Tag Archives: choices

Battles In Every Day

Battles. There are battles every day for you to face. The most powerful one is the battle in your mind. You could be happy one minute and sad the next. Joyful one and mad the next. On track one minute and falling apart the next. AND…. there may not be any rhyme or reason as to why except- it just is.

Can you see it coming? Can you feel it as it’s showing up? Can you name it and claim it and do something about it? That’s the key. Can you do something about it? With God you can for sure!

Then the next questions is, do you want to? Do you want to live for your higher purpose? Do you want to live the life God has planned out for you? Do you want to take on the Battle in your mind and make it right?

The enemy is sly. And a liar. So you’ve got to ask yourself, why on earth are you listening to that!!!? Jesus has more power in His baby finger than satan has in his whole army. Seriously! The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and God came so that You may LIVE. So the next time there SEEMS to be a battle going on, remember you have on the armour of God and NOTHING can penetrate that.

My WORST day with Him is far better than my BEST day without Him.

My goal is to finish what God started.

Do what’s right even when life isn’t right.

Not only saved from something but saved for something

Created by God, Built for a purpose

Where are you looking?

“The grass is always greener on the other side, but it still needs to be mowed.”

Your God Girl,

Tracy xoxo

Choosing The Right Education For Your Children

Education is said to be one of the greatest things we can provide for our children.  That makes finding the right education for our children one huge responsibility as single mothers but what do you do when school just doesn’t fit your child?  Between bullying and the rising threat of school shootings toped by inadequate funding for education. I was facing this reality for my oldest son Logan. Logan has a long history of being physically and emotionally bullied in school, by students, paras and a teacher in his educational career.

Logan has an IEP and I have seen him be singled out by some of his mainstream teachers, He doesn’t have a behavioral disorder he is extremely high functioning autistic, which makes socialization difficult sometimes and he can get sensory overload.  About two years ago a para assigned to my boy decided when he laid down on his time out mat for sensory reasons that it would be ok to kick my son in the back and the head. I threw a fit and when the school didn’t do anything about it I pulled him out.

Logan used to be an advanced reader, but because of his IEP he hasn’t been challenged academically, to the point now he has fallen behind. Being frustrated and quite honestly fed up I decided to try a different approach. I have pulled him out of school after another incident and instead of trying a new regular school we are trying a online school.

To be honest this is the first time in a long time I am excited for a new school, and so is Logan. He’s a little down about not hanging out with kids all day but I’ve already signed him up with a fall sport and a spring sport through the community and this school offers events where the kids in the same class can meet each other since it is a locally based school. This school also offers student free career and tech classes once they are caught up. There is live class lessons and discussions where Logan can hear and see his classmates and teacher. The best part of this school is we can make his lessons completely individualized!

So here’s to new beginnings and bright futures I’ll follow up and report how its going before the end of the school year.

Always be unapologetically true to yourself

Ali

Who Will You Choose To Be?

When you wake up in the morning who do you choose to be? Most days I wake up and I choose to be the best version of myself that I can be. Other days I wake up and the weight on my shoulders feels so heavy I must force myself out of bed. Life is a balancing act, as I am sure you are all well aware of. We all have our struggles, but it is how we choose to deal with those struggles that define us.

After my first blog post I had a few people send me messages and ask if I should really be sharing such personal thoughts and feelings. At first, I began to doubt myself and if what I was doing was the right thing. However, the more I thought about it I realized that yes, it is the right thing. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for what I have gone through and what I continue to go through. This is a personal blog for a reason, it is about my life and I choose to share it. You never know what another person may be going through, maybe someone will read this blog and realize they share some of my experiences.

Right before the long holiday weekend my washing machine broke and gave me a fun little flood. I’m pretty sure the girls had some secret plan to create as much dirty laundry for their mom as possible in the few days that followed. One peed on the couch and instead of telling about it she got up and moved to another couch cushion…great now I have not one, but two cushions soaked in piss. While I am cleaning up said piss the other child is hiding in the corner pooping in her new Minnie Mouse underwear. I know you have been there moms, caught in some parallel universe of should I yell, cry, laugh…maybe a combination of all three?!? Sorry kid but those underwear are going in the trash and you can both sit on the floor because we don’t have couch cushions!

Circling back to my very first post about my birthday, I did indeed indulge in some yummy treats. My best friend surprised me with my babysitter for Friday night, and that is no small feat as my sitter is hard to book #mybestieisbtterthanyours! If you are a parent with small children and you find an amazing sitter, hold on to them because good sitters are hard to find <3 So…. we have some ladies’ night shenanigans planned for the evening, stay tuned for how that turns out.

