Tag Archives: changes

Time For A Change

Time for A Change.

If you did not catch my FB Live this past Sunday morning (7-5-20) then I suggest that you go and watch it or listen to the podcast recording of it.  It will give more power and meaning to this blog post—judging by the response the video is getting over the last several hours I would say that my topic choice hit home for a lot of you.

Let us start by defining “toxic”…

Toxic is defined as – very bad, unpleasant, or harmful.

There comes a time in our lives when we need to start looking around and acknowledging what is stealing our aliveness— most of us are so busy and so bogged down that we don’t even look around to see why we have less energy, why we are eating too much, why we aren’t taking care of ourselves—we just think “oh that’s just my life” or “that’s how it has to be”— I am calling BULLSHIT on all of those excuses.  The truth is if you are anything like me you have said yes far too many times when you really wanted to say NO or you have done something when you didn’t want to because you did not want to deal with what came from not doing it.

We go along to get along A LOT of the time and we think that we are doing ourselves a favor by causing less headaches in the moment—however at close to 52 and after running many businesses and raising a kid for 19 years all on my own, I can honestly tell you that I am not sure we are doing ourselves a favor by not standing up and speaking our own truth even if people don’t like it or want to hear it.

Every time that we shrink ourselves to suit someone else, we DULL our own edges and then before you know it we turn around and we have become some shadowy version of who we were.  When we do that, we don’t like ourselves much because a part of us knows that we are saying yes to avoid conflict or going along just to keep the peace etc.

Yes, there are times we when we will have to do things we don’t want to do and times that we will have to suck it up—I get that.  What I am mostly speaking about here and on the live this morning is how doing this can become a daily habit instead of just a “sometimes” occurrence.  The pain that we think we are saving ourselves from in the moment actually is nothing compared to the suffering that we cause ourselves by not speaking our truth and drawing lines in the sand when things are not acceptable to us.

I don’t believe in regrets—however I do believe that there are things that I could have done better so far in my almost 52 years and one of the biggies is that I could have made clear boundaries instead of trying to keep everybody happy at the expense of my own self-worth.  I am much better with it now; however, it is an active project for me—making sure that I am saying what really works for me and what doesn’t.

The biggest place that this one catches us is with toxic family situations or toxic relationships—often in these situations it can cause so much temporary drama to speak our truth and stand up for ourselves…

The cost though for not doing it is your energy, your joy, your ‘aliveness’—I am asking you this week to start looking into your life to see what is unacceptable, what isn’t ok with you, what you have been putting up with to keep the peace.  The first step is to bring it to consciousness and then start thinking about what needs to be done to shift it.  It will not happen overnight, and it will be a process—however you cannot wait one more minute to start saying what is really so for you.

It is time that you mattered to you—it’s time to see what is not working and it is time to do something about that—go watch the FB live.  See you Sunday for Coffee Chat.

 

XO, N.

All Conditions Change and Pass

Years ago my Mom wrote an affirmation treatment with the title, “all conditions change and pass” and it seems like this is a good title for today’s blog as well as perhaps an excellent mantra for the current times.   

“On September 30, 1859, Abraham Lincoln recounted a similar story: It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: “And this, too, shall pass away.”

The point of these two examples is that everything passes…including this lock down and all the situations that caused it.  We are in unprecedented times which calls for new ways of being and creative ways of looking at things. I watched a John Maxwell live a few days ago and he was encouraging us to look for the OPPORTUNITY in all of this for ourselves…I appreciated his suggestion that I begin to alter the way I have been looking at all this.  

We have been social distancing here since March 8th when my work trip to Miami was cancelled because of the pandemic…it is now April 16th…pretty sure that I have, by now, run the gamut of emotions…thankfully I like the people that live here and thankfully I am still working every day, so that has made it easier to bear.  After watching John Maxwell’s live I started thinking about what could be created out of this experience…how could I transform the way that I am dealing with this so that something amazing is created from it…I am still living in that question.

