Tag Archives: focus

Importance To ‘Be Here Now’

Be here now…Years ago I trained with a wilderness tracker named Tom Brown.  There are so many things that I awakened to spending time with him. One thing I think you might be able to relate to is when people go out  into  the woods  and see a  bird or on animal  they immediately want to know what it is, what’s their name. And immediately upon learning the name, they are satisfied that they know something about the animal. Except that, they really know nothing. And the remarkable thing is that’s okay with them. They  want to be able to point to a cardinal and say, “see that’s a Cardinal”. They don’t know that Cardinals mate for life, are predominantly ground feeders and a myriad of other interesting facts about them.  Simply by putting a name on something they can avoid a deeper relationship by learning more.

My wife of 24 years died yesterday.  She had been trying to recover from injuries she sustained over a year and a half ago.  Something I have noticed is how much people are interested in what she died from.  They want to label for themselves what happened because they think that will help them understand. But if I told them she died of cancer, that would be it.  They would have all the information they needed.  They could then protect themselves from the profound sadness by putting it in the ‘cancer’ drawer, where the “too bads” and “thats horrible” live, with the “ I knew X who died of cancer” that also live there.

In the end does it really matter what she died from?

Our wish to protect ourselves, often is invisible.

Our interest in the cause is completely understandable, but not necessary.

What is necessary is to BE with the one you are with.

Relationships are not built on how or why, they are built on being present, right here, right now. They are built on feeling you’re feelings and being empathetic, characteristics our society recognize as weaknesses.

But only the bravest cry and the strongest show empathy. Be here now. Feel what there is to feel.

~Steve

Right Now It’s My Daughter

Right now it’s my daughter…

As I sit and write this Mommas, I am looking out my window. It’s sunny and I will be able to wear shorts today. My teddy bear of a dog is positioned between me and my daughter and it is the first morning I feel like I can breathe.

Yesterday I put my music on and walked for an hour. I am not a health nut. My ideal of breakfast lately has been a full-size candy bar and a Belevita bar. (Balance)

But I was about to jump out of my skin. What was supposed to be a walk around the block turned into a trek into parts of my neighborhood I’d never seen before.

I got in my head.

Deep.

D- E- E-P

I’m a shy, people person who has been on lock for a month.  I’m a forty eight year old woman who still sees that awkward kid who got picked on. I am a person who loves with her whole heart, who spent too many years not being loved the same and am still healing old wounds.

Before all of this I had rituals and routines in place to help me cope when I got too inside my head. Some made sense – therapist. Some maybe not- wandering aimlessly around Target. Some I miss so much- time with my friends.

I make sure to reach out to my friends and family regularly but I can not wait until I can hug them. The hugs may not end.

I focus on the fact that I have extra time with my daughter. That she crawls into bed with me and we talk. We go for walks. She and I play cards and I get to eat every meal with her.

I am so lucky to be working. So many of my friends are in limbo – so many people are. I am fortunate and I can’t forget that.

I am making an effort but as I tell everyone else, I am also being gentle with myself. There is no rule book for this. It’s easy for me to stop and wallow. And I can for a bit, but I have a twelve year old trying to get through this too.

I need to do what I’ve done since they put her in my arms… take care of her.

Which means focusing on the good.

Right now it’s her. Her tight hugs are getting awkward because she’s taller than me, which she loves. Her running into my room while I’m on a ZOOM call to tell me about a funny meme she found, her just sitting next to me while I read and she’s on her iPad.

Now she would tell you I should be thankful I don’t dye my hair an unnatural color so it doesn’t look too bad while I grow it out and keep wearing lip gloss because I like it.

Be safe and much love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Fear Is A Liar

Fear is a liar.

I’m late getting this blog to Kim, I should have written it on Monday…but all week I have racked my brain trying to think of what would be the best thing to say to all of you in the middle of craziness and panic the likes of which I have not seen since 9-11-2001.

I wake up every morning right now thinking okay what is the damage report out there and how can I help?  UGH.  It is hard to know what to do to help people stop feeding fear and panic when everywhere I look someone is working overtime to stir it up.

This morning I settled upon entitling this conversation “fear is a liar”—because I feel like tackling that and breaking it down for you might be the best way that I can help right now.

