddy Roosevelt:

“Do what you can with what you have, where you are.”

Things are weird. Try to keep your chin up. Wash your hands, be kind. This is your moment. You can either rise up or fall back.

Sending you love and reminding you to wash your hands.

<3 Caprise

Let Your Single Friends Be Single

Let your single friends be single…

I was out with some friends a few weeks ago, just having a fun night with my friends for a birthday celebration, and then it starts…the classic “I need to find you a boyfriend”…

I am a smart confident woman, with a career, friends, a great family and 3 amazing kids.  What makes you think that a boyfriend or relationship is my top priority???

 

#1- When I say I am not looking for a relationship I mean it…

I love my friends! I spent 13 years in a marriage that kept me from being myself. I am loving the last couple years of learning about what I want in life. I am loving learning to do things alone. I am loving finding out what I want in a relationship.  I need to figure out all those things before I can get into a serious relationship.

When I say I am not looking for a relationship, it’s like they can not hear me.  But why do they think they can find the man of my dreams and I can’t… I feel I have a pretty good judge of character, so I’m guessing I could probably find one on my own.

 

#2-Always being auctioned off…

Do you know how annoying it is that when you go to drinks with your friends they try and raffle you off…like it’s a meat raffle.  Or they pick out guys that they think are single at the bar and try and get their attention for you. Or they ask the servers or bartenders if they are single…

Maybe your single friends just want to go out with their friends and catch up. They don’t always want to be singled out as the “single” friend. It might not even be a top priority for them.  And I get so nervous when I feel singled out. I am not the type of person that likes to be the center of attention, so I usually never even talk to the person.

Right now,  I really do not want to be set up with my friends co-worker, brother, neighbor, or the dad on the soccer team…

But why do friends think they can find the man of my dreams and I can’t… I’m guessing I could probably find one on my own.  But they are all determined to find me the “one”. The one.. the ultimate dream guy for me.

 

#3-Listen to your single friends…

I know it’s hard for my friends to understand that maybe I am not hunting down the “one”.  That maybe when I say I am not ready to get into a relationship I am actually telling the truth.

Maybe it’s a good idea to ask your friends why they are single?  Maybe it’s many reasons.. maybe they are concentrating on other things in their life right now, maybe they had a hard break up in the past, maybe they don’t want to get hurt… there are many things that make people not focus on not getting into a relationship.

Relationships and dating are hard.  They take a lot of work and are a huge time commitment.  I follow many different single women websites, and there are many women out there that have just given up on dating.  They have had bad experiences with online dating and just don’t want to waste time anymore.

My 94 year old grandma told me on Christmas that I better start dating because I don’t have much time left.. I laughed and said “ ohh grandma I’m not even going to think about dating until I’m 60”.

I am so content in my lifestyle now, but at times I go back and forth with dating. There are times when I do feel really alone from not being in a relationship.  I worry at times about not being alone once my kids are grown.  It is a very scary feeling to think about years from now.  I go through periods of time when I think I should get into a relationship.  I do date occasionally, but it’s mostly just for companionship.

I received the best advice a couple weeks ago from someone.. I was venting about not wanting to be in a relationship and why am I so different than my other friends that are in relationships. I kept saying, “what’s wrong with me..I was mentioning how it is just not a priority for me, but at times I feel like I should be dating”.

She said, you just need to do what you want and not worry about what you “think” you should be doing…Sometimes an almost stranger can say something to you that just clicks.

So if you have that friend that is constantly pushing a relationship on you or trying to set you up with their kids soccer coach, somehow get them to listen to you.

Maybe you just say listen here

“Joanne from Nebraska … I don’t want you to find me a man.. I’m happy with my life… are you listening to me”….

Be honest with your friends and tell them what you want right now. Tell them what you are excited about in your life, tell them it’s not the right time, or just tell them to just listen to you…

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Why Do We Need Our Friends?

Growing up I had my friends.. I did everything with the same people throughout my high school years. Sleepovers, football games, decorating yards with rolls of toilet paper each weekend….  In college it continued.. I was never overly popular, but I had my true friends.  It  has continued through my life…

I now watch my teenage daughter, now almost fifteen now  sit and laugh with her friends.  It is 5 pm on a Friday and its USA theme and the football game… her and her friend are frantically searching around the house for USA apparel and face paint. I just laugh… I love listening to the laughter and shrieking.  The many Friday nights, I am awaken out of a deep sleep by the sound of popcorn popping at 1 am.  They spend hours face-timing each other on their new school clothes and the outfits they are going to wear for the next week.   All of these things I love that she is experiencing….

I did not realize how important my friends were until I was well into my forties.  Its crazy how you meet those people in high school or college or at your kids soccer games and these are the people going to trust with everything in your life.  The friends you can’t get thru a day without.  They understand you more than most people in your life.

