Tag Archives: fears

Successfully Navigating Fear

I don’t know about you but I am tired of fear and its seeming ability to steal my peace albeit temporarily…last week I had to do something that I did not really want to do, however I had no choice and fear was working overtime for at least several days…and every time it is time to travel fear starts its run at me…used to be that I was afraid all the time about money and not having enough of it, after 51 years I worked my way out of that and now it comes calling for new things and quite frankly I am sick and tired of it— I thought that you might be tired of it too, so I thought we’d talk about it.

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines ‘fear’ as follows:

Fear- an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Here is what I LOVE about this particular definition, it says that it is caused by a BELIEF that something is dangerous, harmful etc— a BELIEF—- BINGO!!!  Herein lies the KEY for beating this shit— it is a belief which means that we are giving it the power, we are allowing ourselves to ‘believe’ the thoughts that scare us—which ALSO means that we have the power to annihilate the fear.  I talk to you all the time about changing the thoughts that circulate in your head, I am always saying that you first have to change your thinking before anything else will change…this remains true about getting rid of it.

Last week when I was feeling like fear was getting the best of me, I picked one statement and I repeated it to myself over and over and over again until the chatter in my head ceased.  Then I would be okay for a few hours and then the shitty, fearful thoughts would start up again and I would start my repetition process again. This literally went on for 48 hours— by the way, as is almost always the case, my fears were unfounded and every thing turned out just fine.

Fear produces NOTHING that is good— it simply steals your joy, makes you anxious, makes it hard to sleep, eat or breathe—makes you want to pull into yourself and not participate with others.  Fear is a thief and a disruptor and will always make you feel worse— when we are enveloped in fear based thinking we are rendered unable to act—we are almost like a ‘deer in headlights’ because we cannot move to a place in our minds where solutions can find us—we are stuck and the thinking fear based thoughts keeps us more stuck….it is a vicious circle.

The way out of this is to control your thinking, you have to be vigilant about what thoughts you are allowing into your head and what the source of those thoughts are—you also must spend a fair amount of time talking about the good and focusing on thoughts and statements that will bring more good.

The quickest way to annihilate fear or anything you don’t want more of is to STOP talking about it…stop giving any power or voice to the things you don’t want to see more of—start focusing on your intentions and what IS working.

When we come from a place of peace things work out for us more quickly.

This week really take a look at what causes your fear and where those thoughts are originating from—the first step in changing something is to become conscious of it.

Remember, you have the power here…don’t forget that.  Nothing can make you afraid unless you let it.

See you Sunday at 10am est on Coffee Chat/ FB live

XO, Noelle

The Beautiful Mess That You Are

The Beautiful Mess That You Are.

One of the most challenging things about healing and growing, is learning how to be vulnerable. Figuring out how to show people your scars, both metaphorically and literally… Where do you start? Who do you trust? How do you admit the things to another person you barely admit to yourself? Where do you even start to develop the ability to accept what has happened in your life and start owning it? God knows it’s not easy to let one person (let alone the world) see the things that broke you, the things that scarred your body and soul. It’s terrifying to allow anyone to see the trauma and devastation you have experienced, so is it even worth it?

When you uncover those scars, you are doing more than just pulling off a bandage. You are tearing down years and years of defense mechanisms and fake smiles. You are shredding the illusion of yourself you have created for the world to see, and letting out the real, albeit messier version of yourself. It might not be as shiny or beautiful on the surface, and in fact, it probably won’t be. What it will be instead, is real and true. It will require a level of raw honesty that will probably hurt like hell at first.

Yes, you will be afraid that whoever sees your scars will only see what’s been damaged. You’ll be afraid that instead of seeing the strength it took to sew all those tears up yourself, they will only see the jagged stitches. Afraid they will see the gaping hole, and not the tenacity it took to pull the knife out of your back all on your own. Afraid the only thing they notice will be the cracks, and not understand the time and patience it took to glue it all back together again.

Here’s the thing, when you stop hiding from your past, your fears, and emotions you free yourself of the hold they have on you. You give yourself the chance to discover who you really are. You can let go of the fake version of yourself that is pretending you are happy with the life you are living… or I suppose for some people, you are giving up the fake version of yourself that pretends they hate their life and everyone in it. Whatever. Either way you are letting go of the illusion. Figuring out how to be real and honest, ESPECIALLY with yourself, is the most important part of healing.

Yeah, there will be the haters and naysayers. Those people who don’t want you to change or grow, because it makes them feel bad about their own lives. The thing is, the people who only see the damage, or criticize you for being your most authentic self aren’t worth having in your life anyway. So, pull off those bandages and let the world see the beautiful mess that you are. You never know who will love you, scars and all.

Embrace your perfectly imperfect self,

-Charli