Tag Archives: expectations

Expect the BEST!

Hey there…yes it IS really me blogging again…I know that you guys have been reading some great stuff from a bunch of our guests bloggers, it’s fantastic to see everyone writing!  Thought it was time I actually added a post to my own blog…

As you know I turn 50 in August and on Friday night my son graduated from High School a year early…so lots of milestone shit happening up here in the Green Mountains…which brings up ALL the feels!!!! The closing of one chapter and the beginning of a new one, my Second Act we are calling it.  As I sort through the last 50 years (holy shit it feels weird to type that) I am seeing soooo many lessons learned, so much education in all of the stupid things that I have done…WOW…

Feeling like I have gotten to a pretty decent place and knowing that there is so much more to get done in the next half.  One of the things that I am working with this week in my own personal study is the idea of “you get what you expect”…I spend a lot of time reminding you guys that what you think about and speak about you will get more of, which means that if you start REALLY expecting the BEST it will change your whole life.

How many of us really walk through the days ‘expecting the best’, I see that even I am not doing that…I am not consciously walking through the days declaring and expecting the BEST…so I have to ask myself WHY NOT?  I certainly have been well-trained in understanding that what I expect and focus on I will get, so WHY am I not running through the days expecting nothing but the BEST outcomes???

Somewhere in all of us there is this place where we feel like things can’t always be amazing, we all worry a bit that when things are great it won’t last…well I am calling BULLSHIT on all that!  The truth is that we can get to a place where we really understand that what we expect we will get, we can get to a place where we KNOW that there is GOOD in everything even when it looks like a complete piece of shit.  It is NOT an easy place to reach, it is a place that you CAN reach by studying principles that demonstrate that what you fill your mind with is what you create, what you focus on is what you create, what you talk about is what you create…

That means that in order to REALLY rise to a place where we go around expecting the best, we have to DO THE WORK to get there.  Which means training your mind to think the things that will help you and understanding how to respond to things from a place of peace rather than react.  It means that when it ‘looks like’ your bank balance is too low you focus on the fact that money is coming instead of panicking based on what appears to be true in the moment.  The last year, since leaving corporate stuff and choosing to build my own company again, has been one of the hardest and scariest of my life thus far…I have had to REMIND myself daily of all the things that I teach, I have had to declare GOOD through panic and tears, I have had to TRUST when I could not see the way out…I have been taught so much in this last year and now it seems that my lesson is REALLY starting to come from a place daily of expecting the BEST.  Easier said than done, yet I am working on it…it seemed a good thing to share with all of you.  Here are two of the affirmations that I am using as I walk through this, perhaps they will help you as well…

“Nothing is too good to be true.  Nothing is too wonderful to happen.  Nothing is too good to last.”

“Today and every day, I expect the best. Wonderful things are happening to me now.  Everything I do turns into good for myself and others.”

XO- Noelle

Single Mom’s Mother’s Day

What do you think of when you hear “Mother’s Day”? Mom sleeping in, breakfast in bed or brunch at her favorite restaurant, a day of being pampered and spoiled? That’s what I think of …… but I’m learning that I need to stop having expectations and just embrace what is in front of me.

Last year, I most likely had that opening vision for my Mother’s Day. Instead, my youngest daughter woke me up at 6:00 in the morning and asked me what we were having for breakfast. Good question…. We didn’t really have anything at home because I normally go grocery shopping on Sunday mornings. After waiting a little while, I realized that I needed to get out of bed and get dressed and make my way to the store. I drove to the store to pick up some breakfast items. While I was checking out, I noticed that most of the people in the store at that early hour were dads and their kids buying last-minute cards and gifts for the moms in their lives. Let me just tell you that I was more than a little irritated and depressed that I, the mom, was at the store buying items for our Mother’s Day breakfast. On the way home, I decided to treat myself with a Starbucks coffee to go.  When I got home, my kids could sense my irritation, so they told me to go to my room, shut the door and relax. The girls decided to bring me breakfast in bed and we ended up having a fun day. Our friends called and asked if we wanted to join them for lunch and a hike, which we did, and the girls gave me presents that they made/bought with their dad.

