Tag Archives: confidence

I Am Not Good Enough

I’m not good enough.

This perception plagued me for many years. In the dating arena and with the growing obsession of social platforms, it’s very easy to compare yourself with others. And when you do, you’ll never feel good enough.  It’s been stated that “Comparison is the thief of joy,” I’d add that it’s the thief of confidence too.

After being married for 12 years, and creating a family, it was quite foreign to me to enter back out into the singles world. My first step after looking at available options to date, was to look at my competition. I saw hundreds of beautiful, single women. Women who were taller, thinner, or more fit, more outgoing, smarter, more successful… the list went on and on. It brought about deep feelings of inadequacy.

Several months post-divorce, I began seeing a guy who was very attractive, successful, and intelligent. I felt lucky to be dating him. After a short time, he called me to break the news – he had found someone else. I was blindsided and heartbroken. I browsed her social media to gain some insight.  She appeared beautiful, highly successful and sought-after; everything I thought I wasn’t. I sat sobbing in my car, clutched onto my phone. It was as if I was in a beauty pageant I didn’t belong in. I felt defeated and invalidated and I allowed it to hold me back in many areas of my life.

These feelings ruled over me until I began to realize that validation and a strong sense of self-worth doesn’t come from dating or men.  And it surely doesn’t come from comparing yourself with others. I was responsible for my own sense of self. I was responsible for my own inner voice.  Once I began to believe in myself, set goals, overcome challenges, and celebrate who I was, my confidence grew. The more I focused within, the less I cared to compete.  Feeling like you’re not good enough is only a state of mind and only you can control it. If you don’t feel “good enough,” stop looking around you, and start looking within you.

  • The Single Minded Mom

Guide To A Life Of Balance

Guide To A Life Of Balance….

There are days when my security and confidence is replaced by a wave anxiety, shame, discontentment or frustration. Like clouds, they roll in off the horizon predicting a coming storm. Time and time again I ignore them. I push back the feelings and charge forward. I don’t have time for the rain. I have a child I need to nurture and teach. I have a career I need to manage. I have a house that needs to be cleaned and dishes that need to be washed. I need to exercise and find a new way to sneak four servings of vegetables into a meatloaf. I need to just keep going. The sky darkens, the clouds grow heavy, and the downpour begins. I am left drenched, in my yoga pants.

Isn’t this the story for all of us? Despite reprieves, here and there, we have our hands full much of the time. Emotions seem to come at the most inconvenient moments and threaten to disrupt the intricate balancing act we have in progress. We label them “negative” or “bad” to imply they are something to get rid of or avoid. We ignore them or gloss over them with tip #4 from our guide to self-care. We can try, but our efforts to shoo back the clouds are futile. In and of themselves emotions aren’t good or bad. They alert us to something happening under the surface. With great effort we teach our children to stop and name their emotions. We guide them in handling sadness, anger, tiredness, frustration, and so on. We don’t call them bad, rather, in our little ones we can see them as they are- truths to be dealt with. Our responses to our emotions hold the value of positive or negative, not the emotions themselves. It’s nothing revolutionary, but often we extend wisdom and grace to others while failing to apply it to ourselves. We tireless work to run from or ignore the coming rain and end up overwrought or completely shut down from what has become an undefinable ball of feelings. Thus, fears of being overly emotional can become self-fulfilling.

I spend more time telling myself I shouldn’t feel something than simply acknowledging that I do. As elementary as it may seem, I have begun to retrain myself to stop and feel my feelings. I hate crying, but I have had some good cries. Locked in my closet, I have let emotions of fear and loneliness burst forth. Then knowing what I need, I have been able to deal with them and authentically engage in self-care. There have been times when I have begrudgingly faced my feelings of shame and “mommy guilt”. They have served as important indicators that I am prioritizing things that aren’t truly important. Shame and guilt have highlighted areas where my value and worth has been tied to the appearance of good parenting, optimal health, and spirituality. They have beckoned me to examine if there is depth beneath the surface. Frustration, being rooted in my desire to control something I was simply not meant to, calls me to let go of undue pressure that will leave me drowning in stress. These feelings urge me to come inside and take the needed steps to stay dry because the rain is coming. They protect me from getting off kilter when life’s stresses head my way.

