Can you get that for me?…
I was all set to write about my California adventures but something more important has happened.
My daughter is now taller than me.
I’m gonna need a moment.
Now granted I’m 5ft 2in so I am a small person, but she’s eleven.
I already feel like our lives go a million seconds a minute now this.
She of course is elated.
My heart is breaking.
She already doesn’t need me to tuck her in.
She will ask me if I’m going to leave when I go in her room after work to say hi.
Is this going to make her need me less?
I already have not the stage where things I do embarrass her. Although by virtue of who I am that feels like a challenge.
Also I am pretty sure the people in the car next to us at the stoplight DO enjoy my singing along loudly to Jump Around.
Even if she doesn’t.
I realize we are hitting those years and I am scared. I feel like I haven’t done enough. I’m not ready.
I’m not ready for her not to need me.
I’m not ready for her to be taller than me.
Or maybe I am.
Now I have someone who can get stuff off the shelf for me.
So there’s that.
She’s an amazing kid and I knew this day was coming- just maybe not this fast.
For now I’ll take solace in the fact tonight she still wanted a hug at bedtime.
We got this Mommas
Or at least we’re gonna pretend we do.
You got this mommas…
Every week late Sunday afternoon I curl up somewhere with a beverage, music, blanket, and my iPad and start to write a post that will appear here.
I always try to find something I hope that will resonate with someone. Maybe help. Make someone laugh. Feel better.
The irony that my maternal instincts kick in, even when dealing with something like a blog post isn’t lost on me.
As I write this – it’s Mother’s Day. I will share with you that while I was never a 100 percent about getting married I always knew I wanted to be a Mom.
I am far from a traditional Mom and my own daughter sometimes compares me to a teenager on occasion, but I have always and will always put her first.
I worry and overthink when it comes to her. I try not to Tiger Mom her too much. I maybe get too much joy out of singing loudly to a song she doesn’t like in our car rides together.
Meals can sometimes be more like snacks.
She definitely gets too much time on her iPad.
I let her have two swear words a day.
My heart hurts when she is at her Dad’s, even though when she’s home we are rarely in the same room.
I love being silly with her. That she is almost taller than me.
Being a Mom is the best thing, deciding to do it alone was one of the hardest decision I ever made. I still worry about it, but I also needed to be a healthy, happy Mom for G. I still have my moments…
I will never be a PTA Mom. I send gift cards and emails to school. I am thankful for her teachers and her grandparents who have helped me to raise such a beautiful, funny, smart and kind spirit.
I don’t look like the other Moms with my tattoos and piercings, but I look like her and when she asks me to I dress up or down – I do. I love that we both like Vans and fun t-shirts.
In all of this ramble this is my point… no one is the perfect Momma. She doesn’t exist. But what you are is a Momma who is doing amazing on her own terms with her whole heart and that’s what it’s all about.
At least I hope so.
You do got this Mommas
I’ve just recently started opening up about my miscarriage and infertility. I think it’s extremely important to to talk about these things and shine a light on a topic that can sometimes seemingly seem “taboo”.
Not all of us are built to conceive or carry a child. Infertility does NOT discriminate. Personally, I have no trouble “getting pregnant”- staying pregnant that has been a problem for me.
My issues tend to start early on when the baby is still a teeny tiny tadpole alien. Most people have heard of the pregnancy hormone HCG. Well if you’ve ever had a baby before, then you know that in early pregnancy your HCG levels double every 24-48 hours in a healthy pregnancy. It’s also the hormone that causes your home pregnancy test to turn positive. But the other less talked about hormone needed to have a successful pregnancy is Progesterone.
If you’re like me, then you had probably never heard of it before becoming pregnant. Progesterone is a female sex hormone. It’s produced mainly in the ovaries following ovulation each month. It’s a crucial part of the menstrual cycle and for the maintenance of a healthy pregnancy. So in other words- it’s super important, and like the HCG hormone it’s number needs to be going up and doubling as well.
