Tag Archives: choices

Letting It Go

Letting It Go! I’m taking a lesson from my favorite empowered lady, Elsa. It’s been 7 years and I’m taking my power back. Somehow after I had been divorced, he still found ways to maintain forms on control. In all different ways, refusing to answer me on co-parenting questions, deciding to pay child support not on the due date but whenever he felt like he wanted to, without communicating to me when that would be just stating “You shouldn’t rely on my money”. It didn’t matter how kind I was…. how nicely I worded things. I had to become a bendy straw having to completely bend over backwards to still being treated like disposable trash.

I’m done.

I’m done being hurt.

I’m done bending.

I’m done not being heard.

I’m done not being valued.

I’m done being emotionally manipulated.

I’m done being told what I can and can’t do.

I’m done letting someone who does and means nothing to me control my head space.

I’m done opening myself up to be hoping he will change, to be disappointed constantly.

I’m done hoping he will be more for his children.

I’m done letting him dictate my emotions.

I’m done.

I’m Letting it go.

Letting go of the guilt of how I wanted my children to grow up in their home with their mama every day.

Letting go of how I will never be able to control, help and support his household for my children.

Letting go of the hurt.

Letting go of the constant disappointment.

Letting go of it all.

Now I will embrace the time the kids and I have being thankful for all the memories we have, not the time we don’t have together.

I will value each phone call to the fullest.

I will savor the moments that my house is loud, chaotic, messy and intense, because soon enough they will be at their dads.

I will embrace the nights where they take 5 trips down the stairs refusing to go to bed due to their unquenchable thirst that only began at bed time.

I will cherish the snot filled, or sweaty stinky hugs and kisses.

I will not rush the extra bedtime story.

I will watch attentively as they want to show me their latest creations.

I will be there Mama still 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no matter what, no matter where they go my love will always find them, and nobody can ever change that.

I will never have any bigger accomplishment in live than being their Mama, and having their love.

Stay Positive and Be Kind,

Rah Rah Rachel

Keep It Simple Sweetie(K.I.S.S.)

Keep it simple, Sweetie. When most of us try to move forward, make a change, or start our soul journey, we may tend to over complicate things. We can make things harder than they need to be and leave ourselves in a confused distraught mess. 

Not to long ago I found myself in an anonymous self help group.  I am a co-dependent, my addiction is people and problems. I didn’t know why life and functioning healthily didn’t just click for me, and the majority of the people in my life were addicts and alcoholics, who displayed similar but different dysfunctions as me. 

My overthinking drove me into the ground, I would reach out to others in this group, and they would tell me Keep it simple sweetie, and let go and let god. It was hard for me to understand how could I just let go of this complicated mess ( that I thought I needed to fix most of the time) until realized I was the one making it complicated. I was usually trying to bend the situation or outcome to what I desired it to be. Letting go and keeping it simple helped me keep my head above water.

Other times I found myself going stagnant, I found boat loads of wisdom in the phrase Easy does it, but do it damn it. If it means you have to take a slower pace to work on certain things, that may be pain full so be it as long as you are moving forward, and not getting complacent.

When things turn upside down and i’m not sure which way is up, or things seem just a little too rough I use these two phrases as checks and balances. Am I keeping it simple? Am I continually pushing forward? Am I letting go of the things that aren’t meant for me?

On our journey it is good to keep ways to check and balance ourselves and our path, so that even when we wander we will never be lost.

Learning, Loving, Growing

Ali

How Do I Pick Out Curtains?

Who knew of all the different types of curtains that are available these days… seriously.. .All I know is that now I am picking out these things all by myself. I had rented a house with a million windows and all I needed was curtains. ughh… seems easy doesn’t it.

I spent months in the divorce process and then its final. Where do you start? What do you do with your life now? So many questions running through your head.. For months I had lived in a bubble, just getting through the day and not thinking anything else. What do you do first after your divorce? Many you have never worked or even lived by yourself, but now at age 40 you are on your own. You get to pick out your own curtains or your own furniture. You don’t have to ask anyone’s opinion, which can be exciting and scary at the same time. Or the other side is now you have no one to ask the easy questions too.. I did not know of all the small decisions I would need to make by myself.