Emotions are beautiful indicators toward balance. They can be quite messy. Demanding to be seen, they will leech out in unexpected areas if they aren’t acknowledged. However, they aren’t bad for existing and we aren’t bad for feeling them. After long periods of running from them, facing deep-seated emotions can seem dangerous. It may take help from a friend or a professional. I have needed, and still need, both to help me decipher tangled feelings. Balance is the reward for doing so. There is peace in realizing emotions aren’t waiting around the corner, ready to create havoc in life. Let them guide you toward balance rather chase you into chaos.

`Shon W

Life Lessons From The Playscape

Life Lessons From The Playscape.

When you have your first baby, you dream of her growing up to be a strong confident woman, of being smart and taking on the world. Perhaps she is a beautiful little girl with big brown eyes, and you want to protect her. You want to wrap her in the softest blankets, gently rock her to sleep and give her all the best care. You never want to see her cry or be hurt. You love that little precious thing and so you protect. And then one day you realize she won’t grow strong wrapped in the softest blankets. She won’t grow strong if you protect her from everything. She won’t be confident if you’re afraid.

Well, damn!

So you go to the playground and you watch this teeny tiny precious ball of joy trying to climb those terrifying metal bars they call a ladder, up way too high, trying to get to the top of the playscape, and you stop breathing a little. Maybe you say, “No! You’re not ready for that!” or perhaps a simple, “Be careful!” But your beautiful brave little child now thinks, “Mom doesn’t believe in me and maybe I shouldn’t believe in me either.” Or maybe she just thinks, “Don’t take risks.”

This scene right here is one of my parenting struggles. I don’t want my kids to get hurt. I find myself warning them far more often than I find myself encouraging them to take the chance, to try it or encouraging them with a “you can do it!” And the crazy thing is, it’s the exact opposite of what will yield a brave, strong, confident child.

All that’s true, but what if you are the child. What if you’re the scared little girl and you tell yourself all the time, “don’t take risks,” “that’s not safe,” or “You’re going to fail.”

I’ve been that little girl for most of my life, so if that’s you, I feel you.

I didn’t try out for the team because I was afraid I wouldn’t be any good. I didn’t run for President of my class, because I was afraid I’d lose to that girl. I dated that guy because he was a sure thing. I didn’t follow my dreams, one after another, time after time, because the risks were too scary.

But, what I read about kids back when my first baby was just a little girl on the playground applies to us as adults too. There’s still time! What I read is that children develop confidence by 1) taking those risks, by daring to climb the scary metal ladder, and by 2) always having a safe place to run when they get hurt.

So, when my confidence is shot because I was never really confident to begin with, and the last 10 years of my life was anything but safe, I have to rebuild my confidence one scary metal ladder rung at a time. I have to dare to climb.

This last year and a half, I’ve been intentionally taking one small risk at a time, allowing my confidence to grow little by little. Fearing failure or pain, yes, but being my own safe place to fail. Sometimes I blow it. I fall. I make bad choices. Then I remind myself I am not my bad choice. I am not my failed attempt. In fact, just as I would congratulate my child for trying something new, for taking that chance even if she fails, I am practicing congratulating myself for taking the chance and trying something new.

I am determined to 1) take some calculated risks to build confidence and 2) being my own safe place when I get hurt.

I’m not ready to give up on myself. I’m not ready to succumb to a lack of confidence and stop living a life of new experiences and adventure – and adventure is risky – so I will take the lessons I learned on the playscape and climb my way to confidence and a full, even if a little risky, life.

~Sharona

The Last Time

I am a few weeks away from taking a solo trip to California. The last time I took a trip by myself G was almost 2 and a half and it was to New Orleans to spend some time with my best friend.

It was also a chance for me to decide if I was ready to leave my husband.The writing had been on the wall for a long time. Even leading up to our wedding. But as I had come off an extremely abusive relationship, my soon to be husband seemed like the change. A new start I needed.

