Tag Archives: Forgiveness

A Little Love

There are three quotes I’d like to share with you that I have been thinking about today:

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle. Love is a war. Love is a growing up.”-James Baldwin

“Love is an ENDLESS act of forgiveness.”-Peter Ustinov

“All things that exist in truth exist forever.”-Marianne Williamson

Most people don’t understand that in all their relationships they are the decisive element. We decide whether or not to be offended, to be loving, to be kind, to be vindictive, to be generous, to be forgiving…other people do what they do and we decide how to react to that. The mainstream seems to teach us that love feels good and that it makes you sappy and happy all the time and if you are unhappy then you must be in a bad situation be it romantic or otherwise…and so we have created a culture of folks that walk away from jobs and friends and relationships when they stop feeling “happy”…

What if real love was REAL WORK? What if loving your job, your kids, your friends, your relationships, your house, your pets, your country, your neighbors meant working to recreate that happy, sappy feeling day after day? If we thought or understood that loving is really an endless act of forgiving and giving then wouldn’t we change the way we think about it? Consider that the real purpose of us all being here together is for soul growth and not for personal gratification or indulgence of the senses…consider that perhaps it is your job to use your relationships with people to further humanity as a whole instead of just using them to see what you can get for yourself…

Imagine a culture in which people put other people before themselves as a practice instead of just once and awhile to prove that they are not small selfish clods of ailments and grievances.

So many people that I know spend SO MUCH time worrying about who they can be with and what they can get out of it…people always seem so amazed at the way that I take care of the people around me, they think me so generous…the truth is that I was taught early on that it isn’t about me…it is about what I can do for whoever is around me…it is about serving humanity to make things better for everyone…if we all lived like that what a different place this would be.

I wish that people would think prior to just reacting…I have a good friend that is recently divorced and every time his ex-wife pushes a button he reacts…he isn’t about serving her, he is about what a XXXXX she is being…I have a news flash…she will never change…he will have to change. Those people in your life that you believe deserve whatever it is that you are serving up to them…they are not really the ones being harmed by your behavior—you are. Your angst, your anger, your hatred, your unkind words…all those things you feel are valid…all of that just comes back to create chaos in your own life…negativity breeds negativity—universal law—always true…

I realize that we are not all going to start running around being nice to everyone and handing out flowers in orange robes…and I have my moments where I express my own disgust for people, places and things, however I catch myself and I know better and I keep trying to do better…that is all I am suggesting, that we think, that we look to see how we can forward the action of things instead of killing them with our negative actions and words…

The first step to changing any behavior is to first recognize it—you can’t hope to shift something that you can’t even bring to consciousness…

 

XO, Noelle

Let Those Grudges Go

Grudges. The old me…circa 2016 and back…100% held grudges. It’s all I knew. Or maybe it was what I was forced to know. What it did was cost me my first marriage, and countless mistakes after that. Then one day my wife (new marriage) told me it, along with my bitterness for life, it was one of the things she hated most about me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Along with the wondering why she married me to begin with, so many questions flooded my existence. Circumstances had made me that way. The many years of continuous hurt and betrayal from so many people I had given my heart to had turned me into stone. What a reality check and more importantly an awakening.

And so I committed to myself, and those I loved, to change. And I did. I absolutely changed. I let all the negative that had been drowning me go. And slowly I fought my way back. I learned to forgive. And I did it. But along the way of forgiveness, somehow I ended up with a broken heart all over again. Was this how it was supposed to be? Really? I had fought an internal battle to change my hardened heart, all for it to happen all over again?

Over the past two years I have fought through some of the darkest days of my life. Places I never thought I would be, I have been. I don’t think I will ever understand the reason, the why’s or the how’s, nor will I ever run out of tears when my mind wanders back in remembrance. They flow uncontrollably. What I do know is that I have to stop questioning it, and somehow find the strength to leave all of it behind once and for all, let go of the grudges. My life has to have some kind of purpose, and while I may not know what that is right now, I have to believe that one day I will find it. I will not revert back to being bitter. And when it comes to two people; as far as forgiveness goes, it will never work if one person forgives and the other does not. I know what side I was once on, and more importantly I know what side I was on in the end. All that’s left for me is to close the door and never walk through it again.