These are the friends that show up at 2 pm with a six  pack, just for fun.  (Yes, we live in Wisconsin and we drink beer)

Not until my divorce did I ever ask for help.  My friends never knew when I was suffering or drowning in life.. and then It changed.  I was the friend that held it together for everything.  Then I realized to survive through my divorce, I needed to ask for help.   Through my marriage, I handled everything from parenting to finances to vacations..I handled it all.  The summer of my divorce I was a mess.. I was happy one minute and crying the next.  I remember going to a country concert drinking two gingers and crying thru all of the fun.  One of my not so great moments.. but without those friends I would have not survived.

My friends would drag me out of the house and listen to me talk endlessly about the process of going through a divorce.  All of the nitty gritty details of the financial details, custody, splitting of your favorite memories, or how much you miss your kids.  They would ask me to go for a hike or walk many nights just because they knew I needed it.  I am a pretty independent person, so showing my friends that I needed help was very hard for me.  I know years later that I’m so grateful for them.  To many people am sure I looked like I had it together, but the truth is I needed my friends. I needed them to be my sound board. I needed to them to give me advice and encouragement to get through my divorce.

They push you…. My friends push me to do the things that I think I can not.. maybe it starts in the high school by asking your crush out and then continues later in life..now it’s  pushing you to try dating again age 45. They push you out of you comfort zone and get you to believe in yourself.  They help you text a guy back at age 45 and wait frantically for his response.  I would not have accomplished half the things I have done since my divorce without them.

They comfort you…Most of the time my friends are the first place I turn when I’m feeling lonely from missing my kids, when I’m stressed over fighting with my ex, or when just can’t concentrate on anything. These girls are the ones that can pull me out of my funk.  Having friends that you can trust and confide in has got me through most of my last 5 years.  We all have those nights or days that we just feel like crying.. sometimes it’s for no reason at all.  The moments when you burst into tears and maybe have no idea why… You need those people in your life to get you through it.  The days you wake up and feel like a bloated whale for no reason and you text your friends with crying emojis and they tell you how beautiful and funny you are…

They will be honest with you….The good friends will be straight with you. They will not just agree with your opinions and thoughts, they will tell you when you are being a little crazy…I’m a laid back person and i like to trust many people. I was very inexperienced and naive when I went thru my divorce, I did not have a lot of divorced friends and I thought I could trust my ex and I could be vague in our decree. Fast forward 5 years, my friends now tell me when I’m being to vulnerable with my ex. They tell me when I need to stand up for myself and get it documented. They will remind me of what has happened in the past and how to protect myself.  I need those friends in my life.  They always have my back.   They will also be the ones that see things differently and tell me when to get my head out of my ass.

Why do we need our friends?  We need them to get thru life.. mine have helped me with so many decisions.  The are the ones that push us when we need it.  It takes me a long time to get comfortable with people, so I cherish the friends that I can be myself with and tell them everything… these are the friends that we need.  These are the ones I love…

 

Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com/blog

Girlfriend Journey

The girlfriend journey …

Being a young girl looking for a place to belong outside the home can be daunting & scary and yet also exciting & fun.  To find girlfriends who are of the same mold as you, girls who have inspirations and dreams and like laughing from their bellies.  Girlfriends who like boys and tree forts and Barbie dolls.  The ones in the mix of it all who love you big, who you trust enough that you take off your mask and who don’t giggle when you talk about the things that lie deep in your heart.

It’s that way when you’re a little girl and it’s that way when you’re a grown woman.  To find a true girlfriend is a journey in and of itself.  It starts with who you are in the world though.  If you want girlfriends who are happy and outgoing and positive, you must first be that kind of person.

Imagine meeting a woman and you’re not quite sure if you want to reveal yourself, if you want to be real and authentic, so you hold back….she will feel that from you.  And if she’s out looking for a happy, outgoing, positive friend to make, she just might pass you by because of your hesitance.

Trust your heart.  Know that women want to know you!  Believe that you have value to add to a relationship and that girlfriends are right around the corner in your life.  It is up to you to recognize your own insecurities, rise above them and shine your light.  Regardless of how scary it might be.  Only through your own vulnerability will another woman be vulnerable with you.

Smile big and share yourself.    Listen with interest and speak with love.  And before you know it, you’ll have girlfriends who share your interests, enjoy your presence, and laugh from the belly with you.

-Tracy

Be Her

Be her….

Do you have girlfriends you can call who will support you in your greatness? Girlfriends who will send you love over the phone or be with you to give you hugs? Girlfriends who understand no justification is necessary and love you even in the mess you may find yourself in?