Except he wasn’t.

There were so many flags.

Some I still can’t talk about because I’m ashamed I let those things happen to me a second time. I let someone once again hurt me. I still remember being out with a group of friends and my ex. He sat in the corner his arms crossed and sulked the whole night. These were women who had been in my life for years. Suddenly he was making me question them and myself. Were we too much? Was I?

Or being put with his friends, all of them by the way college drop outs with extremely high IQ’s teasing me,a woman with two BA’s about loving pop culture as much as I did. He didn’t defend me. He joined in. My BA was a waste. I was just a glorified babysitter. His sister at dinner questioning why I ate like I did.

There’s so much I could unpack here, but it’s already been buzzing in my brain with this trip coming up.

You put up with a lot when you think you have no choice. When you think you deserve it. When you are afraid of change. When you are afraid of being alone or failing.That trip was the balm I needed. The reminder I was absolutely not all the things I let him tell me I was.

Leaving was hard. He absolutely did not make it easy and he actually didn’t grant me a divorce for several years. Even now he reminds me what he thinks of me. I think you know it’s not good.

As a result I hid from a lot of people I care about because I was so ashamed I let this happen to me. I am ashamed to say… I still do.

I pride myself on being a strong, independent person.

Not someone who had panic attacks when the clocks strikes 430 because that means my husband will be home and the house needs to look a certain way.

Not someone who cared so much about how I looked.

He hated my hair a certain way.

Tattoos.

Certain clothes.

Even food I ate.

Not someone who can’t decorate my current house in a certain shade of green because that was the only color he allowed me to decorate in.

I am still not the best at a lot of things.

Loud noises can be too much. Specifically any kind of sounds in a kitchen. Maybe another blog…

I tend to go inside myself rather than ask for help.

I take a long time to trust someone.

I cut my hair off, am covered in tattoos and piercings.

I have become a homebody.

But at the end of the day I don’t think my ex is a bad person – I mean I have G. Except he is maybe not a husband person, at least not for someone like me. Obviously.

We are still trying to figure out co-parenting. It goes without saying it’s a huge work in progress.

About 70% he’s a pretty good Dad. 30% I do genuinely want to throat punch him.

Last but not least if I have learned anything.

If someone loves me, they love me.

They have my back.

I am stronger than I think I am.

I will always put G first and make sure she always knows it’s beautiful to be yourself and anyone who doesn’t think do absolutely doesn’t deserve you.

I’m looking forward to a trip this time just to go be.

Not figure anything out.

Just be.

 

Hugs Mommas

<3 Caprise

Take Your Second Chances

Four years ago to almost the day, my parents took my family and my sisters family to Florida for a vacation. We had been planning it for years.. At that time in my life, I had lived my entire life as a pleaser and couldn’t disappoint any of them. I hated having that feeling I was disappointing someone. However, I already knew when we got back to glorious Wisconsin, I would be telling my husband I wanted a divorce. No way to sugar coat that..It was not the trip of a lifetime.

And now four years later,I am divorced and happy. I mean I have my moments but overall it took the last 4 years to get to this point. The point of life where I’m happy about my choices and happy about the life I’m living. I had my 3 kids for spring break so off to Florida we were going… This was my second chance.

I was so excited for this trip but also so nervous… I had to do all the planning and be responsible for getting 3 kids to Florida.. And just hoping my son didn’t put a so-called weapon into his pocket and we will be hauled off.. It was a lot of responsibility for all of us. I had to rely also on my kids to be responsible and help out when I needed. Moments before we left, I thought am I crazy to do this.

But once the trip started, it was amazing. This trip probably meant more to me than they anyone will ever know… to my kids it was 8 days in the sun.. and to me it was my second chance. This was my second chance from 4 years ago. It just showed me how your life can change… How we make choices, how scared we are at that time, and how in time it does work out. I could have never imagined all of the changes as a person that you go through in 4 years with a divorce. I finally got to be the person I wanted to be…

4 years ago, I would have been the mom that had the lunches packed the night before, been yelling at my kids to be up by 7, to be at the beach by 8 am.. and I would not have relaxed for a minute on a vacation. I did not enjoy being that person. I would have made sure I was pleasing everyone, just not myself.