Keep on keeping on!

Virtual Hugs,

BLag

Forgive Them

Forgive them.

WHAT?!

You want me to ‘Forgive’ after what they’ve done to me?  YES.

After all they said?  YES.

After all she did?  YES.

After how mean he was?  YES.

After all their lies?  YES.   YES.   YES.

That’s right.  Do it.

  • We all make mistakes
  • They just don’t know any better
  • A big wrong is the same as a little wrong
  • You don’t write other peoples rules
  • You are not that special

So.  Now with that in mind.  Think of a time when you were wrong.  You yelled at your kid, you blamed somebody for something, you backed up instead of going forward & hit a car, you said something you shouldn’t have said, yadda yadda yadda.   Were you forgiven?

Oh wait…. You’ll justify all your wrongs.  You have reasons all lined up to back you up.  You even have people who agree with you, who you’re going to turn to for that justification.  YET you’re ready to condemn them. With no justification.  The ones who did YOU wrong, hurt you, ignored you.  Them. The ones you are to forgive.  You’re ready to throw them into the fire.  And you have no interest in their stories or apologies.  It was bad in your eyes and you must walk away.  OK.  Forgive them.

When you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean you invite them over for tea, it doesn’t mean what they did was ok. When you forgive someone, it is for you.  It is for your freedom.  For your soul growth & your sanity.  When you forgive them, they no longer have a hold on you, they no longer have space in your head and they no longer cause you any upset.

When you don’t….. upset, resentment and blame build up in YOU.  Your heart is the one that hurts.  Your soul is the one that is thwarted.  Your life is the one that is impacted.

Is it time to forgive someone?

Find peace as you release.

 

xoxo,

Tracy

Your God girl

In Their Absence

I feel myself getting stronger in their absence.  Their voice, their laughter, those little things they did to make me smile…they’re gone.  BUT the way they touched my life, the love they put in my heart, and how they changed who I am in this world…..those will never ever go away.  They are part of who I am today.  And THAT is a beautiful thing.

Do not spend your time coddling the trauma of someone’s passing, for it will only create a stagnation of sorts, a halt of what is coming to you and almost bring about an uninvited complacency.  It will pull your joy from you and leave you feeling hopeless.

Instead, rise above the discomfort, reach beyond the trauma, give up the upsets.  And Be Who You Are Meant To Be.  Do not allow their death to stop you from living.

Ohhhh and if you let go of the anguished memories of the bond that keep you awake at night, if you release the darkness you seem to hold onto in spite of the pain and you move beyond the grief you still experience….you will NOT let go of the relationship.

Letting go of all that will only enhance your experience of love.  Although they are gone….you are still connected and you will always be in relationship with them…it just looks different.  There is comfort in that, isn’t there?  KNOWING that beyond what your mind can comprehend, beyond what your eyes can see, beyond the veil… your loved ones watch, protect and wait for you.

As you sit and reflect on those you’ve lost… may you remember the beauty, the love & the joy you shared and hold onto THAT.

Rise Up, Forgive, Reignite, Step Out, Embrace and LIVE LIFE in their absence.

So take yourself on.  Step outside the comfort of the sadness and find joy in it.  Find the joy that they brought to you and share it with others.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Please Forgive My Trespasses

I was that girl in yoga.

The one lying in savasana that would stare at the ceiling tiles, tears falling down my face.

Breathe in.

“My husband doesn’t love me.”

Breathe out.

“My husband doesn’t love me.”

Is this really happening?

It was the most difficult time that I had experienced in life, and my then husband of 10 years was choosing to leave me.  Little-by-little, he was pulling away.

My entire world was being shaken.

