Growing up I had my friends.. I did everything with the same people throughout my high school years. Sleepovers, football games, decorating yards with rolls of toilet paper each weekend…. In college it continued.. I was never overly popular, but I had my true friends. It has continued through my life…
I now watch my teenage daughter, now almost fifteen now sit and laugh with her friends. It is 5 pm on a Friday and its USA theme and the football game… her and her friend are frantically searching around the house for USA apparel and face paint. I just laugh… I love listening to the laughter and shrieking. The many Friday nights, I am awaken out of a deep sleep by the sound of popcorn popping at 1 am. They spend hours face-timing each other on their new school clothes and the outfits they are going to wear for the next week. All of these things I love that she is experiencing….
I did not realize how important my friends were until I was well into my forties. Its crazy how you meet those people in high school or college or at your kids soccer games and these are the people going to trust with everything in your life. The friends you can’t get thru a day without. They understand you more than most people in your life.
These are the friends that show up at 2 pm with a six pack, just for fun. (Yes, we live in Wisconsin and we drink beer)
Not until my divorce did I ever ask for help. My friends never knew when I was suffering or drowning in life.. and then It changed. I was the friend that held it together for everything. Then I realized to survive through my divorce, I needed to ask for help. Through my marriage, I handled everything from parenting to finances to vacations..I handled it all. The summer of my divorce I was a mess.. I was happy one minute and crying the next. I remember going to a country concert drinking two gingers and crying thru all of the fun. One of my not so great moments.. but without those friends I would have not survived.
My friends would drag me out of the house and listen to me talk endlessly about the process of going through a divorce. All of the nitty gritty details of the financial details, custody, splitting of your favorite memories, or how much you miss your kids. They would ask me to go for a hike or walk many nights just because they knew I needed it. I am a pretty independent person, so showing my friends that I needed help was very hard for me. I know years later that I’m so grateful for them. To many people am sure I looked like I had it together, but the truth is I needed my friends. I needed them to be my sound board. I needed to them to give me advice and encouragement to get through my divorce.
They push you…. My friends push me to do the things that I think I can not.. maybe it starts in the high school by asking your crush out and then continues later in life..now it’s pushing you to try dating again age 45. They push you out of you comfort zone and get you to believe in yourself. They help you text a guy back at age 45 and wait frantically for his response. I would not have accomplished half the things I have done since my divorce without them.
They comfort you…Most of the time my friends are the first place I turn when I’m feeling lonely from missing my kids, when I’m stressed over fighting with my ex, or when just can’t concentrate on anything. These girls are the ones that can pull me out of my funk. Having friends that you can trust and confide in has got me through most of my last 5 years. We all have those nights or days that we just feel like crying.. sometimes it’s for no reason at all. The moments when you burst into tears and maybe have no idea why… You need those people in your life to get you through it. The days you wake up and feel like a bloated whale for no reason and you text your friends with crying emojis and they tell you how beautiful and funny you are…
They will be honest with you….The good friends will be straight with you. They will not just agree with your opinions and thoughts, they will tell you when you are being a little crazy…I’m a laid back person and i like to trust many people. I was very inexperienced and naive when I went thru my divorce, I did not have a lot of divorced friends and I thought I could trust my ex and I could be vague in our decree. Fast forward 5 years, my friends now tell me when I’m being to vulnerable with my ex. They tell me when I need to stand up for myself and get it documented. They will remind me of what has happened in the past and how to protect myself. I need those friends in my life. They always have my back. They will also be the ones that see things differently and tell me when to get my head out of my ass.
Why do we need our friends? We need them to get thru life.. mine have helped me with so many decisions. The are the ones that push us when we need it. It takes me a long time to get comfortable with people, so I cherish the friends that I can be myself with and tell them everything… these are the friends that we need. These are the ones I love…