Tag Archives: corona

Mom Guilt During Covid

Mom guilt during Covid…….I am tired. I can’t kick this feeling that I should be doing more.  I  finally lost it today and hid in the closet and cried.

Anyone else feeling “Mom-Guilt” during Quarantine?  My social media is telling me that I should be playing more games with my kids, going on more walks, cooking healthy meals, and having fantastic bonding moments baking with my kids.  Instead, the kids are tired of my cooking, are bored with walks around the same park, run to their electronics every chance I let them, and we are on our ten-thousandth episode of Naked and Afraid. Also, I am exhausted.   I love my kids and spending time with them, but even “Impactful Parents” need a break. I am not bored.  I am the opposite of bored.  I can’t get enough done during the day.  My to-do list of engaging bonding activities with my kids AND the upkeep on my house AND maintaining the necessities of my children (like school-at-home, 3-meals a day, laundry, and supervision,) AND my work-from-home job, NEVER-SEEM-TO-END.  I fall asleep each night with a feeling of, “Damn, I never got _____ done.”

Yes, the quarantine is wearing on me.  It is time to refocus and give myself grace.   If you’re reading this and you feel like I do, I want you to know that you’re not alone.  The good news, there are two things you can do to help.

1. Prioritize yourself.   This is sooooo difficult but so necessary! To be a better parent, you have to prioritize your well-being; otherwise, you will get grumpier, more tired,and you’re best “mommy-skills” will begin to diminish.  In short, you will burn out, and you’re kids need you.  Prioritize self-care, like exercise, alone time, and mental breaks.
2. Redefine your priorities.  I have been wondering, “Am I failing my children?”  When they look back on this time, what will they remember? In most cases, children don’tremember WHAT you said nor WHAT you did, but instead,they remember HOW you made them feel.  I hope my kidsremember all the love and security.   That is my main goal as a parent during this quarantine- make my kids feel loved and secure. My goal each day is not too be the best homeschool teacher.  It is not to stop my kids from eating ice cream.  It is not to prevent them from playing Minecraft.  My goal is to make sure that my kids know I love them and that they are protected during this uncertain time. When this is all over, I want my kids to have the confidence they need to go back to their routine and the mental resiliency to get through this epidemic without going crazy.  Those qualities are founded on love and security.

What are your goals for today?

Don’t compare yourself to the Jones’ next door or to Karen’s photos on Instagram.   Be the best YOU.  Be the best parent for your children (what-ever that looks like in YOUR house.)

-The Impactful Parent

@theimpactfulparent on social media

The Bright Side

The bright side…These past few weeks have been nothing short of chaos and confusion for so many people all around the world. The stress levels of many individuals have skyrocketed due to the recent Coronavirus outbreak. I never thought that it could get to this level, but now the current situation is our new normal.

My main concern throughout all of this, is how people are being directly affected by this virus. My parents are both physicians, and they are seeing the unfortunate repercussions of this pandemic daily.

However, although there has been large amounts of fear and concern, we have to look at the overwhelming amounts of love and kindness that is spreading. My cousin is currently living in Spain, and the virus has not been kind in her town. I received a video from her around a week ago that really touched my heart. All you could see in the clip was people on every balcony of her street cheering with passion. They all seemed like they were full of joy and excitement, which shocked me because of the events going on. She later explained that everyone was trying to show love to the doctors and medical professionals that had been risking their lives to care for the ill. It’s acts like those that demonstrate the positive in people during such negative times.

What we are currently living through made me realize how much we take for granted daily. I’ve never wanted to hug a friend, go to school, or see my family more than I do today. Just as the people of Spain are looking on the bright side, we must do the same.

Now those hugs and interactions are going to mean significantly more to us when this is all over. Spread that positivity. 

-Dani <3

Oh, Pan”damn”ic!

Do you see what I did there?  Let’s be really real about this pandemic, maybe whine a little, then we will take a step back and talk some self care.  Being a single mom is a giant juggle when life is “normal”, but now here we are thrown this curve ball we could have never seen coming.  By now we have become absolute rock stars when it comes to dealing with the unexpected. Right? I am sure we don’t all have fantastic involved exes, super understanding bosses, flawless children, and unending support financially, and emotionally.  As single working mothers we put on our capes every morning (because like a bra we do not wear them to bed) and we take whatever the day throws at us with flexibility, strength, and probably a little bit of sarcasm.  

