Tag Archives: compare

It’s Ok To Not Be

All too often we are scrolling news feeds on social media more than living in the moments of our actual life. We are in a constant state of comparison to others we “virtually” see. Where are they traveling? Where did they go? What do they have? Posting things just so others will “like” it. Well, who cares if they don’t? Likes on social media means nothing.

It really holds no real value. It’s a click of a button while they are doing the same exact thing you/we are. Scrolling through life.

Additionally, we strive for perfection as part of our human nature. We want to feel successful, look good, etc. We’re so tuned in to post about all the good things that are happening to us so others know – – Trust me, I’ve been guilty of this.

Remember that no one posts all the upsetting disappointments, the heartbreaks, and the not so pretty parts. We all have them. To be vulnerable and show the world we’re more than what we see on social media can be terrifying to some – but, I have decided to share a few of my “not so pretty ” parts to show you that IT IS OK.

I am divorced. It was hard. It IS hard. Awful. It was by far one of the worst experiences I have ever been through and struggle with and the wound is still fresh and deep – daily. It has been downright paralyzing at times.

Even though I was posting about working out, being out and about with friends and/or family, traveling, being happy, etc… I was still hurting. Still struggling. Still sad.

I have a Nursing Degree and worked very hard for it. I consider myself intelligent. Well, I failed my Nursing boards SEVEN times. SEVEN. No, I am not an RN. How about that – all that time, effort and energy and one big let down after another. Yep, it sucked. It was a rough time. But who’s going to post about their failures? God forbid anyone know!


I was unemployed for 1.5 years and applied for 204 jobs (true story) before I got the position I am in now (and am very thankful for). It was awful being fearful of what would/could happen, all of the unknowns. The repeated disappointment of rejection letter after rejection letter. Who wants to post that, and have someone mock them or think less of them, right?

Look. I (like so many others) have silent struggles that little to no one knows on their social media platforms. However, I am resilient. I have become courageous and strong and somedays had to dig really deep to find it. But I am here to tell the tale.

It’s ok if you’re not “Pinterest perfect”. It’s ok if you are sad. It’s ok if your not the super model size. It’s ok if you do not have the latest and greatest whatever it may be. It’s ok to not have your shit together somedays. IT IS OK. Stop thinking that you have to measure up to someone else. There is nothing to prove.

Only sharing the “pretty parts” and none of the struggle is leading someone out there into feelings if inadequacy, inferiority, and unworthiness.

So I’m here to tell you – I work hard every day to be the best version of myself I can be FOR myself ad FOR my kids, because they are watching me and I am doing my best to lead by example. I also show them that mistakes and failures do NOT define WHO they are. Their integrity, honesty, grit, determination and how they treat others does.

It’s ok if you’re not “Pinterest perfect”. It’s ok if you are sad. It’s ok if your not the super model size. It’s ok if you do not have the latest and greatest whatever it may be. It’s ok to not have your shit together somedays. IT IS OK. Stop thinking that you have to measure up to someone else. There is nothing to prove.

You’re worthy. You’re adequate. You’re enough. You don’t have to compare where you are with where someone else is. Their path is not yours, and that too is ok.

`Jenn

My Frenemy Social Media

Bill Murray recently tweeted: social media is training us to compare our lives, instead of appreciating everything we are. No wonder why everyone is depressed.

As a recovering insomniac I have a bad habit of reaching for an electronic device when my brain decides I need to overthink something at 2 AM. Which is a bad idea. I know this.

Bill’s not too far off. It’s hard not to do. I’m guilty of it. Who isn’t? You see your peeps post pictures of beautiful vacations meanwhile I’m excited about going to Target by myself on my lunch.

Your girlfriends who are madly in love, posting flowers and cards, and outings. You are spending your fifth Valentines alone sporting the noodle necklace made by your kiddo.

You co-worker running a marathon while you’re lucky if you make it to the third floor of your office building without being lightheaded and winded.

You cousin eating a gourmet meal out, you are tucking in with Taco Bell.

Or how about when you are in a relationship and suddenly things that before social media maybe you didn’t see or even care about. Now you see. Like that girl who likes every DAMN thing he posts. Or how he comments on that one girl’s stuff but never yours.

Are you taking this in? It’s kinda silly right? It is. But as humans, at our core I think we all want to be sparkly and loved. We don’t want to show our flaws. That’s weakness. It’s hard to show those bad days, to enjoy that Taco Bell, to realize that girl liking every DAMN post may just be a friend, and even if she’s not, trust your person.

On the flip side there are some really fantastic things social media has brought.

Like I can keep in touch with the funniest person I know, my 72 year old great aunt.

Memes!!!! I love memes. It’s bad. I have a problem. Luckily, so do my girlfriends.

Reconnecting me with people I lost track of. I’m looking at you my Chewbaccas.

Helping me find cool events to do with my family and friends.

New music.

Recipes.

This page (The Working Single Mom) <3

Tips and tricks for almost ANYTHING.

Some absolutely truly heartwarming stories.

I guess where I am going with this. With anything… remember who you are. You are sparkly and beautiful even when maybe you feel like you aren’t.

There is no such thing is perfect.

And really who wants that anyway?

By the way I love me some Taco Bell and my noodle necklace is my most prized possession.

BUT just in case the next time you’re mindlessly scrolling remember this:

“Be yourself today. You look beautiful like that.”

 

And as always I got you Mommas

XO

Caprise

Single Moms Deserve Respect-From Ourselves

RESPECT. It’s not just a song that Aretha Franklin rocked in the ‘60s. It’s something all moms need — especially single moms.

In our society, a wedding ring is like a stamp of approval. Seriously. It says that you are respectable, you have good values, and if you have a child that you are a good mom. There may not be a scarlet “A” in our culture, but there is definitely a golden “M”. Marriage grants a halo effect to women, and it disappears the minute your divorce papers are filed. This is wrong. Plain wrong.

I felt the sting of my halo’s disappearance. When I was separated from my husband, a well meaning acquaintance expressed shock when she learned about my impending divorce. No doubt, she saw us as “that nice family”. How could she have seen anything else? We tried so hard to look good.

A dear friend of mine once told me not to compare my insides to other people’s outsides. I cannot express how much this has helped me. I often think of this when I am on social media or receive a holiday card with a “perfect” family photo. Yes, their son or daughter may have just been accepted to that ivy league college or received a full athletic scholarship to their alma mater. Yes, they may look like they are still honeymooners in that photo. Yes, their house may be decorated with exquisite taste.

I bet that if I curated and edited photos from my family before my divorce that you would think we lead a storybook life.

I still recall a girls’ night out that took place about four years before my divorce. I was married, miserable, and grappling with whether or not to even consider divorce. I also wasn’t telling anyone how I felt or about the problems I was facing in my marriage. Another woman who was at the girls’ night out was getting divorced. I remember her saying how lucky the rest of us were to be married and have both loving husbands and great sex lives. What she described was 180 degrees away from my reality at the time, and she had no idea.

So don’t compare your insides to anyone else’s outsides. Instead, rock that single mom status! ​Stand up straight. Speak your mind. Build that career. Hug those kids. Ask that handsome single man out for coffee. Know that you are wonderful and deserving of love and respect, just the way you are.

And if you happen to feel like belting out the song ​“Respect” along with Aretha Franklin while dancing in your living room, totally do it — and wave to the neighbors if they notice. They’re probably not having as much fun as you are.

Liz Possible ​is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that. Follow Liz at her blog at www.lizpossible.com and her FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/MySingleMomLife/