Tag Archives: change

The Trim

Just a Trim….

 

“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.”

Coco Chanel

We all know someone who has had the same hairstyle for eons and wham they change it. It usually is a red flashing light that something major happened or is about to happen.

For the record I am that person.

There is also a joke about every woman having a red hair phase… yup.

My reality is a lot is changing in my life and cutting my hair short has been something I wanted to do for awhile.

A conversation about me not ever changing my hair kinda got me here.

To be clear I’ve been sporting an undercut bob like haircut for the last two years so I’m not afraid of short hair.

Except I am.

The unfortunate reality is while we ooh and aah when a celebrity goes for a chop, we feel compelled to say please don’t give me a “Mom cut” or cut it too short.

Like it or not, our appearance and our hair inadvertently can become our calling card.

For me the reality is I have incredibly fine hair. It gets to a certain length and it stops growing. It is stick straight. Every morning I torture myself for almost twenty minutes trying to convince it to be something it’s not.

As a lady who likes to wear makeup that’s twenty minutes I could do that.

So I consulted with my trusted circle, I compiled some pictures and I scheduled my appointment.

As I type this, it is day two with hair that is maybe two inches long at its longest. I can’t stop touching it, it’s so soft. The color looks better and the irony is I didn’t have to wear mascara because my eyes pop.

It still is an adjustment and this morning while brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror and was a bit shook at the lack of hair around my face.

I got compared to Charlize Theron today which I’ll take.

It’s not an accurate comparison but I’ll take it.

I wish I had done this sooner. I wish I had not been so worried about something that grows back. There are bigger things to worry about. Although as a person who lives in the Midwest, I do now worry about always having a hat.

My hair doesn’t make me any less. Any less of a Mom. Any less of a friend. Any less of a teacher.

I just have less hair. As with everything I acknowledge I am still learning to leave self doubt at the door or in that suitcase under my bed.

My point Mommas, don’t let a haircut define you. Let you define you.

At the end of the day that’s what really matters.

<3 Caprise

What’s In A Name?

I am always telling you guys that what you call a thing it becomes and often I will say change the way that you are framing something and change what you are calling it and that will give you a different experience.  Such as calling a historic event either a problem or a blessing.  Today I am pondering what it would mean for me to change my name…I have kept this pretty private…after 18 years of being single, I am getting married…

Yes, you read that correctly.

The kiddo is almost 19 and it is time now for me to start the next act —- my husband to be I have known for 20 years and someday soon I will share the whole Hallmark story in a blog post…for now I am going to stay focused on this name thing.

So…at first thought I was not changing my last name because of my work etc and that was totally OK with him and it still is.  Except now, I have been quietly pondering it all and I am wondering what it would be like to shed my former name and have the opportunity to become a different version of myself—which, honestly I am doing by getting married after being single for the last 18 years!

I am kind of thinking that I would have the opportunity to create myself in a different way, an opportunity to put the past to rest where it belongs…because the way I see it is every time I would sign or see my new name I would have to acknowledge to myself that there had been a shift…a BIG one…and that shift gives me the opportunity to be a better version of myself.

My current last name is my Mother’s maiden name—our family name and it means a lot to me, it always will—however it also represents a lot of history and experiences that were hard and sad and difficult—my childhood was rough, raising Antonio alone was rough and although there are a lot of triumphs and so much strength and grace there are also moments and pieces of time that I definitely wish that I had done differently.  Probably like all of you there are versions of myself that I am not fond of…with age comes the wisdom of seeing where you could have done it different…and although I have forgiven myself, it might be very interesting to start a new chapter with a new name.  When I was married before I added that last name at the end of my own, so never in my life have I just simply assumed a completely different name.

I was always so busy feeling like I had something to prove by keeping my name—showing everyone how independent I was.  Now I understand that my independence and abilities are not tied to a name—they are a part of who I am and always will be.