I heard a sermon recently, and the preacher described trespasses this way: Trespasses are sins that we are fully aware of.  It’s a willful choosing to sin against God and against another person.

His words still sometimes break my heart.  “I know this is wrong, but I’m doing it anyway.”

Trespass.

Truthfully, I thought I needed him.  I really did.  I needed to have a friend walk with me through this.  My sister was dying of cancer.

Instead, his response was a hardening of his heart.  He wasn’t a friend.

Often, new trauma awakens hidden trauma and I was a big mess.  Panic attacks and sleepless nights.

Trauma also has a way of exposing what relationships are made out of.

The best thing he ever did for me was suggest that instead of couple’s therapy, we go see our own counselors.

So, I went.

I went and learned that you can’t force anyone to change, but learned that I could change.

I thought, by changing me, the relationship would change.  And it did, but not in the way I thought it would.

Because all his accusations were lies that I believed built to manipulate me into his point of view.  I truly believed that I was solely to blame for why our marriage didn’t work.

If I was just skinnier, then he’d be happy with me.  If I kept my mouth shut, instead of being me, then he’d be ok with me.  If I just changed what he told me was wrong about me, then he’d love me.  If I was less sensitive…. If I wasn’t “crazy”… The list goes on and on…

Oh, hey there codependency.

Reality was, though, that the marriage was built on a foundation of emotional control and abuse.  It was never a reciprocal relationship.  It was never healthy.

The day I walked about of my counselor’s office after she pointed out that I wasn’t the controlling one, I felt like a million weights had been lifted off my shoulder.

And that night I dreamt of leeches being pulled out of my brain and in the dream, when I looked in the mirror, my face was beaten up.

You see, he almost had me convinced.

It was like walking out of a haze – a fog – into clear day.

According to him, I’m a psycho path.  He doesn’t even try to mask it anymore.  No more undercurrent of subtle tones.

But he doesn’t own my mind and he doesn’t know my heart and what he says isn’t truth.

Breathe in.

“He doesn’t own my mind”

Breathe out.

“I’m worth being loved well”

And now, here I am.  Sorting out fact from fiction and healing.

Some days I struggle, because the pain of betrayal and heart break is a heavy weight, and that’s bad enough.

But the biggest struggle of letting go is being mocked for my heart being broken by the one who broke it.

And I have to choose to let go and forgive.  Even if it’s a broken choice, it’s still a choice.

The weight of unforgiveness is heavier than heartbreak.

And quite honestly, I need my trespasses forgiven.

Thanks ladies!
“The Beloved One”

When The Road Gets Tough Keep Going

When it gets tough,I find myself at a crossroads internally, even after all of my growth over the last year, all the healing, and all my past struggles. I finally feel like I am moving forward. At the same time I feel like there is something I’m missing, Or I’m waiting for the “catch”. Any time in the past that i’ve experienced something good there were strings or a catch attached to it. It will take some time before I belive 100% that its not coming.

I am learning and practicing daily gratitude, and structuring myself. All the changes going on are good and I feel more and more of a gap between the lingering toxicity in my life whether it be people or situations.

Growth isn’t easy, and it can be painfully bitter sweet. The people and things I would give anything for has dramatically changed over the last year. Who I am has dramatically changed over the last year, and even though these are both in a good way, I now have to learn who I am.

Dating at this point in my life is straight up out of the question for me. Not only would a relationship be distracting for my career at this point as I am still making my structure, organization and productivity a habit, but I am also unsure of exactly what I want in a person.

Some of the old traits are still initially attractive to me but once I try to get close the rose colored glasses shatter and I see all the red flags. I refuse to settle again. Just because something is shiney to begin with, or familiar doesnt mean its what I really want.

I need to keep tending to myself, and be selfish. Selfish with my time energy and save the best parts of me for myself and my children. It has taken me 30 years of being a selfless door mat to realize, the value of a person is affected by how much they value themselves. If you keep discounting yourself no one else will give you the respect you deserve.

 

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

Ali