Tag Archives: change

Finding Your New Place

Finding your new place…sometimes you need a change… I had gone to the same church since my kids were in preschool. We had switched to this church because it offered many programs for little kids and they could do to preschool there also.

I had volunteered for Sunday school for all of my kids throughout their preschool and elementary years. I had joined and participated in a bible group for years. I had also volunteered at the preschool during their preschool years.

We had attended first communions and faith milestones together at that church. We sat through so many Christmas programs and music concerts it felt never ending.

And after my divorce, it felt so different to be there. I felt like I didn’t fit in anymore. I slowly started to volunteer less for preschool. I started to attend church less when I didn’t have my kids. It just didn’t feel like my place anymore.

I didn’t feel comfortable going to church there anymore. It was too close for comfort with my ex and his new wife attending the same church.   I really wanted to feel comfortable attending.

My life was not the same as the past and I kinda felt like I didn’t fit in there anymore. I know I wrote many times about changes in my life after divorce and learning new path. I wanted to really grow and follow in my faith. This was a time in my life that I really needed to be able to feel comfortable with it. In the past, I had just gone along with the faith that worked best for my family or children. I had picked my church for my kids. This time I wanted it to be more about me.

So I started looking for a new church… my friends had recommended a church, so at first I started listening to the messages online. I listened to them for about 6 months before I actually attended in person. I really could relate to the messages. It was so different that I could relate to the messages and felt like sometimes they were meant for me.   I knew that I didn’t want to just jump into a new church without it feeling really like home.

When I first attended in person, I was so nervous to attend alone. No matter what it is in my life, attending alone is always so scary for me. I went with friends at first to feel comfortable. But then one weekend I went alone. It was so great. I felt comfortable and at peace. I had found my new home.

After that, I now go alone on the weekends without my kids. Its my time. This is one of the things that I really look forward to doing alone. I have many things that I like doing with friends in my life, but attending church alone has been so comforting for me.

I know I write a lot about learning to do new things alone or making new changes. Finding new activities, interests, or hobbies that bring you joy or peace is so exciting. I push myself to do these things because it is so out of my comfort zone from my past…

 

-snarky

 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/

Coffee Please

Coffee please….

Did you say struggle or snuggle?     Exercise Shmerxercise     

I love coffee.  I love coffee more than food.  I have 8 different kinds of coffee and 15 coffee mugs.  Oh and yes….I live alone.  LOL.  On top of that….. Did I tell you, I have 6, (or is it 7) t-shirts with sayings about coffee.   And into the coffee goes anything from almond milk to maple syrup and MCT oil to cacao powder.  Change it up. Drink it up.  Enjoy it.  All.  Day.

But, then there are days when I just want it exactly as it is, right out of the press.  Poured straight into the cup so I can enjoy the boldness, the robust flavor, the deep dark roast.  

It’s kinda like our life.

We can add anything from colorful pants to cute ankle socks and cool flat boots to braids.  Spice it up.  Sass it up. Enjoy it.  All. Day.

But, then there are those days we want to be as we are, straight out of the press.  Right?  Straight up.  No additions.  Enjoying the boldness, the grit & truth, the raw essence of you. 

Change is good.  Sitting on the patio with a cup of coffee can be just as wonderful as sitting in the car at the bus stop.  Life can be just as enjoyable home alone or out with a crowd.  And we can be just as amazing living from that place of joy, the peace deep inside, the you that matters to you or getting all dolled up for an afternoon downtown.  

If it’s enjoyable to put on some mascara, a matching belt and your prettiest sweater, then do it.  But if you’re having a I-don’t-feel-like-it kinda day and you want to wear holey socks and your over-sized comfy sweater, then do that!  And remind yourself, just like my cup of coffee, sometimes adding a little something something is just as good as Plain And Straight Up!  

Just be sure to Drink the Coffee.  

xoxo

Your God girl

Tracy

Friday Night At Walmart

Have you ever found yourself at Walmart on a Friday or Saturday night? Like, at 9 o’clock? I did. Once. It was then I realized just how much my life has changed since starting a family. Could this really be the highlight of my weekend? That I have some cash in my purse and I can go out on Friday night…to Walmart? To buy Butt Paste, paper towels and socks? Really?

