The Cabin..…so grateful… little did I know when my parents bought our cabin 30 years ago it would be the place that I love so much. It is the place to go that makes everything so clear… It is one of the things that I am so grateful to have in my life And honestly, Its not the place, but the experience.
Most of my high school years were spent riding with 6 people deep in a Delta 88 for 3 hours… packed like sardines and we only stopped once. We all dressed in winter gear because my dad kept the air conditioning on so cold. My dad has his rules and everyone knew it. You also got to bring one bag and anything else went on your lap.
Even back then, the cabin could take all my stress away…the cabin is where I spent every weekend with my friends tubing and water skiing until we couldn’t hold on anymore. I would come home sunburned and sore… we spent all night playing the broom game and badminton.. we would lay by the bonfire until morning. The cabin is where we first drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes. It’s also where we learned to fill my parents liquor bottles with water.
Every 4th of July celebration was at the cabin with my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins… the famous jart tournament, where someone always got hit by the end. My uncle always broke something… Turkey on the grill, Devon’s potatoes, along with special K bars were tradition. And we always celebrated birthdays at the cabin, along with my annual summer cabin party.
And now 30 years later, my kids get to experience the freedom of the cabin. I love to tell them the stories of my summers… but what I love more is watching them experiencing it.
The time they get to spend with their grandparents is priceless. They get to listen to stories from the past. They get to her the endless stories of “Hatchet Hannah” the crazy lady in the woods from my dad.. it’s still told the same way he told me 30 years ago. My kids get to experience yard games and bonfires.. they get to enjoy the freedom of the outdoors. They spend weekends with their cousins making so many memories. They are learning to water ski and bait hooks.
When I hear them playing the same games by the bonfire that I played 30 years ago, I just smile and laugh… even with all the technology and changes kids are still the same… they love games, the freedom, and laughing until all hours….
My kids need this time at the cabin…. I try to keep my kids lives as simple as I can… but they are busy. The cabin takes them away from all the craziness and stress… they need downtime and simplicity just as much as adults. So some weekends we skip activities and commitments, just to go to the cabin. They need to experience nights of running outside and playing yard games, laughing by bonfires, and swimming for hours until they are exhausted. I am hoping the cabin will make them forget the stress and chaos that they face at home. Maybe they will forget about the constant running from activity to activity throughout the week. And forget about the pressure from trying to be the best at everything these days and take some time to enjoy just being a kid.
My kids will experience and learn so much from these summers. They will probably not realize it until years later, but they will eventually. And my kids will make their own memories to tell their kids years from now…
Thanks for reading!
I’m sure you have experienced it, the feeling that your entire world is crumbling down around your ears. I call these moments tower moments. In Tarot the tower card depicted above shows and explosive scene of despair and destruction. The tower, and what it symbolizes is a very misunderstood event. In the very moment you feel everything crumbling, whether it be something you worked hard for, or something you feared, it can feel catastrophic, heartbreaking, unfair, or hopeless. If you focus on the destruction of the tower and your disappointment; or you cling to the situation or person that is being forcefully removed to re align you, you will make yourself miserable. You will miss out on the lesson and the blessing god is trying to give you. The more you try to keep the things, people, perspectives, and behaviors that are meant to be removed the more you will have to repeat the tower moment.
It is my belief that the most painful, explosive shifts in our lives are a tool that the power greater than ourselves uses to re align us or wake us up. It’s almost like he’s saying “If I make it louder and more painful maybe she will hear me this time, Maybe she will understand this person or path isn’t meant for her.”
My most recent tower moment was with a career path I went down, and also with someone I considered a dear friend and a family member. I cannot go into too many details Because of my privacy regulations from working as a realtor. I can tell you I poured my heart and soul into becoming a great realtor, I sacrificed and worked myself to the bone without pay. I was very proud of my hard work and I was ecstatic when I landed two listings within a month.
The next three months I had everything set up for both clients. Then the tower moments came. One from bad circumstances, the other was out of nowhere, I lost both listings and my reputation with my business.
The night I found out about the second deal blowing up, I put the kids to bed, then went to try to sleep and audibly sobbed for most of the night. I was so distraught I made myself physically ill and ended up having to call into my part time job the next morning.
The one deal that devastated me the most was the one that came from nowhere, I was ready to throw in the flag. Thankfully I have an amazing support network that helped me wait until I had a clear mind to make a decision. Now I see that whole scenario was ment to remove people from mylife, and re align me with my life’s purpose.
