Tag Archives: fear

The Choice Is Yours

The Choice Is Yours…

I recall vividly one morning when the phone rang and it was a dear friend of mine…her mother had died unexpectedly in the middle of the night…I just kept saying over and over “Oh my God” and then I started to cry. My friend said she loved me for that…she has a hard time with emotions, and it is difficult for her to ask for help or support…my greatest gift to her has always been to express whatever is there…

I talked with her for a long time and I told her that people would say a lot of different things to her over the next days and weeks…most of it kind but meaningless as the majority of folks can’t handle death and they will do whatever they can to avoid it…those are the people that say things like, “she is in a better place now”. Those of us that have experienced death and not run away from it will tell her the truth…it is horrible, there is nothing more awful, you will have some very dark days and then the shock will fade some and the tears will come less frequently and you will get up and move through your days…you will laugh again and you will be less sad, however there will not be one day that you don’t miss the person you have lost and there will be some days where it seems again unbearable.

In the midst of it all if you are a fully functioning person there will be laughter mixed with your tears, there will be some anger at the loss, some “this isn’t fair” conversations in your head, some doubt of God’s plan…however those of us that have faith in something bigger than ourselves trust that life has a natural order to it and that things happen as they should even if we don’t agree.

Mostly people suffer greatly from a death when they are incomplete with the person that died…when they are still holding a grudge or the last words they had were in anger or they didn’t say that “I love you”…or they didn’t call enough or visit enough…or take time enough to tell people what a gift they are. Those are the undelivered communications that bring you to your knees when someone leaves in an untimely and unexpected fashion. Undelivered communications are what guilt and remorse are made of, I don’t recommend them. I was taught at an early age to be complete in every moment…for some people close to me that means an “I love you” almost every time we speak…I think they tire of that, but I don’t care much because I know that if anything out of the ordinary happens I have delivered my message.

Walking my friend through her initial shock jerked me back to when my grandfather died…that is another reason people don’t deal well with the news of death because it causes them to momentarily relive whatever loss they have experienced and for some folks that is an unbearable thought. People do strange things with death…which is funny because we are all going to leave this planet one day, one way or another…so it seems like there should be less fear and more acceptance.

People might leave this place, however the people that we love are never, ever gone…they are as alive as we make them. My grandfather’s pictures are on my bedroom wall, in my hallway and on my desk…I think of him every day and often I can hear his voice in my head still advising me…and I am confident that he has sent certain people into my life to keep his watch…there are pieces of advice that he gave me that continue to shape my life…so for me he is still very much present.

Granted there are several people that I feel like I couldn’t live without, yet I don’t live in fear of them dying…life has a way of taking care of us if we let it…however we have to let it, which means a certain amount of trust in the process must be present…for many of us this isn’t the case.

Fear comes from thinking thoughts that scare you…you always have a choice…you can choose to think about things that keep you moving forward or you can choose to think about things that stop you.

I highly encourage you to choose to deliver your undelivered communications—unfinished business is bad mojo especially when people die unexpectedly…

Tell people how important they are to you all the time…tell them how they have contributed to you…tell them that you love them…forgive people for whatever harm you think they caused you, walking around holding grudges will only make you sick and depressed…that kind of stuff will suck the life right out of you.

Like it or not folks we are just here for a visit…seems to me we should be filled with gratitude for lives well lived and make the best of it and we should make it our business to make the best of it for other people too…it is always better to give…

XO, LOVE you guys….truly…Noelle

Hello Sadness , My Old Friend

Sadness comes. It is inevitable, as it is part of life. It is part of who we are as women living on this earth experiencing loss, upset, fear, change, etc. It comes from that place deep in our hearts where something matters. Where we believe so strongly about something, that being shaken rips at the core of our being. The tears that come, fall from that place behind our eyes that we sometimes cannot put to rest. Sadness may come slowly at times and other times it just jumps out at you when you least expect it and knocks you down. It may stay for a few moments or it may linger. AND ,It is what you do IN the sadness that will liberate you or drag you down.

You must dig deep. Deep into your strength. Deep into your file full of accomplishments, successes & worth. Dig deep to remind yourself what you’re made of & what you’re capable of doing & who you are. As your God-girl…I pray with the sadness. I reach out to my girlfriends and get support. I read my affirmations and look at my Vision Board. I make a new Vision Board. lol I open my Bible and read. I re-read a favorite book. I am reminded of my greatness and that this sadness is just a hiccup in the road of life. I BE with it, look at what is good, and pull myself up by my bootstraps.

Be with the sadness and remember to not let it get a grip of you. Remember to breath & breath & breath still, to trust once again, & to remember that you are strong and courageous and all WILL work out. Sadness just is. And as I’ve heard people say ….This Too Shall Pass”.

Your God Girl-

Tracy

The Day The Rock Was Conquered

I set a goal for myself on a hot day in August 2018. I was going to reach the top of Enchanted Rock in 2019. As I had only made it half way up the first time. I let fear and not having faith in myself & my abilities get the best of me. Let me just confess I let me get in my way. So off to my bucket list this became. 