The new workbook came out last Tuesday and on last Sunday’s live we started talking about ‘changing the game’— I feel like for me changing the game for 2020 could encompass taking on a new name and with that getting better at being disciplined in the places where I am still lacking…you know the ones, I have shared them with you in blogs before.  The daily TO DO list, the workouts, being better about what I am eating, keeping my closet cleaner, really working with my manifestation list etc

I am pretty disciplined, however these places where I am lacking have been the same for the past 7 to 8 years—-in coaching you all to change the game it is time for me also to up the ante in changing my game.  I feel like by changing my name I have the opportunity to choose a better version of myself in every new moment and that could be a powerful thing.

I am still thinking through all this and I will keep you posted, in the meantime grab yourself a copy of the new workbook and tune in this Sunday to the FB live at 10am EST to start walking through the process collectively.

See you then.

XO, Noelle

The Big Day

The big day…

It’s Sunday, a week before Labor Day, and I’m on vacation with my son at Universal studios, currently sitting by the wave pool in premium seating at Volcano Bay and it hit me… I have a good life.

I’m successful, I’m good with money (finally), I have some great friends, I have a great kid and I may be starting to date someone… so what’s wrong here?

Guess what?

Nothing!

I’m enjoying the moment and my spare tire in my midsection. I’m not stressing over what’s next and why not or why me… I’m just living my best life right now. And I’m doing it for myself.

That’s the trick here, put your oxygen mask on first, then everything else falls into place. None of this came without a good amount of time in therapy or a lot of looking in the mirror and saying, get at it or you know you are better than this.

Does this mean I don’t have goals? Of course not… that spare tire stopped paying rent a while ago, so the eviction notice is coming, Tuesday.

That career designation is happening by year end, because I made a promise to myself and I don’t want to fail on it (again).

That being a good role model to my son is continuing to grow and happen, we are just going to the next level with it now, as he develops into a young man.

What’s my purpose with all this? To tell all of you to get out there, smile, laugh, have the hard conversations (I did and it made my friendships even better) and take care of yourself first.

“Ad astra per aspera” my friends. Get at it and you got this! Your kids will thank you, I promise. 

-Electra 

Letting It Go

Letting It Go! I’m taking a lesson from my favorite empowered lady, Elsa. It’s been 7 years and I’m taking my power back. Somehow after I had been divorced, he still found ways to maintain forms on control. In all different ways, refusing to answer me on co-parenting questions, deciding to pay child support not on the due date but whenever he felt like he wanted to, without communicating to me when that would be just stating “You shouldn’t rely on my money”. It didn’t matter how kind I was…. how nicely I worded things. I had to become a bendy straw having to completely bend over backwards to still being treated like disposable trash.

I’m done.

I’m done being hurt.

I’m done bending.

I’m done not being heard.

I’m done not being valued.

I’m done being emotionally manipulated.

I’m done being told what I can and can’t do.

I’m done letting someone who does and means nothing to me control my head space.

I’m done opening myself up to be hoping he will change, to be disappointed constantly.

I’m done hoping he will be more for his children.

I’m done letting him dictate my emotions.

I’m done.

I’m Letting it go.

Letting go of the guilt of how I wanted my children to grow up in their home with their mama every day.

Letting go of how I will never be able to control, help and support his household for my children.

Letting go of the hurt.

Letting go of the constant disappointment.

Letting go of it all.

Now I will embrace the time the kids and I have being thankful for all the memories we have, not the time we don’t have together.

I will value each phone call to the fullest.

I will savor the moments that my house is loud, chaotic, messy and intense, because soon enough they will be at their dads.

I will embrace the nights where they take 5 trips down the stairs refusing to go to bed due to their unquenchable thirst that only began at bed time.

I will cherish the snot filled, or sweaty stinky hugs and kisses.

I will not rush the extra bedtime story.

I will watch attentively as they want to show me their latest creations.

I will be there Mama still 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no matter what, no matter where they go my love will always find them, and nobody can ever change that.

I will never have any bigger accomplishment in live than being their Mama, and having their love.