In all of the conversations that I have been having with you guys since 2014, I am ALWAYS talking about not letting your mind take you ‘down the rabbit hole’ into fear-based, panic-stricken thinking and this situation in the world right now is no different.  DO NOT go down into the rabbit hole of “what-ifs” deal and respond to facts and situations that are in front of you—don’t dwell on what will be happening 6 weeks from now.  Deal with what’s in front of your face and RESPOND to it like a level-headed adult, don’t react.

Fact check information that is being given to you, compare stories you are hearing…and above all follow your intuition, listen to your gut.  Parents have intuition that is fine-tuned, we have to.  TRUST IT.  If you feel like you should cancel something– do it, if you feel like you want to avoid a place—honor that.  I read countless stories after 9-11 of people that had a feeling to not get on a particular plane or not go into work that day etc.  I firmly believe that we all have an internal warning system, the problem is most people are not paying attention to it or they are afraid to follow it.  Screw that—hear me when I say this to you it is important right now—- TRUST YOUR GUT.  Period.

It doesn’t matter what opinions people have of you right now, it matters that you do what you feel is right to protect you and your family.  Trust your instincts, I cannot say this enough.

Remember that what you focus on you will create, so limit your exposure to the news and all the social media shit etc— stay informed but don’t overload yourself with doom and gloom—remember that there is good in everything somewhere even when we cannot see.  To my fellow Prayer Warriors out there—keep praying for this situation—the world needs us.

Focus on what IS good, focus on what IS working, focus on helping other people and bringing some LIGHT into this situation wherever you can.

Stay aware, pay attention and stay safe.  I will be live on Sunday for Coffee Chat at 10am est—until then know that I am praying for all of you and praying for all people— I am a stand for good and LIGHT in all of this.

Sending my love, N.

A Lazy Generation

One of the things we often hear being used as an adjective to describe Millenials and Generation Z members, such as myself, is the term lazy. We hear it all too often from just about every generation before us.

Although this claim might have some truth to it, it is not entirely correct.

We are often depicted as kids who rarely leave their homes, or kids that simply don’t have the drive to pursue their dreams. Today it’s not uncommon to have kids linger at home well into their twenties while they try to “find themselves.”  In fact, many of us are actually trying really hard to accomplish our goals and make those dreams come true. The reality is there are many distractions in our lives that previous generations never had to deal with.

Sadly, sometimes these distractions prevent us from being the best version of ourselves. This time spent doing things with less relevance, has created the misperception that we are a “lazy” generation.

As I have previously mentioned, I believe that social media and technology at our disposal on a constant basis can be very beneficial but it can also be one of the major distractions to our productivity. It can cause us to lose sight of our important responsibilities and our goals for the future. I know that I often lose track of time when I scroll through Instagram. This problem occurs for many other kids my age. My parents often point out the hours I’m potentially wasting on these social media platforms rather than focusing on schoolwork or other projects. I don’t think it has anything to do with how lazy we are, or anything to do with our work ethic.

I am certain that generations before had plenty of other distractions in their day. Maybe it was playing stickball on the street or hanging out to listen to music. Regardless, I do think that we can do better, and, that if social media wasn’t so darned entertaining, it would be easier for us to stay focused. As a result, we wouldn’t be considered such “slackers”.

As a challenge for the teens out there reading this right now, I suggest you turn off your phones, log out of your social media accounts, and go focus on your goals. Although it might seem like a difficult task, we need to prove to those around us—and to ourselves— that we are so much more than a “lazy generation”.

-Dani

Same You, New View

Personal development is just a better view

When we think of spiritual or personal development we think of changing going onward and upward. What I am finding it is going inward. It is raising your personal awareness, and fine tuning your self management. Growing as a person and achieving our dreams and goals has everything to do with our self awareness, other people and our circumstances have literally no control unless we give it to them.

Victim, What do you think of when you hear that word? I used to be the victim. I had the victim mentality. Oh how could this or that person do this to me, or oh i’ve been through this that or the other; poor me. Victim mentality is a crutch to shield us from our personal responsibility to life.

Everyone has been through something, been hurt or slighted by something or someone.

While our trauma and our wounds may not be our fault, our healing and growth is our responsibility. Staying the victim isn’t a real option and it will muddy our perspective, stop our growth; keeping us trapped in never ending cycles of hopelessness and despair.

To break free of the vicious victim cycle we need to become self aware, go inward deal with the past and then leave it there. Once we become aware of ourselves we can manage ourselves. When we focus on everyone outside of us our world will shift to chaos.

When we go inward, we will gain new tools at each level of the process, and oh boy it is a process! The more aware I am becoming of myself, the more things im catching myself on, the less people behavior trigger me, the more calm and discerning I am.  I still have a lot of development to go, I will always be growing. 

