Tag Archives: circumstances

How To Deal And Navigate The Unexpected

Navigating the Unexpected

Nothing unseats us faster than things we don’t expect—events, circumstances or communications that we weren’t planning for, these are the things that have the capability to throw you if you allow it.

These unexpected events can range from an unwelcome communication to some event concerning our job or children that wasn’t in our master plan.  When this stuff pops up the first thing that we want to do is REACT which usually includes a fair amount of emotion and that never really leads us to a good place…

Unexpected happenings are designed to challenge us and often we allow them to steal our joy and take away our peace of mind, we give into the panic, drama or worry and within minutes we are ‘down the rabbit hole’ and off into all the ‘what if’s’— this methodology is a recipe for disaster…

All seemingly unwelcome events come to teach us something and they come to PASS and not to stay—how fast they pass really depends on our response to them.  We cannot control what comes our way, however we CAN control how we deal with it and how much of our energy we expend on it.  I believe that everything has something to teach us and the faster we are open to the lesson the faster we can move out of the circumstance.

Our response to our lives is KEY, I often tell you that what we call a thing it becomes so if we start calling some circumstance horrid or a travesty or insurmountable then that is exactly what they will become.  When things don’t look the way you want them to you have two choices—one complain about them to anyone who will listen and lament about how horrible your plight is OR you can choose to know that somewhere in it there is good and you can start saying things like “I know what to do and I do it”, “solutions present themselves to me”, “Divine Order is present here and now” and my favorite “every day in every way things are getting better and better for me now”.

Since I have been pushing that affirmation with you guys these past few Sundays on the FB live, I have started using it more myself.  Today when my daily prayer partner asked me how I was on our morning call instead of listing out all my grievances I just said you know what “every day in every way things are getting better and better for me now” and they laughed and I laughed and said, “I could list out for you all my seeming problems today, however what the hell difference would it make?  So I am just going with this statement as my answer— how I am today is better and better and I am sticking to that all day.”

So far, so good and it is 12:34pm at the moment—- I mean shit what do I have to lose, right?  I teach this stuff, it works, I tell you to do it—so instead of giving voice to my complaints I am doing it too.

It is all what we make of it—- if I list out all my crap then I only give it more power and I KNOW this for SURE.  The best place that you can be is peaceful within yourself—no HIGH highs, no LOW lows—if you can remain at peace knowing that whatever is displaying itself to you is only temporary then you will achieve a level of self mastery that most people never see.  It is a difficult thing to do and takes practice, yet do the work on yourself and you can get there.  I still work on this myself regularly—-it gets easier to quell your reactions with time.

So for this week strive to keep yourself in a peaceful place and know that unwelcome circumstances don’t come to stay, they come to pass.

 

Join me for Coffee Chat, Sunday on FB live at 10am est.

See you then.

-XO, Noelle

Choosing My Battles

Choosing my battles has always been a difficult task for me. I am suppose to write today about my top 3 pet peeves. Problem is, long time ago, I gave up what I would refer to as pet peeves, I chose my battles.  Pet peeves to me are things like, chewing with your mouth open, chewing loudly, my son’s dirty socks 2″ from the laundry basket, my daughter’s floor carpeted with clothing, and so on. I spent a lot of days irritated by pet peeves, sweating the small stuff and when it was time for me to wind down for the night I would be so strung tight with annoyances through the day that I couldn’t even relax.

Now-don’t get me wrong, I still get irritated by pet peeves but I have trained myself to think “Do those things really matter at the end of the day?” And if the answer is No- then I have chosen my battle.  Life is too short to be irritated by those things-and yes it’s super annoying and irritating. I have a close friend who has lost a child at an early age and I can guarantee with everything that I am she would give ANYTHING for her child to sit at the table and chew loudly with their mouth open while leaving his socks 2″ away from the laundry basket, while everyone stomped through his clothing on the floor. She doesn’t get that chance, ever again. So I refuse to spend my days irritated by pet peeves and the small things. I chose my battles in all aspects in my life.

Love to All-Kim

CONTROL Your Thoughts…

Often we find ourselves ‘stuck’ in circumstances that we consider unfavorable and we lament them in our thoughts, thinking things like “why me???”, “poor me!”, “how can this be my life???” etc

We invite these pitiful thoughts in for tea and scones and then invite them back for lunch and dinner.  We feel trapped in the circumstances because we keep the thoughts of them alive in our minds.  In order to overcome circumstances we MUST learn to overcome ourselves which means manage our thoughts!

When sad, pitiful, failure breeding thoughts step in we have to slam the door on them, we cannot allow them access even for a moment.  All it takes is a second and your whole day can be thrown off track by one pathetic thought such as “why don’t I have more money?”.

You have to be VIGILANT in policing your thoughts.  Think ONLY the things that are going to push you forward, STOP entertaining thoughts that make you feel worse!

