Tag Archives: brave

Brave The Winds Of Boredom

 

A while back, I had a conversation with an old friend about routines we settle into in life. A couple of weeks later, I had a nearly identical conversation with two other friends and and also with a family member. When I later posted a short blurb on this subject to my social media, someone else entirely took it very much to heart. That blurb, which is repeated below, applies perfectly to absolutely all of the aforementioned people, yet every single one of them, after having read my initial post, found direct and very personal truth in it. This really highlighted for me the universal truth found in this as well as the ironic comfort that we can all find in the fact that even in a situation that we find so unique, we are truly never alone. Even something that, when isolated in our individual minds, seems so detailed and personally specific, genuinely applies to so many.

When you choose routine to an extreme…

Same thing every Monday

Same thing with the same person every Tuesday

Same thing with the same people every Wednesday

Perhaps Wednesday cancels, but you hold that spot open only for previous activity – just in case they reinstate

Same thing every Thursday

Same weekend routine

Over

And

Over

And

Over

When (yes when, not if) boredom arises, it is of your own creation, born from routine, not relationship.

How many of us parents of kids in sports, especially when our kids are of the same age, plan many of our activities around our sports families…spending the same nights of the week with the same families doing the same things…all because it works with our practice and game schedules?

Families with children with long term medical conditions group together and often practice the same…repeating the same activities with the same people on the same nights, because there is comfort in the routine and the empathetic company of those who truly understand.

People in support groups fall into routines as well…much for a combination of the two reasons mentioned above. If they are very active in those groups, the schedule works for them – both in respect to time and also to their progress.  Additionally, the empathy found in those groups is a natural draw to the same activities and people day after day and week after week.

People who live in large and very social neighborhoods can also fall into the same patterns.  It’s hard not to when there are always social activities available right there in your own back yard.

All of these circumstances form tight groups…circles if you will…bubbles…domes, we all call them different things, but we all know, if we take a moment of pause for an objective and honest evaluation, that we grow to live inside our own and forget that there are so many others out there doing the same.  We get so used to our own circle that we forget there is another world outside of it.  That can not only jade us to realities of what other people live and do, but it can also make it very difficult for anyone new to ever come into our circle for any real amount of time.

We, as a people, do not like change.  When we get too settled into our circles and someone new comes into it, we have a hard time finding, much less accepting, where exactly they fit in.  How do we find time to share with this new person or these new people when all of our time is completely devoted to the ones already on the inside? And when we decide that we do want to find that time, how to we find a way to take it away from another part of the circle?  It drives discomfort and creates discourse and in so many cases, eventually pushes the new person right back out the door they came in.

As humans, we form habits out of the things we repeatedly do.  That is, after all, the very definition of the word.  Often times, habit breeds boredom.  In situations like the ones outlined above, many of us complain about that very thing…boredom.  We can never quite seem to figure out, however, the root of that boredom.  We LOVE our circles like we love our family.  Many of us actually consider our circles to truly be part of our family.  We want that time with them.  We may even crave it.  That is completely natural and there is unquestionably nothing wrong with that.  The conflict comes in when we can’t see that our boredom actually stems from our bubble…not from the people per se, but from the periodicity.

If you are finding yourself in a place of boredom in your life, take a look at your surroundings.  Then take a second look at your surroundings.  Take your next look at your routine.  Settle into that a bit and really analyze your rhythm.  Don’t eliminate the people who make your world home.  Change up your routine a bit instead.  When done right, a change in routine can expand your circle.  With that expansion comes a little more room in which you can let the excitement flow.  Whether it be the excitement of doing something you’ve never done or the excitement of a different kind of just doing something other than the norm on any given night, excitement is excitement and it is always what you make it.

There are too many moments of potential greatness in life…to many chances at amazing…too many souls that can set each other on fire…to ever allow boredom to be any form of excuse or habit.  We all need each other and our circles can overlap.  After all, interlocked circles will always – always – be stronger than individual ones.

Know your circle – both inside and out.  Have more than one.  Let them interlock.  Let the love inside and know you are worthy do to so.  If you do all of that, the excitement and the happiness that comes along with it will easily take care of itself.

You can follow me at sunshineandbluemoon.blogspot.com and, as always, make it a great day!

