Tag Archives: divorce

It’s Not Over

One of my favorite Lenny Kravitz songs has a refrain of “ and it’s not over ‘til it’s over.”

It’s playing on loop in my head as I sit anxiously waiting for my ex husband to leave. It is Father’s Day as I write this and he is having a social distance visit with our daughter.

Only the second one he’s had since our state when on virtual lockdown. As with the first, because I reached out. It was her birthday and rather than focus on that, he focused on Father’s Day. Pushed me for times so he could plan his day.

In my head- I am thinking you haven’t seen your child in two months. Drop everything! It’s her birthday! But that right there, has always been one of our problems. For me she has always come first.

For him, if it fit in his day.

We have been divorced for eight years. Seperated for even longer. My hope was we could co-parent. Get along. I am still waiting.

Not even ten minutes after stepping on our front porch he was yelling at me. When I pointed it out, he raised his voice more. I reminded him he was here to see our daughter. This isn’t about us, it’s about her.

Yet here I sit almost a decade later and it is still about us.

It is not over.

I live in fear. I hesitate to type that. But it’s my reality. When I speak up, he does what he can to turn my world upside down. He will make casual comments about when our daughter can legally make the decision to live where she wants.

When I speak up I am helicopter Mom. A tiger Mom. Overprotective. Overdramatic.

Granted you are only hearing my side.

But when we were married this was the guy who kept a spreadsheet of how much money he gave me, made me ask for permission to adjust the color of bathroom towels, let his friends tease me and joined in.

I endured it because there were glimmers and I really thought us being parents might make it better.

It made it worse. Now I didn’t give him any attention. He would get mad when I fell asleep with her when she was little but wouldn’t offer to help.

I worked part time, was a Mom and was trying to be everything to him. 

Not enough.

I have put a lot of this behind me. When I left he wouldn’t give me anything and I didn’t ask. I still don’t.

I have struggled a lot and I’m thankful my daughter never figured that out. 

I put our life back together.

I think that is the part that is hard for him I didn’t fail.

And I can put all the fights and hurt away until he’s standing on my porch yelling at me like he is allowed to.

Which he is not.

I have become really good at putting my hand out and calmly saying please don’t raise your voice at me.

I almost always cry later. Not for the reasons you think or maybe I do.

I just want him to move on. Let me go. Focus on being civil for the sake of the one thing we did right.

I didn’t do any of this to hurt him. 

I did it because he was hurting me.

 

Hope you are safe.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

Dreams Of Growing Old With Someone

Dreams of growing old with someone I felt was the love of my life- catapulted me into a 2 decade marriage.  At a young age, I had no idea how little I knew and I had no understanding of what intimate, long lasting love was in a marriage.  I only knew that I wanted him to be the axis of my life.  He was everything I wanted to build my life around and so I did.

We were quickly blessed with a sweet little boy, and somehow, I now had 2 people to devote my time and love towards.  As the years went by, the deep love between my former spouse and I quickly turned to lies and hurt.  So many mistakes were made and we managed to devastate our little boy time and again.  As the marriage began to fade at a rapid pace, God gave us an unexpected miracle of a little girl.  Her existence became known only one day after an agreement for a divorce. We struggled even more to hold our marriage together, to give our children the opportunity of a family.  Our lives were impacted by military combat, frequent absences of their father and we were a lonely military family, away from our loved ones.  There was no village to help and rarely time together as husband and wife.

The years continued to go by and our children were our only joy. We managed to create a team effort, absent of real intimacy, void of trust.  We built a lovely home, strong careers and we ran a regimented home that kept the ship more than afloat.  As the years passed, I longed for another child, and I still deeply loved my husband.  And, so, one morning I learned I was pregnant and my entire life felt completely right again.

And then it wasn’t.

The marriage continued to break apart and was put back together time and again; more combat deployments and a diagnosis of Autism with our youngest son. We picked ourselves up from the many pains and crisis’ over the years, packed our belongings and departed the military life after 20 years.  We needed normalcy and time as a family.

Two short years later, it ended in divorce.  Abruptly.  And we waged an emotional war on each other that I can clearly see now is shameful and did detrimental harm to our children.  It eroded our emotional health, finances and family relationships.  We embedded distrust, anger and hatred in our family.

