Tag Archives: dream

Dreaming Is Good

Dreaming is good.

I was on my third dream.  Or maybe it was my 5th dream?  Maybe it was all one dream that just kept changing so fast that in my slumber I didn’t recognize the connections. 

This is strange… I’m in a field yet a phone is ringing.  I didn’t realize if the phone was ringing IN the dream or IN my room.  It took a while for me to comprehend that the phone was actually ringing on my nightstand.  As I rolled over to locate it with my eyes still closed…. you see I didn’t want to open my eyes because then I might wake up.  Even if I opened my eyes just a little bit, I’d lose my place in my dream.  The dream that I was so rudely interrupted from.  I squinted with one eye and the clock said 3:00.  !?3AM?!  Who the heck is calling me at 3AM?  My eyes shot open only to find that it was only a phone number.  And in my phone…if a name doesn’t pop up when it rings…. Then I don’t know you.

I rolled back into my comfy blankets and tried to remember what was going on in my dream just 5 minutes ago.  I tried to go back there. I couldn’t put my finger on it nor could I return to the moment before the phone rang.  I was interrupted and now I was lost.  

It’s kind of like life and the dreams we have.  One minute we’re on a journey, answering the what’s, the why’s and the how’s.  Making lists and enjoying the excitement.  All the doors keep opening, goals become realities, it’s coming to life slowly…. and then there’s a hiccup.  A Huge Hiccup.  Like the phone call in the dream.  It takes you off your groove.  It lands you flat on your face.  Unnerved.  You are without words.

But unlike the inability to get back into your night dreaming, you do have the ability to pick yourself up, wipe yourself off and get back where you were with your life dream and continue from there.

xoxo,

Your God girl

Tracy

Do The Work

All of the 12 step programs have a saying, “the program works if you work it.” This statement is true for many things including your ability to improve the quality of your life or more pointedly to ‘change the game’ for yourself. In my 52 years I have encountered a lot of people that were unhappy in their circumstances, yet when faced with ways out that required actually DOING something I saw that they would much rather stay complacent and keep complaining. This is why so many people are stuck in lives that they aren’t happy with,because they just want a magic solution that absolves them of having to DO ANY WORK. News Flash— there is no way to change without doing the work— anything worthwhile requires effort and change on your part. Period.

As you know the kid moved out a few weeks ago now and that has allowed me to actually pick my head up, take a breath and look around my life for the first time in many years—and what I see is that I created a magnificent life by using and practicing ALL the tools and principles that I talk with you about. I worked those things and made them a habit and I still use them daily.

What I can PROMISE you with absolute certainty is that they WORK if you do the work. When Antonio was 18 months old I had to file for bankruptcy— I was scared and broke, I had no car and I lived in a place that had mice running around it. I had known about all these principles since I was 12 and I practiced a lot of them daily—however after the bankruptcy I decided that I could do better, I decided that I would give it everything I had and I would see, if in fact, I could create a life and an income that I was proud of.

I did just that. It was and still is hard work—although it does get easier in time—the more you train your mind the easier it gets to be non-reactive and the quicker you can demonstrate circumstances that you want.

For those of you that don’t know, I do not make any money from The Working Single Mom project—-in fact it costs me money every month— I do it because I know what it is like to be terrified and broke, I know what it feels like to be afraid that you can’t pay the bills—I lived and worked with those fears most of the last 19 years—- I had no child support—it was just me and whatever I could create and earn. I created The Working Single Mom brand as my public persona to help people, to give back, to coach and teach you that there is a way to create the life that you want. I am living, breathing proof that anything is possible as long as you are willing to do the work.

No matter what is going on for you today, hear me when I say to you that I am PROOF that you can create whatever you want. Believe this and then start to do the work to make it so.

See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.

