Tag Archives: children

Making It Full Circle

Full circle… that what I would call the last 5 years.  On December 5, it was exactly 5 years since my divorce was finalized in court.  And I feel like my ex-husband and I have come full circle in those 5 years.  Well, I think most of it was just in the last year.  

What is more crazy to think about is that on December 5, 2020… my ex husband and I were having a conversation on going in “together” to buy our children Christmas gifts.  Years ago, we would not even discuss Christmas.  Everything was separate and there was not even a discussion about gifts.  He would have never had a conversation with me about what to get the kids or even asked for ideas.  And today, we are going to sit down and actually discuss ideas and split costs for our kids Christmas gifts.

Actually, the divorce was the easy part of the last five years.  No one prepares you for all the challenges after the divorce is finalized  I have wrote many times about how co parenting did not work for us, how I had to set up numerous boundaries, and how important it was to stay out of the drama…    

In the beginning, we said we would remain friends and always put the kids first, then over the next few years our relationship changed for the worse.  We did not have much communication, it was very tense, many wasted hours spent in mediation and court, stressful situations with our children, etc…the list goes on.  

I have always wanted to have a good co-parenting relationship with ex-husband.  It was what I had envisioned when we went through our divorce.  Unfortunately, my ex-husband had additional influences in his life, which prevented us from having any sort of co-parenting relationship.  I spend the next four years, developing amazing self control.  

I would have not made it through those years without building my self control and learning to let things go.  Its amazing… that I did not lose my shit daily on the crazy requests… 

So instead of fueling the fire, I learned to stay calm and let things go.  I developed insanely strict boundaries. I would only respond to any communication regarding the children and I stuck to the facts. 

I also learned that as my kids got older, I would initiate them to be involved in decisions and speak their minds with both parents present.   I would refuse to be the middle person between them and their dad.  I wanted them to learn to speak up for themselves.  I would always offer support and input, if needed.  And for some reason, my kids tend to feel more comfortable coming to me.  

In addition, the best advice that I ever received was from a friend..she said, “  When it is your time with your kids, be with them.  Do not worry about that they are doing on their dad’s time.”  I kept to what was important, which was the time that I spend with them.  I did not get involved in any outside drama that did not include myself.  

And as much as I wanted to blurt out my opinions and comments to my children regarding their father, I always kept them to myself or my close friends..  

I know I somehow pulled this off because my daughter, who is now 16, brings it up all the time.  Of course, now having two teenage girls, they have lots of normal venting about their father.  

So, After all those challenges, that I had to experience and muddle through… we have made it a full circle…  

Blame it on covid, but we have even had to celebrate a few kids birthdays and milestones together.  Honestly, it took me a while to actually feel comfortable doing this…I have had my guard up for quire awhile and I still keep my boundaries in place. 

I am grateful that we have made it full circle…I believe that it does take time to get through all the muck after a divorce and the challenges will continue.. however being able to make it full circle, gives me hope.  

-Snarky

 

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me? Lately I’ve been thinking about somethings that have really been points of curiosity for me now that I’m at home with my children all the time.  No, I haven’t been pondering anything deep like politics or how to become a millionaire.  I’ve been wondering about practical everyday things and wondering if these things are just happening in my house or are other moms having these same experiences.

I’ve decided to pose the question in hopes that you all would be able to tell me, is it just me?

Is it just me, or can no one ever find anything but mom?   Keep in mind, they don’t ever actually look for the item in question.  Their way of looking is by saying, “Mom, where’s my….?”  or, “Mom, have you seen my…?”  I can’t seem to understand why it is that these children have no clue where their something is, but I can walk into a room and be looking right at the thing they
want.  As a matter of fact, they had to walk past it just to come tell me they couldn’t find it!  Does that happen to you moms or is that just me?