Girlfriends know what to say and how to be and what to do. They sit when times are tough, they lend an ear when your words won’t stop, they hug when you’re falling down. They laugh from the belly when you do something Crazy. They watch your kids when the sitter leaves you high & dry. They bring a meal when you can’t get out of bed. They cry with you, giggle with you and rant on & on with you. Girlfriends know what to do.

Are you that kind of girlfriend? Do you stop your nonsense to lend a hand? Do you reach out when you’re tired because you know your bestie is having the worst day of her life? Do you care and love and give and hold? It takes a lot to step up and be that kind of friend. It takes courage and compassion and selflessness.

Be the one who someone calls because she knows she can count on you. All Day.

 Be the one who puts smiles on faces, sends birthday wishes & opens her arms to others.

 Be the one who at the end of the day puts her head on her pillow, down right knowing that she stepped out and gave of herself to another with nothing but honest, authentic giving.

Be Her all day long. Truth. Real. Raw. Your giving opens up space & gives permission for your girlfriends to Be Her too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

My Frenemy Social Media

Bill Murray recently tweeted: social media is training us to compare our lives, instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder why everyone is depressed.

As a recovering insomniac I have a bad habit of reaching for an electronic device when my brain decides I need to overthink something at 2 AM. Which is a bad idea. I know this.

Bill’s not too far off. It’s hard not to do. I’m guilty of it. Who isn’t? You see your peeps post pictures of beautiful vacations meanwhile I’m excited about going to Target by myself on my lunch.

Your girlfriends who are madly in love, posting flowers and cards, and outings. You are spending your fifth Valentines alone sporting the noodle necklace made by your kiddo.

You co-worker running a marathon while you’re lucky if you make it to the third floor of your office building without being lightheaded and winded.

You cousin eating a gourmet meal out, you are tucking in with Taco Bell.

Or how about when you are in a relationship and suddenly things that before social media maybe you didn’t see or even care about. Now you see. Like that girl who likes every DAMN thing he posts. Or how he comments on that one girl’s stuff but never yours.

Are you taking this in? It’s kinda silly right? It is. But as humans, at our core I think we all want to be sparkly and loved. We don’t want to show our flaws. That’s weakness. It’s hard to show those bad days, to enjoy that Taco Bell, to realize that girl liking every DAMN post may just be a friend, and even if she’s not, trust your person.

On the flip side there are some really fantastic things social media has brought.

Like I can keep in touch with the funniest person I know, my 72 year old great aunt.

Memes!!!! I love memes. It’s bad. I have a problem. Luckily, so do my girlfriends.

Reconnecting me with people I lost track of. I’m looking at you my Chewbaccas.

Helping me find cool events to do with my family and friends.

New music.

Recipes.

This page (The Working Single Mom) <3

Tips and tricks for almost ANYTHING.

Some absolutely truly heartwarming stories.

I guess where I am going with this. With anything… remember who you are. You are sparkly and beautiful even when maybe you feel like you aren’t.

There is no such thing is perfect.

And really who wants that anyway?

By the way I love me some Taco Bell and my noodle necklace is my most prized possession.

BUT just in case the next time you’re mindlessly scrolling remember this:

“Be yourself today. You look beautiful like that.”

 

And as always I got you Mommas

XO

Caprise

The Fixer of Broken Boys Part 6: My First Party

Cherie squealed with excitement when we got back to our dorm. Not only were we going to a frat party, apparently my friend’s fraternity was pretty popular on campus.

Us going there gave Cherie a head start on her pledge journey.

I on the other hand was petrified.

I did not drink.

I did not date.

Oh and guess who had never been to a party? Maybe a little too much freedom at once. Cherie to her credit which is why she is still my friend saw my face.

“Oh Caprise…you’ve never been to a party before?”

“More than that…” I squeaked.

I rattled off all the reasons why I was afraid to go.

“Oh no, you’re going. But effective now- buddy system. No girl left behind.”

Scott encouraged me to invite a few ladies from my floor because of course he did. LOL.

From that night on we really did not leave anyone behind. It got wicked sometimes and ugly and feelings were hurt. But we stuck together. Except for one. And we will get there and it changed things.

Not a heartbreak but a disappointment that I have never let go because if it were me… well … will get there.

Sadly

My first college party was kinda of crazy. How could it not be? However, when your big brother – yup I became a little sister introduces you as knowing your Mom. My experiences were very tame.

As I’ve alluded to- the people who break your heart aren’t the ones you expect.

Poor Scott the one and only time he tried to kiss me- I got incredibly sick. God bless him he was one of the best nurses I ever had. Our paths cross once in awhile and everyone assumes we got together in college. We just chuckle as we both know he really was my big brother.