XO, Noelle

The Pictures In My Mind

  Sometimes I paint pictures. Not real pictures. I am not artistically inclined with drawing or painting. But, I do create images in my head. Images of how I think things should look or be. Some of those images have been instilled in me from childhood, things that should be normal, some are new images, and some are blurry images.
  From childhood, I had these pictures in my head of what my adult years would look like. The  family that I would have, what my home would look like, even small details such as decorations and landscaping. I’m learning, though, that those images I have to let go of. Because those images are not my reality. My reality is very different than the images in my head that I have created so many years ago.
  My reality is that I do things with my children. Alone. I take care of, and raise my children. Alone. I give my children advice, words of encouragement, and discipline. Alone.
  Don’t get me wrong, there are many people that speak truth into my children, offer advice, and words of encouragement. But the primary responsibility falls on my shoulders, and mine alone. That was my choice. I chose to walk this path by myself. And most days, I’m fine. Most days I could not be more thankful for the choice I made to walk this path.
  But today, it was different. I was able to steal away time with my precious kids, who are getting older, more independent, and are beginning to need me less, and I was able to take them individually to do something that they enjoyed. Which is amazing. We normally are so busy doing things together, that the precious moments I am able to connect with them on an individual basis mean so much to me, and I hope to them. Today, it hit me like a ton of bricks that the picture I have in my head of what a family looks like is something that is so very different than what my reality is. And while our time together was so needed and so fun, there was this empty place that took my breath away.
  For whatever reason, today, I wanted a counter part with me while I was taking my kids on our outings. I desperately wanted someone with me to do life with. I know I am capable of raising my kids, providing for them, and making and creating life and memories with them. But there was a void tonight. A void that I don’t think my children felt, but I felt it. I felt it in a big way. For me, while it was great spending time and doing fun activities with my kids, I couldn’t help but wonder, how many more outings will it be just me taking my kids on? How many vacations will it be just my children and I? I know I don’t need a counter part, I am capable of doing things alone with my children and we have a great time. But that pesky image I have in my head of what things should look like, sometimes creeps in and makes me a bit anxious. Sad even at times.
  After the outings that I went on with my kids, we got home, and all I could do was sit in my room and cry. I really don’t even know why I was crying. I was just really feeling the loneliness that has been there for many years. Because even when I did have a partner, I was still alone. It was still my kids and I doing things. I think I felt that sadness because that’s been the norm for our family and it’s not a norm that I wanted or that they wanted. Or maybe it’s just me, in my head. Holding on to that image that I painted so many years ago.
  I know those moments of sadness will creep in every now and again. I know I will feel those moments of sadness. And it’s okay to feel it. It’s okay to acknowledge it. And it’s okay to move on from it. Which, is what I am doing. We are a family, even if it doesn’t match the pictures in my head. Because let’s face it, many of the pictures we create in our head doesn’t match our reality. And it’s okay.
~R~

Teamwork Makes The Single Mom Dream Work

Being a single mom is undoubtedly hard.  It’s hard in a way you can’t really understand until you are in the throes of it.  Like when you were pregnant, and people told you that having a newborn would make you tired.  Remember that?  I recall thinking, yeah, I stay up way past midnight and still wake up and go to work tired, I’ll be fine.  Then the baby comes and your definition of tired is utterly reinvented.  Being a single mom is no different, you must experience it to really understand how difficult life becomes.

The hard parts are different for all of us.  Sometimes it’s financial, sometimes it’s juggling busy schedules, sometimes it’s chasing the impossible work/life balance.  For me, my biggest struggle was trying to be the nurturer and the disciplinarian – roles typically reserved for 2 parent households.  I did my damnedest, but with 2 very different kids I found myself performing a daily Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine.  One kid had a great day while the other got in trouble at school.  So, a smile and a high five to you, turn around a deliver a stern look and a consequence for him.  How confusing that must have been for my kids?  I was failing at both roles and leaving a gaping hole in my family.

One day, as I was really trying to figure it all out, I realized that I needed a teammate in all of this.  I was not dating, and fully aware of the complications of bringing another adult into the situation, so that was not the answer.  Instead, I asked myself what if instead of trying to react to and regulate every circumstance my kids encountered, I simply joined them on the playing field.  I decided to start addressing our family as a team. We all had roles to play on the team, and we all had a responsibility to the success of our team.  I sat my kids down and we spoke at length about our new family dynamic.

The truth is, nothing changed as far as my hierarchy in our family.  But instead of dividing and conquering my kids, I encouraged us to all weigh in on the good and bad parts of our days.  We talk so much more, and I yell so much less.  My kids have learned each other’s love languages – one son thrives on physical touch, while the other seeks out words of affirmation.  They have been empowered with the skills to comfort each other and even me on the tougher days.  When one of us has a win – we all win, we all celebrate.

