Hey everyone, I want to apologize for my month long absence. A lot of things have happened over the last month or so and I am still trying to pick up all the pieces, the snowball effect. I took a month long mental health break from writing to take care of myself.
Everything started with one of my grandmothers unexpectedly passing away. By a miracle and some caring people, I was able to get a plane ticket to go to the funeral. Unfortunately,I still wasn’t able to make it.
It was the first time in years I’ve been on a plane due to flight anxiety. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until the take off of my first of two flights. The second we took off, my anxiety turned into a full blown panic attack and at one point I fainted from sheer panic. Once we touched down in Denver, I kept trying to convince myself to get on to my next flight. This lead to hyperventilation and being unable to speak. After speaking with my mother, we decided it was best for me to just catch a Greyhound home. I still am disappointed in myself for not making it to my grandmothers service.
While serving bills started piling up, and I couldn’t find reliable childcare for overnights. I decided to go back to school bus driving and work toward my CDL A so I can get a job with the state.
With all the struggles going on I am finding gratitude everyday and realize even through the snowball effect it is preparing me for blessings. The worst times in our lives are meant to direct us and prepare us for the best.
During this time of trials for me I’ve still been finding away to bless others. One of my friends recently left a toxic relationship, she had no bed and was sleeping on the floor with her son. I seen a free bed on Facebook and brought it to her. The lady also took the opportunity to bless her more. It really helps me to see that I can be a vessel of blessing to others in my life even when things are tough.
I’m working things out little by little, I just want to thank you all for your patience with my posts during this fire season.