Fast forward 4 years, we have just begun to be civil and really try and co parent our last remaining child that lives at home.  Are we friends?  I wouldn’t go that far. But, I would say that we are doing everything right in the best interest of our children, and our grandchildren.  We face the challenges that all of our children are dealing with because of their traumas and because we were too consumed by our own pain to think clearly.  Some of those traumas were from the military life we had together and others from the turbulent divorce.

Recently, my former spouse gave me the courtesy of letting me know he is remarrying.  I was grateful because it gave me the chance to brace myself for impact with our children.  His courtesy was an opportunity for me to see that our family is moving on in healthy ways and we can help our children prepare for more changes.  I know my children will struggle with this, but it is my prayer and hope that they will see that we are still a family.  It will take more time for them to accept the finality of the divorce; that the last shred of hope is absolutely gone.  Four years is but a drop in the bucket compared to 25 years.

I hope my children’s father finds in his new marriage all that we lacked in ours.  I want that for him; to see him happy and to grow old with a wonderful person by his side.  I can only hope that our children will embrace their father’s new life and that they know in their hearts that he does love them.  And that, his “moving on” from the marriage he shared with me is not about “moving on” from his relationship with our children.

I hated to love him after the marriage fell apart.  And, it felt good to love to hate him for so long.  But now, I feel peace and contentment in what we had, what was lost and what we have since found as civil people that deeply love the children we were given.  From our teenage marriage and ongoing brokenness, we created two sons, a daughter and were given the blessings of a daughter in law and 3 grandsons.

I’ll forever be grateful for the good times we shared and for the years we tried to give it our best.  We were teenagers when we married and we taught each other so much about life.  But, my most amazing lesson is that through so much devastation, former partners can find common ground when you share a deep love for the same people.

I’ll always have many regrets.  And, there was a phase where I swore I regretted the entire marriage.  But, since the dust has settled and there is a mutual effort of building trust and respect, I now remember that there were good times.  And, we did do some things right.  We made beautiful children that still deserve both of their parents involvement and support.  And if that means that our family grows through remarriage, then that’s what it means.  I think there is never too many people to love our children and grandchildren.

So, the dream of growing old is different now.  There is no sitting on the porch swing next to my children’s father, grey haired with our grandbabies at our feet.  But, I do dream of more laughter and smiles, and our children taking the next step forward in healing after all they have been through in their lives.

– Carmen 
Not Just Nearly Learn happiness, But Really Learn happiness

Do I Need A Man?

Do I need a man? I heard a commercial on the radio for a new talk show. One line stood out to me in a snippet of interviews. I have no idea who it was, but she said (and I’m paraphrasing), “when I got divorced, I found I needed men to help me find my way back to myself.” That line has been sort of reverberating around in my head for the past couple of days. I’ve been trying to figure out if it was true for me or not.

As an independent woman, I think my first inclination is to say; wait, I don’t need a man for anything. I only want a man for things. However, the more I think about it, the more I feel a connection to those words. There are some men in my life that I really needed to go through in order to know what I wanted, what I needed, and what I deserved. Then, ultimately when I found all of those things in someone, I needed to be able to let him heal some things in me that I could not heal on my own.

Let’s start with the first guy I fell for. He may have been the first guy I genuinely fell for my whole life. But looking back, I fell for a game. He was well versed in keeping women’s attention and he thrived on it. We never dated, but we talked all the time. We talked about random things, sometimes nothing exciting at all. But he was who I wanted to talk to. I was hooked on the conversation. And he really talked to me. It was something I hadn’t had in my marriage. So, what I learned from that is that I needed someone who would talk to me. Someone who would be my go-to person. That is the positive that I learned, and I won’t even delve into the negative.

Next was the guy who was amazing in bed. He wasn’t just amazing in bed though, he was genuinely attracted to me and could not get enough. That was important because it was something else lacking in my marriage. I needed to know that someone could see me like that. Because I saw myself primarily as a mother, then as the ex-wife of a man who never wanted me, and never as an attractive woman. I also learned in a successful relationship, sex is a very important part of the foundation for me.

Lastly, was the man who treated me like a princess. He was older than me and very kind. At first he lavished attention, time, and gifts. He always opened my car door and treated me with respect. He made me feel beautiful and taken care of. It didn’t work out, but it was a mostly positive experience. He taught me that I deserve those things because I’m willing to give them.

