Tag Archives: child

No More Goodnight

“Ok G ready to be tucked in?”

“I’m good Mom”

“What?”

“I’m going to tuck myself in.”

“Oh ok, Do you need anything, A hug?”

“Nope, Mom I’m good.”

“Juice?”

“Got it.”

“Ok well I love you.”

“I love you too Mom.”

That is when my eleven year old daughter broke my heart.

Bedtime is a ritual. It’s a treasured ritual. It’s sometimes the only time of the day I get to talk to G about her day where she is unfiltered. It’s when we cuddle. We joke. We even have our own poem. It’s been our thing since she was two.

I treasure that quiet with her, don’t get me wrong,when I’m an exhausted mess I would be a liar if I told you before she could read I didn’t edit stories so we could both get to sleep faster.

But this is different.

She chose this.

As she is a lot of things lately.

Which I’m happy about… her finding her footing, being comfortable and independent. But for nine years good, bad or otherwise she has been my solar system.

So much so she has never met a single person I’ve dated. I can hear your collective intake of breath and tongue clucks. Read my blog series… it will make sense.

Maybe

That’s not why we’re here. Another time. Another time.

I want my girl to feel secure but does this mean she doesn’t need me?

We have started entering the stage of one syllable answers to questions, if I get answer. I embarrass her now. Before if I broke out in song in the car she would have sang along, now she yells for me to stop.

She also comments on things about me she didn’t before.

I’ll just say it- how I look. How I act.

So this is new for me,as before I was Mom. Gorgeous no matter what. Perfect no matter what. Allowed to tuck in no matter what.

Now she sees me.

I mean really sees me.

My stress, my hurt, my happy. My silly. She doesn’t always like what she sees and she tells me.

She asks me point blank questions about things she never did before.

Honest.

Brutal.

The reality of not tucking her in is more than just not tucking her in.

She’s growing up. While I am incredibly proud of who she is becoming. I selfishly still want her to need me. Is she still going to need me?

Will you still need me …When I’m 64? Beatles song… sorry…

I am sure she does and will. I am 47 and when I’m sick all I want is my Mom, but I think you get it.

Relationships between Mothers and daughters can be fragile things. I’m scared.

What if I screw this up?

And now you know my secret. While I hate I’m not tucking her in. It  does mean some extra quiet time for me. Our majestic golden doodle now sleeps with her. Less chaos at bedtime because she is handling it.

But it also means we are entering those years.

The ones we see on the Lifetime movies, talk shows, The Kardashian’s.

Ok, I don’t watch that… but ack!

I certainly don’t want to be a cool Mom.  I mean, raise your hand if you saw Mean Girls?

Whoa

But I want to be someone she can come to. That is my fear. Or at the least if not me someone else and know she can send them my way after.

I went to college with women who couldn’t talk to their Moms. I am friends with women who couldn’t talk to their Moms. I sometimes can’t talk to my Mom.

I don’t want perfect but I want a balance. Guys,I am so terrified you know who will goof it up. I know I keep saying that, but I think sometimes as a single Mom we wear our worry and sadly guilt like jewelry, heavy around our necks. We don’t mean to, but for me I know I made the right choice but it’s still a tough one and it still is hard on her.

Deep breath….

For now I am going to still ask if she needs anything about three times at bedtime.

Sneak in after she’s asleep and kiss her forehead.

Revel in the fact that even though my poor baby had the worst tummy bug ever the other night guess who she had tuck her in?

That’s right.. the same lady who sings Jump Around at embarrassing levels in the school pick up lane.

We got this Mama.

At least I think we do.

Big loves Mamas

 

~~Caprise

Single Mom of the amazing Dbl G
Teacher
Sometime DJ
T-shirt collector
Henry Rollins Middle Aged Punk Prom Date

Choosing The Right Education For Your Children

Education is said to be one of the greatest things we can provide for our children.  That makes finding the right education for our children one huge responsibility as single mothers but what do you do when school just doesn’t fit your child?  Between bullying and the rising threat of school shootings toped by inadequate funding for education. I was facing this reality for my oldest son Logan. Logan has a long history of being physically and emotionally bullied in school, by students, paras and a teacher in his educational career.

Logan has an IEP and I have seen him be singled out by some of his mainstream teachers, He doesn’t have a behavioral disorder he is extremely high functioning autistic, which makes socialization difficult sometimes and he can get sensory overload.  About two years ago a para assigned to my boy decided when he laid down on his time out mat for sensory reasons that it would be ok to kick my son in the back and the head. I threw a fit and when the school didn’t do anything about it I pulled him out.

Logan used to be an advanced reader, but because of his IEP he hasn’t been challenged academically, to the point now he has fallen behind. Being frustrated and quite honestly fed up I decided to try a different approach. I have pulled him out of school after another incident and instead of trying a new regular school we are trying a online school.

To be honest this is the first time in a long time I am excited for a new school, and so is Logan. He’s a little down about not hanging out with kids all day but I’ve already signed him up with a fall sport and a spring sport through the community and this school offers events where the kids in the same class can meet each other since it is a locally based school. This school also offers student free career and tech classes once they are caught up. There is live class lessons and discussions where Logan can hear and see his classmates and teacher. The best part of this school is we can make his lessons completely individualized!

So here’s to new beginnings and bright futures I’ll follow up and report how its going before the end of the school year.

Always be unapologetically true to yourself

Ali

Life With Trisomy 18

Last night I was thinking about what life would be life if Lillian didn’t have Trisomy 18. I thought back to her diagnosis and how devastated I was that she was going to be sick. I was scared about how our lives would change to accommodate for her needs, and even more scared of the thought of living life without her. I knew that one or the other would be how things played out. It’s been over 2 years since I became the mother of a medically delicate child. So last night when I was thinking about where we would be now if Lillian was “normal” I just couldn’t imagine life any other way.

So many times I feel like having a disability is looked at as a bad thing. We live in a society where different things are assumed to be bad. Being the mom of a medically delicate child has opened my eyes to so much. I, too, once thought that being differently abled or being the mom of a differently abled child would be absolutely awful. Life shook me around and showed me that is not. It’s hard. But it’s also crazy beautiful and wonderful and worth it. Life with Lillian has opened my eyes to an entirely different world—a better world.

The truth is, Trisomy 18 has shaped Lillian, and me for that matter. Lillian IS NOT Trisomy 18, but she does HAVE it. And it does make her who she is. She wouldn’t be the same without that extra chromosome. She is perfectly imperfect and I wouldn’t have her any other way. Would I take away the sickness? Sure. Would I take away the short lifespan? In a heartbeat. But would I change anything else about her? No. Having a child with different abilities is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. She has taught me so much about so many things. I could go on all day about it! She is THE sweetest, happiest child I’ve ever met. And I honestly don’t think she would have the same personality if she didn’t have Trisomy 18.

There are many many days that I say I “hate” Trisomy 18. And what I’ve realized is that it’s not Trisomy 18 that I hate. It’s death. And we are all going to die. So I choose her. I choose happiness. I choose positivity. And I choose to live despite the inevitable.

**If you are interested in learning more about Trisomy 18 or following Lillian’s journey, please check out her Facebook Page here https://www.facebook.com/trisomy18princess

 

Written By: Alivia Kraft

Have Kids They Said- It Will Be Fun They Said

Have Kids They Said- It Will Be Fun They Said….

I’m sure you have all heard that phrase before, right?!? I’m not exactly sure who “they” are, but I’m thinking they were drunk or high or maybe even both when “they” came up with that phrase. I know what you are thinking right now…. wow that’s harsh. Maybe, maybe not! Don’t get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything in this world and they are the best two miracles to have ever entered my life. I’m just saying that sometimes (ok, maybe most times) parenting can be downright exhausting. Especially the times when you are grocery shopping and your children are in the dreaded car cart (damn carts) acting out the latest WWF moves with each other.

Back before I had children I planned everything and became anxious and irritated if something didn’t go according to that plan. Then I became pregnant with Emerson and I was beyond thrilled, I started planning her extravagant (maybe it was a bit over the top) nursery right away. Well, apparently Emerson didn’t like plans and decided that she was going to enter the world 4 weeks early after I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and hospitalized. When we were finally able to bring Emerson home I realized very quickly that my OCD like behaviors were going to have to take a backseat. There was not enough time in the day to tend to a newborn while sleep deprived and keep a spotless house.

Fast forward almost two years later and I became pregnant with Amelia. I could’ve sworn she was a boy during my entire first trimester. I was so convinced that I had been giving away a lot of Emerson’s girly baby clothes because I wouldn’t need them for a boy. I will never forget the day we did gender reveal cupcakes and Emerson ate into it while I watched on in anticipation awaiting the blue frosting in the middle. The frosting was pink…. I cut open all half dozen cupcakes because I was sure it was a mistake. This confession I always feel bad about, but I can own it. I cried… I cried because I wanted a little boy so badly. I got over it quickly and realized how grateful and thankful I was to have become pregnant again in the first place.

I never in a million years imagined myself being a single mom raising two little girls, it really was not in my life plan. I had met someone ten years ago, whom I thought at that time was my prince charming. Both of our careers were on track, we had each other, and we were living our best lives. Maybe fairy tales really did exist, or at least that is what I thought at the time. Then my world came crashing down on me one piece at a time until I stood at the center of a web of lies and my fairy tale became my worst nightmare.

I’m slowly picking up those pieces and have my friends and family to lean on for support. I look at my girls when they are playing so nicely together (rare moments) and I just have to smile and remind myself that everything truly does happen for a reason. Maybe fairy tales are more complicated in real life, maybe they do not exist at all. However, I owe it to my girls and to myself to keep writing our story, you just never know where it will end up 😉

Remember, hugs are always free!

xX Tamara xX

Recognition Of The Solitary Mamas

Ok Mamas, raise your hand if you are divorced? Everyone, keep your hands up. How many have been divorced more than one time? That would be me. Show me the ladies that are truly solo without a partner to share parenting. Girls, you have a special place in my heart for you. I can’t imagine. Now, look around. We are not alone. That is a good thing!

I am a mom that has been twice divorced. It is not a bragging right. Sometimes I hold it in high humor. You know, good old Helen did it how many times?

All and each of you are so bad-ass for taking this journey. Oh lord, it can suck out loud more times than none. Cleaning vomit in the middle of the night, a baby that is teething and crying, the never ending colic. With the realization of there isn’t anyone to blame about it, we carry on. We hold the children and just go with it. The laundry is piling up, the house is a mess. And yet, with while bathed in spit up, we managed to get it done. It may not be pretty but you certainly survived. Go you! Do you really think anyone else could pull it off? Absolutely not! That is why we are the blessed mamas. We rock this!

To each and every lady, thank you! We aren’t perfect, we are human. We try, we succeed. The job always gets done. Is there anyone else there to help? Nope. As usual, we are flying solo.

Again, thank you! We strive and work so hard. Our children are the reason why we have the job. The small wet kisses are so wonderful. The giggles and glee are just priceless. Be selfish here, who else gets these kinds of presents? Nobody! Case in point, when they get in front of the camera at college, the first thing we hear is, “Hi, Mom!”. We are special.

You will never be alone in your fight. When bad days happen, when the tears are flowing, remember that we are warriors and you are a rock star. Everyday, all day long and even twice on Sunday. Go You!

 

Striving for exceptional – Tristen Ahlsey

Warrior Moms-I am With You.

Warrior Moms, I am With You.

 This is my introduction.

I did not sleep when my daughter was an infant. I held her as I sat upright on a couch while she slept. I held her so she could breathe. I wore eye shadow as war paint so my employer couldn’t see the dark circles, to keep my job.

I breast fed every 4 hours and pumped milk in between so she’d have enough.
I fought doctors, begging them to trust my instincts and listen, screaming I may be a new mom but I know my child. She had sinus infections before a literal sinus, lung collapse, recurring pneumonia and sleep apnea until her emergency surgery (with pneumonia) at 10 months old.

At the age of 3 she was diagnosed with an immune disorder which meant sinus infections 11 months of the year until she was 7. I battled and battered my body, moved us three times, tarred the driveway, and found a way.

It is worth it. You can do this.

My first dog (& co-parent) was diagnosed with cancer three days before Christmas. I sold my jewelry for her medicine, cooked special meals to starve the cancer and lost her (my heart) after an 11-month battle.

I dragged clothing to 10 years of consignment sales and shopped garage sales for toys and clothes. I changed jobs three times and haven’t had a date or break in almost 11 years.

I am with you, warrior moms, who have chronically ill children, work full-time, have a full plate, and have no spare time for you. You can do this.

My daughter just had her ballet recital. I watched her smile. Pause, breathe… arms out… jump and soar.

And I watched her bow.

It is worth it. You can do this.

For better or worse, it’s me.

Bernae

Embrace It Because Time Really Does Fly

Embrace time because it really does fly by…which leads me to what I feel today.  I get those notifications every day from Facebook that are pictures of what I posted “_ years ago today”. I sometimes take the time to look at them, most times not. Today I did-it was pictures of our youngest child…she would’ve been 3. My very last baby. I stayed home with her for the first 5 years of her life-I feel like I have this huge bond with her knowing that she was going to be my last of everything….last 1st bath, last 1st haircut, last kindergarten graduation…ect….it makes me sad but yet also excited for her!

As time flew by with the older two, it’s happening just as fast if not faster with her. Maybe it just seems that way because it’s so bittersweet. I often find myself thinking about all the things and opportunities I have missed with my kids-sometimes I get so caught up in that, I fail to focus on what we have done and just how often we really are together.

Maybe as we age-mortality becomes more of a reality, it did to me anyway. Realizing time doesn’t stop or slow down for anyone!

There truly is never enough time, some days seem like they’re never going to end and only wish for them to! If I knew now what I knew when I was wishing time away, I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Every moment in time is there for a reason. Embrace, learn, experience!

 

Love to all-

Kim

The Greatest Loves Of My Life

I have 3 children who are the greatest loves of my life.  Honestly, I didn’t know I was capable of making something so perfect x 3. I am amazed and thankful each and every day that I have been blessed to spend with them-to call them mine-to raise and guide them and be their Mother. I have never felt a love so huge. I am far from perfect and have made so many mistakes.I try to the best of my ability and knowledge. There has been a lot of talk recently about getting “participation trophies” and being too lenient on the kids for just showing up. I can get behind that, I really can. I am not easy on my kids but there are things that I do that I most certainly am judged for.  I’m sure I am guilty of “participation trophies” on occasion for my children.  Yet for those who judge-there is so much more you don’t know. “Just showing up” sometimes is enough.

My oldest daughter is 19. She is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen both inside and out but she is fierce.  She tolerates little and has large opinions-much like her mother.  Through the years as I have matured I have also gained a filter-pick my battles-so to speak.  We are working on this with her 😉  She is in her 2nd year of college in the medical field, lives in her own apartment, works full time and maintains a 4.0 GPA. I am proud of her. Her life has not been easy. She is my only child from my first marriage-my first marriage was ugly-so ugly. She was little, I left her dad when she was 2 years old. She has seen and knows way more than I give her credit for when it comes to the strained relationship with my ex-husband. She has struggled through her youth trying to figure out where she fits in with her families.  Both her dad and I have remarried and have children with our current spouses. For my daughter it has been a constant struggle deciding which family is truly hers. We have had times of attempted suicide, cutting, and poor boyfriend choices. Her confidence in herself and her abilities were never enough in her mind. We have done lots of therapy and faith based counseling. She was never a trouble maker with the school or the law but she had trouble building relationships and trust with peers. At different times in her life I have carried the guilt of what if’s. What if I stayed with her dad, what if I said the wrong thing, what if I didn’t express my love for her enough….what if? In response to those what if’s I over compensated with what I felt she was lacking in. That was my responsibility and I own that. I noticed a few years ago I was beginning to raise an entitled snot. I panicked-how is she going to make her way in this world thinking everything is owed to her? So we dug our heels in and changed our approach and it was NOT easy for her or for me. Lots of tears. So yes, maybe I do high 5 her a little too often when she accomplishes something that seems so minor to those looking from the outside in.

My middle child is 15. He is the most big hearted, generous person I know. His love for all things living and outdoors is beyond anything I can comprehend. My son is the spitting image of his father. Laid back and never makes a mountain out of a mole hill. Until last year….he was a freshman…he became involved with the wrong crowd and has made some terrible choices. He was in trouble with the law and at the school. He was suspended from school and was charged with possession of marijuana. Is this anyone’s fault but his own? Yes-it is-NOT his peers or the “wrong crowd”-it was OURS as parents. Hindsight is always 20/20 and there were many red flags that we noticed after the fact that we should’ve been on top of to begin with. We were too busy comparing him to our oldest daughter to recognize that he is his own person with different needs. He has a slight learning disability and has never quite fit in with the 8 other boys in his class..yes, only 9 boys total in his class. He was hanging out with kids that were way too old for him to be hanging out with, leading up to his suspension and charges, the weekend before we discovered he had been sneaking out his window late at night and I chalked it up to normal teenage kid stuff. Thing is-not normal for him. When I say this child is the most delicate, loving, caring child-I mean it. So breaking our rules, lying, being deceitful, hurtful..was not in his nor had it ever been in his description of character and who he is. I cried and lost many nights of sleep and still do. I was raised by an alcoholic drug addict and I sincerely fear for my son. This is not the life I want for him. This is an ongoing situation with him, currently. We are about a year out from his charges and have had little to no issues since then. He is on probation. However, it’s still there, the fear I have of him becoming a drug addict. He has the signs, they are there. One might read this and think it was “just” marijuana and that may be true, but he is my son and I recognize an addictive personality when I see one. He is back in football this year, his grades are good and he’s trying real hard to straighten out his mistakes. He has reached out to teachers and said he wants to start over on the right foot. So when you hear me cheer for him a little too loud and a little too long for catching the 2-point conversion pass-just know that it may be ridiculous to you that I am so excited but to him, I and his dad-if he is going to be an addict its going to be for something that is good-addicted to the rewards of doing a good job! That long and loud cheer is cheering for all the steps he has made in the right direction.

My last, but certainly not least, child is 7. She is crazy! She is a perfect combination of my older 2. She is in the first grade and is busy learning to read, write, and all those other things that goes along with 1st grade.  It’s been a long time since I have had a 1st grader and it’s crazy to see how fast they change! I wonder what life has in store for her? Fortunate for us but probably unfortunate for her our older 2 have broken us in to being more aware of what trials and tribulations the kids face these days. I am 42 years old and things have changed tremendously since I was in school.

So yes-maybe I cheer too loud or pat on the back too often and boast about my child too much. Some days I can acknowledge and appreciate that “just showing up” took everything they had that day. I am trying my hardest to raise independent, kind, respectful children. It Takes A Village To Raise A Child is accurate in many ways but on those days where I am overwhelmingly boastful please don’t judge me or my child. There are reasons. They are perfect to me and needed to be reminded of that today. They are the greatest loves of my life.

-Love to you all, Kim

Who Cares How You ‘feel’ ????

So raising a teenager is an interesting exercise and raising one as a single mom without the Dad involved is sooooo much more interesting…a discussion a moment ago:

Me: do your oral presentation, you need to video it and review everything before you do.
Boy: that’s sooooooooo much work, I don’t feel like it, it’s too hard.
Me: I don’t give a flying xxx how you feel, get up and get moving on it.
Me: NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING????
Boy: Looking for an apartment, I can’t wait to get out of here.
Me: I can send you to Grammy and Papa Steve, then you will really see what’s it’s like to have to work.
Boy: Just let me film this, you will do it wrong if you help me, just go in your office and DO NOT listen to me making this video.
Me: (Leaving the room, laughing to myself)
Me: (from my office) It sounds great!
Boy: STOP LISTENING!!!!!
I share this moment in time with you because it illustrates the point I want to make today about how it doesn’t matter how you feel when you need to get something done. Effective and successful people pay very little attention to how they ‘feel’ in the moment and it certainly never stops them from getting anything done.
We are producing results when we are sad, ill, pissed off, worried, happy, tired and sick of everything. Too many people out there right now operate based on how they ‘feel’ and then they whine and complain about how their lives don’t look the way they want.
There is NO easy button, if you want to make something happen, get off your ass and do something about it…don’t tell us how you ‘feel’ , it doesn’t matter to us because we are BUSY producing results. If your life isn’t what you want –DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
My son says I am mean:)—yet here is what I know for sure when this kid leaves my house he will be an effective, contributing member of society able to take care of himself, pay his bills and give back in service to others. I don’t care if he ‘likes’ me, I care that he learns how to produce results and serve humanity. Most of the time I didn’t like my Grandfather or my Mother—I thought they were awful and soooo mean…however if it wasn’t for their ‘meanness’ I would likely have given up when life got really hard years back…some days it is still really hard, yet I am up to the task, well-trained in how to be a warrior…I can thank my ‘mean’ Italian relatives for that! Thank GOD they had the courage to be ‘mean’ and that they didn’t accept weakness or excuses or whining…because now I am successful in spite of tons of things that tried hard to get in my way.
You can do WHATEVER you set your mind too, you just have to keep pushing through the crap no matter how you feel in the moment. Just keep moving, after a while the obstacles give up and fade away…