Tag Archives: different

Starting To Take My Life Back

I started taking part of my old life back…

In March, working from home, felt like a dream… I had always wanted to work from home or have the flexibility.  Then in a matter of weeks, we were all home.  Trying to manage it all, work, school, household duties, plus trying to avoid catching a deadly virus.   Not knowing what to do and what not to do…and soon it was 6 months later and we were all still home.  Yes, I had learned how to adapt to the new normal and the constant changing of the world.  

At first, I would get up and stick to a routine, working out, putting on real clothes, planning ahead for my workday from home… I have even wrote about it a few times and the importance of sticking to a routine.   But over the next few months, things started to slip… less getting up early, less putting on work clothes, less planning ahead… it had turned into getting up 10 minutes before I turned on my computer. I quickly brushed my teeth and put on my same clothes that I had worn for the last 4 days.  No make up, no hair brushing, and maybe a pony tail.   And I am a routine person.  I love routines and I live for them… they make me feel accomplished.  

After about 4 months of being home, I just felt like I had no motivation.  It was beginning to get harder and harder to concentrate on work while I was at home.   I was constantly bombarded with interruptions from my children.  I could not stay on track with any tasks.  I would try to be the supermom with doing it all, but then I felt like my work was slipping…the thought of another zoom meeting makes we want to throw up.

I could not get back on track.  Being at home everyday was not as fun as it started out to be…. It did not feel rewarding, instead it felt depressing and unmotivating.  I noticed that I was also working all the time, whenever I had a free moment I would hop on my computer to respond to an email.   

So here we are in October.. wondering if Halloween is cancelled… wishing for 2020 to just end.  I am pretty sure the majority of us are wondering what next year will bring.  We are just waiting, we are in limbo, trying to figure out how this will all end.

Honestly, I was tired of it all… and I dreaded spending another long day at home, so I decided to start going back into the office a couple days a week.  I could not wait any longer.  I never thought that I would be choosing to go into the office, instead of working from home.  Working from home was my dream.

6 months later, I was setting my alarm for 5:15 am to go workout, come home quick and get into the office by 8.  I had to dig out my “work” clothes which were buried in the back of my closest..hoping they still fit.   I was packing my lunch and remembering to grab my Diet Mountain Dew as I headed out the door.

It was amazing, how after the 1st week, I felt so much better about myself.  I felt like I had a purpose again.  Just the feeling of laughing and joking with a few co workers in person, was rewarding.  I felt like I could actually accomplish and complete things. It was an exciting feeling, and a feeling that I have not felt in months.    

It also felt like I took a little bit of the old life back…the life before March.  It felt comforting with all the challenges and obstacles that we have overcame in the last 6 months.  It also opened the doors for us to start adding in other parts of our “old” life.   So, the kids and I started to attend church in person again.  What a feeling.

Even with all the changes this last year, I am learning to live a different way, along with trying to adapt to all of it, and doing it without losing our shit, somethings can still bring you back to how things were before…the old life.

-Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

Learning To Love The Unique Me

I’m sitting here by myself at a local Mediterranean Restaurant.  I’m here for a little bit of much needed “me” time.  Of all of the places to spend my time, I chose this one because the music is great, the people are friendly, it’s not too loud, but most importantly the food is amazing.  I also chose this place because no one in my family likes this type of food.  I don’t have it often, so it’s kind of a treat to myself.  As I sit here enjoying my time away, I am reminded of just how different-unique- from my family I am.

I am an only child, I was born and raised in a very urban area in the north east, I love diverse types of foods and cultures, and I love all different types of music…well except for country.  All of these things are quite a bit different from that of my husband and children.  While we never really focus on things we differ in, as I sit and ponder these things it reminds me of how wonderful being different can be.

When you think of the word different, at times it can have a negative connotation to it.  Growing up, I looked at different as being weird or strange.  In this very moment as an adult woman, I see that the word different also can mean unique.   I always looked at things that were different about me as being bad.  For example, I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  I have always been curvy, but after having 3 children and being almost 40 years old, I am finding that it is much more difficult to get back to the figure I once had in my 20’s.  My body is different now.  Areas that were once firm are now jiggly, and my stomach is covered in stretch marks.  All of these things are very different from what is portrayed on television, in films, magazines and social media.  But guess what?  These things are unique to me.  My body is different, and my belly has stretch marks because I am different.  I have carried 3 people inside of my body and given them life.  I’d say that’s pretty special.  So while I may never be wearing a bikini, I am very proud of what my unique body has created, and I can maintain my health even if I’m not the size I was years ago.

I also used to hate that my parents were divorced.  They separated when I was very young and divorced when I was 12.  I have always been very close to my mom for this reason but growing up my closest friends lived with both their mom and dad.  No one else that I knew had to split their holidays or spend weekends away from home.  I used to always feel that this difference was so bad.  Now looking back on it, I see how special this really was.  This allowed me to have a relationship with my mother that not many people have.  It has also showed me the value of marriage and has allowed me to be able to give advice to divorced friends who are worried about how their children are coping.  This thing that set me apart from my friends as a kid has allowed me a unique advantage as far as my perspective on marriage and parenting as an adult.

So yes, I’m different.  I’m unique.  I’m special.  I’m me, and I love me some me!  I may not have all of my I’s dotted or my T’s crossed.  I may still struggle with some insecurities and overthink how I could have done or said something better.  I’m not perfect, but I am enjoying this journey of learning to love the once different, now unique me.

 

~1spentmom~

What Will You Change?

Okay, so those things that you really, really want…what are YOU willing to do to get them?  Who are you willing to become?  What are you willing to give up?  What are you willing to change and where are you willing to go the extra mile to achieve the desired result?

In order to produce miracles of change, you must give them a place to rest.  This means that you must make some type of forward motion toward the results you want.  Once you do that the Universe itself will empower you to move mountains.  Most people sit around waiting for miracles to drop out of the sky instead of taking direct action to create them.

Direct action requires responsibility, discipline, integrity and commitment on your part.  When looking to create miracles or a shift in circumstances, everything has to be in alignment.  If you are intending to produce a major result you clean up your side of the street so to speak… do things like keep your word, stop complaining, look to help other people, see how you can challenge yourself, be disciplined, and be committed to the result you want to see NO MATTER WHAT.

Sometimes your shifts of behavior will be simple adjustments and sometimes they will be far more difficult.  Anyone that knows me knows that I am a HUGE coffee drinker and every morning I pour myself a cup of coffee in this very large mug and every morning it ends up getting cold and I end up pouring half of it out—this morning I saw in my cabinet what I considered to be a very small and useless coffee cup, however it occurred to me that if I used the smaller cup I could avoid throwing half my coffee away because it was cold….so I did something different and used the smaller cup—imagine my surprise when I actually drank what was in the cup and didn’t pour any out.  In that moment it dawned on me that maybe making changes in our behavior for a different result was just that simple…perhaps the solution sits right in front of us every morning….