If it weren’t for this earth shattering experience I would still be falling into the same patterns and stuck in a place of non growth. I had become stagnant. I didn’t want to let people dear to me go even though they were unhealthy for me. Now even though I am still mourning the loss of people and things I had wanted, it’s also like a breath of fresh air. I have more room to grow and I am running with it.
Just remember when things look the darkest, and are the most painful, look for the lesson, look for where you need to grow and you will find the light, count your blessing and not your problems. Address those problems within yourself and grow baby grow!
Healing, Growing, Loving
I feel myself getting stronger in their absence. Their voice, their laughter, those little things they did to make me smile…they’re gone. BUT the way they touched my life, the love they put in my heart, and how they changed who I am in this world…..those will never ever go away. They are part of who I am today. And THAT is a beautiful thing.
Do not spend your time coddling the trauma of someone’s passing, for it will only create a stagnation of sorts, a halt of what is coming to you and almost bring about an uninvited complacency. It will pull your joy from you and leave you feeling hopeless.
Instead, rise above the discomfort, reach beyond the trauma, give up the upsets. And Be Who You Are Meant To Be. Do not allow their death to stop you from living.
Ohhhh and if you let go of the anguished memories of the bond that keep you awake at night, if you release the darkness you seem to hold onto in spite of the pain and you move beyond the grief you still experience….you will NOT let go of the relationship.
Letting go of all that will only enhance your experience of love. Although they are gone….you are still connected and you will always be in relationship with them…it just looks different. There is comfort in that, isn’t there? KNOWING that beyond what your mind can comprehend, beyond what your eyes can see, beyond the veil… your loved ones watch, protect and wait for you.
As you sit and reflect on those you’ve lost… may you remember the beauty, the love & the joy you shared and hold onto THAT.
Rise Up, Forgive, Reignite, Step Out, Embrace and LIVE LIFE in their absence.
So take yourself on. Step outside the comfort of the sadness and find joy in it. Find the joy that they brought to you and share it with others.
Your God Girl,
Age ain’t nothing but a number…
One of my favorite quotes is from Coco Chanel
“you can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.”
I have riffed about aging before and my struggles, really more my gripes lol.
I have now sat firmly at 47 for three months and I’m still trying to figure out our society’s fascination with aging.
And not necessarily in a good way.
Articles about what women over 40, even 30 should and shouldn’t do.
Cover your gray, don’t cover your gray.
Memes about aging punk ladies – yup that one stung.
Can I tell you a really big secret? Like it’s huge?
I was a moron in my 20’s.
My 30’s so much change, crazy, crazy change.
My 40’s. I’ve landed.
I’m comfy about 80% of the time.
20% I wish I was 21 sitting next to Eddie Vedder at Lollapalooza.
Yes, that did happen.
But then I wouldn’t have my daughter, my friends, a job I love.
Also, milestones are different for EVERYONE. I have friends who adored high school. I didn’t hate it,but my happy memories were built in college.
I have friends who were BABIES when they had their babies and I have other friends who decided to wait until their 40’s.
I guess where I’m trying to go with this, is aging is a beautiful thing. If you all could see how much my haircuts alone have improved, you’d say “yup Caprise, you’re onto something.”
Each wrinkle and gray hair is a memento of a memory, a battle won.
You know what else age has given me?
A sense of calm.
I recently had a very scary situation with a group of girlfriends and I was able to diffuse the situation.
21 year old of Caprise would have broken out in hives.
47 year old Caprise was cool as a cucumber.
Again, this is just me- but I’m gonna be real. I like me so much better now. I still can be wobbly now and then- but a few cycles around the sun and motherhood have given me the ability to see I can handle a lot more than I ever thought I could.
As for those articles and memes…
I’m gonna wear leopard print as a neutral.
I’m going to keep getting tattoos until I run out of ideas or skin. Sorry Mom!
I am going to continue going to concerts.
Have dates with my friends.
Love on my daughter.
Buy the shoes.
Eat the pizza and as Coco said be irresistible or pretend like I am.
But most of all remember age ain’t nothing but a number.
As always much love Mamas.
I have been writing since I can remember. I am not one for poems or fiction because to be blunt I’m pretty awful at it. My wheelhouse has always been pulling from what I’m going through.You can blame that on the many friends and family members who bought me diaries and journals.
The hard lesson I’ve learned over the years is when you write from the heart not only is it painful to put on paper it’s equally painful to read.
So as I was getting ready to approach this new chapter in my writing journey… see what I did there? I let those close to me know.
My sweet Dad who is to blame for me being both an avid reader and writer immediately yelled out “don’t write about me!”
I promise this is probably it Dad.. Sorta. But it is a slippery slope.