The Bravest Thing I Ever Did-Cont;nuing

A few days ago someone said something to me that has been stirring inside me ever since.  Not a good stir.  And not a good topic.  Not something I would never talk about publicly, and never in a million years finding myself writing a blog about.  But in hopes of shedding some light on a much misunderstood topic, a very relevant one in today’s society, and one that is now a part of my story.  Suicide.  Relax.  Obviously I am here typing this story so it didn’t happen.  But if I were recording a tape from 13 Reasons Why this would be one of them.

Recently my world has literally fallen apart.  My wife, the love of my life, my everything, my best friend…left me.  My family torn apart.  I lost my job.  Had been out of work since February desperately looking for anything without any luck at all.  My daughter and I have been living on next to nothing trying to make ends meet the best we can.  Sounds like a country song right?  If only I could play it backwards and get it all back!  I have been deeply depressed.  And that is putting it lightly.  I stayed in bed for days on end.  Not eating.  Not sleeping.  Just crying.  Throwing up.  I would get up only to make sure my daughter had food or to take her where she needed to be.  I was endlessly applying for jobs.  I would put on my makeup, cry it off on the way there.  Fix myself in the car before going in.  Cry on the way back home.  Crawl back into bed.  And do it all over again the next time.  This went on for weeks.  Months.  The panic attacks are still insane.  I even have them in my sleep.  I wake up gasping for air, thinking I am dying because I cannot breathe.  Clinching at my chest, the tears rolling down my cheeks, trying to calm myself down as my heart is beating so hard I can feel it in my throat.  Wishing the dog could dial 911 so someone could come help me.  The mental and physical pain from a broken heart is real.  And it is unbearable. I write all this not to seek attention.  But to paint the picture of where this blog is going.

The way people deal with pain is different.  And to each their own.  On the night of June 5th, as I sat alone in my home, hysterical crying, I felt I was to the point where I needed the pain to stop.  I couldn’t take the physical pain another minute.  I was not the strong person everyone thought I was.  I was not the mother my daughter needed me to be.  I just wanted the pain I was feeling to go away.  So I took the keys to the truck and I went into the garage, and I started it.  And as I sat there crying the pain was more intense at that moment than it has ever been.  My broken heart…how was it even still beating? I called out for help.  But no one came.  I wanted to die, but only because I wanted to the pain to end.  It seemed like I had been in there forever.  How long did this take?  I was too scared.  So I turned it off and opened the garage door.  I cried myself to sleep sitting right there.  But the next night…I did it all over again.  And again….I was too scared.

So here’s where the stirring comes in…If anyone ever confides in you that they have attempted suicide…don’t tell them that’s the coward’s way out.  You have no idea what they are feeling or what they are going through.  And let me tell you something…everyone is entitled to how they feel.  You have no right to tell them how they should feel.  Anyone that is low enough to attempt to take their own life and is confiding in you with that information is trusting you enough that they think you will support them in some way shape or form, not come back with some type of negative comment such as that.  People who attempt suicide have their reasons and I can guarantee you that none of those reasons is to ever intentionally hurt someone they love. You’re missing the point completely. It’s solely about the pain they are feeling.   And if you can’t find anything to say that isn’t negative, then turn around and walk away without saying a damn thing!  If you cannot be supportive than learn to just be quiet.

I am in a better place now.  No I am in no way shape or form better.  I have a long way to go.  I may not ever be better.  I still hurt.  My heart is still in pieces.  I don’t know that I will ever be whole again.  Who knows.  But what I do know is that I was stopped both those nights for a reason, and am thankful for that reason.  I am not strong like I used to be, but I know I am brave because I was able to cont;nue on when I really, really didn’t want to.  And I know that I now have something else to advocate even stronger for, because it is more personal now more than ever.

Know that if you’ve felt this way, or are feeling this way now that you’re not alone, nor do you have to be a warrior in this battle alone.  There ARE people that care! Reach out…even if it’s to me!

Virtual hugs!

BLag

Today Is The Day I Begin To Reach High

Today I am starting a journal, not only will this be a journal but a life changing assignment for myself. Today I am one step closer to be a braver woman, mother, friend and all-around person.

I have never thought of myself as a brave person. I have ALWAYS been the quiet one. The one everyone doesn’t see. The one who tries not to be called on for ANYTHING. The one who agrees with EVERYTHING just, so I don’t have to debate about it.