Is it just me, or have other people that I haven’t met yet moved into my house and
started putting their laundry in our baskets?  I swear I do laundry every day and I’m never done.  There are ALWAYS more clothes.  It’s almost as if my hamper is the Mary Poppins bag!  It’s endless!  To make matters worse, I don’t even remember buying all of these clothes.  Where did they all come from?   Why can’t these people just walk around naked for a few days or something?  I mean I seriously live in fear of the day my washing machine dies. Is anyone else drowning in laundry or is it just me?

Is it just me or do kids ignore the fact that they have a father?  My middle child has literally walked right past his father sitting on the couch and come into the kitchen while I was cooking dinner to ask me to open his fruit snack.  Seriously?  My oldest has woken me out of a dead sleep before to ask me something about his Dad.  When I asked him why he didn’t just ask him, his response was that he didn’t want to wake him up.  Oh because that’s right, I don’t sleep.  I just lay here with my eyes shut anxiously awaiting your next demand.  Please tell me that it’s
not just me!

Also, is it just me or does anyone else’s children snack excessively?  It’s almost as if they’ve never eaten and never will again in life.  As soon as they wake up,they need a snack.  If we have to go anywhere, they have to grab a snack for the car.  As soon as we arrive home, they need another snack. I will be in the middle of cooking dinner and they are in the pantry getting a snack.  I’m cooking dinner people…you’re literally going to eat a full meal in less than 20 minutes!  Within 20 minutes after they eat, another snack.  And the minute I remind them that they
just ate, they respond with, “but I’m still hungry.”  Anyone else?  Just me?

Finally, and this one is my personal fave, is it just me or does anyone else’s children not need them until they get on the phone or use the restroom?  I could do a tap dance routine and stand on my head in front of my kids and I would get a laugh and then back to playing the video game or watching the television show.  But let me be on the phone, use the bathroom or try to shower.  You would think my house was on fire.  Everyone now needs mom.  They will see the phone in my hand and still keep talking to me as if I’m just holding it and talking to myself.
What is that about?   It can’t be just me!

So for any of you reading this post, please examine your lives.  Think about what
goes on in your day to day and let me know…is it just me?

~1spentmom~

Nothing Gets By Teenagers

Nothing gets by my teenagers…

My girls are almost 16 and 13. Yes, in their teenage years. We have a pretty close relationship, which I value very much. I have raised them pretty independently and let them make a lot of decisions on their own. I have always believed in giving them some freedom, if they can not handle it, then I tighten the reigns a little bit. So, when the topic of MY dating came up, it caught me completely off guard.

I have not dated anyone seriously for about 4 years and after we broke up, I never brought anyone around the kids. Their dad was remarried and they have had their share of challenges on that side. So after my boyfriend and I broke up about 4 years ago, I just kept that part of my life quiet. And honestly, I haven’t given that much time to dating, so their has been no one even worth mentioning.

And then it happened, I was driving my oldest home from practice and she heard my phone ding… and then she says, “ Ohh is that a snap from Nick” (in that teenage half kidding snotty voice) and I almost thought I heard her wrong.. And it took me a few minutes to pull myself together and think of what I was going to say and how was I going to answer her questions.

She says “ your phone always dings and it says… Nick is typing”..

Then you open it, then you laugh and smile”…

It was like she had been watching me for months. She knew all my little secrets. And I had thought I had not given any hints away. Damn it.

Then, she asked “ who is Nick mother… I wanted to just say “nevermind” but I had to remind myself that I have always been open with my kids. I have always taken the time to answer their questions as honestly, as I can. I have been far more open with them, than just give them nonsense.

I told her it was a someone that I had gotten to know over the last few months and that I was dating, and she seemed happy with the answer. I know she ran an told her sister the minute I was out of the room. I also assured her that we were moving very slow and that we were just newly dating. But I am sure it did not come out like that to her sister…

So, the next couple months, have been filled with little sarcastic remarks from the two teens or the “two peas in a pod” about my dating. It’s the one topic that they love to band together on instead of bickering about. he snarky little comments they whisper under their breath, like “ohh is that a text from Nick”… with that humor in their voice.