At least now, I am living in a question instead of being annoyed that I am still stuck in here with these people:) who just KEEP EATING!!!

Our stay home/stay safe order from the Governor of VT has been extended to May 15th so we have about a month to go if they don’t extend it any further…I have decided to make it a point to create some new goals about what comes after this is over, if you would like to join me in beginning to look at what the opportunity is in all this join me Sunday Morning for Coffee Chat at 10am est and again on Thursday at 10:30am for session for of 7 Ways to Create Good Fortune…

See you soon.  XO, Noelle

The More Things Change

The more things change the more they stay the same. 

Except so much has changed.

I am not sure where you are, but in my part of the world we are on strict Stay At Home orders until at least the end of April.

Our schools closed right before St, Patrick’s Day. Due to the nature of my job I have only been home myself now for six days.

I like everyone, am trying to figure out my new normal.

My daughter is about to start her second week of homeschooling and I’m thankful we have a district that planned and has worked hard to make things not too painful on us.

I’m the midst of this … I’m starting a new job.

So… I’m trying to control what I can control. It’s something I have been doing since G and I first left her Dad. I get up. I do my hair. I get dressed. I even put on makeup. You may say why? I mean if you have been on a ZOOM meeting all bets are off.

But this is my ritual. My thing that I can control in a world that feels so out of control.

It’s my time to quiet my head. Or do my checklist for the day.

The big difference is now I put on a T-shirt, leggings and comfy socks.

With so much feeling out of sync, it’s ok to have those things, Please know though, the days of fake lashes and foundation are probably on hiatus, but a good mascara, lipgloss and a Bobby pin in my bangs make me feel better.

They say the more things change the more they stay the same.

For me I need this same, as trivial and silly as it may seem.

It’s my anchor.

I hope you have one too Mommas.

I am sending you so much love.

Be safe.

<3 Caprise

Make The Bed

The importance of good habits comes to mind after weeks of playing the effectiveness game, practicing good habits equals our kids picking them up and emulating them as well…so I have learned:)

When I was growing up my grandparents were really like my parents and my grandfather had a rule about making the bed, he was a Navy man who served in WW II.  As a child and even as an adult we were not allowed downstairs to start the day unless it was made. Made to his satisfaction that is, which meant made neatly and not just pulling a comforter or bedspread up over the mess from the night before.  Fluff the pillows, straighten the sheets, put the throw pillows back on etc.  MADE.

So, as you might imagine after years of training and trying to rebel against house rules…making my bed became an ingrained habit.  To my amazement it has also becomes my son’s habit, that kid does not leave the house until his is made up perfectly…every day, no matter what.  This is something that he started making important on his own, we’ll call this #winning for me!

Now let’s talk about what making the bed can contribute to you, a few years ago I saw a video that US Navy Admiral William McRaven did entitled, “If you want to change the world, start by making your bed”— I will include the link at the end of this post.  It is worth watching.  In his video Admiral McRaven points out that if you make your bed it starts your day with one task that is complete and that gives you a sense of accomplishment to go on and conquer other tasks for the day.  Very good point.

For me making the bed has always been about creating order and making a fresh start on the new day—as you know I am big on how you begin and end your days.  When you end your day by walking into a room with a messy bed that takes away your energy (in my opinion)— everyone likes to get into a fresh bed at the end of a long day.

It is the little things you do every day that contribute to a new reality, small changes done consistently over time net BIG results.  Darren Hardy wrote a great book called, “The Compound Effect” that talks about how life changing alterations start from making daily, consistent changes.

Take a peek at the Admiral’s video and if you aren’t already doing so…make the bed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sK3wJAxGfs

XO, Noelle

The Big Day

The big day…

It’s Sunday, a week before Labor Day, and I’m on vacation with my son at Universal studios, currently sitting by the wave pool in premium seating at Volcano Bay and it hit me… I have a good life.