When Hurricane Harvey hit, my world was devastated. I have never been through something like that before. It changed my whole aspect on who I was. All I wanted to do was help people. But how was I supposed to help anyone when I have been scared all my life? Well, your girl has set her sights high now.

With my new career insights and pushing and pulling against all odds, it seems I still find things that push me back. But this is more than ok because this is only a test. I must keep pushing outside my comfort zones. As time goes by I keep changing into a whole new person and I am loving it. I am more outgoing, happier, trying new things and making new friends.

“Brave people don’t stop hearing the whispers of fear. They hear the whispers but take action anyways.” This is my goal. To keep fighting, keep pushing with everything to accomplish that I am setting my mind too. With the help of my friends, family and the words of the Lord I shall succeed!

I believe in myself. Do you believe in yourself? I believe all we need is that one whisper to get us up and motivated. Still scared? I am here, to help push you, help you find the meaning you may be looking for.

Today is the day to begin Reaching High.

~Shelly

Be the Leading Lady

Last night amidst my incredibly chaotic life with two kids, a husband that requires my attention sometimes more than the kids and a dog needier than any of them, I was finally able to fall into bed with a cup of tea and read a little. This particular night I chose a blog about a mom whose toddler son gave up on her (awesome choice, I know). By the end I was crying … audibly … and wondering, “Will my son give up on me?” She did it; she nailed it. She left me in tears, questioning what kind of mother I was and having to explain to my husband why I chose to co-sleep with my three-and-a-half-year-old year old that night. That writer moved me.
I have always loved to write. I have written stories and songs as far back as I can remember. I thought one day I would write books about enchanting love stories with brave women who ended up with everything they’d always wanted–a life they dreamed of. I would imagine myself as one of these leading ladies, with all of the wisdom and poise to save the day at the end of the story. But somewhere on my journey to becoming a writer, I stopped being the leading lady. I got scared. I became afraid to risk anything when it came to putting my stories, my songs, my writing, out there.
These mommy bloggers today are so incredibly funny, captivating, and so well written. But I sit down to try and do the same thing they’re doing and immediately feel like I’m on the JV squad and all the real athletes made Varsity. Call it the devil, call it lack of talent but I can’t seem to move myself, let alone the mommy sitting at the other end of the country. But today God gently spoke to me these words …”Write what you feel, write what you know.” So I’ll make a deal with you. I will be completely vulnerable and risk you thinking what I am writing is crap, if you promise to dig deeper with me during these next few minutes in the hopes you will be able to become honest with yourself.
Are you willing to risk being exposed to finally become the leading lady?
So here it is. My heart. My soul. Written down with words, posed in paragraphs, in the hopes that something I say will move you, my friends and sisters to act–to become the leading lady in your story.
What I FEEL is this: My heart longs to be able to show every single one of you what you are truly capable of. I want you to know that as dark as your situation, your addiction or dependency on that destructive thing that makes you feel whole, you are just one brave step away from being exposed. I want to look you in the eye, and tell you that it’s ok to shed light on your inner struggle because that one courageous move might heal you forever. I want to tell you without one ounce of doubt that your best life is yet to come. Will it take a willingness on your part to uncover your best? YES! But I will tell you that I feel you can do it. It starts with one step.
What I KNOW is this: I’ve been there, girls. I have been to the deepest depths of depravity and experienced a darkness that swallowed up my soul. But even in my darkest days, God never left. He reminded me quietly but consistently that I was his and he would see me through the worst. Just. Keep. Going. Just keep risking leaving the old behind. Just keep loving. For me, one day it finally happened.
God showed me through the many books I clung to and highlighted in that I needed to live with the power of NOW, with intention. I needed to live in this current moment, fully present. He showed me that I could do nothing about my past nor wait for my future to be better. I had to use the knowledge I had that second to make the best decisions for myself and my family. And if I did that, slowly, my life would start looking like what I imagined as a little girl it would be. I had to be brave. I had to risk feeling uncomfortable, to eventually feel alive and free.
Freedom is available to everyone. Peace is a gift we can all partake in. TRUE PEACE. It does exist. I have experienced it; I am living in it now. But I fought like hell to have it. I looked the devil in the face and risked feeling out of control by being exposed to capture my life back.
Let’s do this ladies. Let’s risk. Let’s be brave. Let’s be the leading lady.

 

A Guest Post from Lauren Rainey Tenney, she would love to hear from you…email her at

laurenraineytenney@gmail.com