At times, I feel like they are the mothers and I am the daughter. Just waiting for their nosy questions-watching to see if I am going to sneak out after curfew, watching to see if I have done my hair, watching to see if I am wearing lipstick today. Yes, they notice it all.

Most of my days are filled with driving my kids to and from school, in between working, then driving them back and forth to activities, plus making sure I am correctly teaching them and parenting them, in between all of the millions of other things, that need to be done, all while I am wondering if I am even doing anything right. Ohhh and don’t forget feeding them.

So this topic of dating in our house, has kind of added a new form for lightness and fun. It has made me realize that they are getting older and understand things… they may even understand that at times, their mom needs to have a little fun. And maybe at times, I can be a little more open with them about my life.

It also made me realize, my kids are watching me all the time.. Just when I think I am sneaking something by them, they catch me…but I love that they feel open enough to come to me and ask..

-Snarky

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

 

Lord Help Me Become

Lord help me….I’m sure you’ve seen the bumper sticker that reads, “Lord please help me to become the person my dog thinks I am.” Yea, that too, but I’d rather be the person my 7 year old son believes I am.

I could never be the “World’s Best Mother”. I couldn’t if I tried. Motherhood has got to be the most rewarding, fulfilling, but incredibly and insanely difficult job ever imagined! There are so many thinks to take into consideration. This is my chance to make the world a better place, to donate the best adult I can to this world. Each night I go into his room to check on him after he goes to sleep and each night I pray I can do justice to God’s Precious Gift to Me. I pray I can be what he needs me to be, and the strength to follow through to be a better mother. But to my son, he thinks I’m the World’s Best Mom simply because we went to Taco Bell.

I’ve also been told I “rock”. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I’m guessing that’s a good thing… Last night at his Boy Scout Meeting, they had “Paper Airplane Derbies”. If you haven’t been to a Boy Scout Meeting, it’s predominately a “guy thing”. At most of his Boy Scout functions, I’m a bit out of my element. Take the camping trip a couple weeks ago: 8 little guys, 7 grown ones, and me. The only girl. But I go, have fun, go hiking, and sleep on the ground, even though I prefer “Camp Marriott” or “Camp Holiday Inn”. I’m learning how fathers and sons interact, and am taking notes you see, I’m a single mother. It can be tough to be a single mother. But you know what? Apparently, I’m doing OK! All it took for my son to say, “Mom, you rock!” was knowing how to fold a great paper airplane. Who knew? He lost, but you know what? I rocked!

He tells me I’m the “World’s Best Cooker”. I’ve made my mom’s recipe of Mac and Cheese accompanied by Bar-Be-Que Weenies…one of his favorites. I almost have it – never being quite as good my mother’s, of course. I’ve tried several ways to fry chicken, finally have a way that’s almost as good as KFC’s – almost. I’ve read cookbooks, made pastries, fresh biscuits, and fresh pasta with only flour, eggs, mild, and a rolling pin. Yet to become the “World’s Best Cooker”, all it takes is a cheap box of mac and cheese and an even cheaper can of hot dog sauce. Necessity is the mother of invention: I call it Chili Mac, and it costs about $1.00 to make.

But when I look in the mirror, I don’t see the “World’s Best Mom”, or “The World’s Best Cooker”. I see an aging single women who never reached her full potential. I see every mistake I made, re-live every bad choice I ever made, and feel my heart ache for that one great guy I pushed away. I see all the choices made leading to the fact I’m a single mother.

