Tag Archives: confident

PollyAnna, Rainbows, and Unicorns

PollyAnna, rainbows, and unicorns…

Not at my house.

You see….

I was not that girl.  I did not wear pastels never mind purple, green or orange.  Nope.  AND… you wouldn’t have found any lace, doilies or ginghams in my closet, never mind anywhere in my house.

I was that gold Lamé girl in the 80’s.  The stilettos, blingy dress and BIG hair.  My girlfriends and I… oh we turned it on!  Always all dolled up when going into the city to dance the night away.  We challenged each other to see who would be asked first to dance.  And boy did we have fun!  I remember one night we ended up in a limo on our way to the most glamorous party we’dever been to.  Another time, I remember when we’d go to our favorite dance studio, the bouncer would say… “Here comes the Blonde Cloud.”  It was true & a little bit funny.

Over the past 30 years I have changed drastically.  I no longer own gold Lamé, sequence tops or hot pink suits.  My closet and personality have tamed.  I think as a result of me being more grounded in who I am, having more confidence, falling in love with my personality and ‘being with’ what I’ve got right here, I’ve mellowed out.  I no longer need that kind of attention, have to be the leader of the pack nor be in charge of it all.

In my humble abode, I live in jeans, earth tones, simple lines, a lot of halters in the summer and big cozy sweaters in the winter.  I still pull out an elegant look and heels for a night out, and when it’s all said and done…up goes the hair in a messy bun.

As for PolyAnna, Rainbows and Unicorns, they visit once in awhile and bring out a side of me I never used to let show.  I gotta say…I am glad when they do.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

I Have Returned

I have returned…

My divorce became final today.  This process took over a year and a half. And it was long overdue by about 7 years. I didn’t know how I’d feel when I got word that a decision had been made. Scared?  Sad? 

Relieved. All I feel is relieved. He broke me. Not in the physical sense. But emotionally, he broke me. I am a stay at home mom who shriveled into a corner as time passed. I was never complimented or acknowledged. I spent the last two years of our “cohabitation” being essentially ignored. 

And then the divorce process was horrific. Ugly, ugly words were said. Things I will never be able to completely forget. “You did nothing.  You deserve nothing.”  Meanwhile, I was a stay a home mother, raising two children under 8, while fighting stage 4 cancer. But I did nothing. 

Those words cut like a knife. Until one day I realized, “Like hell I did nothing.”  I am raising two children. Two AMAZING human beings. I kept this house together from the moment we bought it. I played Memory while having chemo pumped through me. And I looked death in the face at least 4 times and said, “Not today.  Maybe someday, but NOT TODAY.” 

Once he left the new home that we’d built just 2.5 years earlier, I began to find my shine again.  I took control of my life. I realized I’d dulled my shine to allow him to be the star. I used to be funny. I used to be outgoing. I used to smile. I stopped being that person in order to make him happy.  I pushed all of that away during my marriage. Somehow I’d let myself believe that his needs and wants were more important than mine. And I became passive.  Quiet. “Just” a mom. 

And now that he’s gone, I’ve returned.  I walk taller. I’m proud of myself again.  I’m focused on myself and my kids and I’m thrilled to be back. I no longer dull my shine because I’m afraid to be noticed. I laugh and I engage with people and those that knew me pre divorce are now seeing who I really am. A friendly, caring, funny woman who is also realizing who SHE really is again. 

I spent a long time worrying about what I’d do after divorce. And now I know, it’s the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Even my chemo is easier now, because I feel better on the inside. I’m happy again. And I will never, EVER again allow someone to tell me I’m nothing.  I’m stronger and I’m more confident. I’m now a single mom, a stage 4 cancer survivor and a damn good woman. And I’ve never felt happier in my life. 

-Kate

I Am Not Good Enough

I’m not good enough.

This perception plagued me for many years. In the dating arena and with the growing obsession of social platforms, it’s very easy to compare yourself with others. And when you do, you’ll never feel good enough.  It’s been stated that “Comparison is the thief of joy,” I’d add that it’s the thief of confidence too.