So I learned all of those things that I wanted in a relationship by dating men. So, it was true for me, I did need men to help me realize things about myself. There were other men, my ex-husband, one narcissistic nightmare, and various others along the way, but I am choosing to focus on the good I learned from them and not the negative, though I learned many cautionary tales. They molded me as well, but I am afraid not necessarily in good ways, except maybe to make me stronger and wiser.

I learned I need meaningful conversation and a lot of it. I learned that sex and feeling attractive is huge for me and has to be solid. And I learned that I want to be treated well, maybe not over the top, but some chivalry is very much appreciated. And then I knew I needed those things to have a successful relationship. And then I met someone who gave me all three.

Stronger Than Yesterday,

Alice

This Time

There is an INXS song and the lyrics are “this time will be the last time…”.

It plays over in my head a lot because I have a laundry list of things I promise myself I won’t do again.

Some are of the warm fuzzy variety. Some are what everyone does. Some are so I can do something.

Some I have tried before and some are long overdue.

As much I write about loving yourself and supporting other people.

I have an incredibly hard time doing that with myself.

I tell people be open. I tell people be honest.

I try to trust and love with my whole heart…

YET…

I have spent a lifetime of letting people believe what they want because it was easier than the truth.

Sometimes even with my own family.

I have spent several relationships putting up walls and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It’s twenty three years later and I am still being shaped by it.

It was being with a man for almost two years who abused me and not telling anyone. I was too ashamed to tell anyone because prior to that, I had always been the woman who told other women they shouldn’t tolerate it. How could I let this happen?

When we met there were so many red flags. Even now, I am not sure why I ignored them as strongly as I did. The abuse didn’t start right away. It started after I confronted him about things coming up missing, checks bouncing. Then it was everything.I would find out later he slept with a neighbor and when she refused to let him move in with her, he stayed with me, but made it clear how unhappy he was. All the time.I tried to kick him out. Several times.But when you are embarrassed to tell anyone what is going on, it makes leaving difficult. He made it difficult. And I honestly thought I made this mess I had to figure out how to get out of it.

I realize now how incredibly insane that is.

The tipping point was him calling my workplace and threatening me. My boss intervened, sent me home and said pack his stuff, call your parents.

So I did.

It was awful.

I put his stuff outside and he yelled at me from our apartment courtyard. A neighbor stood guard until my Dad came. The same neighbor apologized for never doing anything.

I told him he was here now.

My Dad came.

The cops came.

And it was as awful and uncomfortable as you can imagine, because my Dad had no idea.

He literally had no idea.

I still don’t think he knows the whole deal and that is ok. It has to be. (Ok, it’s not ok. But it i am not sure I will ever be able to tell my parents everything that went on. )

Because I just dealt with it. Until I couldn’t anymore. I didn’t want to let my family down or be a burden. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. So much that I endured something horrible on my own.

Please don’t do that. If you tell someone and they don’t believe you. Tell someone else until someone hears you.

The biggest mistakes I have made are believing I wouldn’t be believed and that no one would want to hold my hand and help me get through WHATEVER it is I need to get through. That’s not true. I promise you. That’s not true.

As I am very aware it’s easy for me to say all of this when I have decades between then and now.

When you are in it, you really are just fight or flight. Just get to the next day.

I made it to the next day. In fact I made it through some decades.Because thankfully, I found people who would listen and hold my hand.

I learned I let the people I love down more by not letting them in.

Much love Mommas

Be safe

<3 Caprise

I Do Not Regret

I do not regret my marriage or my divorce,it has been five years since I decided on my divorce and I still trust my decision. And I say “I’ because I was the one that finally said the words and knew I needed to start the process. It’s crazy how some days I want to change things in my daily life,what I say or do, but I have never wanted to change my decision on my divorce. However, I have also never wanted to change my decision to get married.

I do not regret my marriage and I do not regret my divorce. I know it’s probably hard for some to understand. I actually had many good years during my marriage. We were not the explosive fighters or abusers, we were just a couple that got lost and couldn’t get it back together. However, in those 13 years I experienced a lot.

We had a few years being married without any children, when we were newlyweds buying our 1st house, excelling in our careers, still hanging out with college friends, and enjoying our free time together. Then over the next 10 years of our marriage, we had 3 kids….