I see my former classmates conquering the world, setting out to do the very things they dreamed and said they would do. I know in my heart of was capable of the same accomplishments, but I’m here struggling with meal planning on $1.00. My choices and were different. Maybe I should have done this, maybe I should have done that…and I would be able to provide better for my son. However, I woke up one day almost 40 years old, graying hair, never married, no house of my own, no new car, no savings account…and every goal I set for myself unfinished. I re-live some mistakes and bad choices, and see the lost opportunities. Mistake after mistake after mistake. I see a person who loves her son dearly, but could’ve done a better job of providing if only…

“Mamma”, my son asks, “did you ever do anything wrong?”

How does he see an entirely different person? How does that happen?

If I could just be the person my son believes I am…

Not a day goes by that I don’t love my son more and more. Last night when his paper airplane didn’t win, he was upset. I explained good sportsmanship, sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. He was still upset, a mix of being mad and crying. I tried to get him to laugh. He said he wanted to stay mad and didn’t want to laugh. Well, he started laughing. He looks up at me, immediately smiles, and gives me the BIGGEST hug and says, “Mom, we sure have some good times, don’t we?”

I wouldn’t change my life for anything.

 

Something Positive For A Change,

Karen

The View From Here, A Maine Focus

 

I wrote this 18 years ago, and my son is now 24 years old. He paid his way through college with no debt, bought and paid for his car that is nicer and newer than anything I have ever owned. He is preparing to move into his brand new and freshly built home with his girlfriend with a balcony view of the ocean. I was a proud mom then, and an even prouder mom now! 

It Took A Pandemic To Co-Parent

It took a pandemic to get us to co-parent…Co-parenting during COVID… I have wrote before about how co-parenting is not for everyone.  My ex and I have not co-parented very well over the last 5 years. In the past, we have had minimal communication.  I have spent years developing boundaries and sticking to them.  I have limited the form of communication to mostly email and not engaging in additional texts on parenting.  As long as I kept it to those guidelines, things would stay civil with us.   

Then COVID started and everything had to change.  There is no way we would have survived parenting, teaching our kids, and working from home with how we had co-parented in the past.  We had to start communicating more effectively and become more flexible with our schedules.   

My ex had a very strict schedule with the kids at his house.  I had always been the more flexible parent and had adapted to my kids lifestyles.  My ex had a completely different parenting style than myself.  However, he learned that he would have to loosen the reigns a little to be able to survive having 3 kids at home everyday.  In addition, trying to work from home and following up on their school work.  He had to learn to give my kids some independence and trust them.  And in return over the last few months, my kids have enjoyed being there a lot more.  

We now had to communicate daily about the kid’s schoolwork.  We also had to schedule google meets between houses and teachers.  In addition, we had to be more flexible with our time with the kids.  We basically had to work together so that we were both able to work from home and divide up our kid time.  We had to learn to help each other out, which is something we had not done in years.  We had to be flexible on drop off and pick up times, along with additional time with the kids.  If one of us had more work commitments on a certain day, the other would take the kids longer.  

We also had to trust each other because neither one of us knew what would happen in the next few months.  We had to trust that what each other said or did would be followed through.  We had to trust that schoolwork and similar routines were followed at each house.   This was hard because I had not really trusted him in years and it made me nervous that it would backfire. 

I think one of the things that turned it around was that my son had to celebrate his 1st communion virtually this year due to COVID.  We all got together and my house and watched the 1st communion service virtually on the TV.    Watching it virtually was hard to get used too, but then we all had to sit together in my living room for over an hour.  I had no idea what we would even talk about.  This is the 1st time in 4 years that my ex has came past the front door and now he sat with all of us and we celebrated my son’s 1st communion.  A couple days after that, my daughter said, “ you and dad actually seem like you are friends”.  That was crazy to hear from my daughter, because over the last 5 years we had such limited communication. 

This was completely different from the past.  It was hard to get used to our new relationship.  I had always wanted this type of co-parenting, but it had never happened.   There had always been so much anger and conflict from him over the last five years.  It was hard to trust that he was beginning to be flexible and even supportive of my parenting.  