This morning I was speaking to one of my oldest and dearest friends, he is an amazing man, smart, handsome, talented and witty among other things.  He has been in the middle of some trials for the past few years and I fear he is losing heart, this morning I explained to him that at times he is his own worst enemy because he gives voice to the negative chatter in his head.  Like so many of us when we are being tried, he feels like it will never end, he feels like this trial has become who he is. That is a FALSE idea; he is a WARRIOR and a CHAMPION as we all are.  I know this for him every day and I remind him of it as often as I can.  I am reminding YOU as well!

You are an OVERCOMER, A CHAMPION, A WARRIOR!  Start ACTING like that; stop suffering by visiting with the negative, stupid, self-defeating chatter in your head.

Only YOU can change the circumstances of your life and you do this by first changing every, single thought you have.  If it is an unproductive thought, BANISH it and replace it with something that works…such as ‘every day in every way things are getting better and better’—you don’t have to know how right now, you just need to know that it IS happening, things are getting better and better…

Action follows thought, control your thinking, be vigilant…and NEVER GIVE IN to that self-defeating crap…NEVER!

 

Making REAL Change is Like Picking Up Blueberries…one at a time…

making change one blueberry at a time…

An addiction is when you continue to let things damage you even though you know the destructive nature of what you are doing…Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  Insane behavior supports an addiction or addictive behavior because it helps you tell yourself that things will turn out differently this time, it helps you mask the obvious and live in the hope that ‘this’ is different than the time before.  Insane behavior is just that– INSANE.  If you are stuck in a pattern or a circumstance that isn’t changing, as long as you STAY STUCK THERE it WILL NOT CHANGE.  You will see the same wheel turn round and round and you will keep telling yourself that the result will be different….it won’t.

In order to change the turn of the wheel we need to change ourselves and our circumstances.  We lose hope when we feel like we have lost the power to enact change, the truth is we never lose the power to enact change…the God-part of our nature is always lying there waiting to be called upon…if we give power to that and ask God for help we can enact whatever changes we wish.  Consequently, if we give power to the darker sides of our nature we will continue down the road of insane behavior. 

There is never a convenient time to push ourselves to give up a behavior that no longer serves us; these behaviors wear all kinds of names: drug addiction, alcohol addiction, food addictions, being overweight, staying in relationships that have long been over, guilt, gambling, sex addictions, over-spending, involving ourselves in relationships with unavailable people, etc etc.  Whatever costume your behavior wears it is stealing your aliveness and it has you in such a state of reactivity that you cannot even see your REAL life because all you are doing is riding the crazy train. 

Some of us have been riding for so long now that we actually think we are making progress…REALITY CHECK- you only make progress when you get OFF the train and realize that you have been riding on it, at this point you get to choose a different course.  A fish that lives in a fishbowl has no idea that he lives in there as all he knows is the limited conditions of the bowl.  A human being stuck in a behavior shares the same limited understanding of their life, they think what they are living in is all there is…

Enacting change starts with recognizing that we have something that needs to be changed, the 12 step programs call it admitting that we have a problem and that works too.  Use whatever method or program you need to use to recognize the behavior that doesn’t work.  The important thing is to recognize it because of course you cannot change something that you cannot even SEE.

Making major behavioral shifts is like picking up blueberries that have fallen on the floor.  If you have ever dropped a container of blueberries on the floor you will fully appreciate this comparison. 

When you drop a container of blueberries they roll EVERYWHERE…first you swear and become angry that you were stupid enough to drop the container in the first place and then you quickly resolve yourself to the fact that you have to pick them up.  You can’t pick them up in handfuls because you will crush them, so you have to pick them up one by one and as you do that some of them roll away under things and you have to peer under there and roll them out.  The blueberries also NEVER fit back into the container the way that they were before you dropped them, so you have to artfully maneuver them back into the container to try and get it to close again.  When you are picking up the blueberries they sometimes fall out of your hands again and you end up grabbing the same blueberry several times…all in all, a tedious process that causes one to gasp in horror when a container is dropped…

A shift in behavior is like this as it is one small change at a time and sometimes you drop another blueberry and you have to pick it up again and again.  You can’t scoop all the blueberries back into the container at once or you will crush them, you can’t change a behavior in a day or it won’t stick.  REAL change, REAL behavioral shifts come over time, in stages, one blueberry at a time and eventually you have them all and you can reclose the container.  Eventually your small changes become a big shift and one day along the way you wake up and realize that you are free from your insanity and that you have clarity you never had before.

Important to remember that when you drop a blueberry in the ‘picking up’ process all is not lost, just reach down and pick it up again.  When you are making changes and you go back and repeat a behavior that doesn’t work, it’s okay…just remember that you are shifting and next time make a different choice…change can be embodied one blueberry at a time…