Stay Positive and Be Kind,

Rah Rah Rachel

See A Bridge For What It Is

Webster’s defines bridge for my purposes here as “a thing that provides connection, contact or transition”.  Sometimes Life provides us a bridge that we mistake as ‘the solution’…there are times when we need help, yet we are not truly ready for what’s next and in those times Life provides a bridge that transitions us from who we are to who we must become.  Often in this process we mistake the ‘bridge’ as the solution.

There are times in our lives when moving to the next, higher stage of being is required and often we are so caught up in the circumstances of the moment that we can’t see our way clear to make the changes on our own.  It is at these times that Life sends us a bridge to help us transition from who we are to who we must become…it can look like a new situation, a new friend, a mentor, a boss, a relationship interest, a new job opportunity, a move from one place to another, a new work project…whatever way we need to have it in order for it to be effective, that is the way Life will send it.

When the desired transition is complete the bridge is no longer needed and often the loss of the bridge is mistaken as a hurtful experience, when in fact it is a blessing because it means we have transitioned and are ready for the next level which is a better place for us.

There is a teaching that says “the blessing comes before the challenge”—meaning that we create a gift for ourselves and then we must create a challenge to overcome so that we can readily receive it…in that same way we create a bridge to help us become who and what we need to be.

Understand that a bridge is a gift, just because something is utilized to get you from point A to point B doesn’t make it any less meaningful or worthy—it is just means that a bridge isn’t forever, it is a situation that is meant to last only for a certain period of time whether it is one week or 5 years.  A bridge isn’t meant to build a life on; it is meant to cross you from one place to the other.

Think of all of the things that haven’t worked out the way we thought they would or should have…reframe them as bridges, every, single one of them.

To see something as a bridge allows you to forgive yourself or someone else for what you previously may have labeled “failure”.  To see a completed situation as a ‘bridge’ allows you to reconstruct the past in your mind and out of that you have the ability to create a different future.  Imagine if you had an attitude of gratitude about your ‘bridges’ instead of a story of how horrible they all were…imagine turning a string of previously labeled ‘failures’ into a path of bridges that are taking you just where you need to go…there is a lot of freedom in that and a lot of power.

 

~Noelle XOXO

**From Noelle’s book, “Practical Change…Inspiration for Kicking Ass & Slaying Dragons”

Same You, New View

Personal development is just a better view

When we think of spiritual or personal development we think of changing going onward and upward. What I am finding it is going inward. It is raising your personal awareness, and fine tuning your self management. Growing as a person and achieving our dreams and goals has everything to do with our self awareness, other people and our circumstances have literally no control unless we give it to them.

Victim, What do you think of when you hear that word? I used to be the victim. I had the victim mentality. Oh how could this or that person do this to me, or oh i’ve been through this that or the other; poor me. Victim mentality is a crutch to shield us from our personal responsibility to life.

Everyone has been through something, been hurt or slighted by something or someone.

While our trauma and our wounds may not be our fault, our healing and growth is our responsibility. Staying the victim isn’t a real option and it will muddy our perspective, stop our growth; keeping us trapped in never ending cycles of hopelessness and despair.

To break free of the vicious victim cycle we need to become self aware, go inward deal with the past and then leave it there. Once we become aware of ourselves we can manage ourselves. When we focus on everyone outside of us our world will shift to chaos.

When we go inward, we will gain new tools at each level of the process, and oh boy it is a process! The more aware I am becoming of myself, the more things im catching myself on, the less people behavior trigger me, the more calm and discerning I am.  I still have a lot of development to go, I will always be growing. 

I for one am enjoying the new view, How about you?

Learning, Loving Growing

Ali

Hello Sadness , My Old Friend

Sadness comes. It is inevitable, as it is part of life. It is part of who we are as women living on this earth experiencing loss, upset, fear, change, etc. It comes from that place deep in our hearts where something matters. Where we believe so strongly about something, that being shaken rips at the core of our being. The tears that come, fall from that place behind our eyes that we sometimes cannot put to rest. Sadness may come slowly at times and other times it just jumps out at you when you least expect it and knocks you down. It may stay for a few moments or it may linger. AND ,It is what you do IN the sadness that will liberate you or drag you down.

