Tag Archives: change

Changing My Name-Born a Malo, Always a Malo

Changing My Name-Born a Malo, Always a Malo….

There are many things in this world we all take for granted. The roof over our heads, the cars we drive, and now more than ever, our health. But have you ever sat down and thought about your name and what it stands for? I have been thinking about this every day for endless months.

Most women I know get married and take on a new married name, the one of their husbands. For the most part that’s what you do unless you have a strong reason to keep your maiden name. I was no different and followed the typical protocol. I got married, changed my name and never thought much about it. I had two beautiful kids and they took this married name too. Like I said, you don’t think anything about it ,until of course, things don’t work as planned. Then torture sets in. What the hell is the right thing to do now? And believe me it’s not about what people think of me or what they think I should do, I shipped that yacht out years ago.

The struggle of being a Mom with two kids trying to protect them from any extra uncomfortable feelings is real. When your parents get divorced it plain fucking sucks. I don’t care what anyone says children of divorce are bad-ass and have way more shit to deal with than most kids. Unless you lived it or living it you just don’t understand. As you can tell this was the one and only reason I wanted to keep my married name. Our three musketeer unit could always be as one. I tried like hell to do that and keep it that way for them but I just never felt right, ever. Whether it be saying my name out loud or signing it, there were times I was like who is this person? There are absolutely no characteristics of the old me and the new me, not one thing is alike other than I am a Mom of two of the greatest kids on the planet. I have 99% changed. Then 2020 set in like a mad truck.

There was no normal anymore and this year was nothing any of us could have predicted. However,it brought a lot of us closer and reminded us about things we forgot about because we were all too damn busy. My kids and I were hiking almost every day with our dogs, having dinner at the table and this was the spring time when normally we didn’t have an extra 5 minutes in a day. At that point my decision was made and my kids understood. This wasn’t about me as a Mom but me as a human being. So I filed the paperwork and I paid to return to me.It was not easy getting here.

So today I am me the person I was born to be, the little Malo girl living in downtown Monson. A smidge older & hopefully still kinda little. The girl that waters the gazebo plants,jamming to music every morning with the biggest smile and an occasional twirl. Being a Malo means the absolute world to me. Malo’s are genuine, loyal, good- hearted humans. Didn’t say we were normal or not crazy cause that would be a lie but most of us would do anything for anyone.

I will NEVER take for granted signing my name, saying my name out loud and there would need to be an act of God to ever change it again. In one of my favorite lyrics to a song “I’m proud of who I am…No more monsters, I can breathe again”. I am amazingly proud just being me and being able to live this wonderful life I was given. So tonight I sign off sitting on my garage steps looking at the pink sky with a glass of wine.

Ya’ll better watch out because the Sara Malo in me is way more fun than ever!

~S

The Transformation Of The Chrysalis

Transformation happens in the chrysalis.  The caterpillar changes itself into a butterfly.  If the amount of time in the chrysalis is not perfect for this to happen, the insect can become very weak, not be able to fly or lay eggs or live a very long butterfly life.  It must grow and change and push itself out into the world on it’s own.   It cannot be forced.  It cannot be coerced.  It cannot be manipulated to fit the master plan of a butterfly life.  It must go through the process.  

Some caterpillars take 5-21 days and others can take up to two years.  The environment must be perfect for that particular caterpillar to metamorphosis into the butterfly it is meant to be.

Same goes for us.  If we do not go through a transformation process from childhood into adulthood so that we can BE who we are meant to be, it may not turn out so well.  We may not be as strong as we need to be.  Not as smart, not as compassionate, not as loving.  

You can’t wish your way to be a grown up.  There are things you must learn along the way.  If you refuse to learn them you’ll have a difficult time holding down a job or even making friends.  As you age, there are ways to act and like a child is not one of them.

It’s kind of like education.   If you don’t learn everything you need to learn in Elementary school, you will not do well in Middle School.  And if you don’t learn all those subjects and pass all those tests, well, you’ll have a really hard time in High School.  And so on.