There was no more questioning on my decisions.  In addition, he was letting the kids make some of their own decisions at his house.  Having the kids notice the difference in our relationship was probably the greatest outcome from COVID.    

I can only hope that six months or a year from our now, we are still communicating and showing each other more respect.  Maybe it’s covid or the amount of time that has passed since our divorce, but I had always wanted my kids to see that we can still be great parents even though we are not together.  I hope that we are finally on the right track…


-snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Divorce Did Not Ruin My Child

I have heard it many times… “My divorce ruined my kids lives”… False. Changes that happen in your life, do not ruin your kids lives. We all experience changes that will affect the lives of your children. And sometimes throughout all those changes, we all come out better.

Getting divorced does not ruin your kids lives… Before I decided to go through with my divorce, I struggled with how it would affect my kids. It was the number one thing that was holding me back from going through with my divorce. I would constantly worry if they would be ok and make it through all the transitions. Would they be upset, mad, angry, or would they act out… all of these worries raced through my mind over and over again.

But 5 years later…I can tell you that I did not ruin my kids lives. Yes, Their lives are different now. But they have adjusted to the changes. Yes, we have had some struggles through the way. However a lot of the struggles that we have faced, are just growing up parenting struggles. It has not always been a party…

However, I could not stay in a loveless marriage.

All of us worry about how divorce will affect our kids. I don’t think we would be human if we did not. But my kids saw everything and they picked up on so much that I don’t even realize.

My youngest was 4 when I got divorced. He often replays scenarios to me of his dad and I fighting in the last stages of our marriage. He will also mention how nice it is that dad and I don’t fight anymore. I am always so curious because his dad and I did not have loud arguments, but obviously to a 4 year old at the time.. he picked up on a lot more than we thought. It is also how a 4 year old interpreted our relationship and marriage.

I believe its how you handle all parts of your divorce, from the beginning, through the process, and all the years after…

There are things that I have done that have helped the transition over the last few years.

I have been able to tell when my kids needed a little additional support. All 3 of my kids have gone to counseling separately at different times in their lives. Each one faced different challenges at different ages and just needed to work through it. Alot of it was the changes in households and different parenting styles. I knew they could use a neutral person to talk too and work it out.

I continued counseling throughout and after my divorce. I did this because it was my outlet to let out my frustrations and emotions. It helped me control my emotions with my ex in front of my children. Counseling kept me grounded when I really just wanted to tell my ex what an idiot he was at times. Or it taught me to refrain from sharing my true feelings about my ex’s decisions in front of the kids.

My ex and I have also stayed very informed in their lives. I have learned to have conversations with my children and my ex all together, so there is no miscommunication between any of us. It gives my kids a chance to voice their opinion in front of both of us. And it has taken a lot of the pressure off me as always being the one having to speak for my kids.

I am very open and honest with my kids, even more so now that they are older. My girls are teenagers now, so their dad gets under their skin all the time… just being a dad to teenagers. I have always tried to keep my comments and negative thoughts to myself, and I still do now even more. Its hard. Many times I would love to tell them what I really think, but I want them to have a very healthy and positive relationship with us both. Its so hard to keep all my under my breath comments to myself. I also want my kids to form their own opinions and not be influenced by what I think.

So, no my divorce has not ruined my kids. I do not think it has ruined anything in any of our lives. My kids see how happy I am now, plus I can tell that they are happy. And they see how much love and support they get from both of their parents, just separately.

 

-snarky

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Friday Night At Walmart

Have you ever found yourself at Walmart on a Friday or Saturday night? Like, at 9 o’clock? I did. Once. It was then I realized just how much my life has changed since starting a family. Could this really be the highlight of my weekend? That I have some cash in my purse and I can go out on Friday night…to Walmart? To buy Butt Paste, paper towels and socks? Really?

Wow. I guess so.