Wow. I guess so.

It’s ok, though, because I quickly realized that I wasn’t alone. Besides the trouble-making tweens in the toy department riding the bikes up and down the aisles, and the extremely ego-pumped twenty somethings in the cosmetic aisle looking for the right shade of lip gloss before she heads out to the clubs…we have us. Us moms. With a fresh 20 dollar bill in our purse. Maybe more.

Here we are, adding up our purchases in our heads. Aimlessly browsing through the jammed packed shelves. With a carriage full of kids who won’t sit down.

Then there’s the clothing section. Do I go in? Nope. I browse from the aisle. I see “us’ poking through clothes looking for something that’ll make us feel pretty, AND that fits. Impossible, by the way. There are women who are trying stuff on from the misses department hoping it’ll fit, and they will look good. But deep down they know it won’t. We know those denim mini skirt days are gone….Looooooong gone. Not for some, but for most.

One thing is for sure…that blouse will look great with that knock-off coach bag I saw at the Flea Market last week end.

But I learned an important thing from that Friday night at Walmart.

All of us at Walmart, with carriages full of kids who won’t sit down, are where we belong…with the kids we love. Inevitably we put the blouse back and settle on a necessity instead. Baby wipes. Tooth paste, Under Roos.

And so what? As I stood in line and looked around at the Moms beside me, I realized what good mommies we were. And I Smiled at the tiny little thing with the fake tan in front of me with her lip gloss, and trouble makers as they high five each other out the door. Because I know it will be them soon enough, standing here with a carriage full of kids that won’t sit down.

~Lynn

All Conditions Change and Pass

Years ago my Mom wrote an affirmation treatment with the title, “all conditions change and pass” and it seems like this is a good title for today’s blog as well as perhaps an excellent mantra for the current times.   

“On September 30, 1859, Abraham Lincoln recounted a similar story: It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: “And this, too, shall pass away.”

The point of these two examples is that everything passes…including this lock down and all the situations that caused it.  We are in unprecedented times which calls for new ways of being and creative ways of looking at things. I watched a John Maxwell live a few days ago and he was encouraging us to look for the OPPORTUNITY in all of this for ourselves…I appreciated his suggestion that I begin to alter the way I have been looking at all this.  

We have been social distancing here since March 8th when my work trip to Miami was cancelled because of the pandemic…it is now April 16th…pretty sure that I have, by now, run the gamut of emotions…thankfully I like the people that live here and thankfully I am still working every day, so that has made it easier to bear.  After watching John Maxwell’s live I started thinking about what could be created out of this experience…how could I transform the way that I am dealing with this so that something amazing is created from it…I am still living in that question.

At least now, I am living in a question instead of being annoyed that I am still stuck in here with these people:) who just KEEP EATING!!!

Our stay home/stay safe order from the Governor of VT has been extended to May 15th so we have about a month to go if they don’t extend it any further…I have decided to make it a point to create some new goals about what comes after this is over, if you would like to join me in beginning to look at what the opportunity is in all this join me Sunday Morning for Coffee Chat at 10am est and again on Thursday at 10:30am for session for of 7 Ways to Create Good Fortune…

See you soon.  XO, Noelle

If Everyone Just Did What I Wanted, I’d Be Happy.

If everyone just did what I wanted.. I’d be happy… I feel like a child throwing a tantrum sometimes when people just can’t respond how I want. Sounds crazy I know…

This happens throughout life… from friendships to relationships to family to coworkers… it’s hard to get to the to point in life where you understand that people are not going to always do what you want… and it’s more about how much you…and what you can live with.. 

The list is endless of all the things that I want people in my life to do… from the good morning texts to having my kids put their dishes away to having someone be able to just say they love you.  

 I would wait for days or weeks for my ex to initiate any form of communication and it would never happen. I would be furious, but of course I would never say anything. I would just give suttle hints.  Or lots of loud sighs… I would wait for him to plan anything in our relationship and he never did.  