Every week I put myself out there.
I usually do have a plan. I keep a bunch of post its with topic ideas handy in case my ritual of an adult beverage and accompanying music of the moment leave me stuck.
But full transparency these blogs come from moments. They’re moments that I think if I’m feeling this way maybe someone else is too and maybe just maybe they will read this and maybe not feel better, but know they’re not alone.
That can sometimes be the hardest thing. No matter who you are. But when I first left my ex husband I felt it. Hard. There were a few people who really stepped up and they know who they are. That leads me back to the beginning of this post. When I write these I am trying so hard to not be hurtful, to keep things that are mine, mine but still share those moments.
In a recent post I alluded to a new person in my life. He caught it. Believe it or not I’m actually a pretty guarded person. If you read my series the Fixer of Broken Boys … well you know why. I’m working on it. So it can be hard for me to tell the people I care about what they mean to me, but I can write it here.
I know I don’t get it either.
Again, working on it.
It’s scary. Sharing your life. Your joys. Your not so great days. The ugly. The great. The newest wrinkle.
But that’s WHY I’m here. That’s why I’m write. That’s why I share. So on those days- YOU know someone’s got you Momma.
Hi there- my name is Caprise, I’m your tattoo’d, music loving, Henry Rollins obsessed, Mom of the amazing G, single working Mom cheerleader… and I’m going to try my hardest to remind you we got this.
Adventures in Parenting: Dignity is Overrated
I once read that children are like little Zen masters who push at our most fixed ideas, forcing us to grow as individuals by confronting who we really are. I prefer to think of it this way; when God gives you the incredible gift of children, He also gets a good laugh at your expense, knowing full well that you will learn a thing or two. I believe it is best to keep an open mind, laugh right along, and enjoy the ride.
Take dignity for example. I have come to the conclusion that it is highly over rated. Before I became a mom, people would have referred to me as “dignified”, “reserved”, “boring” or perhaps “stick in the mud”. And mind you, these were my friends.
Not long ago I went to a playground with Adorable Daughter #1. As soon as we got there, she exclaimed, “Come on Mom, let’s play!” Hoping that she will have some childhood memories in addition to the 47,562 times I tell her to “WALK”, “eat your vegetables” or “brush your teeth”, I ran after her toward the jungle gym. We climbed the ladder, crawled through one of those giant hamster tunnels, and slid down the slide. About the time I was half way through the giant hamster tunnel; I couldn’t help but think,
“Should an un-athletic woman who is inching toward middle age with alarming speed be crawling on her hands and knees inside one of these things?”
“I should have checked the maximum weight capacity.”
“I don’t see any of the other adults doing this.”
About that time I heard Adorable Daughter #1 calling out, “Come on Mom! Let’s go down the slide!” I scampered to the end of the tunnel and poked my head out. She was grinning from ear to ear, her beautiful black curls flying in the wind. We plopped on to the slide together and yelled “Whee!” all the way down.
Too soon, my adorable daughters will decide that silly behavior is… well, silly. Not long after that, adolescence will arrive and they will walk into the bathroom to do their hair not to emerge for five or six years. I can only hope that by that point I will have planted the seeds so that as they grow they will value education, have a strong work ethic, and make good choices about friends and boyfriends, knowing that I will always be there to support them.
Until those fateful days arrive, we’re going to have some fun.
The other day I was walking down the sidewalk with Adorable Daughter #1 by my side and Adorable Daughter #2 in her stroller. As it started to sprinkle, we began to sing “If all of the rain drops were lemon drops and lollipops”. When we got to the part where we were sticking our tongues out and singing “aahh aahh aahh aahh aahh aahh”, I noticed a couple smiling at us. I smiled back and kept singing.
Liz Possible is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that.
Follow her on twitter at https://twitter.com/LizPossible1 and at her blog, https://lizpossible50singleandlovinglife.wordpress.com.
Embrace time because it really does fly by…which leads me to what I feel today. I get those notifications every day from Facebook that are pictures of what I posted “_ years ago today”. I sometimes take the time to look at them, most times not. Today I did-it was pictures of our youngest child…she would’ve been 3. My very last baby. I stayed home with her for the first 5 years of her life-I feel like I have this huge bond with her knowing that she was going to be my last of everything….last 1st bath, last 1st haircut, last kindergarten graduation…ect….it makes me sad but yet also excited for her!
As time flew by with the older two, it’s happening just as fast if not faster with her. Maybe it just seems that way because it’s so bittersweet. I often find myself thinking about all the things and opportunities I have missed with my kids-sometimes I get so caught up in that, I fail to focus on what we have done and just how often we really are together.