Today, I am so relaxed. I am not worried about pleasing everyone. I am not worried about trying to do a million things in one day. I am not worried about seeing every attraction in Florida in 8 days. I made choices that have made my happy.

I took this trip day by day. I let my kids sleep til 11 and I got to go for morning runs. I got to sit and drink coffee in the sun. I got to think about my life and my future. We swam, we laughed, we had ice cream everyday, we stayed up til midnight.. We got to drive to the beach at whatever time we got up…and some days we just hung out. I have never seen my kids so relaxed or just having fun. They were happy, really happy. I think we all worry about our kids everyday and then sometimes you look at them and know they are really happy. I got to sit and watch them and just relax.

So yes, we get re-dos in life and second chances. We get a second chance to do it again.. maybe different or better this time. Maybe things weren’t as clear the first time or maybe you didn’t have the confidence at that time….but in the end take your second chance.

-Snarky Divorced Gal

I’m Not Superstitious-But I Am A Little Stitious

I’m a big fan of memes and one of my favorites is a picture of Steve Carrel from the office it reads:

“I’m not superstitious

But I am a little stitious”

Yup that’s me. With a lot of things in my life. But the biggie is when good things happen.

Superstitious-I don’t trust good things. I wait for that other shoe to drop. I could use my track record as my excuse but I think it’s deeper than that.

Somewhere along the way just like asking for help. I was made to feel I don’t deserve good things.

I don’t mean daily massages or an unlimited spending allowance at Sephora.

Although, I wouldn’t mind those things.

But rather being recognized for a job well done. When I’m praised at work I always say thank you, but say I didn’t do it alone. I don’t deserve the credit. Even if I really do.

When I got asked to speak at a conference recently, I instantly thought it was because they couldn’t find anyone else. Not that maybe I’m a good speaker.

I blush at compliments.

I get teary at the littlest things.

As much as I want good things and want to hear I’m awesome, sparkly, be loved…

When it happens I don’t know what to do with it. I question it. I analyze it. I don’t always trust it. I wait for it to fall apart.

Luckily and I’ve alluded to my dream team before. My group of friends scold me when I start to question things too much. I have a person who holds my hand and teases me- “don’t cry” and kisses the top of my head.

It’s a slippery slope we Moms traverse. We want so much for everyone around us, why can’t we want that for ourselves?

I’m working on being less stitious. Believing in myself and not letting that self doubt and some bumps from my past make me freeze.

It’s ok to want good things.

Say it with my Mommas.

“It’s ok to want good things”.

Just in case you start to get a little superstitious… I’ll be here reminding you… you deserve good things.

You really do.

<3 Caprise

Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up, For How You Want to Be Seen

Good morning! Whether we like to admit it, some times “books are judged by their cover”. Being seen for your appearance, in the work force, is a true reality. But most importantly how you look, is most often a reflection of how you feel that day.

I myself am guilty of seeing someone and making an assumption on how they are feeling that day. I do interviews for both prospective employees as well as meetings with clients. Do I expect those people to show up in a $1,000 suit? Absolutely not! Although,I do have certain expectations because I feel as if you are disheveled more days than not-it is also going to affect your commitment to the job/project, your personality, and how you feel about yourself. Do I understand that people have craptastic days, don’t feel well? I sure do!

Think about it this way…..I am going in for my dream job interview-I am going to dress the part.  I want my future employer to know that I respect the position, I value the time I am being given for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity to do what I have always dreamed to do. I feel great, I feel positive and I want to look and be seen that way too.  I want to make an awesome first impression. I really REALLY want this job. My confidence is high and I am going to NAIL this interview. It matters, it truly does. Wearing sweatpants to a dream job interview doesn’t take away from your personality and skills but it most certainly takes away your commitment to that position. It takes away from how you feel about yourself.

Get Up, Dress Up, Show Up!