So with your emotional, mental and spiritual state of being as a child, you must learn all you can from books, workshops, people and grow into being an adult.  Wherever you can learn something so you’re ready for the next phase of your life with passion and purpose.  Stay in your childhood for 18-19 years and have a blast, and slowly as you break out of your Chrysalis, adulthood will be waiting for you.

Xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Taking The Leap-Making The Hard Decisions

I have such a hard time making the hard decisions…things like..Is it a jean or legging kind of day… or do I have nachos or ice cream are easy to make… but a life changing decision…not so much. 

I have realized that I am an over thinker.  I have to think everything through over and over… and most of the time I am looking for a sign to just tell me what to do.  It never seems to happen… And then I over analyze it over and over again.  But once I make that decision, I know.  And by the time I actually tell someone, I am 100% behind my decision.  And then there is no turning back.  

The last couple of weeks I have had to make a hard decision that would change my life in many ways.  I had to decide if I was ready to leave my current job.  And it was not just my job, but I would be starting a new career in a new industry.  And I have worked in my current industry for about 26 years…Yikes!!  

But I have known for awhile now that this is not where I want to be.. I have many working years left in my life.  And I want to feel that passion again in what I do.  

I had started to make it a priority in the last year.  I spent time devoted to researching different careers that were easily transferrable.  I spent time updating my resume to fit into a new role.  I researched different job titles and qualifications that I wanted and what I needed to get a job in that industry.  And I spent 3 months doing volunteer training so I would gain some knowledge of the actual industry.  

And I spent time doing deep soul searching on what I really wanted to do.  I had to think about what really makes me feel good and what I wanted from a career.   What was important to me…And I spent time praying and writing down what was important.  Having lots of faith that I would actually figure it all out.  Plus I have so many years left to work.. 

And then it happened… but then I had to decide if I was ready to make the leap…  All I could think about for the last few months, was starting something new… and now it was almost here in front of me…But then reality sinks in and I started to doubt myself… and wonder how it would all work out.  It’s amazing how fast the doubts get into your head and take over.  

Was I ready for this change? Or should I just stay where I was?  Would my kids be ready for a new schedule? I had been working from home for almost a year, would they adapt to my new schedule? Would I be able to work it out with my ex husband? Would the money be enough? And benefits? And vacation?  All those questions kept popping in my head…over and over again…

But I had to stop… stop doubting myself.  And not overthink everything.  I had to go with what I felt and what I had worked hard for over the last year.  I had to stop over analyzing all of the “what if’s”.

I needed to feel like I was accomplishing something again in my career. I needed to feel like I had a purpose in my job.  I had lost that over the last couple years and it was just a job.  This was important to me. I wanted to start something new and take that chance.  If it didn’t work out, then so be it.  But I knew that I needed to try something new.  Take the leap…

I know it will be an adjustment for us all.  My kids are used to me being around a lot and they will now need to be more independent.  They are really used to me being able to drive them everywhere.  They would have to help me with more.  I will probably ask more from them.  

And then when I told my kids, it seemed like it was no big deal to them. They were like, “sure mom we can help you.  Now them saying it and them doing it is actually two different things…That’s the funny thing about kids.. The things we worry about as parents, sometimes doesn’t even worry them…but just hearing them say that , makes it feel so much better.  

But I also know that this is just an adjustment period…it’s the scary unknown period that we will get through together.  We would get through this together…

 

-Snarky 

www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

2021-The Year Of Tweaking

Here it is.. 2021…And here I am wondering what am I going to do this year???  What is going to be my big resolution?? What is going to be my new goal? 

I have been trying to figure what is going to be my big goal or resolution.  I am a big advocate for working on yourself, making plans, setting goals, and striving to do better year after year.  I am all for that…I am like a sponge when it comes to working on self care and self reflection.  I live for new books, podcasts, journals, affirmations, etc.  I have been knee deep in it for weeks, thinking about 2020…Trying to prepare for the start of 2021. I went back and forth on what was really important to me for next year.  I think I was stressing myself over coming up with that one thing.  