After being married for 12 years, and creating a family, it was quite foreign to me to enter back out into the singles world. My first step after looking at available options to date, was to look at my competition. I saw hundreds of beautiful, single women. Women who were taller, thinner, or more fit, more outgoing, smarter, more successful… the list went on and on. It brought about deep feelings of inadequacy.

Several months post-divorce, I began seeing a guy who was very attractive, successful, and intelligent. I felt lucky to be dating him. After a short time, he called me to break the news – he had found someone else. I was blindsided and heartbroken. I browsed her social media to gain some insight.  She appeared beautiful, highly successful and sought-after; everything I thought I wasn’t. I sat sobbing in my car, clutched onto my phone. It was as if I was in a beauty pageant I didn’t belong in. I felt defeated and invalidated and I allowed it to hold me back in many areas of my life.

These feelings ruled over me until I began to realize that validation and a strong sense of self-worth doesn’t come from dating or men.  And it surely doesn’t come from comparing yourself with others. I was responsible for my own sense of self. I was responsible for my own inner voice.  Once I began to believe in myself, set goals, overcome challenges, and celebrate who I was, my confidence grew. The more I focused within, the less I cared to compete.  Feeling like you’re not good enough is only a state of mind and only you can control it. If you don’t feel “good enough,” stop looking around you, and start looking within you.

  • The Single Minded Mom

Life Lessons From The Playscape

Life Lessons From The Playscape.

When you have your first baby, you dream of her growing up to be a strong confident woman, of being smart and taking on the world. Perhaps she is a beautiful little girl with big brown eyes, and you want to protect her. You want to wrap her in the softest blankets, gently rock her to sleep and give her all the best care. You never want to see her cry or be hurt. You love that little precious thing and so you protect. And then one day you realize she won’t grow strong wrapped in the softest blankets. She won’t grow strong if you protect her from everything. She won’t be confident if you’re afraid.

Well, damn!

So you go to the playground and you watch this teeny tiny precious ball of joy trying to climb those terrifying metal bars they call a ladder, up way too high, trying to get to the top of the playscape, and you stop breathing a little. Maybe you say, “No! You’re not ready for that!” or perhaps a simple, “Be careful!” But your beautiful brave little child now thinks, “Mom doesn’t believe in me and maybe I shouldn’t believe in me either.” Or maybe she just thinks, “Don’t take risks.”

This scene right here is one of my parenting struggles. I don’t want my kids to get hurt. I find myself warning them far more often than I find myself encouraging them to take the chance, to try it or encouraging them with a “you can do it!” And the crazy thing is, it’s the exact opposite of what will yield a brave, strong, confident child.

All that’s true, but what if you are the child. What if you’re the scared little girl and you tell yourself all the time, “don’t take risks,” “that’s not safe,” or “You’re going to fail.”

I’ve been that little girl for most of my life, so if that’s you, I feel you.

I didn’t try out for the team because I was afraid I wouldn’t be any good. I didn’t run for President of my class, because I was afraid I’d lose to that girl. I dated that guy because he was a sure thing. I didn’t follow my dreams, one after another, time after time, because the risks were too scary.

But, what I read about kids back when my first baby was just a little girl on the playground applies to us as adults too. There’s still time! What I read is that children develop confidence by 1) taking those risks, by daring to climb the scary metal ladder, and by 2) always having a safe place to run when they get hurt.

So, when my confidence is shot because I was never really confident to begin with, and the last 10 years of my life was anything but safe, I have to rebuild my confidence one scary metal ladder rung at a time. I have to dare to climb.

This last year and a half, I’ve been intentionally taking one small risk at a time, allowing my confidence to grow little by little. Fearing failure or pain, yes, but being my own safe place to fail. Sometimes I blow it. I fall. I make bad choices. Then I remind myself I am not my bad choice. I am not my failed attempt. In fact, just as I would congratulate my child for trying something new, for taking that chance even if she fails, I am practicing congratulating myself for taking the chance and trying something new.

I am determined to 1) take some calculated risks to build confidence and 2) being my own safe place when I get hurt.

I’m not ready to give up on myself. I’m not ready to succumb to a lack of confidence and stop living a life of new experiences and adventure – and adventure is risky – so I will take the lessons I learned on the playscape and climb my way to confidence and a full, even if a little risky, life.

~Sharona