I’m successful, I’m good with money (finally), I have some great friends, I have a great kid and I may be starting to date someone… so what’s wrong here?

Guess what?

Nothing!

I’m enjoying the moment and my spare tire in my midsection. I’m not stressing over what’s next and why not or why me… I’m just living my best life right now. And I’m doing it for myself.

That’s the trick here, put your oxygen mask on first, then everything else falls into place. None of this came without a good amount of time in therapy or a lot of looking in the mirror and saying, get at it or you know you are better than this.

Does this mean I don’t have goals? Of course not… that spare tire stopped paying rent a while ago, so the eviction notice is coming, Tuesday.

That career designation is happening by year end, because I made a promise to myself and I don’t want to fail on it (again).

That being a good role model to my son is continuing to grow and happen, we are just going to the next level with it now, as he develops into a young man.

What’s my purpose with all this? To tell all of you to get out there, smile, laugh, have the hard conversations (I did and it made my friendships even better) and take care of yourself first.

“Ad astra per aspera” my friends. Get at it and you got this! Your kids will thank you, I promise. 

-Electra 

You Don’t Need A Cape, You Already Have Wings

I am here to tell you that you don’t need a cape, you already have wings…I am sitting in a silent house after a week-long spring break trip that I haven’t taken since “The Trip” back in April 2016. One would think that I would feel rested, recharged, rejuvenated. Well…. I was. Sort of.

Let me tell you about the flight home after an amazing trip with my two favorite teenage humans. Picture this, tribe… 3 solid hours of turbulence. I even considered if the pilot was on his maiden flight. This was enhanced by one terrified teenager who has a legit fear of flying and one teenager who does what all teenagers do best, slumped – passed out cold… the entire flight. Mix that in with several (and I mean SEVERAL) sick children who were projectile vomiting from the turbulence (Yep, you are absolutely correct – there is NO fresh air on an airplane) and the overwhelming and recycled stench of kiddy vomit… Is this real life? Yes. It was. It happened, and I lived through it this past weekend. Eventually, I ended up getting home and feeling like I needed a vacation all over again. Please do not get me wrong here… I am 100% grateful that I got this experience and quality time with my kids, and that I had the means to go on such a trip with them. I am blessed beyond measure, and I do not take one of those moments (or any for that matter) for granted.

Wait, wait, wait…. You’re wondering what I meant by “The Trip” that I mentioned above back in 2016. Ah. Yep, That. Well, I think its time to get over my paralyzing fears, stare it directly in the eye and decide today is the day that I keep looking forward, and quit looking back to see if the past is still there. It’s there. It hasn’t left. I can still feel it. I can still see it. I can still hear it. I can’t unsee it, unhear it or unfeel it. It’s now part of who I have become.

It was around this time three years ago (almost to the day) that my world completely fell of its axis. No, literally. My entire personal world that I lived in completely blew up. In an instant. It was the day I became a working single mom.

I’m not going to dig into any of the details, much of which even after three years are still very fresh to my heart and soul, and the cuts are still very deep and still bleed on occasion. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I was absolutely blind-sided and was not in any way, shape, or form ready for what was going to happen to my life. It was never something I had signed up for or wanted. EVER. After all, I had been the living fairytale. I married my high school sweetheart and at that point had spent 20 years of my then 36 years of life with him. We had been married for 13 years at that point and had two beautiful children. Was our life glitter, rainbows and unicorns? Absolutely not. Was it perfect? No way. But, it was MY version of perfect. It was my world. My life. My everything – – until it just wasn’t any longer. I came back from spring break with my kiddos (he did not join us on this trip) to my then hero, lover, best friend, my person, and love of my life… telling me he no longer wanted to be in our marriage. He wanted out, and he left me. MIND BLOWN. EARTH SHATTERED. To make it worse, I was told in public. In a bar. Yep. That happened.