You must dig deep. Deep into your strength. Deep into your file full of accomplishments, successes & worth. Dig deep to remind yourself what you’re made of & what you’re capable of doing & who you are. As your God-girl…I pray with the sadness. I reach out to my girlfriends and get support. I read my affirmations and look at my Vision Board. I make a new Vision Board. lol I open my Bible and read. I re-read a favorite book. I am reminded of my greatness and that this sadness is just a hiccup in the road of life. I BE with it, look at what is good, and pull myself up by my bootstraps.

Be with the sadness and remember to not let it get a grip of you. Remember to breath & breath & breath still, to trust once again, & to remember that you are strong and courageous and all WILL work out. Sadness just is. And as I’ve heard people say ….This Too Shall Pass”.

Your God Girl-

Tracy

I Gotta Live

You gotta live!

If you are a faithful follower of this page you know we like to give out regular reminders of how you should look out for yourself. Take care of yourself. Take time for yourself.

The reality as Moms it’s just not something we do.

And if we do- the guilt we lay on ourselves or let others lay on us is huge.

That guilt also tends to hold us back.

We are Moms we put everyone first, it’s what we do. It’s how we’re built.

But sometimes life hands you a timetable.

That’s when you can’t sit on your hands anymore and wait.

I feel like what I’m about to write is a constant in my blogs. It’s ok to ask for what you need.

Maybe I write this a lot because I’m not great at it. I struggle to ask for more time. To tell people when I’m hurt. Sad. Jealous. Mad. Even happy. I don’t want to be too much or not enough so I sit on my hands and wait.

Then one day life hands you a timetable.

I’ve always had one.

We all do. Some of us just have timetables written in green neon we can’t control while others get a dry erase board.

Either way.

You gotta live.

I spent a long weekend with some of my favorite humans and came clean about a lot of big things in my life and kept waiting for a shoe to drop that never did.

Instead my people rallied and scolded and put things on the calendar.

I have my reasons for having a tight reign on my life and some are valid but some hold me back.

I made big changes in my life to show my daughter a person who loves you should not hold you back. It’s ironic I don’t seem to love myself enough to do the same.

That ends know.

My timetable is neon green.

One light/letter is already out.

In the words of one of favorite people “I gotta live.”

You do too Mommas,

You do too,

<3 Caprise

No One Has It Together

I have a big fat, mind blowing, earth shattering, life changing reality check for you. It’s something that took me a long time to realize and even longer to embrace. It’s also something I have to remind myself of on a regular basis!

Are you ready for it?

Really ready?

No one has their shit together. Not me, not you. Not your pastor, banker, mayor, doctor, librarian or hair dresser. Not your neighbor across the street whose entire yard and house make the homes from the latest edition of Home and Garden look sad and pathetic. Not the president of the PTA who is on every committee, and at every bake sale. Not your college roommate who just landed their dream job. And not even your brother’s, girlfriend’s, cousin’s, neighbor’s uncle that just won the lottery.

Newsflash! Everyone has something in their lives they want to be different. Just because their lives look great on the surface, doesn’t mean they have it all figured out! That neighbor with the perfect house may be struggling with overwhelming anxiety and OCD, and their spotless home and yard are how they cope. (Or may be a sign they AREN’T coping!) The PTA mom might be throwing herself into volunteer work because her marriage is falling apart. Your college roommate may have gotten their dream job, but also just got diagnosed with cancer. And let’s be real here, when has winning the lottery EVER actually solved all of someone’s problems?

It has taken me YEARS to get to the point where I no longer have to fight the urge to laugh in someone’s face, when they tell me that I inspire them or that they look up to me. My internal reaction is still “Oh honey, if only you knew!” Now, however I am able to step back and see what they see. A strong, capable, single mom with special needs kids, who works full time, finds time to volunteer, goes to church (albeit irregularly), gets to the gym (also irregularly) and manages some semblance of a social life. What they don’t see are the days that my anxiety is overwhelming, the times I lose my temper on my kids, the fact that my housekeeping style is best described as “there appears to have been a struggle” or the fact that I quite literally live on caffeine and carbs most days because I honestly can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling rested.

