Tag Archives: fall

Keep Getting Up

Keep getting up…..2020 is over, and for that I am grateful. The hope and anticipation that 2021 would be better seems tenuous at best. If how this year has started is any indication of how the year will be, I’m concerned.

My late wife’s Toni’s words, “disappointment is OK, and we are still happy” rings in my ears. What are my choices? Check out now? Well that’s not really an option. All there really is to do, is get up, and keep walking. It is one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in life. No matter what, keep going. Some times it’s harder than other times, but I simply point my finger and say that’s where I’m going. 

I heard a quote that went something like this “the sin isn’t in falling down, it’s in not getting back up.” The interesting thing is that every time I get back up I am stronger because of it.

The other thing about the past year is that for all of the “bad” things that happened, it seems that everyone has created a deeper community than they had before. I bet a year ago if I said the word zoom, you would’ve thought about the function of a camera lens, or the noise a  car made driving by, but now that word is ubiquitous.

I come from a family of seven, two parents and five boys. It was always my mother that would bring us together at least once a year, after my father passed away. And I admit, if it wasn’t for that we probably would rarely have seen one another. How I know this is true? After my mother passed away in 1997 I can think of maybe one or two times that we have all gotten together. But now since the pandemic, I meet with my brothers on zoom every two weeks. 

Work meetings now occur regularly online rather than in person. Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are now all done on zoom. Church services, rotary meetings, and most community meetings are now done via zoom. Zooms popularity went from 10 million meetings per month in 2019 to 300,000,000 per month in 2020.

All of us have been knocked down this past year, yet we continue to keep getting back up. And we also have a deepened or expanded our communities. I know I’m talking to more people than I had before. I’m writing more cards than I did before. 

So, although 2021 at first appears to be just more of the same, looking from a different angle, it looks promising. I’ll continue to get stronger by continuing to get back up, and my sense of community will also continue to grow.

Keep getting up!

~Steve

The Hardest Month….October

I dread October. As a person who loves warm weather I let my Fall loving friends believe it’s because I’m not a fan of the:

Weather

Pumpkin Spice

Fall/Halloween Decorations

There’s a bit of truth to that, but really it’s because October and this week actually marks when my divorce was final. I was the one that made the choice to leave my marriage, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

I never dreamed of a big wedding. Or even being married. Being a Mom yes. Always, but I never believed someone would love me enough to be with me in a partnership. That I would get the dress and cake and honeymoon. I think my family was just as surprised as I was when it happened.

I was proposed to during a fight. Which could have been a cute story, except he later admitted he was trying to make me stop crying.

We had a destination wedding and rumor was- on the flight over my ex sister-in law tried to talk my ex husband out of it among other things. Our best man wore shorts.

So many flags. Those are the ones I’m ok sharing. But when something happens you never thought would, you hold on, you fight for it.

Even when maybe you shouldn’t.

If you read my blogs you already know why my marriage ended. Sometimes you marry the wrong person because at the time they seem like the right person. Even when everything and everyone says that’s not the case.

As I’ve mentioned before I come from parents who are still married. Both sets of grandparents married until someone passed. I saw partnerships and loving your best friend. So much love. Even now. I wanted that. I still do.

Mr. Rogers said “ there isn’t anyone you couldn’t learn to Love once you’ve heard their story.” Except my ex husband. He heard my story and wanted to change it and me. So rather than grow together- we grew apart.

I tried. Counseling. Time apart. Time together. More counseling. But when someone has excuses for everything, who can’t say they’re sorry, who meets your tears with anger.

You can stay.

Or you can go.

I had a little person and I needed to show her what I knew. A marriage can be an amazing, love filled partnership between two best friends.

My heart still hurts I don’t have that.

This week is hard for me.

Especially October 12th.

That’s the day.

I became a single Mom with a two and half year old. I went from a little house with a big yard we loved to an apartment with a deck. We made it work. We created traditions. Like celebrating Halloween at our local Y. G is twelve now and costume planning has already started.

October is a hard month. If I tell you it’s because of my distaste for Pumpkin Spice Lattes that’s true, but it’s more than that. Now you know.

But as I always tell you Mommas and will remind you and myself… we are magical, strong, and amazing. I mean we’re Moms!

 

<3 Caprise

Pumpkin Spice-Is Everything Really Nice?

Pumpkin Spice? Is every really nice?

I have a confession. A deep dark secret which I have kept all my life.

I don’t hate fall.

There. It’s out! I said it!!

All my life fall has equated death, glum, sickness and cold fingers and faces. The trees end up bald. The weather is like a menopausal woman, freezing and nasty cold in the morning and a hot, humid mess by 11. I never saw anything good in this mud puddle of a season.

It has only been in the last two years I have really embraced how amazing fall is. Yes, my mom and sister both passed away during fall months. Yes my husband left me, twice, to deal with single parenthood, starting and running a business, home and car maintenance in the fall.

So sadness yes, BUT! I have discovered that I look adorable in boots and scarves!! I love spiced chai!!! I love how beautiful the trees look in their orange, yellow and red leaves BEFORE they go bald!!!!

Maybe all these things are shallow, but this is how I have learned to deal with my fall grief. I think about how my mom would love my scarf and totally make fun of my clearance-rack hat that I love…I think about my sister wanting to steal my boots and skinny jeans and completely rocking them with her giant 80’s hair that she never could leave behind.

I have learned that fall doesn’t equate death. No, it equates rest.

The earth needs a rest from sending its nurtrient to the trees, flowers, gardens and fields of grass! I need to rest from sending my energy out all summer doing fun things with my kids, being busy every single weekend helping friends move or doing bridal showers and baby showers and working myself to death while there is work available.

It means rest. For all of us moms who run a household, work, raise kids and dogs and bearded dragons.

It means rest. For us to gather our strength to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

It means rest so we can be there to hold up our closest friends when they are about to give out because life can be so hard.

I know I can’t possibly be the only one who gets a wee bit sad and teary about the gloom fall can bring, that being said…what are the things you find to brighten up this season for you? Bon fires, hoodies and toasting marshmallows? The clean crisp smell of the earth taking a deep breath as it settles in for its rest? Snuggling up with a good book and soft blanket while it feels like early morning for several hours?

Love always,
The B Word