It’s ok, though, because I quickly realized that I wasn’t alone. Besides the trouble-making tweens in the toy department riding the bikes up and down the aisles, and the extremely ego-pumped twenty somethings in the cosmetic aisle looking for the right shade of lip gloss before she heads out to the clubs…we have us. Us moms. With a fresh 20 dollar bill in our purse. Maybe more.

Here we are, adding up our purchases in our heads. Aimlessly browsing through the jammed packed shelves. With a carriage full of kids who won’t sit down.

Then there’s the clothing section. Do I go in? Nope. I browse from the aisle. I see “us’ poking through clothes looking for something that’ll make us feel pretty, AND that fits. Impossible, by the way. There are women who are trying stuff on from the misses department hoping it’ll fit, and they will look good. But deep down they know it won’t. We know those denim mini skirt days are gone….Looooooong gone. Not for some, but for most.

One thing is for sure…that blouse will look great with that knock-off coach bag I saw at the Flea Market last week end.

But I learned an important thing from that Friday night at Walmart.

All of us at Walmart, with carriages full of kids who won’t sit down, are where we belong…with the kids we love. Inevitably we put the blouse back and settle on a necessity instead. Baby wipes. Tooth paste, Under Roos.

And so what? As I stood in line and looked around at the Moms beside me, I realized what good mommies we were. And I Smiled at the tiny little thing with the fake tan in front of me with her lip gloss, and trouble makers as they high five each other out the door. Because I know it will be them soon enough, standing here with a carriage full of kids that won’t sit down.

~Lynn

Sass Does Not Live Here

Sass does not live here…

“She’s a teenager” : “He’s hungry” No And NO. There is no excuse that you should take sass from your children. It is disrespectful, rude and selfish along with a ton of other adjectives.

I’ve mentioned before, it is your job as a single mom to raise up your kids Raise them up on the days where you’ve had enough, when you’re hangry and over-tired, when you want to lock yourself in the bathroom, the basement, the car. Yes…on those days. You’re to raise them up to be responsible adults who; move out rather than live at home till they’re 30, don’t quit their 7th job because they didn’t get their way, don’t talk back to their teacher, don’t bully other kids & don’t ignore their grandparents when they come to visit.

How? Is that what you’re saying? HOW? Consequences. YUP! Write up an ‘if this’; ‘then that’ list.

When my son got sassy with me, he lost extracurricular activities, bedtime became earlier and his chores increased. It’s up to you to talk about the consequences to their behavior and stick to it! It works.

Another thing that works well is to “act like they act”. When my son was a teenager, a few different times when I would ask him to do something for me and he said “NO”…I would act like him..I’d roll my eyes, cross my arms & storm off stomping my feet, acting as if it was the end of the world. Saying under my breath like he does “You’re so mean”. This behavior caught him off guard. He realized quickly I was mocking him & he did not like what he saw.

I would also, when he was a teenager,  “say what they say”. One day I asked him, “Hey bud, can you mow the yard for me today?” He said “I’ll mow it tomorrow, OK? I’m tired” I said okay, and let it go. Later that week he asked me to drive him to his friends house. I told him…. “I’ll take you tomorrow, OK? I’m tired.” “What!?,” he exclaimed, “I don’t want to go tomorrow, I want to go now.” I reminded him it was kinda like the other day when he was too tired to mow. That was the last time he told me no when I asked him to mow. LOL

Good luck girls.

