For the first time since all of this went. I feel stuck. I have been pretty good about getting up and having a bit of a routine. I am lucky in that I’m working, so I have to, to some extent.
But the last few days are the first in a long while, where I have no motivation. None. Even getting up and out of bed was hard. I have some rituals that I have held onto. Like doing my makeup in the morning. I know it seems silly. I am facing people I barely know in a ZOOM meeting. When I shared that with one of my friends, she said maybe that’s my form of mediation.
I think so, I put in my AirPods, listen to music, do my makeup, and clear my head. After, I feel a bit ready for whatever the world is dishing out that particular day.
But I still am lacking in motivation. Except for cleaning and organizing. That has almost become obsessive lately. I have quickly ticked off my list most of the big projects that were going to eat up some time.
I usually like to read and have some craft projects I like to do. None of it is appealing. Even some of my favorite shows aren’t causing me to change anything.
The two things that seem to be able to unstick me are my daughter and don’t laugh- my dog.
I have spent more time in the morning and evening flopped on my daughter’s bed talking with our big teddy bear of a dog at our feet than I ever did before.
The other day I looked at her and said aren’t you supposed to be in school? (She’s doing distance learning). She laughed, jumped up and said “oh yeah!”
My dog has become my new office mate. He happily interrupts meetings and naps at my feet.
I talk to him when I can’t figure something out. When I’m stuck.
Like everyone I’m trying to figure this out.
Like everyone I wish I wasn’t.
I continue to be thankful for what I do have in the midst of what I don’t. My hope is with warmer weather and sunshine a few more cuddles with my big old dog and deep talks with my favorite twelve year old… it won’t feel like stuck. It will feel ok and ok has potential to be good, even great.
I hope you are safe.
Much love Mommas