By putting an end to my polar opposite parenting, I’ve lifted a weight off my own shoulders.  I’ve given my kids the gift of an engaged mom instead of an overlord.  I see them growing as better people through their understanding of empathy and teamwork.  We hold each other accountable and we lift each other up.  We are invested in each other’s successes, we cheer for each other louder than anyone else, and we’ve created a safe place to express our thoughts and feelings.

My kids and I are a team now, and there is no other team I’d rather play the game of life with than the people I love the most.

Colleen

Eat The Cake

Eat The Cake…

My last couple blogs I have put my heart on a platter. I have done something I am incredibly uncomfortable doing. Shared. Intimate pieces of my life.

And I’m about to share some more…

This time it’s the other side of me.

Because, the next time I sit down to write one of these. I will officially be a year older.

I will be forty eight in fact. Two more years and I hit the big fifty.

I get teased because I don’t hate Birthdays. I relish them actually, not that I really do anything over the top to celebrate. I think maybe a few years ago I did. It’s usually pretty peaceful. Something involving yummy food and my daughter. If I’m lucky cake. If I’m really lucky an adult beverage.

To me, each year is my reminder that I accomplished something I was told I couldn’t. I was a preemie and have a congenital heart condition.  My whole life I have been told “someone with your condition won’t.” Then I do.

There is a fantastic quote and I’m paraphrasing “when someone tells you no. Do it twice and take pictures.”

As scary as it can be. I have been working really hard at living my life that way.

From little things like  changing my hair. Getting my nose pierced.

Going to concerts for bands I would normally never go to. I’ll explain… I’m a punk, pop lady who found herself not too long ago with a bunch of her favorites at a metal concert. By the way, I had a blast.

To big things. Who I spend my time with.  Rebuilding my financial future.

Life is precious, it’s ok to push boundaries and sometimes step outside of your box.

I have also strongly started embracing who I am.

Painting, reading, embroidery. Yup… I love embroidery. I joke with my person that  I am a Golden Girl in training .

I have an unhealthy obsession with tacos. I am on a quest for the perfect mascara. At almost 48 I’ve started goofing with fake eyelashes and winged eyeliner because I’ve always wanted to.

That’s my point…

Embrace those things that make you – YOU, but don’t be afraid to do something that maybe you wouldn’t normally.

Eat the cake

Wear those fabulous earrings

Stay in

Go out

By the special creamer for your coffee

In the infamous words of my favorite rockstar “ I’m learnin’ to walk again. I believe I’ve waited long enough.”

My dream for my future is a beautiful velour track suit, a pair of gorgeous prescription sunglasses driving a golf cart around a senior home by the ocean with my grandchildren giggling  by my side. It’s a future at one point I was told I couldn’t have.

Mommas we are allowed to be more or stay exactly as we are. That’s the wonderful gift that each birthday gives us. A yearly celebration of who we are.

Amazing Mommas

 

<3 Caprise

I’m Not Superstitious-But I Am A Little Stitious

I’m a big fan of memes and one of my favorites is a picture of Steve Carrel from the office it reads:

“I’m not superstitious

But I am a little stitious”

Yup that’s me. With a lot of things in my life. But the biggie is when good things happen.

Superstitious-I don’t trust good things. I wait for that other shoe to drop. I could use my track record as my excuse but I think it’s deeper than that.

Somewhere along the way just like asking for help. I was made to feel I don’t deserve good things.

I don’t mean daily massages or an unlimited spending allowance at Sephora.

Although, I wouldn’t mind those things.

But rather being recognized for a job well done. When I’m praised at work I always say thank you, but say I didn’t do it alone. I don’t deserve the credit. Even if I really do.

When I got asked to speak at a conference recently, I instantly thought it was because they couldn’t find anyone else. Not that maybe I’m a good speaker.

I blush at compliments.

I get teary at the littlest things.

As much as I want good things and want to hear I’m awesome, sparkly, be loved…

When it happens I don’t know what to do with it. I question it. I analyze it. I don’t always trust it. I wait for it to fall apart.

Luckily and I’ve alluded to my dream team before. My group of friends scold me when I start to question things too much. I have a person who holds my hand and teases me- “don’t cry” and kisses the top of my head.

It’s a slippery slope we Moms traverse. We want so much for everyone around us, why can’t we want that for ourselves?

