Tag Archives: discipline

Dealing With Back Talk Moments

Did you know that when your child rolls their eyes…it is considered back talk?  When they grunt or groan or cross their arms in thin air… it is considered back talk?

And how you respond will make all the difference in the world.  Friendly Reminder: you are the parent & it cannot  matter if they like you or not.  You are here to raise them up to be responsible adults, so they can leave home, make something of themselves and understand the rules, rewards & consequences of life.

This starts at home… and since you’re a single mom…. you may ALWAYS be the bad guy.  And that HAS to be okay with you.  In your response to their backtalk, without screaming and yelling, choose your words wisely and watch what you say.

I remember one time I told my son if his bad behavior continued, we would not be going to “Mommy & Me”.  He continued acting up, so we didn’t go.  I was looking forward to seeing my mom-friends., so I was also punished by his consequences  The next time he acted up before Mommy & Me, I said it like this…. “You will not go to Mommy & Me but instead stay home with a sitter, as I am going without you”.  Oh…. he changed his tune right away on that day.

Another time he would act up is at the grocery store.  If it was a day that he asked me to buy something for him & I didn’t, he might act up.  Some days he would accept my “NO” & others I’d get backtalk. So I planned a mock visit to the grocery.  We’re shopping, he asks for something, I say NO, he acts up, I tell him if he doesn’t stop, we’re leaving & he’s going in time out.  He doesn’t stop.  YUP….We leave.  That was the last time he did that.

Girls… I’m telling you this so you can be two steps ahead of your kids and their backtalk.  Speak to them with a firm solid voice that means what you say AND stand strong to follow-through.  The message you send when you don’t follow-through will send mixed signals and they won’t trust what comes out of your mouth.  Not Even I LOVE YOU.

xoxo

Your God-girl,

Tracy

No Means No

When raising your children-No means just that.  When you say it, and stick to it, you are teaching your children that you mean what you say.  In that exact moment the answer is No. End of story. Not willing to  negotiation, listen to rebuttle or crying. Mamma said No.  

If they have a bad reaction to it and you cave in, let their stomping and crying and fits of upset change your mind, you are showing them that you do not mean what you say.  Period. You just said No, and now after their upset, you say something different -you say Fine, or Go Ahead or Whatever. Simply, you don’t mean what you say.  

When you tell them they are wonderful, amazing, beautiful, etc….and when you tell them you love them & will always be there for them……  

They won’t believe you.  

Because remember what happened when you said No.  

You didn’t mean what you said.  

They don’t know the difference, it doesn’t matter what the story is…they just know that  you don’t mean what you say.  They cannot count on you. They cannot depend on you. They cannot trust you.

When they throw a temper tantrum or roll their eyes at you, get mad & slam their bedroom door, say you’re the worst mom ever.  Stand firm. Be strong. And mean what you say.  

When my son was young I taught him at a very young age that if he had a reaction to my No, there was a consequence and he was grounded.  He learned very quickly that when mom said No, she meant it. Mom meant what she said, and he knows without a doubt that I love him.

xoxo

Your God Girl

Tracy

Keeping The Edges Sharp

Keeping the edges sharp…

If you caught my FB live last Sunday Morning (Coffee Chat, Sundays 10am EST) among my connection struggles you would have heard me talking about how we can avoid succumbing to apathy and complacency.  You would have heard me tell you about a conversation that my son, Antonio and I had that morning…we have an immediate family member that no longer has their kick-ass and take names mentality and I was saying to Antonio that for all that particular person had taught me in my lifetime about keeping my edges tight and being effective, I was at a loss as to how they got to their current state.  Antonio replied that he understood it and so I asked him to explain. He went on to say that when you have things that you want to get done everyday to feel effective and on purpose and then you miss the mark and have a bad day, it requires even more discipline to get back on the bus and once you don’t get right back on the bus it becomes harder and harder to do so until all of a sudden you turn around one day and your life has very messy edges or no edges at all…

The kid is right you know…let’s use my workouts as an example…I can be doing great, working out daily, getting it done, kicking ass and then I have an off day and I miss one.  Then I feel like an asshole because I am off track and so maybe the next day I don’t get it done either and then before you know it I have gone TWO weeks without a workout…and therein lies the story of the last 7 years of my life…pathetic in my opinion.

