Nothing gets by my teenagers…
My girls are almost 16 and 13. Yes, in their teenage years. We have a pretty close relationship, which I value very much. I have raised them pretty independently and let them make a lot of decisions on their own. I have always believed in giving them some freedom, if they can not handle it, then I tighten the reigns a little bit. So, when the topic of MY dating came up, it caught me completely off guard.
I have not dated anyone seriously for about 4 years and after we broke up, I never brought anyone around the kids. Their dad was remarried and they have had their share of challenges on that side. So after my boyfriend and I broke up about 4 years ago, I just kept that part of my life quiet. And honestly, I haven’t given that much time to dating, so their has been no one even worth mentioning.
And then it happened, I was driving my oldest home from practice and she heard my phone ding… and then she says, “ Ohh is that a snap from Nick” (in that teenage half kidding snotty voice) and I almost thought I heard her wrong.. And it took me a few minutes to pull myself together and think of what I was going to say and how was I going to answer her questions.
She says “ your phone always dings and it says… Nick is typing”..
Then you open it, then you laugh and smile”…
It was like she had been watching me for months. She knew all my little secrets. And I had thought I had not given any hints away. Damn it.
Then, she asked “ who is Nick mother… I wanted to just say “nevermind” but I had to remind myself that I have always been open with my kids. I have always taken the time to answer their questions as honestly, as I can. I have been far more open with them, than just give them nonsense.
I told her it was a someone that I had gotten to know over the last few months and that I was dating, and she seemed happy with the answer. I know she ran an told her sister the minute I was out of the room. I also assured her that we were moving very slow and that we were just newly dating. But I am sure it did not come out like that to her sister…
So, the next couple months, have been filled with little sarcastic remarks from the two teens or the “two peas in a pod” about my dating. It’s the one topic that they love to band together on instead of bickering about. he snarky little comments they whisper under their breath, like “ohh is that a text from Nick”… with that humor in their voice.
At times, I feel like they are the mothers and I am the daughter. Just waiting for their nosy questions-watching to see if I am going to sneak out after curfew, watching to see if I have done my hair, watching to see if I am wearing lipstick today. Yes, they notice it all.
Most of my days are filled with driving my kids to and from school, in between working, then driving them back and forth to activities, plus making sure I am correctly teaching them and parenting them, in between all of the millions of other things, that need to be done, all while I am wondering if I am even doing anything right. Ohhh and don’t forget feeding them.
So this topic of dating in our house, has kind of added a new form for lightness and fun. It has made me realize that they are getting older and understand things… they may even understand that at times, their mom needs to have a little fun. And maybe at times, I can be a little more open with them about my life.
It also made me realize, my kids are watching me all the time.. Just when I think I am sneaking something by them, they catch me…but I love that they feel open enough to come to me and ask..