I choose to laugh, to smile, and to live with intention without fear of judgement from others. People will always have an opinion about you and how you live your life. But the key words there are that it is your life, you get to choose how you live it, who you let into it and who you kindly (or not so kindly) show the door to. Let’s be honest here not all people who are in your life deserve to be in your life, weed those people out even if you have to drag them kicking and screaming out of that damn door. I choose to be in control of my life and future, I choose to be humble, I choose to be the best mom that I can be! Who do you choose to be???

 

Remember, hugs are always free!

xX Tamara xX

Joyful In This Place

Joyful in this place.

As you all know by now, I am in the middle of what I am calling a ‘difficult season’ which sounds better than what my mind would like to call it…LOL

November will make it a year and a half of walking out the choice I made of leaving my corporate job and cutting my personal income by 75% in order to work full-time for myself doing what I love.  You might imagine the impact that this has been having on my life and you might imagine that I may not have a lot of patience for it all…those of you that know me well know that patience is not one of my best qualities…yet I am learning it for sure in this season!

Over the last few days I have been feeling particularly challenged by all of this and feeling very much like ‘I have HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SEASON’—in fact I have been having many, many discussions with God about WHY I AM STILL HERE…

Now keep in mind that everything has been working, every bill has been paid and by the Grace of GOD every, single REAL need has been met.  I have experienced so many blessings and so much Grace during this time—not to mention the LESSONS I have learned…so part of me is very clear that this season has been necessary before I begin another phase of building.  I have gained such clarity about who is around me and what I have been pouring into, I have learned what and who to let go of and I am learning how to say NO.  Also learning that people that want to be around me need to put in equal effort and that is something that I was missing over these last 50 years.  Soooo although this time is SO freaking uncomfortable and most days I feel like my skin is on inside out, I DO SEE the value in it.

Now back to my impatience and asking God WHY am I STILL in this place…this morning that question was asked over and over again until I finally got an ANSWER:

  • “BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT JOYFUL in this place.  Gratitude is NOT your first line of defense in this place…even though I have had your back and MET EVERY NEED…you still wake up scared every single day and you are still hating where I have put you…SO UNTIL you can BE JOYFUL and GRATEFUL most of the time in this…HERE is where you will STAY!”

Yeah…so what could I even say to that??? It is the truth.  I am not joyful in this place and although I AM grateful, I am not grateful ALL the time.  Mostly I am scared and stressed and upset and feeling like I have had enough of this…

God often speaks to me and even when I don’t like what He has to say, I listen.

It is soooo hard to choose JOY in a place where you are uncomfortable….sooo hard to force yourself to be grateful when you feel terrified inside because you cannot SEE HOW everything will work out.  However, I have SOOOO much evidence that everything works out for the good, I even have the last year and a half where every need has been met and not once was I able to see ahead of time HOW.

FAITH is tested greatly when you are in the wilderness periods, yet those periods are an integral part of being able to create what is supposed to come next because your LESSONS are in the wilderness periods…and so they are often the hardest times.

So today I am working on figuring out how to be satisfied, grateful and JOYFUL in this place that I don’t like and I wanted to share this with those of you that may be in the middle of a similar season…

-XO, Noelle

Social Media-Does It Affect You?

Let’s talk about social media today and how it can drag you down, and affect your well being and mental state, especially if you’re a single parent. Especially if YOU let it!

On the other hand social media can also inspire and motivate you, it just depends on what you are focusing on…

I personally found myself joining social media when my children became of that networking age and I said “If you do-I do” ~ only so that I could monitor their online presence. That was almost TEN years ago!

We all know that It’s really exciting to feel that connection to old friends and family members that live far away. It’s also great to enjoy sharing pictures and road trip photos, fun events, and even a simple shopping when someone posts things like  “Oh I bought a new sweater” or “Look at me in my new dress!”

As single parent THAT can really really can bring you down, especially when you know that you can’t afford those luxuries and you’re scraping just to put food on the table also wondering where your gonna get that extra  $50 to cover the electric bill that’s due in 4 days. Gotta love living that week to week life–you know the one right? When bringing your kids out to McDonald’s for the dollar value menu actually is a luxury!

People that have never lived it DON’T understand it and it’s all well and good when they want to sympathize with you and they want to give you that pat on the shoulder and say “you’re doing a great job”  and “look how beautiful your kids are” and “your kids are so well-mannered” and “you’re such a strong person!”  and sometimes those comments are helpful, however a lot of times these people have not walked through what I walked through.