I learned how to be a mom and I am still learning. There are so many experiences from that time of my life that I could never regret it. I love to tell my kids all the stories from when they were little, along with stories about their dad and I.

Many times, I wondered why I never regretted either. At times I wonder what makes me different from others that regret their marriage or regret their divorce. I’m still waiting to feel some type of regret, but I never do. At times, it’s like I want to make myself feel some regret but I don’t. My divorce does not make me sad, I know it was the right decision.

I could be a negative person about my marriage and my divorce, but that is just not me. I try to not be the person that is always saying “why me”. And I do not want to all concentrate on all the negative. The truth is, I made the decision to get married and then divorced. And neither decision makes me feel like a failure in either way.

I have spent the last 5 years building my life. I went back to work full time. I have bought a house. I have learned what I really enjoy and what I don’t. My kids and I have figured out a routine and life that works for us. And it does take time, it’s a long process to go through so many changes and emotions. And there are definitely some grey areas within those 5 years.

I continue to move forward. I continue to learn about what I want in life. I continue to remember what I took away from my marriage that needed work.

Communication was poor and I have tried to change that through my relationships with people now. I have learned to tell people more of what I want rather than guessing. My ex husband and I never discussed what we truly needed or wanted in our marriage. It was always a guessing game for me and trying to figure out what he wanted. I have now learned I need to ask.

I have also learned to not always be a pleaser to everyone and I say no. I have learned that I can make everyone happy.

My marriage and my divorce both actually helped me get to the person I am now. And continue to grow into. I know I am more myself now than I was when I was married, however I still do not regret any of it. But damn,I am a lot happier now. Enjoy life, all the experiences…

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

I Have Returned

I have returned…

My divorce became final today.  This process took over a year and a half. And it was long overdue by about 7 years. I didn’t know how I’d feel when I got word that a decision had been made. Scared?  Sad? 

Relieved. All I feel is relieved. He broke me. Not in the physical sense. But emotionally, he broke me. I am a stay at home mom who shriveled into a corner as time passed. I was never complimented or acknowledged. I spent the last two years of our “cohabitation” being essentially ignored. 

And then the divorce process was horrific. Ugly, ugly words were said. Things I will never be able to completely forget. “You did nothing.  You deserve nothing.”  Meanwhile, I was a stay a home mother, raising two children under 8, while fighting stage 4 cancer. But I did nothing. 

Those words cut like a knife. Until one day I realized, “Like hell I did nothing.”  I am raising two children. Two AMAZING human beings. I kept this house together from the moment we bought it. I played Memory while having chemo pumped through me. And I looked death in the face at least 4 times and said, “Not today.  Maybe someday, but NOT TODAY.” 

Once he left the new home that we’d built just 2.5 years earlier, I began to find my shine again.  I took control of my life. I realized I’d dulled my shine to allow him to be the star. I used to be funny. I used to be outgoing. I used to smile. I stopped being that person in order to make him happy.  I pushed all of that away during my marriage. Somehow I’d let myself believe that his needs and wants were more important than mine. And I became passive.  Quiet. “Just” a mom. 

And now that he’s gone, I’ve returned.  I walk taller. I’m proud of myself again.  I’m focused on myself and my kids and I’m thrilled to be back. I no longer dull my shine because I’m afraid to be noticed. I laugh and I engage with people and those that knew me pre divorce are now seeing who I really am. A friendly, caring, funny woman who is also realizing who SHE really is again. 

I spent a long time worrying about what I’d do after divorce. And now I know, it’s the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Even my chemo is easier now, because I feel better on the inside. I’m happy again. And I will never, EVER again allow someone to tell me I’m nothing.  I’m stronger and I’m more confident. I’m now a single mom, a stage 4 cancer survivor and a damn good woman. And I’ve never felt happier in my life. 

-Kate

Understanding About Why My Marriage Didn’t Work

It’s funny how years later, the past seems so much clearer.. I finally understand why my marriage didn’t work and it doesn’t make me sad.

I was going through my old pictures and cards this week.  One of the many projects, that I have put off for years, but now being stuck at home I’ve finally motivated myself… I’m sitting in my storage room in the basement by myself going thru all these old keepsakes and bins. 