I for one am enjoying the new view, How about you?

Learning, Loving Growing

Ali

Our Significance is Worth It

Our Significance is Worth Focusing Our Energy On

I was with a group of friends, women, who gather frequently as we have all started businesses. We encourage each other and build one another up – even in areas that were not about business. On one such occasion one of the ladies wanted to take a step back from her business because she had to “deal with some people.”

The first thing I wondered was, “why do we do this?” As women, the first thing we do while in a crisis mode is remove the one good thing (or things) we have going for us – it’s as if we feel we must not deserve anything good.

This is backward thinking.

This young lady said that she was just “tired of being hurt by (certain) people’s” words and opinions of her then proceeded to rattle off a list of things she had to do as she was no longer going to tolerate or “allow” people to hurt her. She also said that because of this, it would take her time away from working her business. While it is good practice to declutter our lives of things that hinder us from moving upward, to intentionally put off our life goals and dreams to wrestle with other people’s opinion of us is counterintuitive.

We have to shift our focus.

 How people negatively feel about us doesn’t matter. It is our life and for us only to understand and live out. The negative and non-life giving opinions of others DO NOT MATTER so it is not what we should be focusing on.

I said to her this: “what you are actually doing – putting your business on hold, fighting and arguing with these people who have wronged you (what she called “dealing with”) – is trying to salvage the feeling of significance to that person or in what is left of that relationship. The reality is that you have been so focused on the who in the scenario that you missed the what: your significance lies within you; it always has. You just have to be the one to see it.”

The message is clear.

If we are too busy focusing on all that we have lost or have intentionally given up to go up, then our focus is OFF OF the things we have gained and will gain having done so – including our significance.

We must make it top priority to remember, we are purposefully created to shine our brightness on others, so let’s focus on that – that is our significance. <3

Love always,

Rainey

Chaos Right In The Middle Of Life

Chaos has a way of putting itself right in the middle of life as you know it… without warning.  One minute you have things all together; you’re working on your to-do list, enjoying your home, making time with friends, reading a few good books, enjoying you….

Then out of nowhere to-dos become bigger and tougher to handle, people continuously ask things of you, time seems to get away without notice, your focus gets off God and the piles are piling.  How did the once controllable environment turn into such a chaotic state.

Before you scream “I want a do-over!”  Stop and take a deep breath.  What is the first thing you can remove from your plate?  …I’m not talking about the peas. Re-evaluate re-focus, re-assess and have your RE-DO!  Bring back the calmness of life….

Be the Light…..
 
Your God-Girl,. 
xoxo Tracy  

Choose Your Battles

Choose Your Battles
Choose your battles. Have any of you heard this before? This is by far the best advice I have ever received. It came from my mama! She has said it so many times to me that I am finally starting to see exactly what she meant.
I am learning to choose mine. Your 3-year-old wearing 2 shirts with one of them on backwards is not a battle worth fighting. He is dressed, he is clean, and he is happy (for the moment)! Hearing the two older kids argue about what song they want to listen to on the radio on the way to school is not a battle worth fighting. We will not listen to the radio at all! Trying to make someone understand your feelings when all they do is mock them is not a battle worth fighting.
Your feelings are valid. They are real.
Responding to negative posts about you that are posted on social media is not a battle worth fighting.
We don’t always have to win. We don’t always have to have the last word…as hard as it may be!
Let me tell you what battles are worth fighting. Fighting for what is right. Fighting for a happy life after living in a marriage that only brought you pain and frustration. Fighting for yourself and your children because no one is going to do it for you. Fighting to make sure that your children have the life they deserve even though that life isn’t what you planned. Fighting to look at the good instead of the bad! That is a tough one! These are the battles that really matter!
It is so easy to get caught up in the little conflicts that occur daily. It is so easy to focus on them and then lose sight of the bigger battles. I still focus on the wrong battles sometimes. I am only human! Putting my energy into the battles that really matter though has made a huge difference!
So choose your battles wisely friends!
-Ann

How Bad Do You Want It?

Look at your life and pinpoint for yourself some things that you really, really want.  Got them?  Good.  Now tell me how bad do you want them?  Do you want them bad enough to change everything about yourself that stands in the way of you getting them?  Do you want them bad enough to give up your behaviors that don’t work?  Do you want them bad enough to not give up until you get them?