They  just don’t get  it ~ the everyday exhaustion of doing everything yourself, like having to get up every night in the middle of the night and tend to your child and there’s nobody to turn to and say “can you help the baby?”  It’s so draining to say the least especially when you have to get up in the middle of the night and tend to your crying child who is all stuffed up with a nose full of boogers and you’re so exhausted and you have that deadline tomorrow and also that 8 a.m. meeting with your boss and you have to present the financials to the board of directors at a noon luncheon!  Oh boy! STRESS.

I do know those days.

You just do it, and take it one day at a time. You get up, have faith, be blessed, and be happy for what you do have -the roof over your head- the food on the table- your health – the job- the knowledge and the strength–YOU  just keep doing it– because you know you’re doing good for your children that YOU’RE raising, ALONE.

No one EXPECTS to be a single mother. Sadly, sometimes it HAS to happen for the safety and well-being of the Mother and children.

I lived those days and nights. It is hard. It is draining. It is exhausting. But  it is what it is- for your life- in the here and now, for today. You’ve just got to do it. Find the strength to face the day and keep on hoping that your positivity and gratitude shines through and lets your kids see your powerful work ethic.

YES, we do live in a material world, we do, but, you know it is changing,  this Millennial generation is ALL about Tiny houses and downsizing and clearing your clutter and de-cluttering your life and all these mantras, affirmations and positivity~ you know- be the dream,- live, laugh, and love. Do what you love, and it’s never too late to be what you might have been~ and it’s true! It’s  all true!

AS  I embrace my 50th year-  I’ve lived it- I’ve learned it- I can’t say I’ve loved it— but I’m looking at  my daughter who’s in her early 20s and she’s blossoming and turning into a determined,  independent young lady. My son is starting his sophmore year at a technical school with clear goals and a career path.  I sit back and I look at them and I think DAMN! I did that. I DID THAT! On my own, 20 plus years of my life, the struggles, and the hardships, sleepless nights  and you know the non-support and all challenges and so forth, but: little by little I chipped away at school and educating myself to enrich my career to make a better life for my kids and myself. I finally earned my Bachelor’s Degree at age 47. Never say NEVER.

Yes I am over 50 now and beginning to get forgetful and it is frustrating! So I just laugh at it and continue to say I CAN DO THIS, I’ll handle it~ keep your faith! That’s the most important thing. Keep plugging away, day by day and DON’T let those people out there in cyberville bring YOU down. Take it all in, set your goals, and watch yourself move forward and upward. YOU are women, YOU are strong. When you’re feeling “less than”  GO HUG YOUR KIDS! That certainly has got to make you feel better!

KDAWSON 3/17/18  revised 10/16/18

Make YOU a Priority!!!!!

Making yourself a priority is difficult. Most days “I don’t wanna”—it doesn’t really matter WHAT it is, I just DON’T WANNA.  This morning about two hours ago was no different…I needed to get up and work out and then I have to clean this entire house, write this blog post, clean my desk and oh yeah…LAUNDRY…freaking never-ending laundry.  So there I sat on top of my bed, drinking coffee, doing some work and thinking about how I did not want to do ANYTHING that I have to do today.  This day is pretty much like EVERY other day for the last 20 years…or more.

If I was RUN by my feelings then absolutely nothing would have been accomplished over the last 2 decades and I would likely be an epic failure…the GOOD news is that I am NOT run by my feelings, in fact they have little to do with my actions.  Apathy comes from giving into the voice that says “I don’t wanna”.  As I said last weekend in my blog, we are like our own breed of Special Forces…The Warrior Moms…we don’t have the luxury to give into “feelings”, we simply must PUSH THROUGH THE BULLSHIT and accomplish what there is to be done.

Back to me this morning…as I am sitting on my bed contemplating all the things that I have to do, a text comes in from one of my friends here and she says “I am getting ready to go walk the hills”—we often walk together as there are SO many hills around our houses and it makes for a really good cardio session.  I quickly decided that walking with her would be more fun than the elliptical so I threw on some clothes and went out to meet her…I must say, it was a little BRISK out there!  (By the way the picture is from the brook this morning down the street from my house…getting to look at that makes being cold worthwhile:)

In the course of our conversation she was telling me how she keeps putting taking care of herself last and that she cannot seem to commit to a schedule for getting her cardio done etc.  She has 4 kids and more often than not puts herself last as I know MANY of us do.  That has got to STOP.  If you go down then everything comes to a halt, so it is well worth you MAKING the time each day to take care of yourself.  Your health is not something to screw around with, trust me…I am watching some friends and family members suffer the effects of years of not taking care of their psychical well-being and their quality of life is not as good as it could be.