I came across all my old birthday, mothers day, and anniversary cards from my ex husband.  I sat there and read them all.  I think for the first time I realized how much thought and love he put into writing those cards.  I just wish he could have communicated all those thoughts to me out loud during our marriage. Reading those cards now, it was crazy to read the paragraphs he wrote about how much he loved me.  At the time, when I was married he could not communicate many things to me. He couldn’t communicate how he felt about me or ask what we both needed in our marriage.  And at the time, him writing those thoughts once a year wasn’t what I was looking for in our marriage.  Eventually the lack of communication was one of the main reasons our marriage ended 

I sat there thinking about when did I fall out of love with him.  Those cards seemed like there was so much love between us, but in reality it wasn’t like that.  I believe that I was in love with him when we got married and started to have kids, but somewhere through the next 13 years I fell out of love.  The communication started to dwindle, we started to do activities separately, and I felt like I wasn’t the same person I was years ago. I remember feeling like I was never appreciated and that he had no input in any decisions.  We eventually had little to talk about.  I felt like I was constantly trying to get him to communicate or show any interest and he just couldn’t. 

It’s a hard thing to think about.  Did I love him in the beginning? And when did it change? What was the exact point that I just didn’t care anymore?  Marriage and relationships take constant work from both parties.  I know that by the time I realized our marriage was in trouble, I didn’t have much effort left. I honestly had already checked out.  We spent over a year in marriage counseling separate and together.  Unfortunately for my husband at the time, I learned more about myself and realized I was not in love with him anymore.  We were both trying to make changes in our relationship but we just couldn’t connect. 

Yes I could have stayed in the marriage and had a good life, but I wanted more for myself. I remember even thinking maybe I could stay and we could just be friends. Crazy thoughts.. but I’m sure many of us have had them.  I wanted to be happy.  It might sound selfish, but I couldn’t spend the next 40 some years with someone that couldn’t talk to me.. couldn’t ask about my day or be excited about the things I wanted in my life.  And as time went on, I turned to my friends for all those things.  Or I didn’t even tell him the things I was excited about….i just went through a lot of motions of being in a happy marriage, but I wasn’t. 

Looking thru all these cards now, didn’t make me sad.  I know that he wrote what he felt.  This is hard to write about because I don’t want to sound heartless but reading those cards didn’t make me sad or regretful.  I have many great memories of our time together.  It just made me understand maybe more about why our relationship didn’t work.  And it’s ok that I’m not sad about it…

-snarky 

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

The Whole Pie

The whole pie…

I have shared with you all there are certain things I am hesitant to share.

I have been told I can be hard to know. Not as a person but in relationships. I don’t share, I put my guard up.

It’s definitely something I am working on and working through.

God bless my therapist.

At the core of it is trust. While in my day to day I see the best in people sometimes to a fault. For people I am in relationships with I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That blueprint was laid down early on. If I’m being honest, I think I have only had two relationships my whole life where I wasn’t cheated on. I will own some of this. I tend to fall for the men who in conversations I end my sentences with he’s not like that when he’s with me. He promises he won’t. He will by a certain date.

The irony is I come from a family where my parents have been married for over forty plus years. They are loving and supportive.

Where did I learn that wasn’t what I deserved? When did I become “The Fixer of Broken Boys”?

I honestly don’t know.

The older my daughter gets, the more I realize I have to make sure I show her what a healthy relationship looks like. 

Sad thing is here I sit at almost fifty and guess what? I am just starting to have one.

Now you know that.

We still have some mountains to climb and we have our moments, but for the first time since I became a single Mom, I think this person might be someone worthy of my daughter.

That is saying something because well, I have been single since she was two and she’s twelve.

I have someone who doesn’t dismiss me when I am upset. The phrase “I am not trying to lessen how you feel…” , has actually been used when he has been perhaps sharing his side of a disagreement.

I feel like I can let down my walls. Here’s the thing. They are those electric mall kind, so I can just as quickly put them back up. But they’re firmly in the middle right now. That’s a start.

My best friend, who is also a single Mom and has known me since I was thirteen, shared with me a beautiful post about you should be in a relationship that feels like you have the whole pie. 

I don’t have the whole pie just yet but I definitely have a pretty big slice.

As I do I’m sending you love Mommas.