I had lived in a bubble for so long. Going through all the emotions and then when the divorce process starts It takes over your life. And once its final, you have to stop and think what do I do now. I think we all get ahead of ourselves and want to build this new life so fast. I think the best advice I can give anyone that is starting over after divorce is to take it slow and learn about yourself. It’s hard for me to remember the days or months right after my divorce, I think I was in such a bubble or daze throughout the process that it’s hard to remember all the changes. It was being on constant autopilot and no time to process the changes that I was going through. We all want to put our kids first and make sure they are happy, however its so important that we are learning to be happy also.

Take time to really learn about what you now want. Some days will really suck, you learn you need to do things all by yourself. You might have never picked out your own curtains, so this is new to you you and it might take you a day to make that decision or it might take you months…either way, it doesn’t matter because you did it. Some days you might want to lay in your robe until 2pm and do nothing, and you can… You can take the time and do what you need. Start figuring out what you want in your life for you.

You might make one decision by yourself and you should celebrate. Something that seems so small might be your biggest accomplishment. Take the wins!!

Snarkydivorcedgal (www.snarkydivorcedgal.com)

My Joy Bank

Growing up…..I never really understood that having joy in my life was an inside job.  I always thought there was something or someone that would fill up me up and bring joy and make my life happier. Something Out There.  LIKE….. delicious food and a fabulous pair of shoes.  A certain weight and a snazzy car.  That job with the big title, oh ya and a handsome boyfriend.  On and on it went.  My list of ‘things to bring me happiness & joy.  Not knowing until now…. 25 years later that it was, and is, and always will be… MY Job to fill MY joy bank.

I sit here today and ask Why didn’t anyone tell me?  I wouldn’t have spent the last 20+ years making so many empty choices.  Choices that didn’t even make a dent in my JOY bank.  But then, in that same breath I realize… Someone probably did tell me…. and I certainly was not listening.   Not only was I not ready to hear it.  I wasn’t ready to give up the life I lived.  The ever so important; vacationing, sun-bathing, partying, hard-working, popular, beautiful life that I lived.  The life that was happy, fun, joyful…..ahhhh… & when it wore off?  I went right back at it.

I can stand here today and think that it was so wasteful.  Now wait a minute…. that’s not true.  I did what I did for whatever reason I did it.  I can say is – I did not know.  If I knew better then, I would have made different choices.  All I can do now…. is choose now.  CHOOSE NOW.  😊  Look for things that bring joy to every day.  The little things, the big things, the simple things, the God things.  Fill my JOY bank myself.  For Myself.

And if someone or something comes along that adds value to my day… well I’ll put that into my Joy bank too.

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Either You Can Or You Can’t

“Whether you say you can or can’t… you’re right.”

Have you ever heard that before?

The first time I heard it I thought “What on earth does that mean?”

But my knowing how powerful the mind is, I realized that THAT is what it was about.  Our minds are so powerful.  Things we say over and over again, in our minds, does indeed become What Is So.

So if you keep telling yourself you can…. then you can,  You will OR at least you’ll give it 100%!

And…. If you keep telling yourself that you cannot…. Then you won’t.  You’ll talk yourself out of it before you even attempt.

BUT…. YOU get to be right.  Do you want to be right?  Some people sell their souls to be right.  It means more to them to be right than it does to be joyful or fulfilled or successful.  Those “got-to-be-right” peeps… they’ll stay where they are, and maybe blame their upbringing or their lifestyle or their physical frailties.  BUT all that… THAT’S a story.  A story to stay complacent, stay stuck, stay period.

If you want to have something happen and you want to see what you’re made of and you want to believe in your heart that you can…. then do one thing.  Just do one thing to work toward it.  Say positive statements to yourself that will train your mind to know what it Can Do.