However, do you ever get to a point where you just feel like enough is enough.. Why can’t I just be content with who I am?  Why can’t I continue to concentrate on what I love?  Why am I always searching for that one thing that might make this year the best yet.  

So then it finally hit me…what if I just concentrate on everything I have already been working on… continue tweaking and sticking to what is important to me.  Maybe I wont be the girl with the big list of goals this year.  Many I wont do epic things…but maybe I will get farther ahead with everything I have already been working on. 

I want to continue learning to just be content…  Ya, I should lose 5 lbs, but I probably wont.  I exercise daily and I am very active, but losing those 5 lbs is not that one thing that is going to make my year the best ever.  Mostly because I like nachos and wine.  I do not always need to come up with something bigger and better.    

I just want to continue being more content with just getting as much done in a day as I do.   I know my limitations.  I know when I get to the point of when I feel stressed and overwhelmed.  So, what if I listened to myself more and stuck with that.  

I want to continue moving forward down the path that I have the last few years.  I want to concentrate on not taking on too much.  I want to concentrate on just being happy.  Learning to just let more go.  I also want to remember to make that time for myself.  

The last year has been a up and down rollercoaster.. And what if I took 2021 to just stand still for a bit.   Stand still to regroup and focus on everything that has been important to me the last few years.  Remembering that less is sometimes more.  Remembering to take that time for myself.  Remembering to spend more time with my family.  Remembering to not rush through the day. And Remembering to say no when I want too…  

I think I got thrown off the track many times in 2020.  I would take on too much or become overly stressed about all the happenings in the world.  I forget what was important.  I would forget to let many things go, especially what I could not control.  I would worry to much about my kids, family, work, and figuring it all out.    

So It might only be a few things this year, but I am fine with that… because that’s what’s important to me.  Maybe this will just be the year of tweaking…taking the time to go through all that important to me… and tweak it.  

-snarky

Am I Committed To Doing It My Way?

Am I committed to only doing it “my way”?…..Years ago in another life I was a general manager of a restaurant in southern Maine. I often joke that that’s how I learned to cook. When one of the chefs didn’t come to work I stepped in and took his place for the night. I described that experience as teaching me to be a line cook but not a chef. I also say what it taught me was be how to cook it from a recipe.

Tonight, I found it a rude awakening that that’s actually not true.

A few days ago good friend gifted me a blue apron meal. I was excited to give it a try. I said to myself that it should be easy because all I have to do is follow the recipe. In the end the meal worked out and it was quite delicious but what I noticed was I approached the recipe in the mindset of ‘I already know how this is going to go’. I started by quickly reading over the ingredients and the general  flow of how things were to be cooked. But that’s about the extent I followed the recipe. I would go back and refer to it, but I certainly did not follow it.

There were ingredients for a sauce to be poured over turkey meatballs as a glaze. But what I did was I add it to all of the vegetables that were to be stir fried. I said before that it was delicious and that’s still true, but I saw that I was arrogance in not the following the actual recipe step-by-step.

The reason this is an important observations from me is, I have to ask myself where else do I think I already know and stop listening or stop reading because of it.? Holding an attitude like this is actually far more dangerous than not knowing anything at all. I wonder how many other people do just what I do… I’m quite sure it’s quite a few.

I didn’t think I was like that and I’m sure anyone else acting the same probably does either. For instance at work do we actually listen to instructions or do we tune them out thinking we already know how perform the task. Are we able to surrender to someone else’s instructions. Do we do this sort of thing in our relationships? How strong is our desire to be right?

For me, I am grateful for this insight.