Remember when I said I don’t have a problem getting pregnant? Well once a fertilized egg implants in the uterine wall, progesterone helps maintain the uterine lining throughout pregnancy. Basically it keeps the lining thick enough for the baby implant and grow…or as my doctor so delicately put it “favorable conditions.”
For whatever reason, my body just doesn’t make enough progesterone on it’s own to maintain a pregnancy. My number stopped going up which resulted in miscarriage at 6 weeks and an almost miscarriage this pregnancy at 6 weeks as well. Fortunately, my doctor monitored my levels weekly starting at 4 weeks pregnant. She caught the progesterone early on and put me on suppositories twice a day until I reached 10 weeks, which was supposed to be the safe zone.
That’s when it got super fun..
When I went into my 12 week check up, I was feeling pretty good. Any mom who has suffered a miscarriage knows that the 12 week mark is a biggie! Chances of miscarriage drop tremendously at this point…in a normal pregnancy. She did a couple routine tests and broke the news to me that I still wasn’t making enough progesterone to maintain the pregnancy.
As frustrated as I was, she dove right into an action plan. She prescribed me a progesterone injection once a week in my hip to keep my levels high enough to carry the baby to term.
With my first pregnancy I had the hardest time not delivering early. I had a different doctor back then, who never thought to check my progesterone levels- so I was constantly in the labor and delivery room having my labor stopped. At 28 weeks I started dilating. By 33 weeks I was at 4cm. By 35 weeks I was at a 6. I was placed on bed rest and a contraction stalling medication for the last month of my pregnancy, ultimately delivering her at 36 weeks. She was healthy- but the whole ordeal was a bit stressful for me and Brett.
This time around is proving no different. My doctor has been super proactive and covered everything preparing for a premature baby..it doesn’t take my fear away..but it helps a ton. This week I had a serious of steroid shots that are designed to mature the babies lungs and get her ready to breathe on the outside. As painful as they were to actually get- I’m so relieved to not have to worry about my baby having breathing troubles if she decides to come early. Along with those shots, they gave me a shot to boost the baby’s immune system- since premies tend to be more susceptible to infections.
So now we are in a waiting game. Hoping she cooks for another 7 weeks at least, but prepared if she decides to come sooner. This whole experience has been so humbling. I’ve had a great support system, and a ton of support from family and friends.
Before I went through this, I never realized how common issues like mine are. Why isn’t it talked about more? I’ve spent countless hours online trying to find information and testimonials from other women who’ve gone through this, only to discover it’s fairly common…yet unheard of at the same time!? This needs to change. Early miscarriages, and premature births could go down tremendously if more women knew to ask their doctors to check for low progesterone. Remember, 1 in 4 women will suffer from a miscarriage. That number is way to high. Especially when its something like I have that is treatable if caught early enough.
Start talking. If you’re planning on trying for a baby, have your progesterone level checked, most women go their whole adult life not even knowing where they stand. Low progesterone levels cause irregular or heavy periods. I suffered for years, thinking it was normal. So if you’re suffering from either of those- get checked out! It’s a simple blood test, and like I’ve stated before, it’s treatable.
If this helps even one baby or mamma, I’ll be satisfied. Everything starts with a a conversation.
I get asked all the time how I do it. “It” referring to working full time, taking care of a household, and raising four boys each with a different personality. I used to struggle and question my parenting style; for example do I parent like I was raised or do I parent like society says I should parent.
Then not so long ago I had an ephiany. I realized I need to keep doing what I’m doing. When my two younger boys, ages 12 and 14, are at each other’s throats, I try and remain calm and ask them what happened. Most of the time they talk and yell over each other and in the end I’m the one yelling. That is okay because after some self reflection I tell myself I will try and do better the next time.