Watching what you put into your body and making the time to walk or workout or do yoga or pilates or SOMETHING will pay off for you in SPADES as you age…PLEASE people start making yourselves a PRIORITY.  You are a warrior and in order to keep pushing through the bullshit that comes at you daily you MUST take care of YOU!

-XO, Noelle

Father’s Day is a Tough One

Father’s Day is a challenge for me. Every year. I am, however, getting better at it. In my family, I am the 24 x 7 single mom of two teens. My children’s dad moved out of state during the divorce process. This is a long story best shared with a close friend — perhaps over a glass of red wine and some dark chocolate … but I digress. For my dear blog readers, I would like to share how I have coped with Father’s Day, and the blessings that have come from this.

For the first few years after the divorce, I made a big deal out of talking to my daughters about Father’s Day for a couple of weeks in advance. I would tell them that their dad loved them, and ask what types of handmade gifts they would like to make for him that year. Then we would go craft shopping, create personalized gifts and cards, put together a care package, and mail it off to him.

The problem with this is that I was not only telling my daughters what they should do, I was also telling them how they should feel. My daughters are different people with different life experiences and different developmental levels. Some years they both wanted to make gifts. Other years one would want to make or buy a gift, and the other one would find any excuse to avoid the whole thing.

Now that they are 13 years old and 16 years old, I wait for them to bring up Father’s Day. I think this is healthy. If either of them wants to get him a gift, I always support that and pay for it. Now that they have their own phones, they are welcome to communicate with their dad on any day however they choose, but I don’t dictate this. I no longer answer the phone and call out, “Your father loves you and wants to talk to you!” I am less stressed out, and so are they. In an attempt to be a “good mom”, I was not always authentic. I whitewashed things, and they knew it.

I’m not sure what each of them will choose to do for Father’s Day this year. My guess is that my younger daughter will want to buy her dad a carefully chosen gift from Amazon and my older daughter will take a pass. Whatever they choose is okay. Their relationships with their dad are theirs, not mine. Respecting this is a lesson that took me a long time to learn, but it has helped to make our lives better.

I will be extra sensitive to my daughters’ needs on Father’s Day, knowing that most of their friends will get to spend Father’s Day with their perfectly imperfect dads. I will also hug the stuffing out of them. I like to do this on the other 364 days out of the year, too.

I wish you and your children a happy and peaceful Father’s Day.

I would love to hear your comments on this post.

Liz Possible ​is a Writer and Single Mom Extraordinaire. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. “Possible” is her attitude, not her legal name — but then you knew that. Follow Liz at her blog at www.lizpossible.com and her FaceBook page at https://www.facebook.com/MySingleMomLife/

Inspiration Is A Tough Thing

Inspiration is a tough thing.  Everyone is inspired by something different. And as my life continues to change and grow and along with maturity what inspires me often changes too.  Of course I am inspired to do well, succeed, set an example and all those things that come along with being a mother. So yes, my children inspire me to be the best that I can be no matter what stage or feeling I am in my life.

My personal inspiration that has been a constant through all the stages in my life is my maternal Grandma-Grandma Joyce.  She’s a tiny little character all but 4’10 on a good day! I never remember a day where my grandma wasn’t dressed to the 9’s and with her face carefully applied. I spent a lot of time with my grandma at her house when I was little, I would spend the nights there and she would let me dress up in her clothes and shoes. She lived across the gravel road from a river access and we spent a lot of time exploring the area. She had a huge garden, a beautiful koi pond outside her living room window, a huge yard that she would have Easter eggs hunts in every year with the eggs pantyhose use to come in, my bed time snack was always a bowl of cereal. To this day cereal still doesn’t taste as perfect as it did at her house. Her home was immaculate and her screened in front porch was my absolute favorite place to be! I don’t ever recall her raising her voice or a hand to me in all those years. When I became a young woman she gifted me with a book that she had written to me about advice, memories we shared, wishes and love she had. I don’t think it was until I read this book that I truly understood the torment she suffered in those years that everything in my eyes was absolutely perfect. I knew my grandpa had left their marriage and had remarried when I was approximately 10 years old but I never had a clue how upset my grandma truly was. She is a devout Catholic and getting divorced “back then” was shameful to her and she had to go through a lot of steps in order to get the divorce.  She too eventually remarried-I am not entirely convinced she remarried for love, I believe she loved him but that she also remarried to not be alone. I do not believe she was ever in love with him the way she is in love with my grandpa. My grandpa has since passed away as has my step-grandpa. My grandma is still alive and well, dressed to the 9’s and perfectly placed face. Feisty as all get out. She appears to be happy but even if she wasn’t-I don’t know that I would ever know. I admire and am inspired by that woman for everything that she is. She is 85 years old and complains little and loves a lot. She has taught me to get up each and every day and dress like you mean it. Misery loves company and that’s not the place to be. She is a woman who forgives but has her breaking point too. And she never ever seems bitter. She inspires me every day to be a strong, forgiving, loving, woman.