Love to All-Kim

The 5C’s Unlocking Your Unlimited Potential

The 5C’s Unlocking Your Unlimited Potential

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”

-Vince Lombardi

 

This is one of my favorite Lombardi quotes. It really does hit the nail on the head for what I hope our program can develop for you, a vigorous pursuit of perfection on the road of excellence.

Too often we succumb to the tasteless flavor of mediocrity only to kid ourselves that it tastes good. It doesn’t, average never tastes good, nor ever will. Our life should be full of flavor and rich experiences, and that’s what this program is designed to be; rich and full of unique experiences as you develop mastery over your health, fitness, wealth, and happiness.

There are two central concepts I would like you to review before describe the 5C’s:

1.) You are created by design, not by default. You have a purpose, and the ability to fulfill it. All of the necessary ingredients for your success are already within you, my mission is to teach you how to Unleash the Champion that is already in you.

2.)  We must all learn to exceed expectations to thrive. The enemy of great is good. You are created for greatness, there is absolutely no doubt about it. Never settle for good enough, you must have high expectations to achieve excellence, so commit to exceed your expectations daily.

80% of people never reach their expectations

15% reach their expectations

5% exceed their expectations

Be the 5% and you will rule the world.

I created a blueprint called the 5C’s to keep you focused on process, and not problems.  Problems now become opportunities when put into the proper context. To describe the 5C’s from a health and fitness standpoint, let me give you a brief overview of the most important aspects of the 5C’s.

Conviction  .  Commitment  .  Consistency  .  Confidence  .  Courage

 

Conviction is an overwhelming belief in someone, or something. Our beliefs are the foundation for how, and what we think. For example, if you believe you never have been healthy, and probably never can be, this is a reflexion of belief. Your belief is then manifested in how you think, and your body tends to come into alignment with that thought process, you are overweight and unhealthy.

There are two major forms of belief, intellectual agreement, and assimilation.

Intellectual agreement tends to be fact based and resides on the surface of our thoughts. The example being, there are obviously people that live debt free, experiencing financial freedom, living a joyful life, but they’re different, they have a skill or talent I just don’t have. Intellectual agreement being based on facts is a beginning to forging a strong conviction, but must be developed deeper.

Assimilation is taking conviction to the depth of our being, you become what you believe. An easy example to follow is with nutrition. Every cell of your body requires nourishment, EVERY cell. You literally assimilate the foods you eat, and become what you eat. If you develop Type II diabetes it’s not because you ate a clean nutritious diet, it is typically because you have eaten too much sugar on a consistent basis. If you have to much month at the end of your money it is possible you are spending beyond your means, and need to position yourself to create more income when and wherever possible.

Assimilation is becoming what you believe. If you believe you were created to “can do” anything, that all the necessary tools reside in you already, you just need to learn how to access these skills and make them work for you, than you are on the road to renewing your mind.

To renew your mind, to change your “stink’n think’n” and not conform to the world of managed average you must continuously assimilate who you are, and where you are going. Not focusing on where you are, and you have no clue who you are.

 

Commitment is the action plan anchored to your conviction or beliefs. This is very often where a persons actions begin to break down. Is this true for you? Have you made commitments in the past and after time passes the commitments seems to have passed by as well? Very often we break our own commitments simply because they were anchored in intellectual agreement, not assimilation. Remember assimilation has deep roots and can withstand the storm of life on your dreams. Intellectual agreement has underdeveloped roots and can easily be talked away with an unexpected storm. Commitment is strengthened with every storm if, you have assimilated Conviction.

 

Consistency is a reflexion of your past, an insight into your future, and the power you can leverage today. Consistency then is habits. Think about it, how many of you would even consider not brushing your teeth for days, let alone weeks? Yet how many people don’t exercise on a regular basis, or save a percentage of their incomes consistently? Consistency is established in the strength of our Commitments. We are all a walking, talking advertisement for consistency, the question is are those consistent habits building us up, or effectively pulling us apart?