This pandemic reminds me of the first season of Stranger Things when Eleven makes her escape.  She doesn’t understand the rules to outside life and she is very awkward with people and how to act.  I feel ya girl, pandemic has me with so many questions. So we cant see our loved ones outside of our house?  Ok I definitely respect that-lets flatten this s$#t right out of here. We are staying home in our yard with just our humans and fur human, but of course I am taking a thousand pics or “it didn’t happen”.  I am almost frightened to post online because Susan might share me to the community page with some “oh my gawd” tagline. In this fake scenario I also have some snide response to Susan such as, “hey lady, you don’t have my 7 year old son who just drove two nails through my kitchen floor while I was on a work call.  I told him if he didn’t go outside and run in my fenced in backyard he would sleep on the deck”. But alas I work as a public figure and realize this can’t play out like this. Instead Aunt Bonnie in Florida can’t boost my self esteem with her likes online because I don’t post. I know what you are thinking, “just text her…”, ok fine, maybe I will.

Next, don’t you love how most people who are not single moms think their request is the only one on your plate?  Me too, it’s the comedy of life during the Rona. Juggling work expectations, while teaching your kids, and I am sure some of you moms are also taking classes, or have more than one job etc.  Mandatory 9am work zoom call, while my 9 year old needs to check in on zoom in order to not be marked absent on our one device? Sure, but now let’s also add the 7 year old having an epic tantrum over compound words and the dog just hurled her breakfast up.  By 4pm I would like to tag any other healthy human in for an hour so I can finally finish that client email I started at 8am before the work zoom call started. This is when the fenced in backyard comes into play and I can prep one of the 6 daily meals my kids now need to eat.  By the time it gets to working on my own studies I am passed out on the couch 5 minutes into some Channing Tatum movie I have seen a thousand times.

We also have to speak about these big emotions!  Holy hell, the tantrums, the crying, the snapping, the anger, and then right into happiness.  I am talking about me here. It happens to my kids too, but mostly me. Where do these big emotions come from?  Is it trauma leftover from previous relationships? Is it my need to control or have a plan for the future? Is it because before all of this I hated that stupid Groundhog movie and never wanted to live it?  My extrovert self doesn’t know how to be confined to 2 people, and a goofy Great Dane. My profession is helping others, all day long! Not to mention my peers at work and in class, and everyone who I can’t see everyday but reaches out via technology.  So much of my sarcasm and charm is going to waste due to the Rona. One thing is for sure this pandemic reminded me I am still human too, who needs self care.

I have been keeping a list of some 5 min (or more if you can swing it) self care items that have been helping me to push the reset button, check myself before I wreck myself kinda thing.  I know everyone has a different situation but take a peek and see if any of these will work for you.

 

  1. Headphones- pop those bad boys in and turn the music way up.  I like doing this while I make dinner, usually the witching hour gets to me, the whining ick.
  2. Shower- I find my shampoo bottles great counselors, my loofa knows all the things I should have said during that last argument.  My body wash has never told anyone how many times I have cried for a few min.
  3. Zoom- do not use the link you use for work.  But do make a wine/whine night with your friends.  Cards with Humanity is online and if you don’t mind things a little racey I highly recommend it.
  4. Get outside- Be smart about it ladies but nothing turns a frown upside down quite like some Vitamin D.  Take your allergy meds though so you don’t have a panic attack when you get a sniffle.
  5. Laugh- I know I made my kid sound like a pain in the ass up there, but truth be told he is hilarious with his one liners and use of sarcasm.  Good thing too. Find your “thing” to laugh about.
  6. Watch something besides paw patrol- Seriously Channing helps me, as does the Office.  Sometimes I am not even really watching it but it feels less lonely having the tv on.
  7. Stay in touch- Call your friends or facetime them.  Making those personal connections is so helpful. Don’t forget to ask your other single mom friends if they have eaten today.  
  8. Make plans- Even if they are down right ridiculous, having something to look forward to helps.  Whether it is fancy friday in your own house (while you wash all those pjs you’ve been living in), or the above mentioned zoom wine night this really helps stay focused through the nuances.  
  9. Do something safely selfish- I told my daughter to watch youtube and learn to bake cakes, because well, I like cake.  I am telling a half truth, she isnt the little red hen, I of course helped her.
  10. Seek support- if your feelings are in a scary place reach out.  Mental health counselors are doing teletherapy, and resources are safely available.  Your kid’s schools will probably have a community resource list if you are unsure where to start.  Reach out to their school counselor, they are fabulous people.

Hang in there ladies.  This is super new to everyone.  Even though the pandemic is very serious, if we are practicing safe healthy habits, I don’t see why a little sarcasm and grace can’t get us through. 

Go easy on yourself.  

Choose your battles with your kids, most days my son stays in his pjs all day, and my daughter spends a lot of time on facetime.  Safely reach out and stay connected and make time for self care.

 

~ @almostdrmompsyd

https://almostdrmompsyd.wordpress.com/2020/04/08/oh-pandamnic/