I admit that I feel bad for getting irritated and feeling sorry for myself; it probably sounds really selfish. But, it taught me that I need to learn to not have expectations about holidays/events, because I tend to get disappointed. As a single mom, it’s not realistic to think that I can have an entire day of doing nothing. But I can learn to embrace what is and enjoy things as they come, rather than trying to make events live up to some fantasy that I’ve created in my head or seen on TV.

If I could take this lesson and apply it to all areas of my life, I would probably be a much happier person. So, for this Mother’s Day, I am going to challenge myself to let my expectations go and just enjoy the weekend with my girls. One of the things I love as a mom is to watch my girls do the things that they enjoy, so I’m going to remember this as I watch my oldest play in a tennis tournament and as I watch my youngest play in her soccer game and attend a friend’s birthday party. They don’t stay this age long, so I have to enjoy it while I can.

Being a mom is a tough job and being a single mom is tougher than I could have imagined, but I love my girls so much and could not imagine life without them. I remember when they were babies and there were times when I would look at them and cry because I loved them so much. And, just last week, after my oldest daughter had a disappointment, I couldn’t help but cry because I know how hard she works and hate to see her suffer. Or the pride I feel when I see them accomplish something amazing. Or hearing my youngest daughter tell her sister, “Good morning beautiful” when she sees her in the morning. Every day as a mom brings something new and sometimes it’s an emotional roller coaster and every year seems to go faster than the last one …. but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

So, here’s hoping that I can let go of what I think Mother’s Day should be and just enjoy it for what it is this year. And, here’s to all the moms out there – I hope you enjoy your day, however you decide to celebrate.

~Laxmi~

Finding Time For Self Care

 

Finding time for self care is difficult. As single working mothers we can all reach that point of just one more thing going side ways and we will explode. It can be as small as spilling the last of the coffee or as big as our main mode of transportation breaking down on the way to work in the middle of winter.

The fact is as working mothers we carry a lot of expectations on our shoulders. Our own and societies. We are supposed to not only juggle the children with all their wants and needs and have a perfectly balanced “normal” family, Perfectly balanced with our jobs bills and other responsibilities all while looking like runway models! Top that with anyone who struggles with any chronic major health issues and its enough to make any person break.

We as mothers some times forget self care, or chalk it up to a want instead of the need it really is. Mental and physical self care keep us going through the ups and downs of the single parent life. Self care looks different to each person. One mom might find having a glass or two of wine while relaxing in the tub as self care while another might find going out to a noon showing at the movie theater  alone while the kids are at school as the the ultimate mental vacation from life.

I have met many moms that shrugged it off because of time.  There is many ways to fit in self care time. For instance if you cannot fathom taking a day or even a afternoon to your self try setting aside 10-30 minutes before bed. Pop in some relaxing music and soak in the tub or watch your favorite show.

If you have to literally schedule your personal time in, do it! No matter what your self care is, please remember yourself. You deserve it, and so does your little family. If your not operating at 100% how can you expect yourself to meet the demands of raising your family? You can’t.

Another form of self care is to evaluate the things that you find completely unbearable in your life but you still put yourself through due to some kind of obligation. Wether it be a job or an event you attend, making yourself miserable isn’t something you should entertain. Look at your options, if you can’t stand your job, what are your options to expanding avenues to employment? In life we are only limited to what we tell ourselves we are limited to. It’s ok to be temporarily stuck but there are always way to grow and work towards the life you want. With mindfulness, adequate self care and determination there isn’t a single thing we cannot accomplish.

 

-Always be unapologetically yourself

Ali

Learning To Love You Before Anyone Else Can

Learning to love yourself first, before anyone else can or will, or learning to like others when you’re not even sure you like yourself is quite difficult.

Right after the split with my first husband I was not a pleasant person to be with or have to deal with, I have mentioned this before. I didn’t like myself and I am not sure if I didn’t even enjoy myself why I thought anyone would enjoy me. That’s a tough pill to swallow! It’s very humbling.

