Tag Archives: deserve

Know Your Worth

When approaching 51, you end up doing this sort of involuntary assessment of your existence up to this point…it’s not like a planned thing, it just happens…you find yourself thinking through the decades that have passed and you start looking at what you learned.

If you are me you also think you need to share the things you could have done better because perhaps you will keep someone else from making those particular errors.

Here’s one of my biggest “I could have done betters” career wise — not realizing my worth in the workplace and conducting myself accordingly.  Up until about 3 or 4 years ago I undervalued myself and allowed other people to undervalue me as well— I also did a fair amount of enabling people disguised as being a power performer.  I was talking this morning on the FB Live about how we end up just putting our heads down and moving toward the goal without really giving much thought to how we ARE in the process.  What happens in the workplace is the same…we behave in the same way, we take our –badass single parent, we can get anything done– attitude and we apply it everywhere—without much thought to how we are being treated in return.  We may tend to undervalue ourselves in a work environment by doing this…

For me that showed up for years as me doing everything I was asked, pushing through to get the result no matter what, always saying yes, not asking to be compensated for doing many different jobs, trying to please everyone and make everything easier for them…I trusted that people would treat me the way I treated them…often that was not the case.

Looking back on it all now I see that I did a lot of enabling others because I just always made everything OK and handled it…I was so worried about keeping the bills paid and a roof over our heads that I never once stopped to think about if I was being compensated for what I was WORTH.  In hindsight I could have done so so SO much better—if I had understood how much value I contributed I would have understood how to ask for things in relation to that—instead I just took what was offered and kept doing more…

I am so very grateful for all that I learned in these last two decades and for all of the opportunities that were extended to me, I simply wish that I had taken better care of myself in the process and that I had valued myself as much as I should have.  I would like to see you ladies avoid this – value yourselves, ask for what you deserve and don’t be afraid to walk away if something isn’t working—take care of you—you are worth far more than you think.

 

XO, Noelle

 

I’m Not Superstitious-But I Am A Little Stitious

I’m a big fan of memes and one of my favorites is a picture of Steve Carrel from the office it reads:

“I’m not superstitious

But I am a little stitious”

Yup that’s me. With a lot of things in my life. But the biggie is when good things happen.

Superstitious-I don’t trust good things. I wait for that other shoe to drop. I could use my track record as my excuse but I think it’s deeper than that.

Somewhere along the way just like asking for help. I was made to feel I don’t deserve good things.

I don’t mean daily massages or an unlimited spending allowance at Sephora.

Although, I wouldn’t mind those things.

But rather being recognized for a job well done. When I’m praised at work I always say thank you, but say I didn’t do it alone. I don’t deserve the credit. Even if I really do.

When I got asked to speak at a conference recently, I instantly thought it was because they couldn’t find anyone else. Not that maybe I’m a good speaker.

I blush at compliments.

I get teary at the littlest things.

As much as I want good things and want to hear I’m awesome, sparkly, be loved…

When it happens I don’t know what to do with it. I question it. I analyze it. I don’t always trust it. I wait for it to fall apart.

Luckily and I’ve alluded to my dream team before. My group of friends scold me when I start to question things too much. I have a person who holds my hand and teases me- “don’t cry” and kisses the top of my head.

It’s a slippery slope we Moms traverse. We want so much for everyone around us, why can’t we want that for ourselves?

I’m working on being less stitious. Believing in myself and not letting that self doubt and some bumps from my past make me freeze.

It’s ok to want good things.

Say it with my Mommas.

“It’s ok to want good things”.

Just in case you start to get a little superstitious… I’ll be here reminding you… you deserve good things.

You really do.

<3 Caprise

When The Road Gets Tough Keep Going

When it gets tough,I find myself at a crossroads internally, even after all of my growth over the last year, all the healing, and all my past struggles. I finally feel like I am moving forward. At the same time I feel like there is something I’m missing, Or I’m waiting for the “catch”. Any time in the past that i’ve experienced something good there were strings or a catch attached to it. It will take some time before I belive 100% that its not coming.

I am learning and practicing daily gratitude, and structuring myself. All the changes going on are good and I feel more and more of a gap between the lingering toxicity in my life whether it be people or situations.

Growth isn’t easy, and it can be painfully bitter sweet. The people and things I would give anything for has dramatically changed over the last year. Who I am has dramatically changed over the last year, and even though these are both in a good way, I now have to learn who I am.

Dating at this point in my life is straight up out of the question for me. Not only would a relationship be distracting for my career at this point as I am still making my structure, organization and productivity a habit, but I am also unsure of exactly what I want in a person.

Some of the old traits are still initially attractive to me but once I try to get close the rose colored glasses shatter and I see all the red flags. I refuse to settle again. Just because something is shiney to begin with, or familiar doesnt mean its what I really want.

I need to keep tending to myself, and be selfish. Selfish with my time energy and save the best parts of me for myself and my children. It has taken me 30 years of being a selfless door mat to realize, the value of a person is affected by how much they value themselves. If you keep discounting yourself no one else will give you the respect you deserve.

 

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

Ali