~Steve

She Let Go

She Let Go

Have you had days where you just wanted to erase things, have a do-over or scrub away the yuck?  Maybe you’d like to take on the art of letting go with me?  I read this and it touched me.  It touched me in that place between my tears and my heart and it made the moment okay.

xoxo…Your God girl…Tracy

SHE LET GO

Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause congratulations
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore…

~ Rev. Safire Rose

Why Oh Why

Girls, whenever you question WHY….Why is it like this… With upset in your voice, anguish in your heart and tears on your cheeks… STOP.  Stop and remember it is YOU who can make a change from feeling a MESS to feeling at PEACE.

Let’s just say you really did get pushed down the stairs.  You really were in a car accident.  You really did go through a devastating divorce.  BUT just because it really did happen to you, doesn’t mean it has to mold you, effect you, victimize you or keep you in a negative mind space or feeling a MESS.

As mush as you decide what to eat, where to shop, what to wear on any given day…. You also have the power to decide what to think & speak & how to respond to situations and what’s going on around you.

Years ago I was going to Survivors of Suicide support groups.  I lost a loved one and was eager to work through the pain and upset to a place of ‘joy in the sadness’.   I was on a mission to heal, a journey of releasing the trauma.  I was not going to let his depression become my depression.  I was determined to get on the other side of my grief.

During one of the meetings a woman was sharing.  She was sooooo mad at her dad.  Mad because he had taken his life and she was a MESS as a result of it.  She shared her story, her weight gain, her anger, her solitude & that her dad died 14 years ago.  She’d been coming to Survivors of Suicide meetings for 14 years!!!  I think my jaw may have dropped wide open right there, in that moment. I’d been coming for 2 months and I thought “I Will Not Be Here For One Year, Never Mind Fourteen.”

Do you see?  She kept going to the meetings, sharing her misery, talking about her upset, living IN that MESSY place.  The more she shared, the more support she got, the more drama she shared, the more it coddled her and brought her comfort and justified her anger.  Which, if that worked for her….all the power to her.  BUT, Did she know she had the power within herself to change the way she was thinking?  It could’ve changed in a conversation, in a decision, in a promise.

Next time you find yourself asking WHY, oh Why am I in this MESS?  Remember that you can make it new.

There is no reason to sit in it.

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Finding Your New Place

Finding your new place…sometimes you need a change… I had gone to the same church since my kids were in preschool. We had switched to this church because it offered many programs for little kids and they could do to preschool there also.

I had volunteered for Sunday school for all of my kids throughout their preschool and elementary years. I had joined and participated in a bible group for years. I had also volunteered at the preschool during their preschool years.

We had attended first communions and faith milestones together at that church. We sat through so many Christmas programs and music concerts it felt never ending.

And after my divorce, it felt so different to be there. I felt like I didn’t fit in anymore. I slowly started to volunteer less for preschool. I started to attend church less when I didn’t have my kids. It just didn’t feel like my place anymore.

I didn’t feel comfortable going to church there anymore. It was too close for comfort with my ex and his new wife attending the same church.   I really wanted to feel comfortable attending.

My life was not the same as the past and I kinda felt like I didn’t fit in there anymore. I know I wrote many times about changes in my life after divorce and learning new path. I wanted to really grow and follow in my faith. This was a time in my life that I really needed to be able to feel comfortable with it. In the past, I had just gone along with the faith that worked best for my family or children. I had picked my church for my kids. This time I wanted it to be more about me.

So I started looking for a new church… my friends had recommended a church, so at first I started listening to the messages online. I listened to them for about 6 months before I actually attended in person. I really could relate to the messages. It was so different that I could relate to the messages and felt like sometimes they were meant for me.   I knew that I didn’t want to just jump into a new church without it feeling really like home.

When I first attended in person, I was so nervous to attend alone. No matter what it is in my life, attending alone is always so scary for me. I went with friends at first to feel comfortable. But then one weekend I went alone. It was so great. I felt comfortable and at peace. I had found my new home.