One day after talking with my friend Andy about Enchanted Rock, we discovered that we both have never reached the top. As previously we stopped at the halfway mark. A date was set, reservations were made and this was finally going to happen. A few days before we were to leave my back started acting up. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able climb, but I had to try. I set a goal to accomplish this and this was something I needed to do for me. Not to mention I didn’t want to let him down. I didn’t want to let me down.

On the drive once the rock came in view, we both made a comment that it appeared larger than we had remembered. Once we got checked into the park and filled our backpack with survival stuff like protein bars, waters and Gatorade’s we were off. Oh I have to mention not even 2 steps from the car was a red bird. That was my sign from my Mom who is in Heaven is with me. This day was going to happen.

Walking with him I felt strong and confident that we were going to conquer this together. Well that all quickly faded for me. The higher I went the steeper it became. Not to mention the more I began to suck air and sweat. With that doubt began to set in once again. I did not want to be the reason he did not fulfill his goal in reaching the top, so I told him to go on. He said “No we were in this together.” What a boost of willpower those words were. So a few more steps I went. Then I would stop. I ended up taking lots of “breathing breaks”. So many that he went on ahead of me. During these breaks I would turn around and look to see where I started and then where I was currently standing. I realized I was making progress for I could see it. Slowly, but surely inch by inch progress was being made.

Once he was almost to the top he yelled down “It gets easier when you get to here!” Those words were like music to my ears. Once at the top the view was beautiful. You could see for miles and miles. The feeling of that moment is indescribable. What once was impossible was now conquered. We did it! We made it to the top. So after the sights were taken in and photos taken to document this feat we started the trek down. It was easier to go down that’s for sure. It was nice to pass the points where I had thought about giving up. Knowing that I didn’t was and is the best feeling. 

I also noticed on the way down just about everyone we passed that was making the upward climb was showing signs of struggling like I had.  Young/old & fit/out of shape it didn’t matter. We all had one thing in common that day which was getting to the top. Just like in life you have got to believe in yourself and know you can accomplish your goal. More importantly we need to support and encourage one another. You can do it- Your almost there- It gets easier in just a little bit- Became our words of encouragement to those we met.

My encouragement to you- Start checking off those goals. Do those things that you have been putting off. Have your “Seize the Moments”. We only get one life to live. Lets make it the greatest one. There is a sign at the base of the rock that reads, “My heart feels lighter, my mind feels calmer and my senses feel tuned whenever I see that giant pink rock on the horizon. No matter how I choose to spend my time among the enchanted rocks of the park I always leave feeling better than I arrived.”- Who would have thought it would take a rock to get me motivated.

~Jeanna 

Note: Enchanted Rock State Park is located in the Texas Hill Country between Fredericksburg and Llano. The pink granite dome dating from the Proterozoic era rising 425ft above ground – one of the largest batholiths in the US – 

What’s Driving Your Life?

What’s driving your life? What you allow behind the wheel is a huge factor on the quality of your life. Are you fear driven? Constantly worrying what can and will go wrong? Do you find yourself expecting more and more negative things to happen?

Whatever you let run your main thought pattern is what you will manifest into your life. Whatever you tell yourself is true because you will make it true, you will attract it to you.

It takes courage to shed the negativity. Most people hold onto it almost as a security blanket. Thinking its “safer, to not get their hopes up” thinking that staying negative protects them from more painful disappointment. Negative thinking is a trap and I urge you to find the courage to escape.

Letting positive curiosity and wonderment drive you. It’s scary, its raw, it is an amplified joyous life. Finding your inner peace, being aligned with yourself helps you overcome the turbulence of life’s ups & downs. Find your passions, talents/gifts and harness them. Do not fear failure, never regret trying and giving your all. The only true failure in life is never starting and then collecting regrets.

Fear is a chain we need to break, but it is also a sign. Anything worth doing in your life is going to be scary, or downright terrifying.Nothing  good ever comes from our comfort zones; The fear pushes us out of our comfort zone and kick starts our growth, that fear and adrenaline is the first building block of anything great.

To keep building our life, the path we are meant to walk we have to keep growing. Whether We will become or create something spectacular, or watch it crash, burn or hide from it all depends on what we have driving us.

Keep growing loving and learning,

Ali

The Beautiful Mess That You Are

The Beautiful Mess That You Are.

One of the most challenging things about healing and growing, is learning how to be vulnerable. Figuring out how to show people your scars, both metaphorically and literally… Where do you start? Who do you trust? How do you admit the things to another person you barely admit to yourself? Where do you even start to develop the ability to accept what has happened in your life and start owning it? God knows it’s not easy to let one person (let alone the world) see the things that broke you, the things that scarred your body and soul. It’s terrifying to allow anyone to see the trauma and devastation you have experienced, so is it even worth it?

When you uncover those scars, you are doing more than just pulling off a bandage. You are tearing down years and years of defense mechanisms and fake smiles. You are shredding the illusion of yourself you have created for the world to see, and letting out the real, albeit messier version of yourself. It might not be as shiny or beautiful on the surface, and in fact, it probably won’t be. What it will be instead, is real and true. It will require a level of raw honesty that will probably hurt like hell at first.