<3 Caprise

Co-Parenting Is Not For Everyone

When I was going thru my divorce,  my ex and I always said the children will come first.. we will always agree on that. Co-parenting…Yes, I believed that fairy tale just like many others.  I believed we would sit next to each other at soccer games and celebrate birthdays together.  I really believed all that…

Fast forward, we now have very different parenting views.  Co-parenting is very difficult for us. The amount of communication between the two of us is minimal.  I know everyone says that you need to co-parent for the children, however in some situations you have to do what is best for you.  We tried to spend birthday celebrations together but it was uncomfortable for everyone and mostly the children. I dreaded every birthday, which I realized was so sad because I love birthdays and I love celebrating my kids birthdays.  The children eventually did not want to even celebrate it together.    

So for the first couple of years after our divorce, I would go along with all the co-parenting and trying to play nice with him.  I would go along with his parenting ideas and discipline for the children. He had an opinion for every decision and strong opinions. This was difficult for my children, since he had never been the one to discipline.  They did not know how to respond or act to his strong strict behavior. They did not understand why they were never given choices or independence.  

I stayed home with my kids when we were married, I was the one that was the disciplinary, and I was the one that handled all of the parenting decisions.  My ex did not have much of an input on any of those areas. I asked him but he would trust my judgement and agree. Unfortunately after our divorce, he was trying to parent our children in such a different style then they had grown up with over the years.  It was more of an authoritative style, which they were not used to. Kinda like you do this because I said so style..without a valid reason why.  

I would let him speak to me however he wanted to me.  I would feel like a failure as a mother when I received emails from him constantly questioning my parenting.  I would receive emails on his strong parenting views that made me question my decisions… why? I am a damn good parent.  I have always stood by my decisions and now I was allowing self doubt. I was allowing this from someone that never wanted an input in our decisions.   I allowed all of this because I felt guilty for wanting the divorce. I did not want to cause additional friction between us and I felt it was best for the kids. I had read all the books and articles on how you need to co-parent…. 

Well thank god I came to my senses… The reason I divorced my husband was because I was not happy.  And I should not feel guilty for that. So I finally realized that trying to co-parent was not working for us.  I realized that I was not going to fake it through birthday celebrations, soccer games, and conferences.  

I realized that doing those activities independently was my choice and I needed that.  I needed to make that decision for me and my children. I wasn’t dreading participating in those activities anymore.  

I wanted to remember all of these moments with my children. I wanted them to remember how fun those times were with them.  I did not want them to remember that they were forced or made to feel uncomfortable. And my kids could see how uncomfortable it was for all of us.  I didn’t want to make them participate in these fake get togethers because the text book said co-parenting is the best.

My children and I have built a great life in the last 5 years and we are really happy. Not just facebook happy, but truly happy.  What I post is us being happy. We have fun together and we like doing things together. They understand that their dad and I have different views on parenting, life, and discipline.  They understand what is expected at each household and that it is different. They understand that people have different views and expectations…. I have learned to let them develop their own thoughts and views on the different households and that works for us.   And I have learned that I need to do what works for our family…

-Snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

I Took Back My Name

I stepped away from my Father’s name at age 19 with the assumption I would never go back. I took my husbands and proudly  wore it like a badge of honor. Then things went south and there I was with a daily reminder of things gone wrong attached to me like a curse. I thought keeping it was right for my children, gave them a little bit of normalcy of everyone having the same last name, but then I chose to remarry. Throwing a curveball into best laid plans, my new husband wanted me to have his name versus my ex and it made sense at the time. Here I was making the choice to change it again and stray further and further away from my born name. But then like some things do things went sour and here I was with the choice to keep his name or change it.

So I changed it

I took back the innocent, carefree young girl I was. I decided to go back to the beginning and start fresh. I wanted to go back to a time with I had it all figured out and knew what I wanted out of this life. I wanted to simplify and detox my life and I started with my last name. It felt amazing to hold my new ID with my reclaimed identity and the first thing I did was order checks with my new address and reclaimed last name. I did it. I started fresh and I had the checks to prove it! For the first time in a long time I felt whole, like I had it together, like I was me again.

Getting two divorces by age 27 isn’t what I had in mind for my life, but life throws you curveballs and you have to have small victories to get past the big stuff and reclaiming my last name was one of the small victories 2019 brought me. I got my fresh start, I got a chance to start new again in this life and many people don’t get that.  I am proud to rock my dads namesake and I don’t plan on changing it again. I’ll die with my Daddy’s last name.

Serendipity