Sooooooooooooo kind of like the old adage about one step at a time, the question, “HOW DO YOU LOSE YOUR EDGE?” is aptly answered with one undone task at a time.  After the live I was talking to one of the 3 life-coaching clients that I still coach…(the 3 of them have been with me for over a decade now) and I was telling him about the conversation that I had been having on the FB live and he said, “yeah I get it.  I still have not unpacked my suitcase from the trip in November, I have baskets of folded laundry laying around to put away and I have a collection of dirty silverware in my dishpan because I hate washing silverware so I keep leaving it there and only wash the one fork at a time that I need (WHAT?!) (He lives alone in case you could not tell) and then I come home from work and just fall asleep on the sofa because I exhaust myself thinking about all the things that I am not getting done.  We laughed about it and he said, “I really get what you are saying about this, all these things are taking away my edge and making me less effective and they are such small things that I didn’t even notice…yet when I put them all together in a list it is quite a bit.”

And so it goes right?  All of us have these little things, the messy corners, drawers, closets, cars…the things left not straightened when we go to bed because we will ‘get it tomorrow’, the laundry left unfolded or in baskets not put away because we ‘don’t have time’—all these little things dull us just a bit every day—the too many cookies we ate, the workout we didn’t do, the trash we didn’t empty, the papers that we didn’t throw away…

On the FB live video which you will find on the FB page under videos I tell you about how years ago my Coach gave me an effectiveness assignment and I encouraged you all to do it with me…here is how it works:

Make a list of TEN DAILY things that you want to see yourself accomplish, ten things that if you did them every day you would feel like you were on top of your game.  The items can be as simple or as complicated as you wish…brush your teeth, make the bed, take your vitamins, workout, read for an hour…whatever YOU wish. Then make a checklist so that each day you can check off the task.  At the end of each day give yourself a score, if you got 2 things done = 20%, if you got 8 things done = 80%–you get the idea. Then at the end of each week look over the whole thing and give yourself a weekly average score— data doesn’t lie, this is a really great way to see just how effective you are being and also a great way to sharpen up your edges.  Go back and watch the FB live, I will be sharing my own scores with you weekly on Coffee Chat. See you soon.

XO, Noelle

Not Giving Attention To Negative Thoughts

Yesterday we talked about replacing  thoughts..  Today I want to talk about what giving attention to negative thoughts will create for you…

Your thoughts are far more powerful than you might imagine and they go forward to create your future.  What you think about, speak about, talk about and give your attention to WILL become your reality, so you have to be very mindful of what you are focused on.

The thoughts that you hold in mind will produce after their own kind and your thoughts will produce an energy field around you that will end up attracting to you the kinds of things that you are thinking.

Remember that character in Peanuts, Pigpen?  He had a dirt cloud that surrounded him wherever he went, crappy thoughts will work like that…they will form a dirty cloud around you and they will begin to attract things that are similar.  Negative circumstances are no mystery; they arrive because we have given too much attention to negative thoughts, worry, fear and doubt.  We will also attract unfavorable circumstances when we are critical, judgmental, angry and ungrateful…like attracts like…that will always be true. Misery loves company.

Thankfully this same principle of ‘like attracts like’ will work in your favor when you start thinking more positive things, when you are grateful and when you focus on what’s good and what works.

There is no EASY button for changing your thinking or for teaching yourself how to stay focused on what you want more of, it requires discipline and work to stay vigilant about your thinking.  However, the results that can be produced by this practice are life-altering…you CAN create the life that you want and the Holiday Season that you want, you just have to be willing to do the work…xoxoxo

 

Fear Of Not Giving Into It

As I have said to you recently over the last few days, it would seem that everything is particularly challenging right now and that I am having to work harder not to give in to worry, fear, etc

So I have been doing a lot of praying and reading to keep myself on track and I wanted to share something with you that I found this morning in a book by Florence Scovel Shinn called “The Magic Path of Intuition”…in the 8th chapter she talks about how ‘every test is a purification process and that when we are unmoved by the tests we will no longer attract them’.  I found this very insightful because even though I have been studying spiritual and success principles for a long, long time there are still some seeming circumstances that can really drop me to my knees and to me that means I still have work to do.  True mastery comes when you cannot be moved by anything, when no outside element can shake your equilibrium and to get to that place takes work and the ability to discipline your mind.  You have to be vigilant with your thoughts and when fearful, crazy, worried thoughts come into your mind you must push them aside and replace them with their opposite.  This takes practice and then more practice and then still even more practice…I have been doing this work for 36 years now and these last few weeks I have had to really work with myself daily to keep my thoughts focused on what works.

Start working on not letting appearances rock your inner boat, start replacing one fear-based thought for one positive one…it’s a practice and will take time, however this practice will change your whole life and return you to your own power—so start today, just replace a thought for a thought…xoxoxo

And here is the link to Florence’s book for anyone that is interested…

https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Intuition-Florence-Scovel-Shinn/dp/1401944159/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1481039746&sr=1-1&keywords=the+magic+path+of+intuition