The truth is there is a combination of things that go into how I parent, work full time and take care of my household. First of all, I pray for patience, patience, and more patience. Second, I do my self care routine. My routine consists of putting my kids to bed and watching TV or getting on social media. I also like to go to the tanner or go for walks with friends. I realized long ago self care is not selfish. I know I cannot be there for my job or my kids if I’m a hot mess. Humor is also a very important piece of my daily routine. I laugh at myself several times a day. Like when I’m looking for my phone while it is in my hand or when I am shopping and jump when I see my reflection in a mirror and say excuse me thinking it was another person.
I have to remember I am human and I am not perfect. Mistakes are made daily and that is okay, because I am blessed beyond measure and I get to wake up every day and try again. If I can tell myself at the end of the day that I put everything I had into being the best that I can be I know my kids will turn out okay.
Anne Smith- A Working & Single Mother
“Ok G ready to be tucked in?”
“I’m good Mom”
“I’m going to tuck myself in.”
“Oh ok, Do you need anything, A hug?”
“Nope, Mom I’m good.”
“Ok well I love you.”
“I love you too Mom.”
That is when my eleven year old daughter broke my heart.
Bedtime is a ritual. It’s a treasured ritual. It’s sometimes the only time of the day I get to talk to G about her day where she is unfiltered. It’s when we cuddle. We joke. We even have our own poem. It’s been our thing since she was two.
I treasure that quiet with her, don’t get me wrong,when I’m an exhausted mess I would be a liar if I told you before she could read I didn’t edit stories so we could both get to sleep faster.
But this is different.
She chose this.
As she is a lot of things lately.
Which I’m happy about… her finding her footing, being comfortable and independent. But for nine years good, bad or otherwise she has been my solar system.
So much so she has never met a single person I’ve dated. I can hear your collective intake of breath and tongue clucks. Read my blog series… it will make sense.
That’s not why we’re here. Another time. Another time.
I want my girl to feel secure but does this mean she doesn’t need me?
We have started entering the stage of one syllable answers to questions, if I get answer. I embarrass her now. Before if I broke out in song in the car she would have sang along, now she yells for me to stop.
She also comments on things about me she didn’t before.
I’ll just say it- how I look. How I act.
So this is new for me,as before I was Mom. Gorgeous no matter what. Perfect no matter what. Allowed to tuck in no matter what.
Now she sees me.
I mean really sees me.
My stress, my hurt, my happy. My silly. She doesn’t always like what she sees and she tells me.
She asks me point blank questions about things she never did before.
The reality of not tucking her in is more than just not tucking her in.
She’s growing up. While I am incredibly proud of who she is becoming. I selfishly still want her to need me. Is she still going to need me?
Will you still need me …When I’m 64? Beatles song… sorry…
I am sure she does and will. I am 47 and when I’m sick all I want is my Mom, but I think you get it.
Relationships between Mothers and daughters can be fragile things. I’m scared.
What if I screw this up?
And now you know my secret. While I hate I’m not tucking her in. It does mean some extra quiet time for me. Our majestic golden doodle now sleeps with her. Less chaos at bedtime because she is handling it.
But it also means we are entering those years.
The ones we see on the Lifetime movies, talk shows, The Kardashian’s.
Ok, I don’t watch that… but ack!
I certainly don’t want to be a cool Mom. I mean, raise your hand if you saw Mean Girls?
But I want to be someone she can come to. That is my fear. Or at the least if not me someone else and know she can send them my way after.
I went to college with women who couldn’t talk to their Moms. I am friends with women who couldn’t talk to their Moms. I sometimes can’t talk to my Mom.
I don’t want perfect but I want a balance. Guys,I am so terrified you know who will goof it up. I know I keep saying that, but I think sometimes as a single Mom we wear our worry and sadly guilt like jewelry, heavy around our necks. We don’t mean to, but for me I know I made the right choice but it’s still a tough one and it still is hard on her.
For now I am going to still ask if she needs anything about three times at bedtime.
Sneak in after she’s asleep and kiss her forehead.
Revel in the fact that even though my poor baby had the worst tummy bug ever the other night guess who she had tuck her in?