xoxo

Your God-girl

Tracy

I Am Not A Perfect Mom

I am not a perfect mom…I have two young children, I am a working single mother.  None of my family lives close to me.  My boyfriend doesn’t live with me.  It’s just me – always outnumbered by the kids.
I’d love to say that I’m this always perfect, cool, calm, collected mom. You know, the one you imagine in your head.  The one that has a perfect work-life balance.  That has little stress, and what stress she does have – well she never lets it get to her.  The one who sings and reads to the children every single day.  The one who homecooks all of their meals and of course everything is organic and perfectly nutritiously balanced.  No fast food for us!  The one who never loses her cool.  The one who delights in all aspects of her children at all times.  The one who is able to make it to every single school and life event (on time of course).  The one who has a perfect co-parent relationship with her ex and his fiance.  The one who is the perfect balance of compassionate, loving mother and gentle teacher/disciplinarian.
But I am not her.
The truth is, I don’t know ANYONE who is her.  We all have good days and bad days.  Days where we feel like mom of the year and days where we hang our heads in shame because we lost our cool when the kids pulled down the towel rack, pulled furniture across the floor and left a big scratch, colored on the walls with those cheap crayons that are so so hard to get out, had a VERY hard time listening and following instructions, couldn’t have “nice hands” with each other, and sooooo much more all in the same day.  When did we start comparing ourseslves to this imaginary version of SUPER MOM (I imagine she wears a cape) in our heads? Or the perfect moms we imagine based on those social media posts we see all day?  No one posts the BAD PARTS of their day.  Only the highlighting moments.  But we all have the bad parts, ya know?  All of us.  And that’s ok.  That’s normal.  We are not alone.  We love our kids and try to be the best mom we know how.  But sometimes we fail, we get frustrated, we get tired.  And you know what?  That’s ok too, that’s normal too
So why don’t we all give ourselves a little grace, patience and compassion?  We deserve it.
~H

Learn By Watching Our Kids

Sometimes we learn the most by watching our kids.. in the craziness of this pandemic, I have 3 kids that are just living life as kids.  

The amount of schoolwork that I should be doing with my 3 kids is overwhelming.  I get daily emails from all their teachers along with all their  special assignments.  I’m addition, I’m working from home. There is no way I could keep up with all that is sent home.  My situation is like millions of others.. 

I know I wrote before about how I tried to do it all in the beginning couple weeks of distance learning… completely unrealistic for anyone that’s trying to have 3 kids at home and work full time.  So then we figured out a plan and we started just doing what was required. And this works for us.  And instead my kids just spend time being kids.  The activities that my kids are creating on their own is definitely rewarding for them.

 I do not organize a lot of “ organized “ fun. I don’t make them play games or have something planned every minute of the day. We don’t do a million pinterest crafts that I would ended up being more frustrated with than when I started.  I don’t make them play math games with their vegetables and fruits.  All of those things are great, but they always add extra stress that I can handle right now.  And I have learned the spontaneous activities usually turn out to be the best for us. 

Instead they figure out of their own what they spend their day doing.. some days they might hang out in their rooms more and other days they are making homemade chocolate cake at 9 am.  My daughter’s have found crafts and painting supplies and ordered them off amazon by themselves.  

So I think what I have realized is how independent my kids are these days… They do their schoolwork and chores and then the rest of the day is their’s to do what they want.  They make their own lunch most days. Even my 9 year old has learned to make his own ramen noodles. 

I walked outside last week and each kid was doing their own thing activity.   Amber ( my oldest) was bleaching designs on her sweatpants, Claire ( my

Middle) was making a wooden hamster cage, and nolan ( my youngest) was sanding sticks with the electric sander.  Each kid was just happy doing what they wanted.  

Even though we are all together all the time… 24 hours a day.. We really don’t spend that much time together.  We come together for a dinner, a movie night, a game through the week.. but otherwise I let my kids use their own creativity and make a lot of their own decisions.  

I’ve noticed so much the last few weeks that I haven’t seen in such a long time.  They are finding new things to do and they are actually hanging out together.  It’s almost strange at times.  They haven’t complained about not going places or running constantly.  They haven’t even asked to go to target, probably knowing the answer would be no right now.  

I know this time has been really hard on me. I miss my friends and my co workers.  I’m trying to navigate each day the best that I can.  But then I see how my kids are coping and they seem happy and content.  With all the craziness in the world right now, these kids are just enjoying being kids.  

-snarky 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog