Tag Archives: chaos

Snowball Effect

Hey everyone, I want to apologize for my month long absence. A lot of things have happened over the last month or so and I am still trying to pick up all the pieces, the snowball effect.  I took a month long mental health break from writing to take care of myself.

 Everything started with one of my grandmothers unexpectedly passing away. By a miracle and some caring people, I was able to get a plane ticket to go to the funeral. Unfortunately,I still wasn’t able to make it.

It was the first time in years I’ve been on a plane due to flight anxiety. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until the take off of my first of two flights. The second we took off, my anxiety turned into a full blown panic attack and at one point I fainted from sheer panic. Once we touched down in Denver, I kept trying to convince myself to get on to my next flight. This lead to hyperventilation and being unable to speak. After speaking with my mother, we decided it was best for me to just catch a Greyhound home. I still am disappointed in myself for not making it to my grandmothers service.

 While serving bills started piling up, and I couldn’t find reliable childcare for overnights. I decided to go back to school bus driving and work toward my CDL A so I can get a job with the state.

With all the struggles going on I am finding gratitude everyday and realize even through the snowball effect it is preparing me for blessings. The worst times in our lives are meant to direct us and prepare us for the best.

 During this time of trials for me I’ve still been finding away to bless others. One of my friends recently left a toxic relationship, she had no bed and was sleeping on the floor with her son. I seen a free bed on Facebook and brought it to her. The lady also took the opportunity to bless her more. It really helps me to see that I can be a vessel of blessing to others in my life even when things are tough.

 I’m working things out little by little, I just want to thank you all for your patience with my posts during this fire season.

 Blessed

Ali

It’s Ok To Take A Time Out

I used to have my kids in every activity and was involved with so many volunteer projects….  and then I decided to take a time out.I would make sure we attended every school and church event.  I would volunteer for every activity or fundraiser that the school sponsored.   And then I do not know what happened, but my thinking changed. I was tired of doing all those things.. I was tired of running constantly.  I was just tired.

I was doing those things because I felt I had to…. That was what a good mom does, you run your ass off morning until night.. It was crazy because running my ass off does not make me a good mom.  It makes me a crazy crabby bitchy mom.  I  do not know when this started where you have to be involved in everything to be a good parent or to feel like you are, but it is insane.   I loved to volunteer in my kids classrooms, but I did not love baking cupcakes, or being on the PTA, or collecting box tops. And I hate selling coupon books for fundraisers.. (that’s a whole other topic)

Now…Don’t get me wrong, I do think kids need to be in activities and we all need to volunteer in some capacity for school, however you do not need to do it all.   I know this was my own fault, I signed my kids up for all these activities and I signed myself up for all volunteer shifts.    I wanted to sit and watch TV with my kids. I wanted to do nothing some nights.  I wanted to just enjoy being with them.  I wanted to not be a stressed out crazy lady from running from activity to activity.

So, I stopped signing them up for every activity.  I stopped volunteering for opportunities that I didn’t feel passionate about. And I stopped attending every fundraiser.  I started asking my kids what they wanted to do and what they enjoyed the most.  I would ask if they were ok if we skipped a fundraiser or a school event.  Might seem selfish, but it made our entire family a lot happier and less stressed.  My kids have now each found the one activity or sport that they as passionate about and that works.  I  did not want to spend their entire childhood years feeling rushed…

As a parent you feel overwhelmed at times with all the activities that you children can participate in now.  But the truth is you don’t have to feel pressure to do it all.   A couple weeks ago someone was talking about about constantly running from church, to soccer, to drama club one night and I said why don’t you just let them skip?   And she said, “ what you that teach them?” What would that teach them…haha.. I laughed and said, “that we are human and we can’t do it all and some days you just need to stop and say no”.  That if I am tired and wore out, then I am sure my kids are also.

It’s Monday morning and my teenager has a migraine and stomach ache..she is begging to stay home and I believe that kids need down time.  They need time to do nothing and be kids. I believe that my kids need days to stay home.  They need days to do nothing and to “veg” out.   They need that time to unwind just like adults do.  If adults can take time to binge watch a series on Netflix, then I am sure my kids do too.

So yes, I do let my 8th grader stay home if she needs a day to regroup.  Kids have an amazing amount of stress and expectations put on them these days.   From school academics, to fundraisers, to mission trips, to athletics, to volunteering, religion class, to babysitting…. they are trying to do it all and they are still just kids.

I let my son skip soccer if he is had a bad day at school.  I let my daughter take a night off from religion class if she needs to decompress from the middle school drama.  And I do not think twice about it.. I do not think by letting my kids take that time for themselves, that it sets a bad example.  I think it shows that at times, we all have days where we just need to recharge.  Or we just need a time out.

I so appreciate that my kids can come to me and tell me when they feel overloaded or stressed.. I think it is so important that they know when they need a break.  I appreciate that they can tell me when they do not want to do something and just want to stay home.  I so appreciate their honesty over anything else.

Snarky Divorced Gal

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

Mom’s Ups & Downs With Busy Schedules

After months of busy work, school and activity schedules, I was looking forward to a long holiday weekend to relax and enjoy some down time. We had a few things planned and my ex-husband and I were getting close to finalizing a car for our 16-year-old daughter, but I figured I would still have some time to rest and relax. On Saturday, we spent the morning signing papers for the car and figuring out logistics on how to surprise our daughter. The afternoon was spent picking up the car, surprising her with it and driving around to visit her friends. Who knew the emotions that giving your child a car would evoke? Although she’s been driving for months, giving her a car means having to let go a little more and not being able to protect her because she’ll be out there on her own when she’s on the road. It’s overwhelming to think about the fact that you’ve taken care of and driven this child around for 16 years and all of a sudden, they want to be out there by themselves and with their friends while you sit at home and wonder if everything is ok and track them on your Life 360 app. High school and driving are like tests of letting go for the parents, before the kids head off to the real world.

If that weren’t emotional enough, I was faced with more interesting information. I’ve been talking and to and hanging out with a guy for the past year; he lives over an hour away and is in the Army and was deployed a couple of months ago. We’ve never claimed to be in a “relationship” due to our schedules and distance, but we pretty much text/talk every day and it felt like we were. I won’t get into all the details, but let’s just say that I found out this weekend, through social media, that things were not what they seemed; another woman changed her status to say that she was in a relationship with him on the day after he stopped texting me. While I was worrying about his safety, he was busy playing me; I found out that he was back home from deployment and saw a picture of the two of them together. My emotions have been all over the place this weekend along with many tears, trying to figure out what in the world happened, going back and looking at old texts, questioning things and coming up with plausible theories. Maybe it’s my fault … I get truly invested in the people that I care about and can be over the top. Sure, that sounds great, but it can also be a tremendous weakness, especially when it causes you to get hurt often. And when it causes you to overlook red flags along the way because you just want to be in a relationship again.

The situation transported me back to when my ex-husband and I were discussing separating and all the feelings and emotions. Obviously, this situation is not even close to that, but I just remember constantly wondering what I did wrong or how I could have changed things, instead of realizing that it’s about him and not me and that it’s his loss or that I deserve better than this. Thank goodness for good friends who will remind you of that. I was constantly trying to keep things together on the outside for my girls while I was falling apart on the inside. When you have kids, you can’t just crawl in my bed and wallow; you just have to keep things going. On one hand, that might be a good thing because of the distractions. But, at the same time, the feelings of betrayal, loss and disillusionment are real and need to be addressed.

Ironically, the same day I found out this information, the girls and I attended my friend’s wedding. I was not feeling great about going, but I was excited to celebrate my friend. She and her fiancé both have gone through a lot in life and were each getting married for a second time. To sum it up, the wedding was just perfect – intimate, beautiful and heartfelt. As I watched them take their vows and listened to the speeches, it brought tears to my eyes; I was sad for what I was dealing with, but it also made me feel hopeful. These two had been through a lot and those experiences brought them to this point, where they were able to join their two families into one. I felt so grateful to be included in this amazing celebration of love and it gave me some hope that good things are coming.

If you remember one of my earlier posts, this year I tried something new and chose a word of the year – embrace (click here to read that post). I told myself at the beginning of the year that I was going to embrace life this year, the good and the bad. I’m trying to embrace all the changes in life as I parent a high schooler and a rising 4th grader, which is not always easy. I also embraced opening myself up to someone new and letting my guard down.

But now I wonder, what lessons am I supposed to learn from this latest challenging experience? I still don’t have the answer to that and maybe it will be a while before I figure that out. The fact that I invest in the people that I care about can be a positive and a negative. What I don’t want to happen is for these experiences to change me in a negative way. I hope I don’t become a pessimist about love and life and become cold, bitter and extremely guarded …. I worry about that. Right now, I don’t know how much more my heart can take, but at the same time, I really don’t believe that I’m meant to be alone forever. So, I guess I’ll just keep plugging along, taking care of my girls, working on myself, doing the things I love and just keep embracing life as it comes. What other choice is there?

 To see more posts by Laxmi, check out her blog at https://onedesigirlsjourney.wordpress.com/

The Madness We Survive

The madness we survive….I spent almost two years of my life buried in a very deep dark hole trying to fight depression and suicidal thoughts on my own. I stared death in the face. Just the two of us sitting in silence, looking back at one another on three different occasions. Luckily I found the strength to walk away from him.

I laid in bed more days than I was out. I went through days without even remembering how. Cried more tears than a body could produce. Sent calls to voicemail more than I could count. It was a silent fight. Because until I wrote and made it public, no one had a clue.

It changes a person. It changes their heart, their mind, their soul. And you don’t go back. You don’t go back to who you used to be. Those scars, whether physical or emotional, they are there forever. The bruises heal. The aches go away. But the scars…they stay forever. You never forget the suicide attempts. You never forget the places, or the dates. You never forget the meaning of all those songs, or the smells that remind you of when. Even when you try and forget…you still remember.

It becomes a part of your story. Whether it’s a short chapter or a very long one, it’s a part of your book. Some chose to be ashamed of that chapter but I chose to use it to reach out to others. A reminder that they aren’t alone, that their feelings are validated, and most importantly, that they can come out of it. That there is hope. There is a light at the end of that seemingly endless tunnel.

People deal with things differently. People love differently. People heal differently. But the crucial point to all this is that that person, that person that hurts so deeply, is still a person. They are someone’s mother, a sister, a best friend. That person deserves to know that their life matters, even when they think it doesn’t. That person was me! If that person is you, read all that over again, and know that when you get through all that pain, you will be stronger than you’ve ever been.

If it’s not you…remember that all it takes is your hand reaching down to help us up. An offer to sit in the dark with, to hold their hand, and wipe their tears. A non-judgmental, real, friendship. Be that friend. It matters.

~BLag

Everything In Its Place

When my son, who is now 22, was a little boy, I was allllll about “THERE’S A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.” That was more for me than it was for him or for anyone else, really. You see, I didn’t want it to take 20 minutes for us get out the door every time we had somewhere to go.

When we were going to “Mommy & Me”, I wanted to know where my purse and his jacket and his firetruck were. At my fingertips, there had to be his bestest friend “Freddie” and his car snack bag & his play bag. “What about the bag of hand me downs for the other boys?” Oh AND MY COFFEE. Etc etc etc. Until WHOOSH, we were out the door in no time flat. That’s why I put things in their place.

If everything is where it belongs…. it takes no time to get everything together and go.

Life just works better when you’re organized…. and on purpose with your life. You show up on time AND you’re in a happier mood because you weren’t running around the house like a banshee looking for everything, everywhere. You didn’t have to open and close the closet door 5 times, you didn’t have to look under the bed…again. It’s all right there . The kids and all you need….are out the door with you.

The most important part in this is to let the kids put their things where they go…not you. And when they ask “HEY MOM….where’s my xyz?” You can tell them “It’s where you left it.” They will learn on their own along with your teachings and guidance how important it is to keep things tidy…..Especially when mom says “The bus is leaving in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1” And you walk out the door.

Your God Girl,

Tracy

Our Chaotic Bliss

Our Chaotic Bliss…

My mother always told me that I could achieve anything I wanted if I worked hard enough. A common message we hear all the time growing up. I didn’t want to be an astronaut, or a lawyer. I wanted to be a mother, a wife, and someone who helps people. Seems simple right? I’m writing this in my overgrown, tattered sweatshirt, my hair in a messy bun on the top of my head, and not the cute kind most women can get away with, in the dark, next to my snoring husband, letting Ed Sharron carronade me.  Go ahead and ask it…. Why would anyone take advice from a disheveled mom? I promise, I don’t have all the answers, hell most days I don’t know how I will tackle the endless amounts of tantrums, school lunches, work disasters, and then some how need to whip up a healthy dinner that most of my kids will refuse to even touch. But I have figured out how in the middle of our Chaotic bliss, raising 3 kids all which come and go to 2 households, stressful jobs, marriage, bills, and needing to keep up with Pinterest perfection people, how to be happy with being me, the mom with the messy bun.

This will not solve your problems, it will just help remind you that you aren’t alone. We are a fearless tribe of badass creators that were born to make the world a more positive place one day at a time. I guess I will start from the start of my quest for positivity. Like most everyone I hit rock bottom. Not the actors and actresses rock bottom that somehow with their glam squad they emerge from the depths of hell looking as if they were in a Pageant. But the gut punched, eyes swollen, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, oh did I mention I was pregnant, with a toddler in tow. My rock bottom was when my now ex-husband cheated on me. I’m sure most of you reading this are shaking your head thinking, get in line honey you aren’t the first, and won’t be the last.  Well this ripped me from limb to limb, shook my beliefs in faith, marriage, and who I was to the core. I didn’t believe in divorce, but damnit I didn’t believe in someone imploding my self-worth either.

I knew I wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t either clearly. But I also knew we had the worlds most perfect daughter, and a son on the way. Everything I ever dreamed of came crashing to a halt.  After time I could handle that our marriage was over. I just couldn’t fathom that my dream of my family was shattered. I’m one of the rare people who was blessed to be raised by parents who have been married almost 4 decades. I did everything I could think of save our marriage, our family, and our kids futures, but nothing worked. I refused to beg for reasons, attention, or rational, I just couldn’t handle one more lie.

My father told me, in the middle of the puddle of what felt like endless tears. “Mark my words in 2 years from now you will be married.” Yeah, sure. I’d rather die alone than put my heart out there again. Fast forward to the day I met my currently snoring husband. I sent a message on Facebook to someone I thought I knew. Get ready for it your going to call me out, thinking I’m bluffing.  I sent it to someone I thought I went to college, who had gone in to the military. I was thrilled at the thought of sending him a care package. Instead I got a message that was rather curt and annoyed me. “I’m not who you think I am, sorry.” I looked at my mother who had come to spend time with me, appauled, as I was sure the entire world was out to get me at this time and muttered “Wow what a jerk!”

We had one mutual friend on Facebook. We both sent her a message, without the other knowing. I watched as the 3 bubbles of truth popped up. I waited with baited breath to hear what sort of creep would be so rude.  Much to my disappointment she raved about him. “Oh, He is WONDERFUL! He is the male you, you will just adore him” I still claim it the was pregnancy hormones that made me take the leap of faith. Hell, what did I have to lose, I planned on dyeing alone at the ripe, crusty age of 89. I let him know that I was mistaken, and I apologized for bothering him.

You know the rest of how it goes. We didn’t stay apart. We talked for 14 hours a day on and off for months. I verbally exploded. Some how he was safe. In the middle of my train wreck of a life, he made me feel heard for the first time. It was the haziest time, and some how the only time in my life I leapt before I looked. Oh, I should have mentioned I’m a planner. A planner of everything, and if it didn’t go to the plan I had in my head I derailed. I find it ironic, I have seen just about every romantic comedy on the planet and they have it right. The moment I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t available, I wasn’t ready, he showed up. But here is what they don’t show you. It’s messy. It doesn’t look flawless. He farts, and it smells horrific. I get frazzled and get snappy. I don’t always look like a pageant girl, I rocked shirts that had baby snot, and coffee stains. But, it was real. It was raw. It was imperfect. It was moment, my heart ache made sense. I had to lose what I thought I wanted and needed, to end up with who I was meant to grow old with and raise my children with. He challenges me. He is a pain. Lord knows he is sassy as anything. He is also the same man who loves me when my spinal issue acts up. He loves my children as his own. Who some how taught me to love the things I hated about myself in the gentlest way.

We are on this journey together. I hope my ramblings will give you comfort and remind you, you’re not alone. Life isn’t perfect, but there are incredible sprinkles along the way that make the dark times, have nuggets of positivity along the way. Positivity doesn’t happen, it’s a choice. In the hard-horrible times to search and dig as deep as needed to find the tiny pulse of hope, happiness, and positivity. Most of all, life wont look perfect. It’s not an Instagram post, a Pinterest idea, or a Hollywood movie. It’s challenging, frustrating, messy, joyous, and is chaotic bliss.

 

Stay Positive and Kind,

Rah- Rah Rachel

SNAP-Mood Change!

Did you know there’s a connection between the condition of your living space & your surrounding environment WITH your mood & your stress level? The connection happens unconsciously. You may not even realize WHAT it is that has you feeling OFF. A cluttered environment saps your energy, robs your creative flow, sucks out your positive attitude & steals your precious time. It slows down your productivity & outcomes and fills your mind with emptiness. And you ask “How’d THAT happen?’

Your living conditions could very well be the culprit to your boredom, upset, complacency, etc.

Living in, working in or just being in physical chaos… it changes your mood ** SNAP ** like that !

You don’t wake up and say, ‘my day is going to be havoc today’…it just happens. As you go about your morning you find yourself asking…. ‘Where are my keys?’ ‘What did I do with that letter?’ ‘Where is Johnny’s other sneaker?’ And before you know it, you’re behind schedule, talking to yourself and walking around in circles. You woke up in a good mood, ready to take on the day and ** SNAP ** like that you’re going down the rabbit hole.

And Sometimes it’s a lot harder to deal with the negative mood than the actual task of organizing your space. BUT the chaotic space will keep you there and make it even harder. Do you feel overwhelmed, burdened and stuck? If you can step out and start with one small drawer, one closet, one counter….. it very well could – if you let it – snowball you into another and another and another. And the next thing you know, you’re space is inviting, it flows better, and you’re happy. Allow clarity to replace clutter. Create a place for everything and put everything in it’s place Guess what…that’s better than half the battle…..it demolishes the battle. You find things in a *SNAP **.

It’s time to get back on track with a more efficient, harmonious space AND the next thing you know… you have a more efficient, harmonious life!

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

XXOOXXOO

Find Gratitude During The Holidays

Happy holidays everyone!

This time of year can be stressful for many people.

Today I am grateful I am home with my family and not in the hospital. Yesterday I was in the hospital with pneumonia and a blood clot. Thankfully my body was breaking it down on its own, the doctors gave me some anticoagulant to help it along and gave me the green light late last night to go home.

Even our darkest moments can are usually are blessings in disguise, whether we see it or not just depends on our perspective

While I was in the hospital, I became very scared. It was a time of self reflection for me and I realized some reservations holding me back in my everyday life. The biggest scare of the year has helped me shed things I was unaware of and get back to being me. I am grateful to spend Christmas with my children, and that I am here another day. No more reservations or second guessing myself. I know who I am and what I need to do to keep moving forward, so that when the time comes ( albeit I hope not anytime soon) I can close my eyes with no regrets. Much love to you all!

Always be unapologetically true to yourself,

-Ali Heikke

Anger Creates Chaos

Dale Carnegie teaches that the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.  There is something to be said for that, how many of your own personal arguments ever ended with the desired result?  Most arguments, which are fueled by anger, consist of heated emotion and reactionary feelings. When those things are present, nothing good is happening.  Like I always say respond, don’t react!

When we are angry, we are divided from our centered/higher self, which only leads to chaos and destruction of some sort. Angry people cannot hear anything real, and they certainly can’t hear their inner voice or intuition.  Being swallowed by anger cuts us off from solutions and allows the dark side to run us with negative thoughts…thoughts such as “he is such a jerk”, “I can’t stand her, she is always wrong”, “he is selfish and hateful,” etc.

Allowing thoughts like this even for a moment gives power to the dark nature of things. Allowing thoughts like this to take root fuels more angry feelings.

Anger and angry feelings are destructive to the natural order of things, which creates chaos.  Chaos breeds fear and fear creates more anger, and so goes the vicious cycle.

Understanding anger for what it is can help us to become more tolerant.  There are times when we get upset because things don’t work the way we want them to and adjustments must be made…that is healthy.  What is destructive is upset that we allow to turn into pure rage and wholly negative thoughts.  When we permit ourselves to fall unchecked into negativity is when we begin to generate something destructive.

We must be vigilant in turning our upsets into constructive opportunities for change and communication.  Today, when you are feeling angry, look and see how you can change your perspective or communicate your upset constructively to create something positive.  Don’t allow yourself to be overtaken with angry and negative thoughts…be the better person, be the peacemaker.

 

-XO, Noelle

What’s The Condition of Your Space?

Did you know there’s a connection between the condition of your living space & surrounding environment AND your mood, productivity, creativity and stress level? A cluttered environment saps your energy and robs you of a creative flow, positive outcomes & precious time. Living in, or working with, physical or mental chaos… can change your mood like *SNAP* that!  And sometimes it’s a lot harder to deal with THAT than the actual task of organizing it all.  The connection happens unconsciously.  You don’t wake up and say, ‘my day is going to be havoc today’…it just happens.  As you go about your morning you find yourself asking…. ‘Where are my keys?’ ‘What did I do with that letter?’ ‘Where is Johnny’s other sneaker?’ And then before you know it, you’re behind schedule, talking to yourself and walking around in circles.

When you’re always looking for things that should be at your fingertips, you spend too much important & precious time looking.  Clarity replaces Clutter!!  We live in a society which places many demands on our time. And one thing is for sure….we don’t have time to waste searching for that one thing we need before we can walk out the door, that one folder we need for the meeting or the school papers Suzi needs in her backpack before the bus gets here. If you create a place for everything and put everything in it’s place …that’s better than half the battle…..it demolishes the battle.  You find things in a *SNAP*.

Whether it’s your office, kitchen, garage, playroom, kitchen cabinets, dresser drawers… whatever it is…. …. it’s time to get back on track with a more efficient, harmonious space AND the next thing you know… you have a more efficient, harmonious life!

Be aware of your condition and declutter what you can so today is a breeze.

Peace & Blessings,

Tracy