Let’s take the 35,000 foot detour for a second, and get you caught up to speed – and get off the backstory train. I spent three long and painful years desperately trying to hold onto my marriage and save my family. I pleaded with God. I got angry. I got spiteful. I cried millions and millions of tears. I felt abandoned, hopeless, jaded – any feeling you can come up with – I assure you I felt them and I mastered them. I lost weight and shrunk faster than washing a 100% cotton shirt in scalding hot water and putting it in the dryer on high heat for an hour. Some days, I literally begged to die – because the pain inside of me was so much, so deep, so hard – I couldn’t stand another minute. Failure was not a word that was ever in my vocabulary – and here I was – the picture of failure right next to the word in good oleWebster’s.

Long story short, we divorced right before this past Christmas – and the holidays, well – let’s just say they were pretty much a blur. Kind of like when you squint and look at the lights on the tree. They are there, but you really can’t make out what it is, but you obviously know.

I have a point here, trust me – and stay with me because hopefully – there is someone out there just like me who was right where I was or is even now. I look at the day-to-day and I still hurt. I hurt when I look at my kids when we are now a party of 3 that used to be 4. I hurt when I go to bed in a king sized bed alone and hover on the far side of the bed – and wake up in the same position, barely had moved. I have good day and bad days.

When looking at it by the “days” or “moments – I have felt like I haven’t moved an inch much less a mile. However, when I look back at the last three years as a “whole” – Tribe, let me tell you – I have moved mountains I didn’t think could be moved. I have traveled so far that I can’t see where I started even though I know it exists. I have grown, stretched myself, and learned more about myself and have undoubtedly proved myself wrong every single step of the way. I have survived 100% of my worst days. TRUE STORY!

I am alive to tell the tale. To not only myself, but to my two beautiful children and any one of you that are reading this. I have cried myself to sleep. I have eaten completely alone in a restaurant. I have gone to a wedding solo. I have wondered how I can make it another day. However, I have smiled. I have laughed. I have found strength in the deepest places I never knew existed. Hell, all of this brought me here to all of YOUright here and now. I am walking side by side with you. Our arms are linked, and we are in lock step. I am one of you. We’re a tribe and let me tell you – we’re strong. We’re not going anywhere and despite what you feel (or don’t feel) inside – we got this, and not only do we – we’ll do it twice and take pictures to prove it. (Insert “Amen” here!)

Humor me and consider this for a few moments. I want you to look in the mirror. I don’t want you to worry about the bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep you got last night because your child was up sick all night or because your teenager had their first heartbreak. Don’t look at the extra curves that may surround your waistline because you have been working so hard to provide, you haven’t gotten the chance to get to the gym. It’s not necessary to look at the dry shampoo residue in your hair. What I want you to do is look past the refection staring back at you, and for God’s sake, don’t judge the woman staring back. Only you know what storms she has been through. Only you know where she has been, and where she is going. You’re the only one who has lived her life. You’re the expert of the person you see in the mirror. No one knows her better than you.

Every single day is a new opportunity to start again. Reinvent yourself. Try something new. Spread your wings. I encourage you to do so, even when you’re paralyzed in fear, or have no idea where to even start. If you want to lay in bed all day, hide from the world, and pretend that you are non-existent; go ahead, do it for a day or two. But remember, you don’t live there. You don’t belong there anyway – and it’s not a destination. Here’s why…

If I have learned anything, it’s this. You have smaller humans that are watching your every move. Your attitudes, your composure, your strength, and endurance. They are building their character traits based on your examples. We’re helping shape who they become. Albeit – there is this saying but man oh man is it a good one…. Show your daughters how to be treated by a man and show your sons how to treat a woman. You’re showing them this tribe… and guess what… you’re doing an amazing job. No matter what yesterday’s mascara has to say about it.

