Tag Archives: boundaries

Eat The Cake

Eat The Cake…

My last couple blogs I have put my heart on a platter. I have done something I am incredibly uncomfortable doing. Shared. Intimate pieces of my life.

And I’m about to share some more…

This time it’s the other side of me.

Because, the next time I sit down to write one of these. I will officially be a year older.

I will be forty eight in fact. Two more years and I hit the big fifty.

I get teased because I don’t hate Birthdays. I relish them actually, not that I really do anything over the top to celebrate. I think maybe a few years ago I did. It’s usually pretty peaceful. Something involving yummy food and my daughter. If I’m lucky cake. If I’m really lucky an adult beverage.

To me, each year is my reminder that I accomplished something I was told I couldn’t. I was a preemie and have a congenital heart condition.  My whole life I have been told “someone with your condition won’t.” Then I do.

There is a fantastic quote and I’m paraphrasing “when someone tells you no. Do it twice and take pictures.”

As scary as it can be. I have been working really hard at living my life that way.

From little things like  changing my hair. Getting my nose pierced.

Going to concerts for bands I would normally never go to. I’ll explain… I’m a punk, pop lady who found herself not too long ago with a bunch of her favorites at a metal concert. By the way, I had a blast.

To big things. Who I spend my time with.  Rebuilding my financial future.

Life is precious, it’s ok to push boundaries and sometimes step outside of your box.

I have also strongly started embracing who I am.

Painting, reading, embroidery. Yup… I love embroidery. I joke with my person that  I am a Golden Girl in training .

I have an unhealthy obsession with tacos. I am on a quest for the perfect mascara. At almost 48 I’ve started goofing with fake eyelashes and winged eyeliner because I’ve always wanted to.

That’s my point…

Embrace those things that make you – YOU, but don’t be afraid to do something that maybe you wouldn’t normally.

Eat the cake

Wear those fabulous earrings

Stay in

Go out

By the special creamer for your coffee

In the infamous words of my favorite rockstar “ I’m learnin’ to walk again. I believe I’ve waited long enough.”

My dream for my future is a beautiful velour track suit, a pair of gorgeous prescription sunglasses driving a golf cart around a senior home by the ocean with my grandchildren giggling  by my side. It’s a future at one point I was told I couldn’t have.

Mommas we are allowed to be more or stay exactly as we are. That’s the wonderful gift that each birthday gives us. A yearly celebration of who we are.

Amazing Mommas

 

<3 Caprise

Building Some Fences

As I was getting ready to write this I went to our page and saw this quote from Brene Brown:

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”

This quote hit my chest hard. If I’m being truthful I’m fighting tears as I write this. I have mentioned July was ugly. That damn suitcase I put under my bed keeps sliding closer to the edge.

My hardest month as I’m now going to refer to July has made me rethink what I need. As well as what I give out.

Because if I’m being honest, I am not the greatest friend. It’s not on purpose. But sometimes for me, it’s easier to run than face things head on. Or hold it all in until it’s Saturday night and I’m alone watching a TV show and a random scene makes me cry.

I struggle balancing everything.

I struggle asking for what I need.

I struggle with the fact I can’t be everything to everyone.

I feel like I let everyone down. Except that is not true.

I feel like I am not good enough. That is not true either.

So … over the last few weeks I have been setting boundaries. Which as the lady who has built a wall around herself was actually harder than you’d think. Fences as I am going to call these boundaries,you can see through. Walls don’t show you the reaction on the other side.

I have been speaking up.

Reaching out.

Setting dates.

Working really hard and this one is tough for me- to not compare myself to others. Exit from negative talk. Negative situations.

Put my phone down.

Listen to music.

Say yes

Say no

Explain

Or don’t

Tell people I care.

Try not to be so worried, afraid…

I have survived so much. I’m not sure why I seem to forget that. The irony of this is I had someone recently ask me how I am able to keep so calm in stressful situations. I think maybe I’ve just been faking it really well. No more faking. I’m setting those boundaries.

Mommas it’s ok to set boundaries. It’s ok to show yourself the love you show others. It’s ok to struggle. All of those things in your suitcase under your bed… they have made you the amazing person you are.

You may add to it.

You might pull it out and look through it.

Or maybe it will finally collect dust.

Regardless much love Mommas.

I got put a suitcase away and build some more fences.

<3

Caprise