Things I dread…It is Saturday. I’m debating another soda and a snack. No music as I just finished recording my radio shows.As much as I love music. Sometimes the quiet of our house is what I want.
Since getting divorced there are topics I’m not a fan of talking to my ex husband about.It gets uncomfortable. It gets awkward. Like money. As I shared.Or say, dating.
There is a lot of history behind the why.
At the core even though we are not together I still want to be cognizant of how me dating will impact him and my daughter.So to be honest. I don’t tell either of them. I can hear the collective in take here.
I have a really good friend whose Mom got remarried while we were in college. It was a complete surprise. I kinda like that.There are certain pieces of my life that sometimes I don’t want the whole world to know about. At least not yet.
However, in talking to my daughter I’ve realized by not sharing that part of my life with her, she thinks I am missing out or worse and I am really trying to be careful here, thinks that means….I might get back together with her Dad. Which means if I tell her.I have to tell him. Which is hard.
I have not dated a whole lot.
When I first got divorced I was in a pretty long relationship. The person I was with was someone I had known a good chunk of my life, so it was easy and he respected my decision to keep him separate from my daughter.I’d find out later because he wasn’t ready to be in her life. If at all.
A letter from my ex husband asking for a second chance prompted the topic of me dating. It was awkward as you can imagine.
But I wanted him to understand a few things… our daughter was still my priority, I was in a different place in my life and as horrible as this sounds. We were not getting back together.
I have dated a bit. And have someone but with everything going on my someone hasn’t come up a lot. But at least now I can talk about him to my ex husband. My daughter has met him. Which is huge.
Again I can hear the intake. There is no manual for this and sometimes you think you’re doing the right thing, only to have the person you think you’re protecting tell you they need to know more about your life.
I get so wrapped up in protecting her. I leave her out.
Now that she is a teenager we have started having some serious talks about things I dreaded her knowing.It’s not all rainbows and lollipops but at least we talk to each other.How lucky am I that we can? That she wants to?
Now for me to work it being less weird with her Dad.
Much love Mommas.