Keep chugging the lattes. Keep being that laundry warrior. Be who you need yourself to be for you and for them. We’re all here to cheer you on along the way, and to pick you up and carry you when you feel like you can’t. That’s what tribes do.

Until we meet again…

Jenn

SNAP-Mood Change!

Did you know there’s a connection between the condition of your living space & your surrounding environment WITH your mood & your stress level? The connection happens unconsciously. You may not even realize WHAT it is that has you feeling OFF. A cluttered environment saps your energy, robs your creative flow, sucks out your positive attitude & steals your precious time. It slows down your productivity & outcomes and fills your mind with emptiness. And you ask “How’d THAT happen?’

Your living conditions could very well be the culprit to your boredom, upset, complacency, etc.

Living in, working in or just being in physical chaos… it changes your mood ** SNAP ** like that !

You don’t wake up and say, ‘my day is going to be havoc today’…it just happens. As you go about your morning you find yourself asking…. ‘Where are my keys?’ ‘What did I do with that letter?’ ‘Where is Johnny’s other sneaker?’ And before you know it, you’re behind schedule, talking to yourself and walking around in circles. You woke up in a good mood, ready to take on the day and ** SNAP ** like that you’re going down the rabbit hole.

And Sometimes it’s a lot harder to deal with the negative mood than the actual task of organizing your space. BUT the chaotic space will keep you there and make it even harder. Do you feel overwhelmed, burdened and stuck? If you can step out and start with one small drawer, one closet, one counter….. it very well could – if you let it – snowball you into another and another and another. And the next thing you know, you’re space is inviting, it flows better, and you’re happy. Allow clarity to replace clutter. Create a place for everything and put everything in it’s place Guess what…that’s better than half the battle…..it demolishes the battle. You find things in a *SNAP **.

It’s time to get back on track with a more efficient, harmonious space AND the next thing you know… you have a more efficient, harmonious life!

 

Your God Girl,

Tracy

XXOOXXOO

Joyful In This Place

Joyful in this place.

As you all know by now, I am in the middle of what I am calling a ‘difficult season’ which sounds better than what my mind would like to call it…LOL

November will make it a year and a half of walking out the choice I made of leaving my corporate job and cutting my personal income by 75% in order to work full-time for myself doing what I love.  You might imagine the impact that this has been having on my life and you might imagine that I may not have a lot of patience for it all…those of you that know me well know that patience is not one of my best qualities…yet I am learning it for sure in this season!

Over the last few days I have been feeling particularly challenged by all of this and feeling very much like ‘I have HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SEASON’—in fact I have been having many, many discussions with God about WHY I AM STILL HERE…

Now keep in mind that everything has been working, every bill has been paid and by the Grace of GOD every, single REAL need has been met.  I have experienced so many blessings and so much Grace during this time—not to mention the LESSONS I have learned…so part of me is very clear that this season has been necessary before I begin another phase of building.  I have gained such clarity about who is around me and what I have been pouring into, I have learned what and who to let go of and I am learning how to say NO.  Also learning that people that want to be around me need to put in equal effort and that is something that I was missing over these last 50 years.  Soooo although this time is SO freaking uncomfortable and most days I feel like my skin is on inside out, I DO SEE the value in it.

Now back to my impatience and asking God WHY am I STILL in this place…this morning that question was asked over and over again until I finally got an ANSWER:

  • “BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT JOYFUL in this place.  Gratitude is NOT your first line of defense in this place…even though I have had your back and MET EVERY NEED…you still wake up scared every single day and you are still hating where I have put you…SO UNTIL you can BE JOYFUL and GRATEFUL most of the time in this…HERE is where you will STAY!”

Yeah…so what could I even say to that??? It is the truth.  I am not joyful in this place and although I AM grateful, I am not grateful ALL the time.  Mostly I am scared and stressed and upset and feeling like I have had enough of this…

God often speaks to me and even when I don’t like what He has to say, I listen.