I’m working on being less stitious. Believing in myself and not letting that self doubt and some bumps from my past make me freeze.

It’s ok to want good things.

Say it with my Mommas.

“It’s ok to want good things”.

Just in case you start to get a little superstitious… I’ll be here reminding you… you deserve good things.

You really do.

<3 Caprise

Where Did My Dreams Go?

Where did “I” go?…I started my life like most girls, with big dreams filled with what I wanted to accomplish.  Of course, my dreams included children – 2 or 3 – a career, a nice house, a husband… but it also included having fun.

I wanted a balanced life, where everything would fall into place and all the different areas of my life would complete each other. But, as I went along, I realized that “I” disappeared; me as an individual person just disappeared. “I” have been replaced by either the career woman or the mother. When I get introduced to new people, the main part of me that comes out is either being someone’s mother, where we talk about kids and everything about raising kids or my work and my career. Somewhere along the way “I” got lost.

Where did “I” disappear? Was it when I could focus on only one thing: providing for my children? Making sure they had everything they needed both on a financial and emotional level. Was it when I had to work 2 jobs to put food on the table? Or was it when I became more stable and focused on a career? Somewhere in all that,  “I” completely vanished.

No longer do ”I” think of anything not involving the kids. Even if I get a sitter, I find myself wondering if the kids are sad that I left them to go do something that does not involve them. “I” now has a companion called “guilt”. Is it a woman thing to always be thinking about our kids?

Being a mother always involves making sacrifices, but being both mom and dad is insanely demanding. I am so used to spending all my time outside of work with my kids that if for some miraculous reason I find myself alone in the house, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. How did that happen? Why does the idea of spending an afternoon alone send me into a semi panic mode? Unable to even figure out what to eat!

Today, I am over forty, my oldest daughter is getting ready to go to college and I am here thinking how did I get here and what have I done with my life? I am proud that I managed all by myself to raise my daughter and to see her go onto her journey to becoming a successful independent woman, I am also terrified that she will see me  as someone who failed to have a life outside of being a mother.

As I ask myself: Where did my life go?  I also wonder about what I could have done differently/if I could have done things differently that would have provided some kind of balance in my life. And as I embark in the journey of raising my second daughter (that’s for another subject: having a baby at 40) I will need to take a deeper look at things.

Does being a single mother mean putting everything on hold? Always? Is the constant fear of not being able to take care of my kids causing me to let life pass me by?

Why do all my thoughts involve being a mother? How to become a free independent fun woman? My kids are my universe, that will never change, but I would like my mind to take a break from time to time and let “I” make a short apparition until we get reacquainted.

~Rosemonde

A Time For Me To Believe In Myself

A time for me…

At the newly age of fifty and fabulous (which is a story all in itself) with one kid on his own, and my youngest soon to be a Senior in High School, I unexpectedly find myself unemployed, yet unnerved for the first time, which is both soothing and strange for me.

Being a single mother, twenty four years and counting, I have never been afforded the same luxuries in life as some women, by either given the choice to walk away from an underpaid or overworked job in search of a better one, or the really far fetched dream of staying at home!

Is it though, that far fetched? That I could stay at home, doing what I love, and still support my family?! Perhaps not. Perhaps this is a time for me. A time to get my shit together, a time to face my fears, and a time to just jump in, hold my breath (if I have to), and believe, believe in me!

Believing is the difficult part of the equation that most people, especially women, struggle with. The feeling of being unworthy, believing you deserve such a far fetched life seems almost ridiculous from everything we’ve ever been taught as young girls. But is it?

I am blessed to have a mother, who taught me through her own strength and wisdom, to always believe in myself, in my own strength. That people (mainly men) come and go, so plant your own roots, water your own garden and never settle for anything that doesn’t make your heart skip a beat.

I haven’t always listened to my mother, as I stumbled along my own path of poor choices, and settled a time or two along the way, whether in the arms of the wrong man or working on someone else’s dream instead of my own.

So yes, this is a time for me!
A time to remember.
A time to dream.
A time to ask, believe, & receive because I am worthy!

Chase that crazy dream girl, spread your wings, believe in yourself and fly! This is your time! A time for me to take pen to paper and write, my story. A story I do believe will inspire others to take the time for you, to chase your own (crazy) dreams and fly!!

With Light & Love,
Angel A