The more you start really connecting with other people, the more you realize that their lives aren’t as perfect as they appear on the surface. The stronger the person appears the rockier their past usually is. What you see is someone strong, and brave. What they feel is broken and defeated. Every time someone tells me they finally feel like they have their ducks in a row, they get hit with a life changing curve-ball. Heck, the entirety of my last few years has been one huge curve-ball after another!

Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I saying not to try! What I am saying, is cut yourself some slack. Stop comparing your journey to other people’s, and start appreciating the life you have. Stop striving for perfection and start being proud of your progress. If you aren’t satisfied with a certain aspect of your life, find a way to change it.

So, go out there. Grow. Heal. Learn. Embrace your beautiful disaster of a self. And most importantly, remember no one really has their shit together. We are all just winging it.

Embrace your perfectly imperfect self,

-Charli

https://thechroniclesofchuck.home.blog/

You Don’t Need A Cape, You Already Have Wings

I am here to tell you that you don’t need a cape, you already have wings…I am sitting in a silent house after a week-long spring break trip that I haven’t taken since “The Trip” back in April 2016. One would think that I would feel rested, recharged, rejuvenated. Well…. I was. Sort of.

Let me tell you about the flight home after an amazing trip with my two favorite teenage humans. Picture this, tribe… 3 solid hours of turbulence. I even considered if the pilot was on his maiden flight. This was enhanced by one terrified teenager who has a legit fear of flying and one teenager who does what all teenagers do best, slumped – passed out cold… the entire flight. Mix that in with several (and I mean SEVERAL) sick children who were projectile vomiting from the turbulence (Yep, you are absolutely correct – there is NO fresh air on an airplane) and the overwhelming and recycled stench of kiddy vomit… Is this real life? Yes. It was. It happened, and I lived through it this past weekend. Eventually, I ended up getting home and feeling like I needed a vacation all over again. Please do not get me wrong here… I am 100% grateful that I got this experience and quality time with my kids, and that I had the means to go on such a trip with them. I am blessed beyond measure, and I do not take one of those moments (or any for that matter) for granted.

Wait, wait, wait…. You’re wondering what I meant by “The Trip” that I mentioned above back in 2016. Ah. Yep, That. Well, I think its time to get over my paralyzing fears, stare it directly in the eye and decide today is the day that I keep looking forward, and quit looking back to see if the past is still there. It’s there. It hasn’t left. I can still feel it. I can still see it. I can still hear it. I can’t unsee it, unhear it or unfeel it. It’s now part of who I have become.

It was around this time three years ago (almost to the day) that my world completely fell of its axis. No, literally. My entire personal world that I lived in completely blew up. In an instant. It was the day I became a working single mom.

I’m not going to dig into any of the details, much of which even after three years are still very fresh to my heart and soul, and the cuts are still very deep and still bleed on occasion. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I was absolutely blind-sided and was not in any way, shape, or form ready for what was going to happen to my life. It was never something I had signed up for or wanted. EVER. After all, I had been the living fairytale. I married my high school sweetheart and at that point had spent 20 years of my then 36 years of life with him. We had been married for 13 years at that point and had two beautiful children. Was our life glitter, rainbows and unicorns? Absolutely not. Was it perfect? No way. But, it was MY version of perfect. It was my world. My life. My everything – – until it just wasn’t any longer. I came back from spring break with my kiddos (he did not join us on this trip) to my then hero, lover, best friend, my person, and love of my life… telling me he no longer wanted to be in our marriage. He wanted out, and he left me. MIND BLOWN. EARTH SHATTERED. To make it worse, I was told in public. In a bar. Yep. That happened.