After that, I now go alone on the weekends without my kids. Its my time. This is one of the things that I really look forward to doing alone. I have many things that I like doing with friends in my life, but attending church alone has been so comforting for me.

I know I write a lot about learning to do new things alone or making new changes. Finding new activities, interests, or hobbies that bring you joy or peace is so exciting. I push myself to do these things because it is so out of my comfort zone from my past…

 

-snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Coffee Please

Coffee please….

Did you say struggle or snuggle?     Exercise Shmerxercise     

I love coffee.  I love coffee more than food.  I have 8 different kinds of coffee and 15 coffee mugs.  Oh and yes….I live alone.  LOL.  On top of that….. Did I tell you, I have 6, (or is it 7) t-shirts with sayings about coffee.   And into the coffee goes anything from almond milk to maple syrup and MCT oil to cacao powder.  Change it up. Drink it up.  Enjoy it.  All.  Day.

But, then there are days when I just want it exactly as it is, right out of the press.  Poured straight into the cup so I can enjoy the boldness, the robust flavor, the deep dark roast.  

It’s kinda like our life.

We can add anything from colorful pants to cute ankle socks and cool flat boots to braids.  Spice it up.  Sass it up. Enjoy it.  All. Day.

But, then there are those days we want to be as we are, straight out of the press.  Right?  Straight up.  No additions.  Enjoying the boldness, the grit & truth, the raw essence of you. 

Change is good.  Sitting on the patio with a cup of coffee can be just as wonderful as sitting in the car at the bus stop.  Life can be just as enjoyable home alone or out with a crowd.  And we can be just as amazing living from that place of joy, the peace deep inside, the you that matters to you or getting all dolled up for an afternoon downtown.  

If it’s enjoyable to put on some mascara, a matching belt and your prettiest sweater, then do it.  But if you’re having a I-don’t-feel-like-it kinda day and you want to wear holey socks and your over-sized comfy sweater, then do that!  And remind yourself, just like my cup of coffee, sometimes adding a little something something is just as good as Plain And Straight Up!  

Just be sure to Drink the Coffee.  

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Friday Night At Walmart

Have you ever found yourself at Walmart on a Friday or Saturday night? Like, at 9 o’clock? I did. Once. It was then I realized just how much my life has changed since starting a family. Could this really be the highlight of my weekend? That I have some cash in my purse and I can go out on Friday night…to Walmart? To buy Butt Paste, paper towels and socks? Really?

Wow. I guess so.

It’s ok, though, because I quickly realized that I wasn’t alone. Besides the trouble-making tweens in the toy department riding the bikes up and down the aisles, and the extremely ego-pumped twenty somethings in the cosmetic aisle looking for the right shade of lip gloss before she heads out to the clubs…we have us. Us moms. With a fresh 20 dollar bill in our purse. Maybe more.

Here we are, adding up our purchases in our heads. Aimlessly browsing through the jammed packed shelves. With a carriage full of kids who won’t sit down.

Then there’s the clothing section. Do I go in? Nope. I browse from the aisle. I see “us’ poking through clothes looking for something that’ll make us feel pretty, AND that fits. Impossible, by the way. There are women who are trying stuff on from the misses department hoping it’ll fit, and they will look good. But deep down they know it won’t. We know those denim mini skirt days are gone….Looooooong gone. Not for some, but for most.

One thing is for sure…that blouse will look great with that knock-off coach bag I saw at the Flea Market last week end.

But I learned an important thing from that Friday night at Walmart.

All of us at Walmart, with carriages full of kids who won’t sit down, are where we belong…with the kids we love. Inevitably we put the blouse back and settle on a necessity instead. Baby wipes. Tooth paste, Under Roos.

And so what? As I stood in line and looked around at the Moms beside me, I realized what good mommies we were. And I Smiled at the tiny little thing with the fake tan in front of me with her lip gloss, and trouble makers as they high five each other out the door. Because I know it will be them soon enough, standing here with a carriage full of kids that won’t sit down.

~Lynn