At that time, what I didn’t understand was that If they haven’t been the initiator or the planner  in the relationship then they will probably not know how to handle that role. And I’m not an expert at communicating either, but if you are waiting for your partner to all of sudden take over that role. Good luck. They are going to be lost trying to take over that role. They might have never had to do it before and for them it’s scary and they might not have the confidence to try out that new role. 

I was in a relationship with someone that never texted me “ good morning” I couldn’t understand it.  In my mind, it only took seconds to send a good morning text and why couldn’t he just send that simple text for me. Seems simple.. we would argue over this all the time.  But eventually I just had to let it go.. he would try, I would get a couple days of good morning texts and then nothing.   

It has taken me a long time to figure out that it was more about me than the person that I wanted to change… it was about just accepting who that person was and what I could live with… could I live without the good morning texts or would I continue to send snarky texts when I didn’t receive one and complain about it.  It was about what I could overlook and what expectations I could let go of… 

Either I could spend the rest of our relationship complaining about all those things or I could just let it go. And maybe I could start noticing the other things.. the mid day asking how my day is or the stupid Snapchat emojis that make me smile. 

I learned through these relationships that it was more about what I could accept and still be happy.  It was about learning to know what I needed out of the relationship instead of constantly changing someone to fit the mold.  

And if I could not learn to let those things go, then I needed to probably end the relationship because as much as I talked and talked about what I wanted… it was never going to happen.  How do you decide to make that choice?? The choice of learning what you can and can not control in a relationship. Is it worth the constant fighting or unanswered texts?  

This took a long time to understand. I would try and make people respond the way I thought they should. Or I would try and make them be the communicator or the initiator … I would try and turn them into the person they never were. If that makes sense.

I’ve learned to just let a lot of things go and realize that I can’t expect someone to be someone they are not.  I’ve had to realize some people don’t change. I’ve had to realize there are certain things that are deal breakers for me in relationships.  I think I learned that trying to change someone wasn’t making me any happier. I had to figure out what I could be happy with in a relationship and then start learning from there…

-snarky 

https://www.snarkydivorcedgirl.com/blog

Make The Bed

The importance of good habits comes to mind after weeks of playing the effectiveness game, practicing good habits equals our kids picking them up and emulating them as well…so I have learned:)

When I was growing up my grandparents were really like my parents and my grandfather had a rule about making the bed, he was a Navy man who served in WW II.  As a child and even as an adult we were not allowed downstairs to start the day unless it was made. Made to his satisfaction that is, which meant made neatly and not just pulling a comforter or bedspread up over the mess from the night before.  Fluff the pillows, straighten the sheets, put the throw pillows back on etc.  MADE.

So, as you might imagine after years of training and trying to rebel against house rules…making my bed became an ingrained habit.  To my amazement it has also becomes my son’s habit, that kid does not leave the house until his is made up perfectly…every day, no matter what.  This is something that he started making important on his own, we’ll call this #winning for me!

Now let’s talk about what making the bed can contribute to you, a few years ago I saw a video that US Navy Admiral William McRaven did entitled, “If you want to change the world, start by making your bed”— I will include the link at the end of this post.  It is worth watching.  In his video Admiral McRaven points out that if you make your bed it starts your day with one task that is complete and that gives you a sense of accomplishment to go on and conquer other tasks for the day.  Very good point.

For me making the bed has always been about creating order and making a fresh start on the new day—as you know I am big on how you begin and end your days.  When you end your day by walking into a room with a messy bed that takes away your energy (in my opinion)— everyone likes to get into a fresh bed at the end of a long day.

It is the little things you do every day that contribute to a new reality, small changes done consistently over time net BIG results.  Darren Hardy wrote a great book called, “The Compound Effect” that talks about how life changing alterations start from making daily, consistent changes.

Take a peek at the Admiral’s video and if you aren’t already doing so…make the bed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sK3wJAxGfs

XO, Noelle

Successfully Navigating Fear

I don’t know about you but I am tired of fear and its seeming ability to steal my peace albeit temporarily…last week I had to do something that I did not really want to do, however I had no choice and fear was working overtime for at least several days…and every time it is time to travel fear starts its run at me…used to be that I was afraid all the time about money and not having enough of it, after 51 years I worked my way out of that and now it comes calling for new things and quite frankly I am sick and tired of it— I thought that you might be tired of it too, so I thought we’d talk about it.