I took some time getting to know myself in those days, weeks, months to follow. I look back now and realize that some of it was not all my fault, I was under the thumb of people throughout my entire life making sure they did their best at breaking me down in much of everything I did. Some of those people I didn’t get to choose to be in my life, they were there, family….some of those people were my choices. I gravitated towards those types of people, I became one of those people. I was learning to dislike everyone, everything around me., including myself.

I think it’s really important on occasion to take inventory of your life and wonder if the people you have surrounded yourself with are there for your best interest. What is your best interest? That’s a million dollar question that has to be answered by starting within yourself. Misery loves company. Kindness is contagious. You all know the sayings. If you don’t have respect, kindness, love, expectations for yourself, how could or why would anyone else?

Ask yourself what your expectations are for yourself? What do you like/love about yourself? Do you respect yourself? Are you kind to yourself? It’s ok to be selfish. It’s ok to worry about learning to love yourself first.

 

Love to All-Kim

The Next Chapter In Life

I just went out for lunch with my  dear friend, whom I have mentioned before, and we had a lengthy discussion on the chaos that has continued in her marriage (which I have also mentioned before). I unfortunately have already been through what she is currently going through, many years ago,and I am about 10 years older than her as well. I guess with age comes more insight? LOL!

With all that being said, I had a lengthy discussion with her last week and finally convinced her it was time to get some counseling together, separate, and as a family. And at the very least, the state we live in requires mom & dad to go through a counseling program before granting the divorce, and that would put them that much further ahead of what was going to be expected if they divorce.

She came to me today, upset, scared, nervous and certainly not excited! She says she is scared that counseling will cause him to leave her once and for all and that she doesn’t want that to happen…she sees that as a bad thing. I see it as a good thing and I hope it causes him to shit or get off the pot. I am tired of seeing him put her and the kids through this……

She deserves to be happy to her standards, HER STANDARDS, not his or anyone else’s. And it’s ok if her standards are what some may call picky or asking too much because honestly who is anyone to say when it doesn’t directly affect them! I told her this is the time that she gets to end that chapter of her life and start the new one…that SHE and only she, is writing this chapter, the new chapter…

That goes for everyone, you are in charge of your story, and YOU get to pick who is going to be in that story. If someone thinks your requirements are too much, they can carry on. You get one life, why would you waste it living it the way someone else wants you to live it? Now I know that outside forces cause things to happen that are out of your control and cause the story to go in a different direction for a bit, I honestly do understand all that…BUT your standards and expectations of people in your life do not need to change based on that. NEVER, EVER! If you choose to listen to advice of others, it should be because you have made that choice, not for any other reason! If you have been writing your story based on everyone else’s choices for you, start your next chapter, today, for you!

Love to All-Kim

Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up, For How You Want to Be Seen

Good morning! Whether we like to admit it, some times “books are judged by their cover”. Being seen for your appearance, in the work force, is a true reality. But most importantly how you look, is most often a reflection of how you feel that day.

I myself am guilty of seeing someone and making an assumption on how they are feeling that day. I do interviews for both prospective employees as well as meetings with clients. Do I expect those people to show up in a $1,000 suit? Absolutely not! Although,I do have certain expectations because I feel as if you are disheveled more days than not-it is also going to affect your commitment to the job/project, your personality, and how you feel about yourself. Do I understand that people have craptastic days, don’t feel well? I sure do!

Think about it this way…..I am going in for my dream job interview-I am going to dress the part.  I want my future employer to know that I respect the position, I value the time I am being given for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity to do what I have always dreamed to do. I feel great, I feel positive and I want to look and be seen that way too.  I want to make an awesome first impression. I really REALLY want this job. My confidence is high and I am going to NAIL this interview. It matters, it truly does. Wearing sweatpants to a dream job interview doesn’t take away from your personality and skills but it most certainly takes away your commitment to that position. It takes away from how you feel about yourself.

Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up!

Love to All-Kim

You Can Always Go Further…

keep moving, keep learning...

keep moving, keep learning…

You can always go further than where you are now and you can go further than where other people expected you to end up.   The only person stopping you or limiting you, is YOU.  Michael Hyatt has a good blog post on the topic of going further, I think you will like it.  I did:)

http://michaelhyatt.com/3-ways-to-go-further-faster.html