Let’s take the 35,000 foot detour for a second, and get you caught up to speed – and get off the backstory train. I spent three long and painful years desperately trying to hold onto my marriage and save my family. I pleaded with God. I got angry. I got spiteful. I cried millions and millions of tears. I felt abandoned, hopeless, jaded – any feeling you can come up with – I assure you I felt them and I mastered them. I lost weight and shrunk faster than washing a 100% cotton shirt in scalding hot water and putting it in the dryer on high heat for an hour. Some days, I literally begged to die – because the pain inside of me was so much, so deep, so hard – I couldn’t stand another minute. Failure was not a word that was ever in my vocabulary – and here I was – the picture of failure right next to the word in good oleWebster’s.

Long story short, we divorced right before this past Christmas – and the holidays, well – let’s just say they were pretty much a blur. Kind of like when you squint and look at the lights on the tree. They are there, but you really can’t make out what it is, but you obviously know.

I have a point here, trust me – and stay with me because hopefully – there is someone out there just like me who was right where I was or is even now. I look at the day-to-day and I still hurt. I hurt when I look at my kids when we are now a party of 3 that used to be 4. I hurt when I go to bed in a king sized bed alone and hover on the far side of the bed – and wake up in the same position, barely had moved. I have good day and bad days.

When looking at it by the “days” or “moments – I have felt like I haven’t moved an inch much less a mile. However, when I look back at the last three years as a “whole” – Tribe, let me tell you – I have moved mountains I didn’t think could be moved. I have traveled so far that I can’t see where I started even though I know it exists. I have grown, stretched myself, and learned more about myself and have undoubtedly proved myself wrong every single step of the way. I have survived 100% of my worst days. TRUE STORY!

I am alive to tell the tale. To not only myself, but to my two beautiful children and any one of you that are reading this. I have cried myself to sleep. I have eaten completely alone in a restaurant. I have gone to a wedding solo. I have wondered how I can make it another day. However, I have smiled. I have laughed. I have found strength in the deepest places I never knew existed. Hell, all of this brought me here to all of YOUright here and now. I am walking side by side with you. Our arms are linked, and we are in lock step. I am one of you. We’re a tribe and let me tell you – we’re strong. We’re not going anywhere and despite what you feel (or don’t feel) inside – we got this, and not only do we – we’ll do it twice and take pictures to prove it. (Insert “Amen” here!)

Humor me and consider this for a few moments. I want you to look in the mirror. I don’t want you to worry about the bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep you got last night because your child was up sick all night or because your teenager had their first heartbreak. Don’t look at the extra curves that may surround your waistline because you have been working so hard to provide, you haven’t gotten the chance to get to the gym. It’s not necessary to look at the dry shampoo residue in your hair. What I want you to do is look past the refection staring back at you, and for God’s sake, don’t judge the woman staring back. Only you know what storms she has been through. Only you know where she has been, and where she is going. You’re the only one who has lived her life. You’re the expert of the person you see in the mirror. No one knows her better than you.

Every single day is a new opportunity to start again. Reinvent yourself. Try something new. Spread your wings. I encourage you to do so, even when you’re paralyzed in fear, or have no idea where to even start. If you want to lay in bed all day, hide from the world, and pretend that you are non-existent; go ahead, do it for a day or two. But remember, you don’t live there. You don’t belong there anyway – and it’s not a destination. Here’s why…

If I have learned anything, it’s this. You have smaller humans that are watching your every move. Your attitudes, your composure, your strength, and endurance. They are building their character traits based on your examples. We’re helping shape who they become. Albeit – there is this saying but man oh man is it a good one…. Show your daughters how to be treated by a man and show your sons how to treat a woman. You’re showing them this tribe… and guess what… you’re doing an amazing job. No matter what yesterday’s mascara has to say about it.

Keep chugging the lattes. Keep being that laundry warrior. Be who you need yourself to be for you and for them. We’re all here to cheer you on along the way, and to pick you up and carry you when you feel like you can’t. That’s what tribes do.

Until we meet again…

Jenn