Tag Archives: calm

I Have Insecurities

Insecurities…. How do you ever get over them??  I am a very independent woman, almost too independent at times.  I come across very strong and confident to most people…but I have these insecurities that people don’t see.  

Lately, I have this giant insecure elephant just staring me in the face….I facing it daily…I am just going to lay it out here and tell you that I just do not know why I feel so insecure with dating. I have my speculations…but nothing is concrete.   

Maybe its because I actually really like this person… maybe its because I have been so patient with dating over the last 5 years…maybe its because no one else has even made me interested in them… I feel like a kid because I am constantly second guessing my decisions and over thinking everything.  It’s like I turned into a crazy lady.  And…Maybe this is why I have avoided dating.  I should have spent a lot more time dating in my twenties and learned to handle all of these feelings.

I find myself doubting everything, which is not how I am in other areas of my life.   Then I have to give myself a reality check amd reel myself back in.  Mostly reminding myself that I am a confident person.  

Through the years, my insecurities with my body, my career, and my life status have diminished.  I have increased my self confidence tremendously, so those insecurities I do not worry about much..  I just brush things off and move on.  I do not even second guess my decisions.  

Even through my divorce, I was confident.  I did not face many insecurities, because I was very secure in my decisions and the challenges I faced.  My decisions were always very clear to me.  

But through the last few months, I have realized that It’s my insecurity of getting hurt… I keep myself so sheltered from getting hurt because I do not want to feel that nagging pain.   I don’t want to experience the disappointment or let down in life, so I keep myself so guarded.  I would rather not even experience things just to save myself from getting hurt. 

At times, I feel like just ending my dating relationship so that I do not have to risk the hurt, if it doesn’t work out.   And honestly, I really enjoy this person.  It has been a slow progression and I do not feel overwhelmed with my kids schedule and being able to see him.   I think a lot of this insecurity has to do with the fact that I am so confident in other areas and that I do not know how to cope with these new feelings.  Its all kind of new for me..

So here I am constantly asking myself…How do I get past the things in life that trigger my insecurities?  Do I avoid getting into a relationship that will trigger these feelings?   Do I just not take the chance in fear of getting hurt? Or do I risk it all and take a change?   

I have learned that I am not always as confident as I thought…sometimes this curve ball comes out of nowhere.  And insecurities happen at any age…And so many questions that I keep asking myself…

I am learning to take things slow.. Keep my head calm and free… I also need to remember not to set expectations.  Its so hard. I have to remember to stay confident.  Stay confident.  

-Snarky


www.snarkydivorcedgal.com

‘Resilient’ TWSM Book Review

Resilient by Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

If a book has ever jumped out at me as one that I needed to read, it is Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. Although it was originally published in 2018, it has 2020 written all over it.

Hanson is a psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom. Resilient delves into topics including mindfulness, confidence, courage, intimacy, and generosity. The book uses detailed examples and exercises to teach the reader how to calm the mind and optimize opportunities to connect with others.

Some of my favorite quotes from Resilient include:

“You can’t always count on the world, other people, or even your own body. But you can count on durable inner strengths hardwired into your nervous system — and this book is about growing them.” (Introduction)

“Thankfulness is not about minimizing or denying hassles, illness, loss, or injustice. It is simply about appreciating what is also true: such as flowers and sunlight, paper clips and fresh water, the kindness of others, easy access to knowledge and wisdom, and light at the flick of a switch.” (Gratitude)

“To establish a calmer baseline for yourself plus recover more quickly after stress, set aside a few minutes or more to relax deeply many times a week. Also look for little moments to relax in the flow of your day, especially when the needle of your personal stress-o-meter starts creeping up into yellow, orange, or red. In our overheated culture, relaxation needs to be a conscious priority.” (Calm)

If I have one complaint about Resilient, it is that portions of the book read like a neuroscientist wrote it. If you are a geek like me, this won’t bother you, but some readers might be more inclined to put the book down or at least skip around to the parts that appear to be more interesting and helpful to them personally (which is always a valid approach to reading a new book in my opinion).

If you are interested in becoming more resilient (and who isn’t these days?) Hanson’s book is a helpful addition to your self-care toolkit.

Rating 3 ½ out of 5 stars

 Copyright 2018 by Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson 

Liz is a technical writer by day and a humor writer by night. She lives in Minnesota with her two teenage daughters and their cats, Beau and Phoebe. When Liz is not reading, writing, or searching for new books to review, she can be found practicing yoga or enjoying time with friends and family — usually around a fireplace or a lake. She is savoring the time that she still has with her daughters under her roof, yet she secretly dreams of being an empty nester who can travel more and not have to worry about other people borrowing her socks.

The Unseen Hero

The unseen hero…Steve Jobs once said, “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” Everyday I get to come to work and do great work, I get to share my passion for caring with my coworkers, callers, and road officers. I am the calm in the storm when the public is having a bad day. I am your dispatcher. I am the unseen hero.