Love to All-Kim

Choosing My Battles

Choosing my battles has always been a difficult task for me. I am suppose to write today about my top 3 pet peeves. Problem is, long time ago, I gave up what I would refer to as pet peeves, I chose my battles.  Pet peeves to me are things like, chewing with your mouth open, chewing loudly, my son’s dirty socks 2″ from the laundry basket, my daughter’s floor carpeted with clothing, and so on. I spent a lot of days irritated by pet peeves, sweating the small stuff and when it was time for me to wind down for the night I would be so strung tight with annoyances through the day that I couldn’t even relax.

Now-don’t get me wrong, I still get irritated by pet peeves but I have trained myself to think “Do those things really matter at the end of the day?” And if the answer is No- then I have chosen my battle.  Life is too short to be irritated by those things-and yes it’s super annoying and irritating. I have a close friend who has lost a child at an early age and I can guarantee with everything that I am she would give ANYTHING for her child to sit at the table and chew loudly with their mouth open while leaving his socks 2″ away from the laundry basket, while everyone stomped through his clothing on the floor. She doesn’t get that chance, ever again. So I refuse to spend my days irritated by pet peeves and the small things. I chose my battles in all aspects in my life.

Love to All-Kim

Be Complete In Every Moment…

A dear friend of mine had an unexpected loss recently…a family member had died unexpectedly in the middle of the night from a heart attack…She called to tell me and I just kept saying over and over “Oh my God” and then I started to cry.  My friend said she loved me for that…she has a hard time with emotions and it is difficult for her to ask for help or support…my greatest gift to her has always been to express whatever is there…I have always supported her to be complete in every moment.

I talked with her for a long time and I told her that people would say a lot of different things to her over the next days and weeks…most of it kind but meaningless as the majority of folks can’t handle death and they will do whatever they can to avoid it…those are the people that say things like, “she is in a better place now”.  Those of us that have experienced death and not run away from it will tell her the truth…it is horrible, there is nothing more awful, you will have some very dark days and then the shock will fade some and the tears will come less frequently and you will get up and move through your days…you will laugh again and you will be less sad, however there will not be one day that you don’t miss the person you have lost and there will be some days where it seems again unbearable.

In the midst of it all if you are a fully functioning person there will be laughter mixed with your tears, there will be some anger at the loss, some “this isn’t fair” conversations in your head, some doubt of God’s plan…however those of us that have faith in something bigger than ourselves trust that life has a natural order to it and that things happen as they should even if we don’t agree.

Mostly people suffer greatly from a death when they are incomplete with the person that died…when they are still holding a grudge or the last words they had were in anger or they didn’t say that “I love you”…or they didn’t call enough or visit enough…or take time enough to tell people what a gift they are.  Those are the undelivered communications that bring you to your knees when someone leaves in an untimely and unexpected fashion.  Undelivered communications are what guilt and remorse are made of, I don’t recommend them.  I was taught at an early age to be complete in every moment…for some people close to me that means an “I love you” almost every time we speak…I think they tire of that, but I don’t care much because I know that if anything out of the ordinary happens I have delivered my message.

Walking my friend through her initial shock jerked me back to when my grandfather died…that is another reason people don’t deal well with the news of death because it causes them to momentarily relive whatever loss they have experienced and for some folks that is an unbearable thought.  People do strange things with death…which is funny because we are all going to leave this planet one day, one way or another…so it seems like there should be less fear and more acceptance.

People might leave this place, however the people that we love are never, ever gone…they are as alive as we make them.  My grandfather’s pictures are on my bedroom wall, in my hallway and on my desk…I think of him every day and often I can hear his voice in my head still advising me…and I am confident that he has sent certain people into my life to keep his watch…there are pieces of advice that he gave me that continue to shape my life…so for me he is still very much present.

Granted there are several people that I feel like I couldn’t live without, yet I don’t live in fear of them dying…life has a way of taking care of us if we let it…however we have to let it, which means a certain amount of trust in the process must be present…for many of us this isn’t the case.

You Always Have A Choice

Fear comes from thinking thoughts that scare you…you always have a choice…you can choose to think about things that keep you moving forward or you can choose to think about things that stop you.

I highly encourage you to choose to deliver your undelivered communications—unfinished business is bad mojo especially when people die unexpectedly…