Tag Archives: concerns

I Got A Janky Heart

This is a blog I wasn’t sure I was going to write or even how to be honest.

It’s a big share about my life. I wasn’t even going to share it,but over the course of the last few weeks I have had some pretty serious discussions with people I love in my life about what we share and what we don’t.

I’m just gonna do this and maybe it will all make sense. Or maybe it won’t.

I have a congenital heart defect.

I also was two months premature. I weighed in at 3 pounds 4 ounces.

I was born with a hole in my heart. By the time I was four I had two open heart surgeries.

I don’t remember much about it.

What do remember: comparing zippers, the smell of the stitches, falling off my bed, I can remember be wheeled into an operating room.

That’s it.

I have a gnarly bikini scar with accompanying friends all over my body.

A few years ago after ignoring its existence I got a chubby heart tattoo at the base of my scar.

Growing up I had a list of things I could and couldn’t do. I’m pretty sure my Mom told me certain things just to keep me from doing those said things.

The reality of my disease never and still doesn’t fully resonate with me until I’m around doctors or other survivors.

There have been some scary things around having children and at one point I was actually given a life expectancy.

By the way my daughter is eleven and I’m 47.

But as light as I’m making it there have been some things.

I’m always winded. My circulation is horrible. I can’t tell you how often I hear cold hands warm heart. Lol

I get colds so easily.

Living in the Midwest that’s a joy.

Also, lol.

There’s more but I’m sharing this because it doesn’t define me and it certainly hasn’t held me back.

I am the person if you tell me no I do it twice and take pictures.

So now you know this about me. Will it make you read what I write any differently?

It shouldn’t. Oh my gosh it better not.

We all bring private, public, personal battles to the table but they shouldn’t hold us back and they certainly shouldn’t define us. Other people should not let those things define how they treat you either.

This year I participated in the Heart Walk as a survivor. It was the first year I admitted it. And shame on me for not admitting it sooner. Because now I own it and I have found an amazing community.

My favorite member is a heart doctor who we will call Dr. W who teases me that my after care regime should not include Mt. Dew and Reese’s.

Sorry not sorry Dr. W, a girl has to have her vices.

Don’t be afraid of what you bring to the table no matter how big. I know it’s easy for me to say this, but take a deep breath look at how far you’ve come. You are more than the extras that are in your life.

You are sparkly and amazing and strong.

And as always I got you Momma.

❤️

Caprise