That’s right.. the same lady who sings Jump Around at embarrassing levels in the school pick up lane.
We got this Mama.
At least I think we do.
Big loves Mamas
Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date
Education is said to be one of the greatest things we can provide for our children. That makes finding the right education for our children one huge responsibility as single mothers but what do you do when school just doesn’t fit your child? Between bullying and the rising threat of school shootings toped by inadequate funding for education. I was facing this reality for my oldest son Logan. Logan has a long history of being physically and emotionally bullied in school, by students, paras and a teacher in his educational career.
Logan has an IEP and I have seen him be singled out by some of his mainstream teachers, He doesn’t have a behavioral disorder he is extremely high functioning autistic, which makes socialization difficult sometimes and he can get sensory overload. About two years ago a para assigned to my boy decided when he laid down on his time out mat for sensory reasons that it would be ok to kick my son in the back and the head. I threw a fit and when the school didn’t do anything about it I pulled him out.
Logan used to be an advanced reader, but because of his IEP he hasn’t been challenged academically, to the point now he has fallen behind. Being frustrated and quite honestly fed up I decided to try a different approach. I have pulled him out of school after another incident and instead of trying a new regular school we are trying a online school.
To be honest this is the first time in a long time I am excited for a new school, and so is Logan. He’s a little down about not hanging out with kids all day but I’ve already signed him up with a fall sport and a spring sport through the community and this school offers events where the kids in the same class can meet each other since it is a locally based school. This school also offers student free career and tech classes once they are caught up. There is live class lessons and discussions where Logan can hear and see his classmates and teacher. The best part of this school is we can make his lessons completely individualized!
So here’s to new beginnings and bright futures I’ll follow up and report how its going before the end of the school year.
Always be unapologetically true to yourself
Last night I was thinking about what life would be life if Lillian didn’t have Trisomy 18. I thought back to her diagnosis and how devastated I was that she was going to be sick. I was scared about how our lives would change to accommodate for her needs, and even more scared of the thought of living life without her. I knew that one or the other would be how things played out. It’s been over 2 years since I became the mother of a medically delicate child. So last night when I was thinking about where we would be now if Lillian was “normal” I just couldn’t imagine life any other way.
So many times I feel like having a disability is looked at as a bad thing. We live in a society where different things are assumed to be bad. Being the mom of a medically delicate child has opened my eyes to so much. I, too, once thought that being differently abled or being the mom of a differently abled child would be absolutely awful. Life shook me around and showed me that is not. It’s hard. But it’s also crazy beautiful and wonderful and worth it. Life with Lillian has opened my eyes to an entirely different world—a better world.
The truth is, Trisomy 18 has shaped Lillian, and me for that matter. Lillian IS NOT Trisomy 18, but she does HAVE it. And it does make her who she is. She wouldn’t be the same without that extra chromosome. She is perfectly imperfect and I wouldn’t have her any other way. Would I take away the sickness? Sure. Would I take away the short lifespan? In a heartbeat. But would I change anything else about her? No. Having a child with different abilities is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. She has taught me so much about so many things. I could go on all day about it! She is THE sweetest, happiest child I’ve ever met. And I honestly don’t think she would have the same personality if she didn’t have Trisomy 18.
There are many many days that I say I “hate” Trisomy 18. And what I’ve realized is that it’s not Trisomy 18 that I hate. It’s death. And we are all going to die. So I choose her. I choose happiness. I choose positivity. And I choose to live despite the inevitable.
**If you are interested in learning more about Trisomy 18 or following Lillian’s journey, please check out her Facebook Page here https://www.facebook.com/trisomy18princess
Written By: Alivia Kraft
Have Kids They Said- It Will Be Fun They Said….
