The wall around my heart was built over decades. It was built with tears of frustration from not knowing what I did wrong. It was built in my own blood to try to stop the emotional pain. It was built in fits of anger to block your words. It was built with fear to avoid more damage from attacks. It was built to keep in my feelings because so many said they weren’t important. It was built by my demons who told me I was unworthy so you might as well hide. It has been built by my warrior to protect me and ensure my heart would not shatter into a million pieces.
The wall has served its purpose for so very long. The wall has blocked so many attacks from people who said they loved me. The wall has protected me from the storms of anger that in the end were not about me.The wall has deflected the punches that were meant to knock me out. The wall has stood strong in the face of the demons who wanted me to stay down. The wall has given my warrior a safe place to regain her strength when needed. The wall has served its purpose and now it is time to start removing those bricks.
It is time to tear it down. It is time to be free of those bricks with their painful memories. It is time stand on top of the smashed bricks and be proud of all I have overcome. It is time to stand in front of the it, because I know I have the strength to fight back if needed. It is time for the demons to know that I am no longer afraid of them. It is time for the warrior to take on the world. It is time to trust. It is time to let down my guard and maybe, just maybe fall in love with someone who deserves me. It is time to be free from the confines of my brick wall. It is time.
Working each day to be the warrior and leader I know is within me. You can follow me at https://wordpress.com/view/leaderofthepacks.blog
I have been pondering two words over the past couple days…foundation and wisdom. Webster’s New World defines Foundation as ‘the base on which something rests’…this leads me to consider how many of us, myself included, live our lives resting on a solid foundation. When you build a structure it has to start with a solid and strong foundation, if it doesn’t the structure won’t hold up. In order to have a successful life you must also start with a solid and strong foundation, otherwise you will have nothing to ground you when the going gets tough…and there are times when the going will get tough.
What makes a solid and strong foundation? Is it integrity, a belief in God, ethics, treating others as you want to be treated, a forgiving heart, an open mind, perseverance, willpower or a combination of all these and more? I say a combination of the aforementioned and more…a solid and strong foundation comes from a belief that you have power in your own life and that you have the ability to change even the direst of circumstances as long as you can keep your wits about you. If you are a constant reaction in the middle of your life you will be incessantly pinging off the walls and in essence will be powerless to change anything. Change can only come from being able to choose your response to a person or situation and this ability is born from having a strong foundation.
If I come from a place of understanding that my life is based on principle and based upon something more than my own pathetic self-concerns then I am able to hold myself in place when life hits me with something unexpected. I am able to observe what is happening and then wisely choose my reaction. If I come from a place of uncertainty, then when life throws a curve ball I have no choice but to scramble and react, react, react.
As far as my life experience shows being a complete reaction has never solved anything, it usually just brings more trouble.
Seems like it would be prudent for us all to give a little thought to what kind of a foundation we have created for ourselves and then to consider if we wake up every morning resting on that foundation…or do we wake up every morning and base our day on the reactions of the moment?
Wisdom is defined by Webster’s as ‘the power of judging rightly’…my definition of wisdom is something like ‘the conclusions you finally arrive at after life has knocked you around enough’…
Wisdom is something that comes over time and thankfully it is something that keeps expanding as we get older. Wisdom is when it finally dawns on you that when you keep behaving the same way and doing the same things, you will get the same result. The opposite of wisdom is insanity which Albert Einstein defines this way, “the definition of insanity is when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”
How many times have we followed the same path over and over again expecting to end up at a different place? How many of us mirror that mouse running down the same path and still finding no cheese, yet we keep running with the same anticipation and zeal and then we are distraught when the outcome doesn’t change. Funny thing is– we KNOW better… on some level we all know better, yet we let our inner wisdom sit it out while we continue to behave like fools.
Let’s be interested in exercising our wisdom muscle, it is almost a new year and it seems like a good time to clear out behavioral insanity…what will you change today? xoxo