In the meantime…. Just do the next thing.

Your God Girl,

Tracy xoxo

Battles In Every Day

Battles. There are battles every day for you to face. The most powerful one is the battle in your mind. You could be happy one minute and sad the next. Joyful one and mad the next. On track one minute and falling apart the next. AND…. there may not be any rhyme or reason as to why except- it just is.

Can you see it coming? Can you feel it as it’s showing up? Can you name it and claim it and do something about it? That’s the key. Can you do something about it? With God you can for sure!

Then the next questions is, do you want to? Do you want to live for your higher purpose? Do you want to live the life God has planned out for you? Do you want to take on the Battle in your mind and make it right?

The enemy is sly. And a liar. So you’ve got to ask yourself, why on earth are you listening to that!!!? Jesus has more power in His baby finger than satan has in his whole army. Seriously! The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and God came so that You may LIVE. So the next time there SEEMS to be a battle going on, remember you have on the armour of God and NOTHING can penetrate that.

My WORST day with Him is far better than my BEST day without Him.

My goal is to finish what God started.

Do what’s right even when life isn’t right.

Not only saved from something but saved for something

Created by God, Built for a purpose

Where are you looking?

“The grass is always greener on the other side, but it still needs to be mowed.”

Your God Girl,

Tracy xoxo

Choosing The Right Education For Your Children

Education is said to be one of the greatest things we can provide for our children.  That makes finding the right education for our children one huge responsibility as single mothers but what do you do when school just doesn’t fit your child?  Between bullying and the rising threat of school shootings toped by inadequate funding for education. I was facing this reality for my oldest son Logan. Logan has a long history of being physically and emotionally bullied in school, by students, paras and a teacher in his educational career.

Logan has an IEP and I have seen him be singled out by some of his mainstream teachers, He doesn’t have a behavioral disorder he is extremely high functioning autistic, which makes socialization difficult sometimes and he can get sensory overload.  About two years ago a para assigned to my boy decided when he laid down on his time out mat for sensory reasons that it would be ok to kick my son in the back and the head. I threw a fit and when the school didn’t do anything about it I pulled him out.

Logan used to be an advanced reader, but because of his IEP he hasn’t been challenged academically, to the point now he has fallen behind. Being frustrated and quite honestly fed up I decided to try a different approach. I have pulled him out of school after another incident and instead of trying a new regular school we are trying a online school.

To be honest this is the first time in a long time I am excited for a new school, and so is Logan. He’s a little down about not hanging out with kids all day but I’ve already signed him up with a fall sport and a spring sport through the community and this school offers events where the kids in the same class can meet each other since it is a locally based school. This school also offers student free career and tech classes once they are caught up. There is live class lessons and discussions where Logan can hear and see his classmates and teacher. The best part of this school is we can make his lessons completely individualized!

So here’s to new beginnings and bright futures I’ll follow up and report how its going before the end of the school year.

Always be unapologetically true to yourself

Ali

Who Will You Choose To Be?

When you wake up in the morning who do you choose to be? Most days I wake up and I choose to be the best version of myself that I can be. Other days I wake up and the weight on my shoulders feels so heavy I must force myself out of bed. Life is a balancing act, as I am sure you are all well aware of. We all have our struggles, but it is how we choose to deal with those struggles that define us.

After my first blog post I had a few people send me messages and ask if I should really be sharing such personal thoughts and feelings. At first, I began to doubt myself and if what I was doing was the right thing. However, the more I thought about it I realized that yes, it is the right thing. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for what I have gone through and what I continue to go through. This is a personal blog for a reason, it is about my life and I choose to share it. You never know what another person may be going through, maybe someone will read this blog and realize they share some of my experiences.