Yes, you will be afraid that whoever sees your scars will only see what’s been damaged. You’ll be afraid that instead of seeing the strength it took to sew all those tears up yourself, they will only see the jagged stitches. Afraid they will see the gaping hole, and not the tenacity it took to pull the knife out of your back all on your own. Afraid the only thing they notice will be the cracks, and not understand the time and patience it took to glue it all back together again.

Here’s the thing, when you stop hiding from your past, your fears, and emotions you free yourself of the hold they have on you. You give yourself the chance to discover who you really are. You can let go of the fake version of yourself that is pretending you are happy with the life you are living… or I suppose for some people, you are giving up the fake version of yourself that pretends they hate their life and everyone in it. Whatever. Either way you are letting go of the illusion. Figuring out how to be real and honest, ESPECIALLY with yourself, is the most important part of healing.

Yeah, there will be the haters and naysayers. Those people who don’t want you to change or grow, because it makes them feel bad about their own lives. The thing is, the people who only see the damage, or criticize you for being your most authentic self aren’t worth having in your life anyway. So, pull off those bandages and let the world see the beautiful mess that you are. You never know who will love you, scars and all.

Embrace your perfectly imperfect self,

-Charli

Living Through 9/11 This Year

9/11…Today is the day my mother died. I am the daughter of a single mother and a single mother myself. My mother died going to work early on the 99th floor of 1 WTC to learn PowerPoint… a skill I refuse to master.  Call it petty, but it’s deeply ingrained in my psyche. Walk in my Louboutins and then talk if you feel the need.

The hardest part of today was deciding not to take my 12 year old son to the memorial services in NYC. I realized,after much wine, that I wasn’t ready to put another human through that pain. I put on a good game face most years, and hope to put one on again today, yet with our politically charged environment, may not be fully possible.

I lost everything when I lost my mom. When I say everything, I lost all facets of family I thought I had. “Aunts and uncles”, “family friends” etc who thought I wasn’t grieving properly or who I didn’t contact because I didn’t know how to say I needed someone, or didn’t want to be alone for whatever the next holiday. I live my life with my son wanting to give him something better and failing as compared to my mom, but realizing that at least I am giving him a truth. A truth that was lost to me. I needed to be loved, even if I buried my pain in donations and dollars and the future, those were easy things to distract me from the pain. Today I mourn the loss of a friend back to a country that has become her home more than the US, and that I was too selfish to take my advantages to spend time with her when I could.

This is not my best post but it is my story of what it means to be a survivor 17 years later and may well evolve over the next few days.

~Electra

To Grow I Must Embrace These Changes

To Grow I Must Embrace These Changes

There has been a lot of change going on in my life as of recent. I have never been a big fan of change. This time instead of fighting against the forces that be that are pushing me in new directions I have been embracing them and going with the flow.

One of the many changes in my life is that I have a new relationship in my life. Someone who treats me right, so much so it scares me sometimes. I have never been with a decent guy before, I have always been with the guys that neglect my needs and make me beg for what I need in a relationship. The absence of this struggle has me on my toes waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then I realized it wasn’t coming. Which made me analyze why I was waiting for things to take a turn for the worst. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be treated right, why you may ask? It’s from all the years of justifying others mistreatment of me. Now I am learning how to love myself and to allow someone to love me.

One of the other big change bombs in my life is that I have been officially diagnosed with lupus. I’ve been in an out of the hospital for years, with symptoms that doctors couldn’t explain why I was having them. More recently I’ve been in and out of the hospital more frequently and I finally got a diagnosis. For those who do not know what Lupus is; it is a auto-immune disorder where your body mislabels your healthy cells as invading pathogens and then the body proceeds to attack itself. Specifically, with lupus it attacks skin, organs, muscle and connective tissue. The fact that I live in a colder unstable climate increases the amount of activity this disease has. So being diagnosed has led me too two bigger changes in my life.

I am uprooting my life and moving across country to Texas, for the warmer stable climate with lower cost of living. My last day on the job at the casino as a blackjack dealer is May 6th. The new person in my life is following me and my children down there. I am also immersing myself into homeopathic and herbal healing to find alternatives to heal myself and others.

I am diving head first into all of this, and I’m refusing to allow fear to control the steering wheel. I know that I cannot continue to grow unless I embrace this change and allow myself to be uncomfortable. It’s time to heal old wounds and embrace my new life. 

Always be unapologetically yourself,

Ali

Eliminating Fear-Policing Your Own Thinking

Eliminating fear requires the vigilance to police your own thinking.  You have to be able to swap a fear-based thought for a more positive one.  The whole ‘thought swapping’ thing that I have been talking about over the past few days is difficult to do.  It is a moment-by-moment practice. My mother has always told me that fear is thinking thoughts that scare you…and really that is true.

When you realize that God is in control there really is nothing to fear, easier said than done I know…yet worth working on.