It is soooo hard to choose JOY in a place where you are uncomfortable….sooo hard to force yourself to be grateful when you feel terrified inside because you cannot SEE HOW everything will work out.  However, I have SOOOO much evidence that everything works out for the good, I even have the last year and a half where every need has been met and not once was I able to see ahead of time HOW.

FAITH is tested greatly when you are in the wilderness periods, yet those periods are an integral part of being able to create what is supposed to come next because your LESSONS are in the wilderness periods…and so they are often the hardest times.

So today I am working on figuring out how to be satisfied, grateful and JOYFUL in this place that I don’t like and I wanted to share this with those of you that may be in the middle of a similar season…

-XO, Noelle

Today Is The Day I Begin To Reach High

Today I am starting a journal, not only will this be a journal but a life changing assignment for myself. Today I am one step closer to be a braver woman, mother, friend and all-around person.

I have never thought of myself as a brave person. I have ALWAYS been the quiet one. The one everyone doesn’t see. The one who tries not to be called on for ANYTHING. The one who agrees with EVERYTHING just, so I don’t have to debate about it.

When Hurricane Harvey hit, my world was devastated. I have never been through something like that before. It changed my whole aspect on who I was. All I wanted to do was help people. But how was I supposed to help anyone when I have been scared all my life? Well, your girl has set her sights high now.

With my new career insights and pushing and pulling against all odds, it seems I still find things that push me back. But this is more than ok because this is only a test. I must keep pushing outside my comfort zones. As time goes by I keep changing into a whole new person and I am loving it. I am more outgoing, happier, trying new things and making new friends.

“Brave people don’t stop hearing the whispers of fear. They hear the whispers but take action anyways.” This is my goal. To keep fighting, keep pushing with everything to accomplish that I am setting my mind too. With the help of my friends, family and the words of the Lord I shall succeed!

I believe in myself. Do you believe in yourself? I believe all we need is that one whisper to get us up and motivated. Still scared? I am here, to help push you, help you find the meaning you may be looking for.

Today is the day to begin Reaching High.

~Shelly

To Grow I Must Embrace These Changes

To Grow I Must Embrace These Changes

There has been a lot of change going on in my life as of recent. I have never been a big fan of change. This time instead of fighting against the forces that be that are pushing me in new directions I have been embracing them and going with the flow.

One of the many changes in my life is that I have a new relationship in my life. Someone who treats me right, so much so it scares me sometimes. I have never been with a decent guy before, I have always been with the guys that neglect my needs and make me beg for what I need in a relationship. The absence of this struggle has me on my toes waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then I realized it wasn’t coming. Which made me analyze why I was waiting for things to take a turn for the worst. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be treated right, why you may ask? It’s from all the years of justifying others mistreatment of me. Now I am learning how to love myself and to allow someone to love me.

One of the other big change bombs in my life is that I have been officially diagnosed with lupus. I’ve been in an out of the hospital for years, with symptoms that doctors couldn’t explain why I was having them. More recently I’ve been in and out of the hospital more frequently and I finally got a diagnosis. For those who do not know what Lupus is; it is a auto-immune disorder where your body mislabels your healthy cells as invading pathogens and then the body proceeds to attack itself. Specifically, with lupus it attacks skin, organs, muscle and connective tissue. The fact that I live in a colder unstable climate increases the amount of activity this disease has. So being diagnosed has led me too two bigger changes in my life.

I am uprooting my life and moving across country to Texas, for the warmer stable climate with lower cost of living. My last day on the job at the casino as a blackjack dealer is May 6th. The new person in my life is following me and my children down there. I am also immersing myself into homeopathic and herbal healing to find alternatives to heal myself and others.

I am diving head first into all of this, and I’m refusing to allow fear to control the steering wheel. I know that I cannot continue to grow unless I embrace this change and allow myself to be uncomfortable. It’s time to heal old wounds and embrace my new life. 

Always be unapologetically yourself,

Ali