 

Confidence is a wonderful process developed through the consistency that builds you up. Confidence is also born through the failures we experience along the way that through our commitments, anchored to our convictions, we can learn from, rather than lose because of. Confidence is the magnificent result of the Consistent realization that you are the direct product of your decisions and not your conditions.

 

Courage is many things but for us let’s focus on the fact it takes courage to leave your comfort zone behind. To live the “next level” lifestyle means you are living the extraordinary life, and never settling for ordinary again. You are comfortable with uncomfortable, and you prefer to be abnormal rather than live average. Courageous living is knowing the difference between being willing to take the next step, and having the willpower to push on.  People that have established Confidence, never strive again, but thrive daily with the courage to live from victory, not for victory.

 

Using the 5C’s to transform the way you Think

Transforming the way you think requires daily reflexion on your beliefs. Your beliefs about your potential more so than anything else when it come to health, fitness, and happiness.

 

 

Consider:

  • Do you have a hunger for growth?
  • Are you willing to chase your dreams, and “lean in” to your life?
  • Preparation is the key to developing confidence, follow through is the icing!
  • What are your pay offs? What inspires you to never quit?
  • Define what this means, and then answer it, “Do you have the courage to fail?”
  • Skill is developed through failure, learning is what transforms failure in success.
  • Are you willing to give your broken pieces a chance?
  • When you have a mentor you can learn from their mistakes, you never pay for the mistakes of others, yet you can learn powerful lessons on your road to optimal health and peak performance.
  • You clearly have thousands of choices about your life, for example:

1.) What you say, and what you don’t say.

2.) What you think, and what you don’t think.

3.) What you do, and don’t do?

  • Always keep the “main thing,” the main thing. So what does that mean to you?
  • Today answer these questions, Who are you? What do you want?
  • Never fear hard work, embrace it.
  • Avoid envy, unless you are willing to do, what other people do, to get what other people get…
  • When we have tough, or “bad” things happen, that typically means you are in the right place, and the challenges are the refining fire necessary to take you to the next level.
  • In life, we always should be moving forward, in saying that we should also always be ready for a fall, that is REAL life, not negative thinking. If you are prepared for a fall, you will always get up quicker.
  • Take time, get a pad and paper, and write out what do you believe. Deep, heartfelt beliefs, are crucial to controlling your life, you just need transparency, and clarity. Write them down, please…
  • Hope travels everywhere, no need for a passport. Did you remember to pack it?
  • EVERY single day matters, every day counts. Do not take one day off…

I want to invite you to check out my website, and my complete eBook,

  • The 5C’s “Unlocking Your Unlocking Your Unlimited Potential”

Please visit: www.unleashthechampiononlinetraining.com

Also you can check out:

  • Habit FORMING “Creating Nutrition, Fitness, and Life Habits”
  • Fit for the Fight “The Art of Fighting from Victory, not for Victory”

Have a Joyous and Blessed Christmas and Holiday Season

Carter

Success = Self-confidence and Enthusiasm

“Self-confidence is an essential quality for all worthwhile accomplishments.”   – Napoleon Hill

If you don’t believe in yourself then how can you expect anyone else to believe in you?  No matter what has happened, you must have Faith in your ability to accomplish whatever you want.  Often it is easier to believe in other people, especially when things look dark and difficult–it is during these times that you MUST manufacture confidence in yourself and in your ability to create and take action.  When I say, repeatedly, that nothing is impossible– I absolutely mean that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.  The first step to making the seemingly impossible, possible is to have certainty and confidence that you have whatever it takes to move mountains.  Most people do not succeed because they do not believe they can have or deserve success.

Enthusiasm goes hand-in-hand with self-confidence.  Being self-confident and expressing enthusiasm about what you are doing naturally attracts support and goodwill.  People want to be around people that are confident and happy because it makes them feel better about themselves.

When you are going through difficult times and starting to doubt yourself, call on the people that know you the best (your lifers) to remind you that you have what it takes to turn the tide.  Their FAITH in you will give you something to stand on and it will help you remember who you are.  From that renewed perspective you will be able to MOVE YOUR MOUNTAINS and produce  results.