Maybe as we age-mortality becomes more of a reality, it did to me anyway. Realizing time doesn’t stop or slow down for anyone!
There truly is never enough time, some days seem like they’re never going to end and only wish for them to! If I knew now what I knew when I was wishing time away, I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Every moment in time is there for a reason. Embrace, learn, experience!
Love to all-
I was once ashamed. I am no more, not now and not just because of where I am at presently. I am proud of what I have done to get where I am at, I did whatever it took to get here, there were moments of embarrassment. But now I realize I refused to live my life in misery and I refused to bring children in to the world of misery, the world can be pretty miserable on its own. Everyone’s idea of what ashamed means is different and by no means is this blog post trying to portray there is shame in anything one does to make a better life for themselves and their family.
I read an article, The Executive Director of a Non-Profit and a Waitress, on my friend’s Facebook page the other day, I have never lost a child so I cannot even pretend or imagine to know what this mother feels like. I hurt for her, hurt so much for any parent that loses a child. It’s one thing I for sure am uncomfortable with on how to act and react. I have friends who have lost children, and I just never know what the right thing is to say or do. I do the best I can but know that it is probably never even close enough to offer the right amount of comfort. I just hope that in some way it helps.
As I read her article I could relate to the idea of having a job(s) in which I was embarrassed about. In the moment of those jobs, I felt I was better and deserved better. I waited tables, worked overnights at a convenience store, bar maid, fry-cook at a little local drive-in. Whatever it took to pay the bills, most weeks I was working doubles and triples every day. I had to borrow money from my little high school brother to be able to give Christmas to my little girl. I felt judged and ridiculed, ashamed by those who did know me and saw me working these jobs-I don’t know why I felt this way-I was good at what I did! And it PAID the bills. I also knew within myself this was not my permanent. I had dreams, hopes, aspirations and I didn’t just “want to get by”. Maybe that’s why I felt that I was being judged?!? Maybe that’s why I felt that these jobs were beneath me.
I worked 10 years at a very popular fast food chain…I started at the very bottom of the totem pole doing the “teenage” jobs that paid barely $6.00 an hour(Yes, I am old..lol). BUT-there was continual room for advancement…and I did just that. I made bank and received HUGE quarterly incentives, medical/life insurance, paid sick and vacation time, they sent me places for meetings and these places were the first time I had ever been on a plane, I saw Vegas, and Disney World! But with all that and all the “ashamed” jobs, I got something way more than incentives and pay. I learned hard work pays off, established a great work ethic, learned the ins/outs of running a business from advertising to budgets, ran payroll, inventories, and was educated in human resources, how to interview, how to have compassion for others who need their jobs, life long friendships, and how not to be buffaloed 🙂 My customer service skills I like to think are top notch! It was a sad day for me, my employees and my supervisors when I put in my notice. It was time for me to do what I knew I always wanted to do and that was run my own business…and where I am not entirely where I want to be just yet, I will NEVER be ashamed of those jobs ever again, they offered and taught me things I would never have learned in college(although if you can go to college, I insist you do!). Real life experiences, and hard work taught me what I needed to know.
A person does what it takes to get to where they want to be-there is absolutely no shame in striving for an end goal. I take college classes off and on to stay on the up and up of social media and accounting laws but I would never trade in those jobs for anything!
Never be ashamed….
Love to All-Kim
I’ve had a lot of experiences through my life, both good & bad. Time and maturity has taught me to handle things differently than when I was 20 years old. I know that I have mentioned before that when Noelle asked me to start blogging, I was scared to death and very hesitant on if I had anything to offer anyone. I have no degrees in psychology, therapy or anything other than my marketing and the same degree that everyone else receives from living, that degree is Life.
I don’t know if anything I have said throughout the posts has helped anyone or if I expect it to. Writing has helped me, that I can attest to. I like to think I have made a difference to someone, somehow, somewhere. But really all I have to offer is the lessons that I have learned through experiences. And sometimes that’s enough for someone to see that they too can become who they want and know that they aren’t alone.
Life isn’t easy-I use to look at someone and think “if you only knew”..and then I remind myself that what is a walk in the park for me may be the hardest thing they have ever dealt with. That perception came with maturity. We’ve gone down MY”I am a victim” road many times. I have stayed on that road many times, it does no one any favors. It takes a lot of work to find the balance between life, work, wants, needs, expectations, love, family and the list goes on. I never want anyone to perceive that I have all the answers or the know all to everything because I mostly certainly don’t. My only hope is that I am helping someone in some way.
Love To All-Kim