I’m sure you have all heard that phrase before, right?!? I’m not exactly sure who “they” are, but I’m thinking they were drunk or high or maybe even both when “they” came up with that phrase. I know what you are thinking right now…. wow that’s harsh. Maybe, maybe not! Don’t get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything in this world and they are the best two miracles to have ever entered my life. I’m just saying that sometimes (ok, maybe most times) parenting can be downright exhausting. Especially the times when you are grocery shopping and your children are in the dreaded car cart (damn carts) acting out the latest WWF moves with each other.
Back before I had children I planned everything and became anxious and irritated if something didn’t go according to that plan. Then I became pregnant with Emerson and I was beyond thrilled, I started planning her extravagant (maybe it was a bit over the top) nursery right away. Well, apparently Emerson didn’t like plans and decided that she was going to enter the world 4 weeks early after I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and hospitalized. When we were finally able to bring Emerson home I realized very quickly that my OCD like behaviors were going to have to take a backseat. There was not enough time in the day to tend to a newborn while sleep deprived and keep a spotless house.
Fast forward almost two years later and I became pregnant with Amelia. I could’ve sworn she was a boy during my entire first trimester. I was so convinced that I had been giving away a lot of Emerson’s girly baby clothes because I wouldn’t need them for a boy. I will never forget the day we did gender reveal cupcakes and Emerson ate into it while I watched on in anticipation awaiting the blue frosting in the middle. The frosting was pink…. I cut open all half dozen cupcakes because I was sure it was a mistake. This confession I always feel bad about, but I can own it. I cried… I cried because I wanted a little boy so badly. I got over it quickly and realized how grateful and thankful I was to have become pregnant again in the first place.
I never in a million years imagined myself being a single mom raising two little girls, it really was not in my life plan. I had met someone ten years ago, whom I thought at that time was my prince charming. Both of our careers were on track, we had each other, and we were living our best lives. Maybe fairy tales really did exist, or at least that is what I thought at the time. Then my world came crashing down on me one piece at a time until I stood at the center of a web of lies and my fairy tale became my worst nightmare.
I’m slowly picking up those pieces and have my friends and family to lean on for support. I look at my girls when they are playing so nicely together (rare moments) and I just have to smile and remind myself that everything truly does happen for a reason. Maybe fairy tales are more complicated in real life, maybe they do not exist at all. However, I owe it to my girls and to myself to keep writing our story, you just never know where it will end up 😉
Remember, hugs are always free!
xX Tamara xX
Ok Mamas, raise your hand if you are divorced? Everyone, keep your hands up. How many have been divorced more than one time? That would be me. Show me the ladies that are truly solo without a partner to share parenting. Girls, you have a special place in my heart for you. I can’t imagine. Now, look around. We are not alone. That is a good thing!
I am a mom that has been twice divorced. It is not a bragging right. Sometimes I hold it in high humor. You know, good old Helen did it how many times?
All and each of you are so bad-ass for taking this journey. Oh lord, it can suck out loud more times than none. Cleaning vomit in the middle of the night, a baby that is teething and crying, the never ending colic. With the realization of there isn’t anyone to blame about it, we carry on. We hold the children and just go with it. The laundry is piling up, the house is a mess. And yet, with while bathed in spit up, we managed to get it done. It may not be pretty but you certainly survived. Go you! Do you really think anyone else could pull it off? Absolutely not! That is why we are the blessed mamas. We rock this!
To each and every lady, thank you! We aren’t perfect, we are human. We try, we succeed. The job always gets done. Is there anyone else there to help? Nope. As usual, we are flying solo.
Again, thank you! We strive and work so hard. Our children are the reason why we have the job. The small wet kisses are so wonderful. The giggles and glee are just priceless. Be selfish here, who else gets these kinds of presents? Nobody! Case in point, when they get in front of the camera at college, the first thing we hear is, “Hi, Mom!”. We are special.
You will never be alone in your fight. When bad days happen, when the tears are flowing, remember that we are warriors and you are a rock star. Everyday, all day long and even twice on Sunday. Go You!
Striving for exceptional – Tristen Ahlsey