Most people will tell you they came to dispatch because it was a calling, I am here to be honest and say I stumbled into this profession on accident. After years of being a cake decorator I felt stuck in my career and felt I wasn’t moving forward as I wanted to. A friend posted a job advertisement with a local agency and it felt like a sign of change to come. I was nervous to start over in a new career but felt dispatching was the fast-paced job I was looking for, and on my first day I knew for sure I was going to stay. I came in my first day and watched as two senior dispatchers handled a call of a young child that was struck by lightening was not breathing. I was hooked. The way they processed information, handled radio traffic, and calmed down a hysterical caller was so impressive I knew I wanted to stay and become a well-trained dispatcher. It turned on a passion inside me that I never knew was there.

That passion turned out to be much needed when I took the worst call of my career so far. There is nothing more heart wrenching than taking a call from a desperate mother, to hear a mother call out for help reference her child not breathing could shake anyone to their core. Its one reason I answer the call every day. I took a call from a mother advising her child was not breathing, we began CPR as my partner dispatched but I knew in my heart it was too late. I stayed on the phone with the mother the entire time doing CPR until first responders could take over, I then hung up and sobbed at my station. My heart was broken. I walked away that day defeated, feeling as if I had failed my community, I had failed that mother. I made the decision to return to work after a long night of holding my own children a little too tight, but with a new sense of passion. I know as mother how scary it is to not have control over a situation and to have to reach out for help in a desperate situation. I felt the pain this mother felt, I too had lost a child and felt for her even long after the caller ended. I wanted to be the calm in the storm for mothers. I take each call and I handle it with care, I always picture myself on the other end of the line and talk to my callers accordingly. Whether it’s a simple crash or a missing child my passion to care is always the same. Callers deserve our very best day in and day out and I am honored to share that passion with my team as well as callers.

911 dispatching isn’t for the weak and I’m proud to come in everyday and show my passion for my career. Everyday is a new experience and I’m proud to be a part of a team that’s ready and willing to help our community and be better than we were yesterday. You may not see us, but you hear us, we are the calm in the storm.

Serendipity

Look Past The Mess

When there is a mess right in front of you, something that you’re dealing with, something that takes every ounce of your energy, needs your sharp focus, interrupts you with a temptation to quit….when it is right there, and you’re in the midst of the mess….you can sometimes lose focus on what will come after and sometimes stop in your tracks.

I want to remind you that after every storm, not just a few, not just the big ones in the desert…. but every storm….there is a rainbow. It may not be right there when you look up to the sky, it may not be in the direction of your eyes and it may not be in your neck of the woods…. BUT it is there. Do you trust that? YES? ….I challenge you to also to trust that on the other side of your mess, your storm, your upset…. Awaits a rainbow. A glorious, beautiful, amazing ‘after’.

Now walk through your mess. Do what you need to do to go through it. Holding your head high, respecting yourself and remembering to take care of you is of the utmost importance… and then walking through it is twice as important.

Do what you said.

Be who you are.

Stand firm in your truth.

Speak out loud.

Rebuke any ridicule and resentment.

Stand up against any judgment.

Express love always.

Have you ever trusted God so much that something you worried about dissolved and worked itself out with no alarms, no drama, no chaos?

If NO…, I challenge you to turn to Him for the courage, strength and mighty power you require to get through that mess that lies in front of you. Keep doing the next thing, and trust it WILL be good on the other side.

If YES…., I challenge you to pray for those who do not.

And happily enjoy the ‘after’ of all the messes.

xoxo

Your God girl,

Tracy

Forgive Them

Forgive them.

WHAT?!

You want me to ‘Forgive’ after what they’ve done to me?  YES.

After all they said?  YES.

After all she did?  YES.

After how mean he was?  YES.

After all their lies?  YES.   YES.   YES.

That’s right.  Do it.

  • We all make mistakes
  • They just don’t know any better
  • A big wrong is the same as a little wrong
  • You don’t write other peoples rules
  • You are not that special

So.  Now with that in mind.  Think of a time when you were wrong.  You yelled at your kid, you blamed somebody for something, you backed up instead of going forward & hit a car, you said something you shouldn’t have said, yadda yadda yadda.   Were you forgiven?

Oh wait…. You’ll justify all your wrongs.  You have reasons all lined up to back you up.  You even have people who agree with you, who you’re going to turn to for that justification.  YET you’re ready to condemn them. With no justification.  The ones who did YOU wrong, hurt you, ignored you.  Them. The ones you are to forgive.  You’re ready to throw them into the fire.  And you have no interest in their stories or apologies.  It was bad in your eyes and you must walk away.  OK.  Forgive them.

When you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean you invite them over for tea, it doesn’t mean what they did was ok. When you forgive someone, it is for you.  It is for your freedom.  For your soul growth & your sanity.  When you forgive them, they no longer have a hold on you, they no longer have space in your head and they no longer cause you any upset.

When you don’t….. upset, resentment and blame build up in YOU.  Your heart is the one that hurts.  Your soul is the one that is thwarted.  Your life is the one that is impacted.

Is it time to forgive someone?

Find peace as you release.

 

xoxo,

Tracy

Your God girl