I know this was a bit light … but we are gearing up for my first big adult heartbreak. It’s tendrils still reach out to me years later so I’m trying to figure out how to write about heartbreak number five.

~~Caprise
Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

I Am Not A Guy’s Girl

I am not a guy’s girl….

A few weeks ago I spent the bulk of my weekend with one my favorite human beings. As we do we talked about our daughters, work, relationships and music.
My favorite human being is 6 ft 2 and thoroughly enjoys making me blush. As with the majority of my favorite human beings – he’s a he. I’ve known him for five years and what started out as a guy giving me tattoos who yes,I thought was a bit cute … turned into well – one of my favorite humans. This last time he made me cry as he gently scolded me on all the reasons why I should never be anyone’s second thought. The needles helped the tears lol.
Early on just by virtue of the neighborhood we lived in,the majority of my friends were boys. That did not mean however I didn’t play with Barbies or dress up. It just meant He-Man usually made an appearance and the elaborate braids my Mom put in my hair didn’t make it ever much past first recess. It also meant when in fifth grade a boy punched me in the stomach on the playground and my neighborhood brothers from another mothers were informed he never bothered me again. Neither did anyone else.

It also made dating pretty much impossible. My Mom was overprotective enough(a blog for another time) throw in the neighborhood boys… my one and only date in high school was arranged by my Mom. I went to homecoming with a guy friend and prom with a bunch of girls.
This might have been cause for concern heading into college except out the gate I became a little sister for a Frat.

My big brother who worked for my Mom and had known me since I was 16 introduced me this way: “this is my little sister Caprise I know her Mom.
Then I met the group of men- who honestly who have set the standard. They are my brothers from another mothers. They are the guys I did college radio with. The only reason I think I got offered a shift at our college radio station was because there was only one other woman on the air. I,however fell in love with it. As a shy girl who loved music I found my happy place and my people. I switched majors and never looked back.

The irony of this is for part of this time I lived in an all girls hall. So please don’t misunderstand -I have best friends who are women too. And it’s pretty sad when I hear women say I prefer male friends over woman friends- less drama. Maybe you’re just hanging out with the wrong ladies? I’m gonna say you are…ANYWAY…These guys were there for me through some pretty crazy stuff….and 20 plus years later STILL ARE(!)

I was dating new boyfriend when the old boyfriend decides to kiss me in front of everyone and declare he’s not over me. I get back together with old boyfriend who proceeds to sleep with the woman who hosts the morning show when I don’t. They both brag about it. Which results in a physical fight in library mall on campus between boyfriend and guy friend.

Boyfriend dumps me but can’t decide if that’s what he wants for over the course of a year.
An abusive relationship
Lots of really bad dates, lots, and lots
Getting passed over for way too many radio gigs
Getting married
Having a baby
Getting divorced
Changing careers
#cliffnotes

Through it all they held my hand. They have hugged me while I cried. Taken care of me when I was sick. Never once are they surprised by anything I share and they always believed in me. We tell each other we love each other. We’ve seen each other at our worst and best and still like each other.
Some of my favorite quotes from my guy friends:
“His taste in music was horrible.”
“Girl you glowed up.”
“I didn’t like his shoes.”
“Well he didn’t read.”
“You are the in majors he is in farm league.”
“Why wouldn’t Henry Rollins date you?”
“Well he’s an idiot.”
It means always having dates for various functions. Making up really bad nicknames for the men I dated…Sorry they still do. Being incredibly kind and hand me tissues when I lament I can’t seem to meet anyone. Everyone I meet is broken… that IS a blog for another time.
Letting me sob hysterically on the phone when I tell them I’m afraid I’ll never get married again after a man I was seeing forgot to mention he had a girlfriend.

There are always the awkward questions people ask about my relationships with my guy friends. I’m not doing that here. Out of respect for them. Me. Their incredible families…
But no a thousand million times no.

They are incredible and their amazing partners have become my friends. I have bad news fellas -if I ever have to pick sides …. lol
When I was pregnant my best guy friend and his very new girlfriend (now wife) drove an hour to meet my new daughter. No one else did that.

When I separated from my ex husband my other brother from another mother and his wife stayed with me on the weekends my daughter was gone. No one else did that.

When I finally decided to leave the man I had been with for six years after he lied about who I was to his family – my sweet friend “brother” listened to me as I sobbed and told only him the truth.

Calling me on my birthday to wish me a Happy Birthday because a Facebook post doesn’t seem right. Talked to me for four hours at a radio seminar.Take road trips with me.
Went with me to a funeral. Helped me pick out an outfit to wear to host an event

They have never complained about the amount of T-shirts my mascara has stained.
They always pick up the phone. They always text me back. They never tell me to get over it.

They are my brothers and they love me, quirks and all.

I feel the same about them.

~Caprise