Tag Archives: beautiful

Smoke and Mirrors

Smoke and mirrors…

I spent some time – (can I add a big hooray to that by the way) with one of my favorite humans this weekend helping her find a dress for a wedding. We started talking about relationships and appearances.

We are both on the later and earlier side of our 40’s and 50’s respectively. She was sharing conversations she had with another group of girlfriends all in different phases of relationships and how their partners talked to them.

If I’m being honest – this is fascinating to me. We live in a society that definitely plays both sides. Pinterest is FULL of inspirational quotes around loving yourself. When a magazine cover features a model who isn’t a size two, it’s revolutionary. YET the backlash is REAL. Even from those who love you.

Little comments… you’re going to wear that? That’s an interesting color. All those tattoos make you look tacky.

I have written about this before but I was picked on. A lot as a kid. I was the smallest, had problems with my teeth, glasses, and a skin condition. So even though I’m not that little kid anymore, I’m always going to be that little kid.

Which makes me super sensitive and very aware of how I look.

Throw in a marriage where EVERYTHING about me was picked apart. Followed by a long term relationship with a guy who scrutinized my appearance.

The internal struggle is real. I am a big hearted person who wears my heart on my sleeve. So unfortunately at 47 I’m still putting bandaids on some hurts.

But you know what? It’s unfortunate but it’s ok. We all have our stuff.

Here’s mine:

I am the lady who only recently started wearing leggings in public. I just bought my first pair of sweatpants. I also, always at a minimum wear lipgloss and mascara when I leave the house.

I realize as I typed that it’s pretty crazy pants. You want to know the even crazier part?

I don’t push any of this on my daughter.

Thankfully she doesn’t read these because I’m about to truth bomb…

Showering – umm do twelve year olds feel it’s not necessary? She has BEAUTIFUL hair, which she refuses to even put in braids! Please let your Mom style it? No. Ok. Doesn’t want earrings. The last time she wore a dress was for a play. She loves lipgloss however- ok that might be me a little. She has only mentioned her weight once and it was never mentioned again when we talked about how it’s about being healthy. She is so tall. Her favorite thing to do is show anyone and everyone she is taller than me.

She is solid in who she is.

And it’s magical. I love it and want to bottle it and spray that on me.

So even though inside I’m continuing to fight the age old battle of not feeling like I’m enough

because of how I look or even sometimes who I am, yes I realize how ridiculous that is. The smoke and mirrors are working and I’m somehow magically showing my daughter she is more than enough. No matter what she looks like, because that is absolutely not what it’s about.

Sidebar my magical creature recently had a birthday and donated almost all her birthday money to charity. And FYI this was the first year she got birthday money but felt that strongly she needed to help.

#proudmom

Mommas we are more than our outsides. We are Moms. That’s a hard job.

On my end I’m trying. I have a magical twelve year old who can get things off shelves for me looking at me and how I handle things. I gotta show her I really am the badass I pretend to be.

Much love Mommas

<3 Caprise

What’s My Age Again?

Here I am again writing about my age, getting older and it’s impact, especially on our perception of beauty. One of the very first posts I wrote was on retrospect a kind of ranty post about how I have earned the right to be who I am as I age. This all started as it does because of an insomnia fueled evening spent too long on social media. Filters, crops, edits. Likes, loves. It got me thinking. As we get older is beauty really authentic or filtered. How do you define it? What does it look like? Feel like? What does beauty and aging mean?

Knowing I had a blog post due I asked.

The irony is as I have talked to others I wasn’t too far off from my original post.

Here are the amazing words of the people in my life:

“It equates denial.”

“It’s confidence, kindness. I’ve earned every wrinkle and silver strand of hair just by living life. I feel pretty lucky to be alive.”

“Being confident in who I am and who God made me to be. Aging is great when you realize through the years that those things that make you NOT look like everyone else, are the things that make you uniquely you, and that’s where true beauty is found.”

“I think we live in a pretty awesome time to be “aging” women. When I hit 40, I felt so much more free. And as I get closer to 50, I feel my most amazing, healthy, radiant, and yes beautiful. Now it’s about ME and I finally really, truly don’t care what people think. Plus we have some awesome role models.”

Beauty as you get older is truly relative. When people say it’s all about your attitude I’m here to say I think I finally get it.

At the end of the day whatever makes you happy, brings joy to your life, gives you that spark isn’t that what it’s really all about?

I truly look forward to more adventures. Hopefully becoming a Grandma. Even if it’s of the four legged variety. Beautiful silver hair like my Great Grandmother Mary had. Less makeup or more. Finding my favorite outfit and signature perfume.

Those are the legacies my Grandmothers gave me.

Either way.

Every wrinkle

Piece of hair glitter

They are our mile markers of a life lived.

Much love Mommas,

<3 Caprise