Right before the long holiday weekend my washing machine broke and gave me a fun little flood. I’m pretty sure the girls had some secret plan to create as much dirty laundry for their mom as possible in the few days that followed. One peed on the couch and instead of telling about it she got up and moved to another couch cushion…great now I have not one, but two cushions soaked in piss. While I am cleaning up said piss the other child is hiding in the corner pooping in her new Minnie Mouse underwear. I know you have been there moms, caught in some parallel universe of should I yell, cry, laugh…maybe a combination of all three?!? Sorry kid but those underwear are going in the trash and you can both sit on the floor because we don’t have couch cushions!

Circling back to my very first post about my birthday, I did indeed indulge in some yummy treats. My best friend surprised me with my babysitter for Friday night, and that is no small feat as my sitter is hard to book #mybestieisbtterthanyours! If you are a parent with small children and you find an amazing sitter, hold on to them because good sitters are hard to find <3 So…. we have some ladies’ night shenanigans planned for the evening, stay tuned for how that turns out.

I choose to laugh, to smile, and to live with intention without fear of judgement from others. People will always have an opinion about you and how you live your life. But the key words there are that it is your life, you get to choose how you live it, who you let into it and who you kindly (or not so kindly) show the door to. Let’s be honest here not all people who are in your life deserve to be in your life, weed those people out even if you have to drag them kicking and screaming out of that damn door. I choose to be in control of my life and future, I choose to be humble, I choose to be the best mom that I can be! Who do you choose to be???

 

Remember, hugs are always free!

xX Tamara xX

Joyful In This Place

Joyful in this place.

As you all know by now, I am in the middle of what I am calling a ‘difficult season’ which sounds better than what my mind would like to call it…LOL

November will make it a year and a half of walking out the choice I made of leaving my corporate job and cutting my personal income by 75% in order to work full-time for myself doing what I love.  You might imagine the impact that this has been having on my life and you might imagine that I may not have a lot of patience for it all…those of you that know me well know that patience is not one of my best qualities…yet I am learning it for sure in this season!

Over the last few days I have been feeling particularly challenged by all of this and feeling very much like ‘I have HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SEASON’—in fact I have been having many, many discussions with God about WHY I AM STILL HERE…

Now keep in mind that everything has been working, every bill has been paid and by the Grace of GOD every, single REAL need has been met.  I have experienced so many blessings and so much Grace during this time—not to mention the LESSONS I have learned…so part of me is very clear that this season has been necessary before I begin another phase of building.  I have gained such clarity about who is around me and what I have been pouring into, I have learned what and who to let go of and I am learning how to say NO.  Also learning that people that want to be around me need to put in equal effort and that is something that I was missing over these last 50 years.  Soooo although this time is SO freaking uncomfortable and most days I feel like my skin is on inside out, I DO SEE the value in it.

Now back to my impatience and asking God WHY am I STILL in this place…this morning that question was asked over and over again until I finally got an ANSWER:

  • “BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT JOYFUL in this place.  Gratitude is NOT your first line of defense in this place…even though I have had your back and MET EVERY NEED…you still wake up scared every single day and you are still hating where I have put you…SO UNTIL you can BE JOYFUL and GRATEFUL most of the time in this…HERE is where you will STAY!”

Yeah…so what could I even say to that??? It is the truth.  I am not joyful in this place and although I AM grateful, I am not grateful ALL the time.  Mostly I am scared and stressed and upset and feeling like I have had enough of this…

God often speaks to me and even when I don’t like what He has to say, I listen.

It is soooo hard to choose JOY in a place where you are uncomfortable….sooo hard to force yourself to be grateful when you feel terrified inside because you cannot SEE HOW everything will work out.  However, I have SOOOO much evidence that everything works out for the good, I even have the last year and a half where every need has been met and not once was I able to see ahead of time HOW.

FAITH is tested greatly when you are in the wilderness periods, yet those periods are an integral part of being able to create what is supposed to come next because your LESSONS are in the wilderness periods…and so they are often the hardest times.

So today I am working on figuring out how to be satisfied, grateful and JOYFUL in this place that I don’t like and I wanted to share this with those of you that may be in the middle of a similar season…

-XO, Noelle

Social Media-Does It Affect You?