Most people will probably tell you that they want certain things, however,  I would bet that they are not willing to do WHATEVER it takes to get them and that is why they still do not possess the things that they want.  I would also bet that most people don’t even fully understand the concept called ‘whatever it takes’—most people quit at the first sign of difficulty.  There are some people however that don’t quit…the Navy Seals don’t quit and truly self aware people don’t quit either because they know that quitting only perpetuates the circumstances in their lives that they don’t like.

Let’s talk about where most people lose it along the trail of getting what you want…you start out with a business or a goal or a relationship and everything looks kind of groovy at the beginning.  Then we move along in time and obstacles start to appear…the business doesn’t seem like such a good idea, the new relationship looks like a piece of shit, the goal you set out to accomplish looks WAY TOO HARD.  So you start to buy into that you didn’t want it anyway, you start to think of other things that you can do that would be “easier” —we call this the “grass is greener” syndrome—news flash—the grass is NEVER greener somewhere else…smarten up and learn to cultivate your own grass to make it the green that you want it to be—another news flash—this is HARD WORK…it requires commitment, discipline, purposefulness and doing what you said– NO MATTER WHAT.  If you want to win and get the things you want in life then you must go to war with all the things about yourself that don’t work.

Going to war with yourself means that you set out to prevail no matter what.  This means that you must give up paying attention to your ailments, grievances and complaints.  This means that you must only look at what you want… keep focused on the goal, the intention and let go of ANYTHING that is counterproductive to forward motion.  This looks like doing what you said no matter what opinion you have about it, it means not giving attention and energy to what isn’t working, it means NEVER giving up no matter what it looks like all around you…you keep yourself focused on what you want to achieve and you refuse to be swayed by anything that doesn’t get you to where you are going.

This kind of war on your self is not easy, in fact it is very, very difficult and therefore the average person would never even begin to attempt it.  The average person gets stopped in life by the first sign of trouble…they hit the first obstacle and they quit.

In Navy Seal training an average starting class of 80 people ends up to be about 20 or so by the time graduation rolls around…the men that want to be Navy Seals NO MATTER WHAT are the ones that graduate.  In Seal training they are wet, cold, sleep deprived, physically challenged, mentally challenged and pretty much put through what most people have nightmares about—the BEST part of this…they ASK for it…they WANT to go…they strive to EXCEL…they want to be THE BEST…imagine that?  Navy Seal candidates want it so bad that they will do anything to get it.  Would you go through that kind of hell to get what you want?  Are your goals important enough for you to overcome yourself to achieve them?

Any goal or thing worth having is worth whatever challenge you have to go through to get it…that is the beauty inherent in the system of achievement…when you overcome yourself, when you work hard, when you change yourself to achieve something, then you can REALLY HAVE IT…you can REALLY appreciate it, you can feel deserving of it because you know that you EARNED it and it is yours to keep…be it a relationship or a successful business or a degree…whatever.

If you get something and you didn’t work for it the satisfaction of it is very short lived…handouts don’t teach us anything…challenging ourselves to be better teaches us a wisdom that can’t be learned any other way…xoxoxo

Not Giving Attention To Negative Thoughts

Yesterday we talked about replacing  thoughts..  Today I want to talk about what giving attention to negative thoughts will create for you…

Your thoughts are far more powerful than you might imagine and they go forward to create your future.  What you think about, speak about, talk about and give your attention to WILL become your reality, so you have to be very mindful of what you are focused on.

The thoughts that you hold in mind will produce after their own kind and your thoughts will produce an energy field around you that will end up attracting to you the kinds of things that you are thinking.

Remember that character in Peanuts, Pigpen?  He had a dirt cloud that surrounded him wherever he went, crappy thoughts will work like that…they will form a dirty cloud around you and they will begin to attract things that are similar.  Negative circumstances are no mystery; they arrive because we have given too much attention to negative thoughts, worry, fear and doubt.  We will also attract unfavorable circumstances when we are critical, judgmental, angry and ungrateful…like attracts like…that will always be true. Misery loves company.

Thankfully this same principle of ‘like attracts like’ will work in your favor when you start thinking more positive things, when you are grateful and when you focus on what’s good and what works.

There is no EASY button for changing your thinking or for teaching yourself how to stay focused on what you want more of, it requires discipline and work to stay vigilant about your thinking.  However, the results that can be produced by this practice are life-altering…you CAN create the life that you want and the Holiday Season that you want, you just have to be willing to do the work…xoxoxo