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines ‘fear’ as follows:

Fear- an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Here is what I LOVE about this particular definition, it says that it is caused by a BELIEF that something is dangerous, harmful etc— a BELIEF—- BINGO!!!  Herein lies the KEY for beating this shit— it is a belief which means that we are giving it the power, we are allowing ourselves to ‘believe’ the thoughts that scare us—which ALSO means that we have the power to annihilate the fear.  I talk to you all the time about changing the thoughts that circulate in your head, I am always saying that you first have to change your thinking before anything else will change…this remains true about getting rid of it.

Last week when I was feeling like fear was getting the best of me, I picked one statement and I repeated it to myself over and over and over again until the chatter in my head ceased.  Then I would be okay for a few hours and then the shitty, fearful thoughts would start up again and I would start my repetition process again. This literally went on for 48 hours— by the way, as is almost always the case, my fears were unfounded and every thing turned out just fine.

Fear produces NOTHING that is good— it simply steals your joy, makes you anxious, makes it hard to sleep, eat or breathe—makes you want to pull into yourself and not participate with others.  Fear is a thief and a disruptor and will always make you feel worse— when we are enveloped in fear based thinking we are rendered unable to act—we are almost like a ‘deer in headlights’ because we cannot move to a place in our minds where solutions can find us—we are stuck and the thinking fear based thoughts keeps us more stuck….it is a vicious circle.

The way out of this is to control your thinking, you have to be vigilant about what thoughts you are allowing into your head and what the source of those thoughts are—you also must spend a fair amount of time talking about the good and focusing on thoughts and statements that will bring more good.

The quickest way to annihilate fear or anything you don’t want more of is to STOP talking about it…stop giving any power or voice to the things you don’t want to see more of—start focusing on your intentions and what IS working.

When we come from a place of peace things work out for us more quickly.

This week really take a look at what causes your fear and where those thoughts are originating from—the first step in changing something is to become conscious of it.

Remember, you have the power here…don’t forget that.  Nothing can make you afraid unless you let it.

See you Sunday at 10am est on Coffee Chat/ FB live

XO, Noelle

The Trim

Just a Trim….

 

“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.”

Coco Chanel

We all know someone who has had the same hairstyle for eons and wham they change it. It usually is a red flashing light that something major happened or is about to happen.

For the record I am that person.

There is also a joke about every woman having a red hair phase… yup.

My reality is a lot is changing in my life and cutting my hair short has been something I wanted to do for awhile.

A conversation about me not ever changing my hair kinda got me here.

To be clear I’ve been sporting an undercut bob like haircut for the last two years so I’m not afraid of short hair.

Except I am.

The unfortunate reality is while we ooh and aah when a celebrity goes for a chop, we feel compelled to say please don’t give me a “Mom cut” or cut it too short.

Like it or not, our appearance and our hair inadvertently can become our calling card.

For me the reality is I have incredibly fine hair. It gets to a certain length and it stops growing. It is stick straight. Every morning I torture myself for almost twenty minutes trying to convince it to be something it’s not.

As a lady who likes to wear makeup that’s twenty minutes I could do that.

So I consulted with my trusted circle, I compiled some pictures and I scheduled my appointment.

As I type this, it is day two with hair that is maybe two inches long at its longest. I can’t stop touching it, it’s so soft. The color looks better and the irony is I didn’t have to wear mascara because my eyes pop.

It still is an adjustment and this morning while brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror and was a bit shook at the lack of hair around my face.

I got compared to Charlize Theron today which I’ll take.

It’s not an accurate comparison but I’ll take it.

I wish I had done this sooner. I wish I had not been so worried about something that grows back. There are bigger things to worry about. Although as a person who lives in the Midwest, I do now worry about always having a hat.

My hair doesn’t make me any less. Any less of a Mom. Any less of a friend. Any less of a teacher.

I just have less hair. As with everything I acknowledge I am still learning to leave self doubt at the door or in that suitcase under my bed.