Let’s talk about social media today and how it can drag you down, and affect your well being and mental state, especially if you’re a single parent. Especially if YOU let it!

On the other hand social media can also inspire and motivate you, it just depends on what you are focusing on…

I personally found myself joining social media when my children became of that networking age and I said “If you do-I do” ~ only so that I could monitor their online presence. That was almost TEN years ago!

We all know that It’s really exciting to feel that connection to old friends and family members that live far away. It’s also great to enjoy sharing pictures and road trip photos, fun events, and even a simple shopping when someone posts things like  “Oh I bought a new sweater” or “Look at me in my new dress!”

As single parent THAT can really really can bring you down, especially when you know that you can’t afford those luxuries and you’re scraping just to put food on the table also wondering where your gonna get that extra  $50 to cover the electric bill that’s due in 4 days. Gotta love living that week to week life–you know the one right? When bringing your kids out to McDonald’s for the dollar value menu actually is a luxury!

People that have never lived it DON’T understand it and it’s all well and good when they want to sympathize with you and they want to give you that pat on the shoulder and say “you’re doing a great job”  and “look how beautiful your kids are” and “your kids are so well-mannered” and “you’re such a strong person!”  and sometimes those comments are helpful, however a lot of times these people have not walked through what I walked through.

They  just don’t get  it ~ the everyday exhaustion of doing everything yourself, like having to get up every night in the middle of the night and tend to your child and there’s nobody to turn to and say “can you help the baby?”  It’s so draining to say the least especially when you have to get up in the middle of the night and tend to your crying child who is all stuffed up with a nose full of boogers and you’re so exhausted and you have that deadline tomorrow and also that 8 a.m. meeting with your boss and you have to present the financials to the board of directors at a noon luncheon!  Oh boy! STRESS.

I do know those days.

You just do it, and take it one day at a time. You get up, have faith, be blessed, and be happy for what you do have -the roof over your head- the food on the table- your health – the job- the knowledge and the strength–YOU  just keep doing it– because you know you’re doing good for your children that YOU’RE raising, ALONE.

No one EXPECTS to be a single mother. Sadly, sometimes it HAS to happen for the safety and well-being of the Mother and children.

I lived those days and nights. It is hard. It is draining. It is exhausting. But  it is what it is- for your life- in the here and now, for today. You’ve just got to do it. Find the strength to face the day and keep on hoping that your positivity and gratitude shines through and lets your kids see your powerful work ethic.

YES, we do live in a material world, we do, but, you know it is changing,  this Millennial generation is ALL about Tiny houses and downsizing and clearing your clutter and de-cluttering your life and all these mantras, affirmations and positivity~ you know- be the dream,- live, laugh, and love. Do what you love, and it’s never too late to be what you might have been~ and it’s true! It’s  all true!

AS  I embrace my 50th year-  I’ve lived it- I’ve learned it- I can’t say I’ve loved it— but I’m looking at  my daughter who’s in her early 20s and she’s blossoming and turning into a determined,  independent young lady. My son is starting his sophmore year at a technical school with clear goals and a career path.  I sit back and I look at them and I think DAMN! I did that. I DID THAT! On my own, 20 plus years of my life, the struggles, and the hardships, sleepless nights  and you know the non-support and all challenges and so forth, but: little by little I chipped away at school and educating myself to enrich my career to make a better life for my kids and myself. I finally earned my Bachelor’s Degree at age 47. Never say NEVER.

Yes I am over 50 now and beginning to get forgetful and it is frustrating! So I just laugh at it and continue to say I CAN DO THIS, I’ll handle it~ keep your faith! That’s the most important thing. Keep plugging away, day by day and DON’T let those people out there in cyberville bring YOU down. Take it all in, set your goals, and watch yourself move forward and upward. YOU are women, YOU are strong. When you’re feeling “less than”  GO HUG YOUR KIDS! That certainly has got to make you feel better!

KDAWSON 3/17/18  revised 10/16/18