My point Mommas, don’t let a haircut define you. Let you define you.

At the end of the day that’s what really matters.

<3 Caprise

What’s In A Name?

I am always telling you guys that what you call a thing it becomes and often I will say change the way that you are framing something and change what you are calling it and that will give you a different experience.  Such as calling a historic event either a problem or a blessing.  Today I am pondering what it would mean for me to change my name…I have kept this pretty private…after 18 years of being single, I am getting married…

Yes, you read that correctly.

The kiddo is almost 19 and it is time now for me to start the next act —- my husband to be I have known for 20 years and someday soon I will share the whole Hallmark story in a blog post…for now I am going to stay focused on this name thing.

So…at first thought I was not changing my last name because of my work etc and that was totally OK with him and it still is.  Except now, I have been quietly pondering it all and I am wondering what it would be like to shed my former name and have the opportunity to become a different version of myself—which, honestly I am doing by getting married after being single for the last 18 years!

I am kind of thinking that I would have the opportunity to create myself in a different way, an opportunity to put the past to rest where it belongs…because the way I see it is every time I would sign or see my new name I would have to acknowledge to myself that there had been a shift…a BIG one…and that shift gives me the opportunity to be a better version of myself.

My current last name is my Mother’s maiden name—our family name and it means a lot to me, it always will—however it also represents a lot of history and experiences that were hard and sad and difficult—my childhood was rough, raising Antonio alone was rough and although there are a lot of triumphs and so much strength and grace there are also moments and pieces of time that I definitely wish that I had done differently.  Probably like all of you there are versions of myself that I am not fond of…with age comes the wisdom of seeing where you could have done it different…and although I have forgiven myself, it might be very interesting to start a new chapter with a new name.  When I was married before I added that last name at the end of my own, so never in my life have I just simply assumed a completely different name.

I was always so busy feeling like I had something to prove by keeping my name—showing everyone how independent I was.  Now I understand that my independence and abilities are not tied to a name—they are a part of who I am and always will be.

The new workbook came out last Tuesday and on last Sunday’s live we started talking about ‘changing the game’— I feel like for me changing the game for 2020 could encompass taking on a new name and with that getting better at being disciplined in the places where I am still lacking…you know the ones, I have shared them with you in blogs before.  The daily TO DO list, the workouts, being better about what I am eating, keeping my closet cleaner, really working with my manifestation list etc

I am pretty disciplined, however these places where I am lacking have been the same for the past 7 to 8 years—-in coaching you all to change the game it is time for me also to up the ante in changing my game.  I feel like by changing my name I have the opportunity to choose a better version of myself in every new moment and that could be a powerful thing.

I am still thinking through all this and I will keep you posted, in the meantime grab yourself a copy of the new workbook and tune in this Sunday to the FB live at 10am EST to start walking through the process collectively.

See you then.

XO, Noelle

The Big Day

The big day…

It’s Sunday, a week before Labor Day, and I’m on vacation with my son at Universal studios, currently sitting by the wave pool in premium seating at Volcano Bay and it hit me… I have a good life.

I’m successful, I’m good with money (finally), I have some great friends, I have a great kid and I may be starting to date someone… so what’s wrong here?

Guess what?

Nothing!

I’m enjoying the moment and my spare tire in my midsection. I’m not stressing over what’s next and why not or why me… I’m just living my best life right now. And I’m doing it for myself.

That’s the trick here, put your oxygen mask on first, then everything else falls into place. None of this came without a good amount of time in therapy or a lot of looking in the mirror and saying, get at it or you know you are better than this.

Does this mean I don’t have goals? Of course not… that spare tire stopped paying rent a while ago, so the eviction notice is coming, Tuesday.

That career designation is happening by year end, because I made a promise to myself and I don’t want to fail on it (again).

That being a good role model to my son is continuing to grow and happen, we are just going to the next level with it now, as he develops into a young man.

What’s my purpose with all this? To tell all of you to get out there, smile, laugh, have the hard conversations (I did and it made my friendships even better) and take care of yourself first.

“Ad astra per aspera” my friends. Get at it and you got this! Your kids will thank you, I promise. 

-Electra